The ever constant question of men, porn, and jealousy... !

[Barky]

Tell you what, instead of having YET ANOTHER "I'm a woman and I have problems with men watching porn" thread, let's just close this one down and pretend we discussed it. Yes?

[Jersey Shortie]

Barky, if you don't like the topic, don't post on it. It's just *that* simple.

 

whether I jack off twice to porn before I leave the house in the morning or save it up for a few days the result would of been the same if a woman begged me for sex while I was married.

 

I wouldn't of cheated.

 

Not sure what you think this proves. That all the women here should turn around and say "omg isn't he wonderful! He wouldn't cheat after he jerked off or before!".

 

I will state it again, I've heard alot of men say that women should be thankful that a man is *only* looking at porn and not out banging other women and that it "helps" men not to go out to cheat.

 

 

I guess it depends on how much of a sacrifice the guy felt it would be to give up porn. Personally I don't think it would be too much of a sacrifice, but maybe that's just me.

 

By the threads around this board, it's clearly a HUGE sacrfice for many men. That's why when men claim porn isn't important, you have to take their word worth a grain of salt. It's a man's actions that tell you his true heart. So men that say porn isn't important but continue to defend it and use it say alot about where his heart is.

[Woggle]

I have no need for porn in a relationship and I agree with you on the cheating excuse but the reaction from many men on here is not about porn. Men have a real aversion to a woman trying to control them and porn often is an example of that. If it is not porn it is sports or his record collection or any hobbie that he enjoys on his own. Many women feel the need to push everything out of a man's life that he enjoys and that is where this resistance ia coming from.

[Jersey Shortie]

We don't see thread, after thread after thread about women hurt by her man's love for baseball or football Woogle. Or men coming here complaining about how upset their gfs get when they watch the game. We don't hear of those for a reason. It's not the same as something completely a sexual like baseball.

[Barky]

Some people should just move on... preoccupy yourself with other stuff. Porn ain't goin' nowhere.

[Jersey Shortie]

And yet others should take their own advice.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Original poster, any updates? Did you guys talk?

[ADF]

You said you didn't want a "that's just what guys do" sort of answer, but I'm sorry, that is the only honest answer to any of your questions.

 

Maybe this will make it clearer. Recently, the University of Montreal (Canada) decided to do a study of the relationship between male porn-watching and sexual violence against women. Their plan was to compare the behaviors of men who watched porn to the bahviors of those who didn't. The experiment failed. Why? Because the researchers couldn't find a single man--NOT ONE!--who didn't look at porn!

 

Apparently, an interest in porn is a perfectly normal and inevitable result of being male. There is nothing more to say about it, really.

 

There is only one real solution to your dilemma: your man needs to pretend he doesn't watch porn out of respect for your feelings, and you need to pretend to believe him out of respect for his.

[Barky]

That's perhaps the most rational post I've ever seen here.

[Jersey Shortie]

ADF, I read that study awhile ago. Could you could please post a link to it? I don't exactly remember it and I'd like to see a direct link because I know the way you worded it, leaves out major part of the facts.

 

From what I remember, the study was of a very small segment of men from the university polling collection. It was something like 100 participates or something like that. Which wouldn't even be 1/10th of the worlds male population. And I think the age group was realitively young. Please post a link when you get a moment!

 

Now, you define the ability for men to watch porn through masculinity. But I know men that do not define their masculinity through porn. So I can understand why you'd like to believe that every other man is just like you. It supports your personal thoughts on porn and re-inforces them. It is easy for you to say this because you view porn, you are happy with it and you could careless about the hurt the OP has experience or that other women experiences. It's all about you, your needs and little to do with women. And when other men view porn, it only helps to re-enforce your own stance on it. But it doesn't really matter if you or other men watch porn. The OP is dealing with something that is beyond you, other men and their porn watching habits. Why don't you try to look at the op, her situation, her hurt over the subject and treat her more liek a human being then giving her the automated reply "all men view porn! So just shut up!". That's your basic message at least.

[ADF]

JerseyShorty, you can look up the link yourself if you listen to Dan Savage's weekly podcast. He mentioned it about 3 weeks ago. That's how I found it.

 

I am not sure why you want it, though. We've spoken on this topic before. We both know nothing--nothing!--will ever change your position on this issue. You are an angry, shrill, self-rightious antiporn zealot, and there is no simply reasoning with you. I learned that the hard way. Frankly, I've decided that anyone who thinks they have a right to tell me what i can watch, read, drool over, jerk off to, etc is just someone I'm not willing to talk to. Not about that, anyway. Have a nice day.

[BlueeyedJonesy]

My H doesn't look at porn anymore. ya know why? because he's a recovering sex addict. Porn damn near destroyed our M, it ripped my self-esteem to shreads. It leads to other HORRIBLE THINGS..if you let it get out of control (i know I know some men don't) but I'm just saying that its like a drug..it realeases the same chemicals...like someone said earlier you just do it to get a "Fix" its wrong on so many levels. If your SO doesn't want you doing something because it hurts them...then quit being so selfish and take a look at yourself...someone one this site said a while back.. "you can look at a pic of a big juicy hamburger...and it won't satisfy your hunger" it makes alot of sense. Porn is so empty..yet it really does hurt once it becomes a problem....and NO its not normal to look at porn everyday. why are we supposed to accept this? its very very sad what this world is coming to, you can't watch TV anymore without seeing it all over the place. Op, I'm sorry that you are going through this and I know you are having self-esteem problems but your SO lusting over another woman with fake tits isn't going to help TRUST ME. I used to be so confident. please confront this...

[Jersey Shortie]

JerseyShorty, you can look up the link yourself if you listen to Dan Savage's weekly podcast. He mentioned it about 3 weeks ago. That's how I found it.

 

I don't listen to Dan Savage. Can you please provide the link to the study you are using as a resourse of information?

 

 

I am not sure why you want it, though. We've spoken on this topic before. We both know nothing--nothing!--will ever change your position on this issue. You are an angry, shrill, self-rightious antiporn zealot, and there is no simply reasoning with you. I learned that the hard way. Frankly, I've decided that anyone who thinks they have a right to tell me what i can watch, read, drool over, jerk off to, etc is just someone I'm not willing to talk to. Not about that, anyway. Have a nice day.

 

Why wouldn't I want it to see the study? I read the same thing a while ago. I don't dispute that study's particular experience. I dispute using this one little study that took from a very very narrow pool of men as a reason for the OP to just accept porn. You can call me all the names you'd like, or attempt to protray me in a manner that doesn't fit. It's meant as nothing more then a weak attempt to discredit me. It's funny how I wanted to talk about the subject and all you could come up with in return was to attack me. Who is the shrill self-rightious one? Did I tell you what you could watch or read or drool over? You are willing to talk about the subject only as long as you can give advice along the lines of: all men look! Just suck it up and let him look! Your feelings aren't as important as his need to look and jerk off is! Sorry you loose, just pretend it isn't there so he can have everything he wants in the relationship and you can sacrifice what you need!

[ADF]

Okay, JerseyShorty, I'll meet you halfway. I am not going to spend hours searching for a direct link to the study (a direct link may not even exist). However, here is a link to one of countless articles about it.

 

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/12/091201111202.htm

 

You can also try googling "University of Montreal" AND "porn study" if you want to quickly find more material.

 

But as I say, I think your hatred of porn is visceral rather than intellectual. I don't believe any study could be designed well enough to satisfy you. Good luck.

[Jersey Shortie]

I think you personally attack me because you don't have anything better to say and you think it undermines my opinion.

 

Your personal attacking says more about you then me. Especially since I never once called you anything offensive.

 

All I ask is for the facts and you go off widely acting really nasty.

[Tnerforireyeh]

ADF, you must be one of the few guys here who hasn't yet ignored the poster you are trading barbs with

[ADF]

I think you personally attack me because you don't have anything better to say and you think it undermines my opinion.

 

Your personal attacking says more about you then me. Especially since I never once called you anything offensive.

 

All I ask is for the facts and you go off widely acting really nasty.

 

I am not personally attacking you. My assessment of you doesn't come out of thin air. As I said, we've had these discussions before. I know what to expect from you. You're the one who lacks solid evidence. I've offered you some. Take it or leave it as you please.

[Tnerforireyeh]

Don't feed the trolls.

[Jersey Shortie]

I am not personally attacking you. My assessment of you doesn't come out of thin air. As I said, we've had these discussions before. I know what to expect from you. You're the one who lacks solid evidence. I've offered you some. Take it or leave it as you please.

Errr, your "solid evidence" was a minimual study with a limited amount of parcipates that you want to pass off as the all encomposing truth.

 

You're totally personally attacking me. You can't discuss. You just name called. Not cool. But if that's who you want to be, that's who you want to be.

[urhangovergirl]

 

There is only one real solution to your dilemma: your man needs to pretend he doesn't watch porn out of respect for your feelings, and you need to pretend to believe him out of respect for his.

 

That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard next to men do it, get over it.

 

OP, that is the exact same reason I found this site. My answer was to talk it out more, be open about it, and try to make sure porn was incorporated into our sex life, not just his and mine. His answer was to promise me he would never do it again, (even after I told him that was not what I wanted, and I thought it was completely unreasonable of him to say so) and then lie about it.

 

This, of course, then threw me into a jealous rage where I had to compile proof of his lies. Him lying, crying and breaking down, me getting **** housed and looking into the specs of our separation, and then finally a more open and honest compromise, at which we have been doing very well.

 

I am still trying to learn how to accept that me being gone for three hours means he'll be watching porn for two, even after mind blowing sex. I try to remember it's just cuz he's bored. Not the highlight of his personality, but something I already knew about him. he tries not to lie about it to me.

[Barky]

Glad I'm not a woman!

[marsle85]

I like porn. Why can't he? Plus, it's not like when I watch porn- I'm thinking "Wow, this guy has better abs than my bf..." Because- that guy is a porn star, and I prefer guys who go to college. And, well- can actually touch me.

[Jersey Shortie]

I cannot fathom why women would ever be upset about their man watching porn, UNLESS it's a compulsive disorder or something.

 

Porn is a good thing, trust me. In a lot of cases it's a great alternative to ever cheating. You shouldn't feel like "he watches porn so he doesn't want to have sex with me", unless he never has sex with you and just watches porn.

 

No different than women I know who read erotic novels.

 

So porn is the only thing that stands between men cheating on their SOs? And you think women should feel secure in that or that men should be proud of themselves for that? I really don't get that mentality.

 

I however do get that most men believe porn is good. It caters to men. He doesn't have to lift a finger. He can indulge himself for as long an das much as he wants without having to showcase any of the real qualities in men that women respect.

 

We live in the age where self control is considered a four letter dirty word and porn is consider every man's salvation into manhood. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.

[torranceshipman]

And men wonder why women feel insecure about porn. Clearly it's the only thing stopoing them from screwing around behind their partners back. So either you pick A) He just pretends to screw around on you with 18 year olds or B) He actually does it. That's what love is in the modern world apparently.

 

Women have so many good options in this situation! What a joke men most consider women that actually are stupid enough to expect loyatly. Apparently loyatly is only as good as a man's porn collection. And thank god for it. Without porn, men's life wouldn't be 1/10th what they are with it apparently.

 

Not all women feel Insecure about porn. Plenty of men watch it but plenty of females do too. And lots of women out there couldn't care less if their boyfriends watch it. I have no idea if my boyfriend does, but if he did, he certainly wouldn't mention it as he is a gent & is respectful of my feelings (why would a guy mention it? It'd be inappropriate). I can completely understand why some guys use it to relieve stress or when bored, too. So don't turn this into a men v women thing! As LB said, it all comes down to what each if us are comfortable with. That might also mean you taking control of YOUR cognitive process to accept that people think differently than you& that fir a guy, porn meets a physical need, nothing more, and usenif it doesn't affect his feelings for you whatsoever.

 

A bigger question might be how he treats you, why he feels the need to show his porn collection to you, etc-he shouldn't be pushing it in your face.

[Peter Attis]

If a girl ever got mad at her boyfriend or husband ever looking at porn, he should dump her right then and there. A real man needs a WOMAN, not a little girl whose insecurities he has to constantly reaffirm.