What is love?

[Lonely Guy]

What exactly is love? Is there even an accepted definition for what that feeling (if I may call it that?) of love for another really is? What do YOU think it is? What do you think it is NOT? And just where does sex (and/or sexual desire/lust?) fit into the equation?

 

I am very inexperienced with this, and am trying to understand what exactly I am feeling about a person.

[Lisa]

You know, I was in exactly your position about a year ago.. I always thought love was just something made up by poets and songwriters. I mean, if two people are compatible, and the relationship is working without any major flaws, then what's the problem, right?

 

Well, that changed. I never thought it was possible, but it happened to me. I fell for one of my best friends. He was just a guy one day, and the next I was seeing him in a whole different light. The way I feel right now, it's like I would do anything for him. I want him to be happy, and I worry about him, and I think about him constantly. Sounds kind of nauseating, I guess, but it's true.

 

So, I have been convinced that love does exist. I know that this is definitely a new feeling, and something I never even knew was out there, even though I'm 25. I thought I had experienced quite a bit, but I was wrong.

 

Let me say this...

 

Love is NOT what the other person looks like. I feel like he could lose all his hair and gain 30 lbs, but I will always love who he IS. Love is NOT sex. It's something more than that, and way deeper. Sex is just the overflow, what happens when the love spills out of you.

 

Love is having so much in common you could talk for hours, or sit in complete silence and feel like its the best conversation you've ever had!

 

From one inexperienced person to another, I hope you find it. It's SO worth the wait.

What exactly is love? Is there even an accepted definition for what that feeling (if I may call it that?) of love for another really is? What do YOU think it is? What do you think it is NOT? And just where does sex (and/or sexual desire/lust?) fit into the equation? I am very inexperienced with this, and am trying to understand what exactly I am feeling about a person.

[mike]

Lisa, you said you fell for your best friend. I need your help on something and a womans perspective on things. How long did you know him before you decided that you was in love with him and how long did it take? I met this girl 2 years ago. Im now 23 and this girl i met is now 18.(she is in the 11 grade in high school) We started dating and we both admitted that we was in love and was planning on a future together. Im her first boyfriend ever and she is my first girlfriend. Well, she has broken up with me like 6 or 7 times within this time. We never would be broken up for very long before we would get back together. And by the way she is still a virgin and has never even kissed a guy before. She has really low self esteem and is depressed alot and i think one of the biggest reasons is because most of her friends are wild and has sex and gets lots of guy friends. When we would get back together, she would tell me that she loves me ALOT and that she would never want to lose me, but the next minute she would brake up and say that she just wants to be alone right now, she is confused, or she wants to know what it is like to see other guys.(none of them ever works out, mainly because they want what she can't give them, (sex)) Im willing to wait for marriage or however long until she is ready. The last time we broke up was about 3 months ago, it has been the longest time we have ever been apart. We stoped talking to each other for about a month (i made her mad) We are now friends again, but we aren't considered a couple. We go out all the time, and we talk on the phone every night for hours. She is my best friend in the world and she says im her VERY best friend and that im like a brother. (she is a only child) She will not let me around any of her friends because she says that they would flirt with me. Right after we broke up the last time she told me that she is not ready for the type of relationship that i want out of her right now. Her mother and my friends tell me that she is still young and that if i want her for the rest of my life, that i will just have to take it slow with her and give her plenty of space and time. Her mother says she garentees that me and her daughter will get married someday. Im soo much in love with her and there is no doubt in my mind at all that she is the one that i want to spend the rest of my life with. I would wait a thousand years for her if i knew 100% that we would be together in the end. I know this is kind long but you don't know how much advise on this means to me. Do you think that if i remain best friends with her that she could fall in love deeply with me? I know for a fact that she still likes me alot, that she cares alot about me and has feelings for me. Since we broke up, we have never talked about getting back together as a couple instead of just being friends. Im kinda afraid to say anything. Please, i want her back BADLY! Any kinda advise on this situation is GREATLY appriciated.

 

Thanx

 

Mike

You know, I was in exactly your position about a year ago.. I always thought love was just something made up by poets and songwriters. I mean, if two people are compatible, and the relationship is working without any major flaws, then what's the problem, right? Well, that changed. I never thought it was possible, but it happened to me. I fell for one of my best friends. He was just a guy one day, and the next I was seeing him in a whole different light. The way I feel right now, it's like I would do anything for him. I want him to be happy, and I worry about him, and I think about him constantly. Sounds kind of nauseating, I guess, but it's true.

 

So, I have been convinced that love does exist. I know that this is definitely a new feeling, and something I never even knew was out there, even though I'm 25. I thought I had experienced quite a bit, but I was wrong. Let me say this... Love is NOT what the other person looks like. I feel like he could lose all his hair and gain 30 lbs, but I will always love who he IS. Love is NOT sex. It's something more than that, and way deeper. Sex is just the overflow, what happens when the love spills out of you. Love is having so much in common you could talk for hours, or sit in complete silence and feel like its the best conversation you've ever had! From one inexperienced person to another, I hope you find it. It's SO worth the wait.

[Lonely Guy]

light. The way I feel right now, it's like I would

do anything for him. I want him to be happy, and I worry about him, and I think about him constantly.

I think that sums up what I am feeling pretty well. I know I've never felt in this way towards anyone, but that alone doesn't mean anything because when I say i'm inexperienced, I really mean it =) virtually no relationship/love experience.. Thats what makes me think, is this love I feel? or just something silly that won't last?

[Lisa]

Mike,

 

I think that what you and this girl have is pretty special. First of all, it's built on friendship, and in my opinion, that's a lot more stable than just meeting someone and deciding to go for it. I knew my friend for over a year when I realized that I felt something more.

 

My opinion on your situation is to continue to be there for this girl. You said her self esteem is pretty low, and that just reinforces the idea that you should be there. The fact that she doesn't want you to meet her friends cause they will flirt with you isn't good. Make her know there's no way they could get you. Try to do little things to raise her feelings about herself. She is going to realize in time that what she has with you is way more important than what her friends have with all these guys that they're sleeping with. If she say's she's confused, don't give up on her. It sounds like it could be worth the wait. I respect you for waiting for her until you guys get married. You sound like a great guy, and you really care for her. I hope things work out.

 

Lisa

Lisa, you said you fell for your best friend. I need your help on something and a womans perspective on things. How long did you know him before you decided that you was in love with him and how long did it take? I met this girl 2 years ago. Im now 23 and this girl i met is now 18.(she is in the 11 grade in high school) We started dating and we both admitted that we was in love and was planning on a future together. Im her first boyfriend ever and she is my first girlfriend. Well, she has broken up with me like 6 or 7 times within this time. We never would be broken up for very long before we would get back together. And by the way she is still a virgin and has never even kissed a guy before. She has really low self esteem and is depressed alot and i think one of the biggest reasons is because most of her friends are wild and has sex and gets lots of guy friends. When we would get back together, she would tell me that she loves me ALOT and that she would never want to lose me, but the next minute she would brake up and say that she just wants to be alone right now, she is confused, or she wants to know what it is like to see other guys.(none of them ever works out, mainly because they want what she can't give them, (sex)) Im willing to wait for marriage or however long until she is ready. The last time we broke up was about 3 months ago, it has been the longest time we have ever been apart. We stoped talking to each other for about a month (i made her mad) We are now friends again, but we aren't considered a couple. We go out all the time, and we talk on the phone every night for hours. She is my best friend in the world and she says im her VERY best friend and that im like a brother. (she is a only child) She will not let me around any of her friends because she says that they would flirt with me. Right after we broke up the last time she told me that she is not ready for the type of relationship that i want out of her right now. Her mother and my friends tell me that she is still young and that if i want her for the rest of my life, that i will just have to take it slow with her and give her plenty of space and time. Her mother says she garentees that me and her daughter will get married someday. Im soo much in love with her and there is no doubt in my mind at all that she is the one that i want to spend the rest of my life with. I would wait a thousand years for her if i knew 100% that we would be together in the end. I know this is kind long but you don't know how much advise on this means to me. Do you think that if i remain best friends with her that she could fall in love deeply with me? I know for a fact that she still likes me alot, that she cares alot about me and has feelings for me. Since we broke up, we have never talked about getting back together as a couple instead of just being friends. Im kinda afraid to say anything. Please, i want her back BADLY! Any kinda advise on this situation is GREATLY appriciated. Thanx Mike