Doreme Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Originally posted by dyermaker Convenience? Sentimental value? A feeling "Oh well we've had the glass so long", perhaps the glass was a family heirloom, perhaps one felt guilty about it breaking, and kept it around to feel better about that? OOOH, need to add one more "Good Reason": "For children's sake" do you really believe they stay for their children? [shug] (why was this smiley not made? I do need it) Link to post Share on other sites
will_woman Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 i am just wondering whether the broken glass can remained intact forever OR it will shattered in piece during one of these fine days?? People tend to feel guilty after their infidelity. Why are there some men who do not seem to be guilty at all? They still think that looking for new love outside their marriage is nothing wrong. I am really puzzled by such behaviour Link to post Share on other sites
Doreme Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Originally posted by will_woman Why are there some men who do not seem to be guilty at all? They still think that looking for new love outside their marriage is nothing wrong. I am really puzzled by such behavior This part doest puzzle me at all. These people are either selfish or have different moral standards, or their spouses cant meet their emotional needs but are not willing to set them free, so they take their weak & dependent spouses for granted... what I don't understand is that some men/women feel extremely painful after finding their spouses' infidelities, and they know they are never going to fix the broken glass and rebuild the trust, but they choose to keep broken....do these people have dignity?do they have self-esteem? In some cases, I don't really believe in forgiveness. Link to post Share on other sites
figuringitout Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 Can anyone here give me an example that your marriage has actually become stronger after infidelity? Back to the original post...I am 15 months out from D-Day. I/We have been doing all of the "right" stuff - therapy (indiv and couples), working hard to improve our marriage, understanding and rebuilding trust. The fundamentals of our relationship are finally coming together (probably not there from day 1). Things are good and improving. I sounds good and feels good, so I really want to say "yes." So, why am I a member of this site? Why am I sitting here at the computer at 10:50 pm on a Friday? Why does the crazy glass analogy ring true to me? Why can I relate to the people who say "no"? The thoughts are still there. You think about it in some way at least weekly. I read this thread and wonder if our progress is real. Will I ever look at the glass and not see that chip? 2 years from now am I going to be really mad at myself for not leaving right away and "wasting" 3 years of my life? One would hope that the progress continues and I can forget the chip and look at the entire glass. But guess what? Only time will tell. Are you willing to invest the time to find out? How much time? You have to set a cap. It's moving in the right direction...yes. Will it last and be stronger? Dang, I wish I knew... Link to post Share on other sites
peakey Posted January 14, 2004 Share Posted January 14, 2004 Hi, I'm new here, just found this forum today. I just had to respond when I saw this post. My husband started to cheat on me emotionally about a month after our first child was born, 3 1/2 yrs ago. After that he followed up with some internet cheating, and that led to a real, sexual affair. When that finished, we reconciled, and tried to work on our marriage. The biggest hurdle was the issue of trust. I couldn't stop spying on him, and truly, it was an awful way to live. On edge all the time. Sadly, when I was about 6 months pregnant with out second child, I found out that he had started an affair again (same person as the last time he cheated). But he denied anything was really going on, and because I was pregnant, I tried to forget it. But over Christmas, I found out just how involved he was with this other person. And I got proof that he was cheating again. There is no way I can go through it all again, so I want us to separate. What went wrong? I think for a marriage to survive an affair, the person who had the affair has to be truly, truly sorry for what they've done, and bend over backwards to make it up to you. And also, if the reason for the affair had to do with problems in your marriage, you have to try very hard to work those issues out. And the question of trust is the key. The person who cheated has to open up their whole life to you, be an open book so there's no way they can hide anything. In my case, my husband had a hard time showing he was sorry, and early on, blamed me for him having his affair(s). He STILL wants to work things out, but refuses to be honest and open with me. He even asked me once when was I going to get over it and stop spying on him. Of course, he said this not long after he had re-started his affair! Bad, bad sign. Last thoughts: I saw a great movie yesteday called "Love Actually" - one of the stories is about a woman who discovers her husband has been tempted to have an affair. She asks "Do you stay, knowing that life will always be a little worse?" That kinda summed it up for me. Even if you work things out, life will always be "a little worse." Sorry to be gloomy! Link to post Share on other sites
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