When your ex thinks they are being "human"

[trippi1432]

I haven't started a thread in a while...mostly because since January, I blocked my STBXH's cell number from my phone and send his emails to email oblivion. My ex finally figured out that he could call my work number from his work number or cell and leave a message.

 

First, I get this angry man who is b****ing about me blocking him and doesn't understand why his son won't call him back. After all, he claims, the only thing he did wrong was leave his mother...oh, and he is sorry about that. I did break NC to let him know that I was going to the courthouse to make good on the back support that he refused to pay (claiming that he didn't owe it). He also throws out some threats because he hates the fact that my daughter lives with me now and we have cats.

 

Next, I get a call from him with a message being all apologetic...sorry, I don't want to fight anymore I just want to see my son. Sorry, no one is stopping him, his son won't call him back because he doesn't want to and I can't force a teenager to call his father.

 

I agreed to meet my STBXH to get his W2 so I could file our taxes...looking for the best option since it will be the last time we ever file. When I saw him, I immediately realized that I felt nothing for him. Every inflection of his voice as he was speaking to me made me cringe with disgust. No matter how "nice" he was trying to be, his vocalization was full of hatefulness.....always has been. His voice is like someone raking their fingers down a chalkboard.

 

Needless to say, he figured out the blocked cell number and got a new number that hadn't been blocked yet. This morning was met with text messages letting me know the new number in which I agreed that if he treated me with respect, I would not block the number. He agreed, then randomly started sending text messages for most of the morning...I quit smoking and have been dry for over a month...I know you could quit smoking if you set your mind to it. By the way, don't let your job kill you, they will move on with or without you...I could feel your stress the other day. Yeah, I'm telling him, I have 24 projects at work, flying out of town today, ending one class and starting my last one....sure, there is some stress there.

 

Then, out of the blue a couple hours later, he wants to know if I was crying the other day when he saw me to give me his W2's....wtf? No, I ask...why? His response, I just thought you were or had been when I was talking to you. Why would he ask that???? Yes, got defensive....anytime this man is trying to be the least little bit human, he has a hidden agenda.

 

I let him know ASAP that he has never had my best interests in mind and never considered my feelings about anything...why start now. It is in our best interest to not text, speak or email and I was going to block his new number. He comes back with he was going to tell me it was best that we didn't see each other, he doesn't want to hurt me, sorry....was only trying to be human, doesn't hate me...sorry again.

 

My response - Seeing you doesn't hurt me...it's your words, judgements and opinions of me that always have, that is why I block you. I'm sorry, but I just don't trust you when it comes to what I feel or ever caring about me as a person....our son, yes, but me...no.

 

His response - I am sorry. I am not trying to test or hurt or feelings. I just want to be friends, if not, I understand.

 

My response -Sorry, this is something that I cannot do with you...I will be amicable when is comes to our son becuz he deserves that. When it comes to us...there is nothing to talk about...my feelings have not really been a concern...sorry, but this is why we don't need to talk or be friends.

 

He wishes me the best, apologizes again and I promptly called my cell carried and blocked the new number.

 

What the hell is this??? Cakewalking? He's still with the girlfriend....I don't want him back, he is the one who left and decided he didn't love me...yet, he won't leave ME and US alone...talk about our son...yes....I will do that.....but as far as I go....I never want to be that miserable in my life again and I know that is the best he could ever give me.

[Gunny376]

DAMN!

 

As I just read your last post the tension within me built!

[trippi1432]

DAMN!

 

As I just read your last post the tension within me built!

 

Gunny, I know this man better than he knows himself...he never knew empathy, can't even show it with his son. Anytime this jerk gets on a "nice" kick, it is to get ammo to use against me. He wants our son to come live with him because he can't afford paying the child support...plain and simple...had nothing to do with spending time with him or being a father to him. He's never known how to parent and will gladly leave that to the new GF to do.

 

Our son never wants to live with his dad again because he saw the bias that his dad created with the GF's kids. I really think that my ex is bi-polar or something. I do know that he is manipulative, a liar and a deciever....shame on me if I ever fall for that s**t again.

[You Go Girl]

You need to be careful when conversing with him. It appears--from the little I know from your post--that he is egotistically needy and wants to play games to boost his ego.

Especially the bit about were you crying. He needs you to cry, is his point.

I see a lot of selfish behavior by him.

You have to avoid the trap of conversing with him. Tell him flat out that all communication needs to be solely about your son, and never about your relationship. Friendship is completely out of the question.

If you reply to his stupid questions and attempts to get attention--you will fall into his trap, because he is looking for an ego boost that you still care for him. The GF caring for him is one thing, but he wants to believe forever that you have a little special spot in your heart for him. YUCK.

He's toying with your emotions for his own lack of self-esteem. This guy sounds absolutely toxic.

[trippi1432]

You need to be careful when conversing with him. It appears--from the little I know from your post--that he is egotistically needy and wants to play games to boost his ego.

Especially the bit about were you crying. He needs you to cry, is his point.

I see a lot of selfish behavior by him.

You have to avoid the trap of conversing with him. Tell him flat out that all communication needs to be solely about your son, and never about your relationship. Friendship is completely out of the question.

If you reply to his stupid questions and attempts to get attention--you will fall into his trap, because he is looking for an ego boost that you still care for him. The GF caring for him is one thing, but he wants to believe forever that you have a little special spot in your heart for him. YUCK.

He's toying with your emotions for his own lack of self-esteem. This guy sounds absolutely toxic.

 

This is true, he is very toxic and evidently, that is my fault because that is all I ever attract...maybe it's the opposite....maybe I am the toxic one...I have no idea anymore...I just know that I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up again....it would make alot of people happy because they wouldn't have to deal with my crap anymore...evidently, I am that "taxing" on people's nerves.

 

I'm just done with it all....everybody wants something...kids, ex....friends....family...work....school....none of this is worth it anymore. When mutual respect goes...there really isn't anything left. The fact is...he isn't worth it...but neither am I....took a good friend to make me realize that. Honestly, I just quit....I'm tired and I just want to go away....far away.

[Gunny376]

Wo, wo, wo wo there! HOLD UP THERE MISSY!

 

I realize that your worn out from all of this mess, these are times that truly try one's soul.

 

And that you just wish it would all go away. But you've got to step up and put the Big Girl britches on and deal with it one day at a time.

 

First off, I've got to intervene. Its time that you knew! I realize folks around you have been keeping the secert from you for years and years ~ but its time you knew the truth!

 

You married a dumb~@zz SOB! (Don't feel bad! You should meet the one my dumb-azz married)

 

I fully comprehend and realize that's a big old horse pill for you to swallow, but its the truth.

 

But its comforting to know that you could have tied up with anyone more stupider, shallow, and ignorant than he? His current GF. Whoooohoooo I bet she's a winner! Sign me up for a lifetime of that!

 

God (And I'm not of the Bible tumping type ~ but do belive in God) has laid a many good and blessed things at your feet. Count your blessing ~ not your troubles.

 

You've got a lot of good things going for you. The DS, a job, income, a roof over your head, a bed to sleep in, transportation.

 

Your way, way ahead of many!

 

Granted worse than some? But better than most!

 

The STBX doesn't even have a clue as to the World of Hurt that's about to come down on his @zz!

 

And when it does?

 

Don't feel bad nor guilty about it!

 

He brought it upon himself!

 

Just that plain and simple!

 

No Brag! Just fact!

Edited February 24, 2010 by Gunny376

[trippi1432]

Thanks Gunny, I know my ex is a jerk, but I am starting to learn that I am a jerk as well. I wish I could be everything to everybody, but I just can't. My son is driving me crazy, my daughter is driving me crazy, my friends are mad at me because I can't drop everything and be there for them. A good friend of mine's mother and sister were in the hospital and then she totaled her car....where was I? I wasn't there for her. My job is overly demanding - have been traveling for three weeks and I am tired of getting no recognition for what I do for people there. I'm just tired of it all and wish it would just go away...I'm tired of the games and the mind-f**ks. It's time that life just stopped.

[Ronni_W]

Big hugs, trippi.

he isn't worth it...but neither am I....took a good friend to make me realize that.

"Good" friends don't give messages that we are unworthy -- either you misinterpreted the message or that person is not really your "friend".

 

...maybe it's the opposite....maybe I am the toxic one

No, that's not true. Here's how you can tell: [1] You want to do the right thing for your son...even to the point of being amicable with your toxic, soul-sucking, jerk of an ex. [2] Your ex still wants you to think of him as a "nice" person. He can't pull-off "nice" but he's still trying, and my guess is it's for you to be able to think of him as "human". If you really were 'toxic', he wouldn't care what you think of him. [3] Toxic people don't attract other toxic people -- they wouldn't be able to co-exist. NICE people attract toxic people; only NICE people can put up with toxic people's crap.

 

It comes across that you care, trippi; that you have a heart. That makes you important and valuable; it makes you worthy and deserving.

 

everybody wants something...kids, ex....friends....family...work....school

trippi, that's exactly how I used to feel. Took me a long time to figure that it was because I was over-stressed, overwhelmed, over-worked, exhausted and depleted. A lot of it was because I didn't know how to ask for help; had this self-image that I had to always be the "strong one"; tried to be everything for everyone else; was not aware of my own limits; ignored my own needs, wants and goals; couldn't/didn't say 'no'. Can you relate?

 

What helped me tremendously was signing-up for a stress management course (not a workshop...something more in-depth.) That led me to individual therapy, where I learned to fix my mental errors about having to be perfectly capable, that asking for help was a sign of weakness, that saying 'no' was "selfish", etc. It's really being TOO nice, that's the problem.

 

If you can relate to any of that, I'd really encourage you to try stress management, and/or individual therapy, and/or learn and practice mindfulness meditation.

 

I suspect that, like me, you will find that it is well worth it to start taking care of your own Self, too. We do deserve to have the help and support that we want and need.

For me, too, the people around me didn't have the skills or resources for what I needed...which turned out to be a good thing in that I ended up getting guidance and support from professionals who knew what they were doing.

 

Sending lots of support and encouragement -- you ARE worth it, to me

Edited February 24, 2010 by Ronni_W

[tojaz]

This is true, he is very toxic and evidently, that is my fault because that is all I ever attract...maybe it's the opposite....maybe I am the toxic one...I have no idea anymore...I just know that I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up again....it would make alot of people happy because they wouldn't have to deal with my crap anymore...evidently, I am that "taxing" on people's nerves.

 

I'm just done with it all....everybody wants something...kids, ex....friends....family...work....school....none of this is worth it anymore. When mutual respect goes...there really isn't anything left. The fact is...he isn't worth it...but neither am I....took a good friend to make me realize that. Honestly, I just quit....I'm tired and I just want to go away....far away.

 

Trippi, it is a sad fact of life that most people in this world are in it for them. There are a very small number of folks that are willing to shoulder some of that burden rather then pass it on down the line, and your typicaly not treated very well when you do try to help.

 

Thats the hard part about trying to be a giver. EVERYONE wants to pile on, but few know how to return the favor. I can relate. I've spent a week on little sleep, little food, trying to do for others. Work all day to the breaking point trying to clear a back log of work, no breaks no lunches, kept moving til I could just drag myself to the car. A thank you? No "Why cant you give a little more?" Family crisis, everyones broke. I give what I can and helped where I could. Thanks son, thanks brother? No "Why can't you give a little more?" Simple, I'm spent! There is no more to give! Yet I do.

 

When you take that much on you rob from yourself. Thats how I feel anyway. You look for a safe place to release a little of your own. Someone to talk to, or just spend some time not having to be of service. Yet even that becomes a competition. It becomes a match of "So you think you have it bad? Listen to this!" (Yeah, I know, kind of like this post!)

 

Fact is Trippi, that you ARE worth it, you are worth true friends that can pick you up and help shoulder a load on the rare occasion you fall rather then add to it or run for the door. Thats when you know who your real friends are.

TOJAZ

[tojaz]

It's time that life just stopped.

 

That kind of thinking dosen't help anybody, you are much stronger then that!

[trippi1432]

Trippi, it is a sad fact of life that most people in this world are in it for them. There are a very small number of folks that are willing to shoulder some of that burden rather then pass it on down the line, and your typicaly not treated very well when you do try to help.

 

Thats the hard part about trying to be a giver. EVERYONE wants to pile on, but few know how to return the favor. I can relate. I've spent a week on little sleep, little food, trying to do for others. Work all day to the breaking point trying to clear a back log of work, no breaks no lunches, kept moving til I could just drag myself to the car. A thank you? No "Why cant you give a little more?" Family crisis, everyones broke. I give what I can and helped where I could. Thanks son, thanks brother? No "Why can't you give a little more?" Simple, I'm spent! There is no more to give! Yet I do.

 

I know how you feel and all one can do is emphathize on that. They can't fix it for you, all they can do is listen and offer advice if there is any. Family, work, toxic friends...they all pull us down. You can only appreciate the ones that are thankful and do try to give back. And be thankful for that little moment of peace when you can get it.

 

When you take that much on you rob from yourself. Thats how I feel anyway. You look for a safe place to release a little of your own. Someone to talk to, or just spend some time not having to be of service. Yet even that becomes a competition. It becomes a match of "So you think you have it bad? Listen to this!" (Yeah, I know, kind of like this post!)

 

Fact is, if it's a competition then they are not a real friend and they are not listening to you. I have friends like that where we just compare stories. I also have friends that I genuinely care about that won't tell me when things are bothering them because they don't want to burden me knowing that I have problems of my own. Typically those are the ones that hurt me because they wait until they are at a breaking point to unload. By then, I am the problem too because I can't be all things to all people.

 

Fact is Trippi, that you ARE worth it, you are worth true friends that can pick you up and help shoulder a load on the rare occasion you fall rather then add to it or run for the door. Thats when you know who your real friends are.

TOJAZ

 

I wish that were true, but I am finding it easier to run for the door these days since most of my family and friends wait until they are at the breaking point to finally unload. Example, yesterday I was in a meeting in New Mexico with the President of a multi-million dollar company...cell phone battery on it's last leg because I forgot my charger and I start getting calls from my kids that they are going to "kill" each other. Later that same evening, another friend goes off on me because I wasn't where I said I would be due to this trip and a dinner with these people. And I had been honestly trying to get this friend to tell me what was wrong for days...not that I could "help" them, but that I could listen and be there to comfort them. Fact is, I'm tired of the stress and tired of being hurt.

[Gunny376]

I know, man do I know.

 

Even after I retired (and its been 14 years now) I kept walking around and reacting as though I was still back up in 'tha' sh*t"

 

Hyper-viglenence and all. Still have a touch of it. Daily I constanly have to keep reminding myself that I caught the bus to Mexico and that I've redeemed from my own personal Hell.

 

That all I've been through is behind me now. But I keep living as though its still going on.

[You Go Girl]

Tripp--you're obviously a person with a stressful demanding career, and I am sure a position that you should be proud of to be so in demand and so busy. There are millions of people out there whose cell phones rarely or never ring, who are alone all the time, and nobody is demanding or even requesting their attention.

You're obviously pulled thin here--you can't be two places at once, ever. Impossible.

Your career causes a lot of stress, and is causing stress with your personal life. This is something that can't be avoided to some degree unless you were to junk your job.

If the friends and family in your life can't be a little understanding about these career demands--you need to flat out tell them. They obviously have a lot more time on their hands than you do.

The only thing I can suggest is getting your day timer in top notch so that you make sure your personal life is not always taking a back seat to your career.

Being away from your kids for weeks at a time is going to open the door to trouble between them. They're like wolves squabbling without a pack leader. You need a surrogate to fill in for you when you can't be there for them.

But you know all this already. Demanding career, friends, family, and where's the time for you to take a deep breath and give yourself a little quality time?

I don't know how much time is left in your day after meeting all these demands. If there's 20 minutes left--it's time for YOU time, a bubble bath, soothing music, something where you take care of YOURSELF.

Let more of this stuff roll right off your shoulders. You can't be everything to everybody. You need balance, and your life needs first to be about feeling that YOU are ok. Your relationship with YOU. Easier said than done, but remember this--you're a person worth taking care of herself BEFORE you can take care of everybody and everything else. If you can get to that place--you'll find less worry and more peace. Take a deep breath and take care of you first. Nobody else's crisis belongs on your shoulders--let it fall on their shoulders where it belongs.

Now re-read that last paragraph five times, lol

[carhill]

OP, my sympathies regarding your circumstances with your ex. Since you co-parent, at some point you'll want to figure out a positive way to react to him. Let the state or a lawyer handle the child-support aspects.

 

Regarding the piling-on aspect, try another perspective. Anything you do for anyone else, even to the extent of sending positive thoughts their way, as I hope I'm doing to you right now, is a choice. You choose. Whether it's a child nipping at your heels, a family member wanting a favor, or a friend in need, you choose who you give of yourself to. Own that choice and whatever reactions result. What I've found, if you do this long enough, you weed out the takers and garner respect from all, not to be confused with love or like. That's OK. Life isn't a popularity contest. You don't get out of it alive.

 

Safe travels and take care

[trippi1432]

OP, my sympathies regarding your circumstances with your ex. Since you co-parent, at some point you'll want to figure out a positive way to react to him. Let the state or a lawyer handle the child-support aspects.

 

Regarding the piling-on aspect, try another perspective. Anything you do for anyone else, even to the extent of sending positive thoughts their way, as I hope I'm doing to you right now, is a choice. You choose. Whether it's a child nipping at your heels, a family member wanting a favor, or a friend in need, you choose who you give of yourself to. Own that choice and whatever reactions result. What I've found, if you do this long enough, you weed out the takers and garner respect from all, not to be confused with love or like. That's OK. Life isn't a popularity contest. You don't get out of it alive.

 

Safe travels and take care

 

Thanks Carhill, I wish it were as easy as co-parenting but ex is no help what-so-ever....it's a constant battle. Even today, get bombarded with phone calls from the ex....our son needs to go live with him, I know you were upset and crying over me the other day (and yes, he was totally feeding his ego YGG, you are right on that one!!). I'm ready to be a father now....WTF?? So after 14 years, you now think that you can parent because you have a GF and left your life with your family behind...I had no idea that is what qualifies a MAN to be a FATHER. I finally put our son on the phone and made him tell his father all the things that he has been telling me and vice versa....for once it seemed that we were on the same page. The only thing we agree on is that our son is manipulative and loves playing us against each other.

 

I'm so stressed that I don't even know I'm stressed...if that's even possible....I hold out for just one glimmer of hope that there is a bright side to all of this, that's the only thing that keeps me going.

[carhill]

What would happen if you bought a plane/train/pony express ticket and sent your son to live with his father?

 

Can you tell me the age your son started hating his parents? For me (as a son) it was around 12. Didn't bother them in the least, visibly anyway. There were two of them and one of me and there was no ambiguity about who was going to 'win'. That period was part of why I remained close to my parents as an adult. I realized that there was a lesson in all that 'rebellion' and its quashing.

 

If one thing could change today to reduce your stress, what would it be? Don't be logical, be honest....

[trippi1432]

What would happen if you bought a plane/train/pony express ticket and sent your son to live with his father?

 

Have already tried that, son spent 7 days at his father's house and didn't like that his father treated his GF's sons better than him. That was another point he finally made with his father, telling him how he truly felt instead of just telling me or burying it inside until the dam bursts. At any rate, he threatened to run away if I didn't come get him and he doesn't want to live with him. He only lives 20 miles away.

 

Can you tell me the age your son started hating his parents? For me (as a son) it was around 12. Didn't bother them in the least, visibly anyway. There were two of them and one of me and there was no ambiguity about who was going to 'win'. That period was part of why I remained close to my parents as an adult. I realized that there was a lesson in all that 'rebellion' and its quashing.

 

I don't feel that rebellion and hating your parents are the same thing. Hate is a strong word really, I would say that rebellion and disliking your parents is probably a better definition. All kids rebell, believe me, I know this having already raised a daughter. My son is 14 and has been through several traumas this year. He was actually fine with the divorce, but went thru a very hard spell when a child in the neighborhood died right in front of him. He also is very jealous of his sister who has moved back home. All the stress has led him to bad grades, school refusal and destruction of his own property if I try to discipline him and take away his "toys" which are a luxury not a necessity.

 

If one thing could change today to reduce your stress, what would it be? Don't be logical, be honest....

 

To be perfectly honest, if I could do one thing today that would reduce my stress I would find a less demanding job so I could get a good work/life balance. Unfortunately, my ex left me with the joint debt as well, so I have to continue working where I am for the wages and the insurance so I can help my son get the help he needs.

[trippi1432]

Let more of this stuff roll right off your shoulders. You can't be everything to everybody. You need balance, and your life needs first to be about feeling that YOU are ok. Your relationship with YOU. Easier said than done, but remember this--you're a person worth taking care of herself BEFORE you can take care of everybody and everything else. If you can get to that place--you'll find less worry and more peace. Take a deep breath and take care of you first. Nobody else's crisis belongs on your shoulders--let it fall on their shoulders where it belongs.

Now re-read that last paragraph five times, lol

 

Let more of this stuff roll right off your shoulders. You can't be everything to everybody. You need balance, and your life needs first to be about feeling that YOU are ok. Your relationship with YOU. Easier said than done, but remember this--you're a person worth taking care of herself BEFORE you can take care of everybody and everything else. If you can get to that place--you'll find less worry and more peace. Take a deep breath and take care of you first. Nobody else's crisis belongs on your shoulders--let it fall on their shoulders where it belongs.

Now re-read that last paragraph five times, lol

 

Let more of this stuff roll right off your shoulders. You can't be everything to everybody. You need balance, and your life needs first to be about feeling that YOU are ok. Your relationship with YOU. Easier said than done, but remember this--you're a person worth taking care of herself BEFORE you can take care of everybody and everything else. If you can get to that place--you'll find less worry and more peace. Take a deep breath and take care of you first. Nobody else's crisis belongs on your shoulders--let it fall on their shoulders where it belongs.

Now re-read that last paragraph five times, lol

 

Let more of this stuff roll right off your shoulders. You can't be everything to everybody. You need balance, and your life needs first to be about feeling that YOU are ok. Your relationship with YOU. Easier said than done, but remember this--you're a person worth taking care of herself BEFORE you can take care of everybody and everything else. If you can get to that place--you'll find less worry and more peace. Take a deep breath and take care of you first. Nobody else's crisis belongs on your shoulders--let it fall on their shoulders where it belongs.

Now re-read that last paragraph five times, lol

 

Let more of this stuff roll right off your shoulders. You can't be everything to everybody. You need balance, and your life needs first to be about feeling that YOU are ok. Your relationship with YOU. Easier said than done, but remember this--you're a person worth taking care of herself BEFORE you can take care of everybody and everything else. If you can get to that place--you'll find less worry and more peace. Take a deep breath and take care of you first. Nobody else's crisis belongs on your shoulders--let it fall on their shoulders where it belongs.

Now re-read that last paragraph five times, lol

 

Let more of this stuff roll right off your shoulders. You can't be everything to everybody. You need balance, and your life needs first to be about feeling that YOU are ok. Your relationship with YOU. Easier said than done, but remember this--you're a person worth taking care of herself BEFORE you can take care of everybody and everything else. If you can get to that place--you'll find less worry and more peace. Take a deep breath and take care of you first. Nobody else's crisis belongs on your shoulders--let it fall on their shoulders where it belongs.

Now re-read that last paragraph five times, lol

 

My new Mantra.....

[Gunny376]

You've got a bad case of the same damn thing that I went through!

Yes she was the absolutely the worse thing that ever came into my life. And yes I could "trade up" and do better. More trouble than she was worth, nothing more than a liability.

 

Being married to her was like dragging a dead horse and saddle through life.

 

But damn it I loved her, was in love her ~ and the worse part of it was? She only got to looking better once she was gone!

 

Love is a funny thing? We humans can fall in love with the very ones that are the absolutely worse and most toxic people to have in our lives ~ mentally, emotionally, financially, physically,...................................

 

Did you ever get the books I recommended to you about DS15. If not, let me know and PM me with a 'blind-drop' address

 

~ UPS store ~ and I will mail you my two copies that I have.

 

Guns

[nowomanocry]

You've got a bad case of the same damn thing that I went through!

Yes she was the absolutely the worse thing that ever came into my life. And yes I could "trade up" and do better. More trouble than she was worth, nothing more than a liability.

 

Being married to her was like dragging a dead horse and saddle through life.

 

But damn it I loved her, was in love her ~ and the worse part of it was? She only got to looking better once she was gone!

 

Love is a funny thing? We humans can fall in love with the very ones that are the absolutely worse and most toxic people to have in our lives ~ mentally, emotionally, financially, physically,...................................

 

Did you ever get the books I recommended to you about DS15. If not, let me know and PM me with a 'blind-drop' address

 

~ UPS store ~ and I will mail you my two copies that I have.

 

Guns

 

"Being married to her was like dragging a dead horse and saddle through life." >> I LOVE THAT ONE, SO HARD TO NOT TO SMS IT BACK TO MY EX ))))) ROFLMFAOL

 

having the most toxic and evil gurls in our lives is a part of inner-self mate - like BDSM , whips leather and lace lol. I do not take pleasure out of it but believe me there are sum who are into it. The sado-macho thing you know

[trippi1432]

You've got a bad case of the same damn thing that I went through!

Yes she was the absolutely the worse thing that ever came into my life. And yes I could "trade up" and do better. More trouble than she was worth, nothing more than a liability.

 

Being married to her was like dragging a dead horse and saddle through life.

 

But damn it I loved her, was in love her ~ and the worse part of it was? She only got to looking better once she was gone!

 

Love is a funny thing? We humans can fall in love with the very ones that are the absolutely worse and most toxic people to have in our lives ~ mentally, emotionally, financially, physically,...................................

 

Did you ever get the books I recommended to you about DS15. If not, let me know and PM me with a 'blind-drop' address

 

~ UPS store ~ and I will mail you my two copies that I have.

 

Guns

 

Thanks Gunny...I know what you mean...been there, done that too. Some days I look at my kids and totally hate myself for not being stronger. I can't help but wonder how things would have been different for myself and my children 14 years ago when I was 8 months pregnant and was going to leave him for his drinking and suspected unfaithfulness.

 

I don't know why men and women stay in emotionally elusive/abusive toxic relationships. I guess each have their own reasons. I will send you a PM on those books...thank you, you are a true friend. Hugs.

[tojaz]

"Being married to her was like dragging a dead horse and saddle through life." >> I LOVE THAT ONE, SO HARD TO NOT TO SMS IT BACK TO MY EX ))))) ROFLMFAOL

 

having the most toxic and evil gurls in our lives is a part of inner-self mate - like BDSM , whips leather and lace lol. I do not take pleasure out of it but believe me there are sum who are into it. The sado-macho thing you know

 

Welcome to LS nowomanocry. Sounds like your having a rough time of it. Some people seem to seek out the people that are the most toxic for them, but others are shocked when these people surface where someone they loved once stood, its pretty cliche around here, but sometimes it truly is like a bomb dropped. LS helps best when you share your story, let us hear yours and hopefully we can help.

TOJAZ

[Gunny376]

"Being married to her was like dragging a dead horse and saddle through life." >> I LOVE THAT ONE, SO HARD TO NOT TO SMS IT BACK TO MY EX ))))) ROFLMFAOL

 

having the most toxic and evil gurls in our lives is a part of inner-self mate - like BDSM , whips leather and lace lol. I do not take pleasure out of it but believe me there are sum who are into it. The sado-macho thing you know

 

Weclome to LS NWC (nowomancry). tojaz is right the more you give us the details the more we can help you.

 

You might want to start your own thread and post most if not all of your post on that thread.

 

I realize you may be having it particularly hard. Turkish women are some of the most beautiful (throwing foreharm up to protect my head as I have LS women throwing shoes at me. )

[LisaUk]

Hi Trippi

 

I'm sorry to hear that things are hard right now. Please remember YOU ARE WORTH IT. You deserve someone who appreciates all that you are. Your ex was a narcissist incapable of love, remember that, he is INCAPABLE of love, that does not say anything about you only about him.

[trippi1432]

Hi Trippi

 

I'm sorry to hear that things are hard right now. Please remember YOU ARE WORTH IT. You deserve someone who appreciates all that you are. Your ex was a narcissist incapable of love, remember that, he is INCAPABLE of love, that does not say anything about you only about him.

 

Thanks Lisa. I think the stress is more my job and the issues with my son. I do wish that his father and I could have the kind of co-parenting relationship that other's have, but it's just impossible....and that is probably due to his narcissist behavior. I have tried to be amicable, but it just results in me getting taken advantage of.

 

I'm working through counseling and that has had some decent results...the main lesson to learn is start setting boundaries, not just with him, but with my kids as well as my job. After a month of NC with the ex, that helped to affirm that, but here the ex goes changing gears - this time teetering back and forth between hatefulness and sincerity. There are only two reasons why he would do that....one, he hasn't moved on like he claims he has...or two, he wants his son to come live with him (and not for the right reasons....has to do with $$$$). There is also a third consideration....he teeters in this "bi-polar" position because he wants to ensure that he has some kind of power and control over me, that is a game that I am not playing with him anymore because he is so NOT WORTH IT!!

 

At any rate, it's time for changing my life in the right direction. I have started my Capstone and in less than 8 weeks I will finally be done with school. I know that this will be a stress reliever. The next thing to do is tackle a better work/life balance and my relationship with my son and work on myself. I like Ronni's idea of meditation or yoga and have considered kick boxing. Just something to relieve the stress....eventually I will find some peace one way or another.