2 Weeks NC

[confused_pjl]

Sorry in advance for the long post.

 

Well, today is 2 Weeks of NC for me and my Ex. We have been broken up about 5 weeks now. This is a lot tougher than I thought. Keep in mind that I am not looking for a second chance and have had NO desire to contact her (at this time). My struggle has been accepting what is happening.

 

Here's an analogy of how I feel.

 

My first long term relationship ended badly, however it was almost 5 months of no affection, communication and constant fighting. So it was like our relationship was a terminal cancer. We were both aware that there was a problem, neither one of us had the cure, we both knew it was going to end but we didn't want to admit it or make the decision. Sure enough she ended up making the decision. It was hard, but I saw it coming and was prepared for it.

 

This most recent break up feels like I was hit by a car. I didn't see it coming and never expected it to come from this girl. In my opinion (and based on her actions) everything was fine. We were both a little stressed because of financial struggles. I was unemployed and looking for work and she had to contribute more financially. The more I think about things and process who she is now I don't think I really got to know who she really was. She led me to believe that she was different, someone special and someone who would love me forever.

 

The 2 people she has in her life to give her advice are probably the 2 worst people she could get advice from. Her mother has been married 3 times, has 4 kids with 3 different fathers. My Ex doesn't even know who her father is. Anyways, her mother also believes that the men are the breadwinners and the women stay home. My Ex never had a good relationship with her mother. It was like pulling teeth getting her mother to return a call or let us go visit. The other person she has is her best friend. This girl only dates guys with money, no matter what they look like. Has a child from a guy who wants nothing to do with it and is a stripper.

 

In my opinion my Ex made a rash decision based on advice given from the wrong people. Now my ex is living a lifestyle she said she would never live. I'm trying very hard to focus all my attention on bettering myself and moving forward, but its hard not to want to see things fail for her. It seems as though woman these days are suffering from the "Twilight Syndrome". They expect their relationships to be just as passionate as that written in the book. If you ask me, thats just like saying you want to date a vampire. Come on! You probably have better odds finding a vampire than you do of finding a relationship that mirrors the one in this "fictional" novel.

 

I'm certain my Ex suffered from the "Twilight Syndrome". I honestly feel sad for her. She threw away me, our 2 dogs, my family that treated her like she was blood, all my friends that were there for her and treated her like she was their best friend and everything we shared together for uncertainty. I can't help but compare what she gave up to what she now has. She left here with nothing but a bed and her clothes. She moved in to an unfamiliar house with 2 strange roommates that she doesn't know and is now with a guy that is the complete opposite of me and the type of person she said she would never want to be with (or, as said by someone in my earlier posts, maybe this is the type of person she really wants to be with). She is also getting herself into debt, badly, for a second time.

 

She had to go bankrupt at age 20. Now she is 21 and is getting herself back into the same rut. The more I think of it the more I realize she didn't really contribute much to the relationship. Even if she wanted to come back she is too damaged. She left me when I was already in a bad place in my life, left me with $1200 in debt, started dating someone else not even 5 days after we broke up and obviously already slept with him and is now in a very bad financial place in her life.

 

She comes back from her business trip this friday and I am worried that I will have a breakdown. Maybe this past week hasn't been bad because I know she is not with him. Im worried that when she does come home it will hit me like a brick wall and all I will be thinking about is that she is with him.

 

Any suggestions on how I can protect myself in advance. Also, do you think this new guy has any idea how much baggage he is taking on? He jumped into a relationship with a girl that JUST got out of a 3 year relationship (lived with the guy for 2 years), she's went bankrupt once and is now on her way to a second and owns nothing but a bed. Its like she is looking for someone else to take financial care of her since I wasn't able to do so in the past few months.

 

I guess I just needed to express myself here. Any additional strength and advice you can give is appreciated. It makes me feel better to post things on LS and read other posts.

 

Oh, I've also asked all my family and friends to remove her from FB. She still also has pics of us on her FB (as told by my mother) and occasionally will put a picture of our dogs as her profile pic, WTF?

[Sadbutrelieved]

Acceptance comes with time. It seems like too much time, but it can't be rushed. Concentrate on yourself and be happy that you are free from a toxic partner. As far as what her new guy is getting himself into, forget about it. As much as we sometimes want the new person to be aware that their new "love" is nothing but trouble, they wouldn't believe us if we told them anyway. There is definitely someone better for you out there.

[bldykes]

Damn that blows.....quite the similar situation. My ex booted me and she has $4K worth of furniture I paide for, my dog, still some belongings.......you would think if she wanted it to be so over with, she would say come get your ****......I am not stable enough to go back to the house and get my dog yet, but am trying to get mad. I am in NC for 10 days now. She said she lost herself, then I asked if she was seeing someone and she said yes. But I think she said it to make me hurt because she is mad at me. It would be ironic if she felt so uncomfortable in her body and lost in herself to date already. Otherwise she had been cheating and I had no clue. It is all fudged up isn't it how girls act...........Get this, my ex on the day I left put all the pillows in a straight line....With my sweater she loves layed out like she had hugged it all night. Either trying to make me hurt or something. Then she texted she was sorry she was so fudged up and she loved me. So confusing.....it is starting to piss me off .....

 

Good luck with yours man. All I can say is focus on yourself and try to move forward. I am doing some new hobbies to stay busy and I write my thoughts down constantly. I write her a letter over and over that is an apology and my feelings towards her, but scared to send it......if she is seeing someone, it could push them closer and set me back.......or.........it could make her realize how much I care about her..............IT IS A NO WIN!