Guest Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 I have been seeing a woman for the past couple of weeks, and everything is going well. However, it is only ever me that calls her to see if she wants to go out. She has never called me and asked if I want to do anything. Is this normal? I was thinking of just holding off for a little while and seeing if she will actually call me to see if I want to do anything. I know this might sound childish, but I dont always want to be the one who calls her. Any thoughts on this? Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 not childish whatsoever, don't call her back! a potential relationship is definately a 2 player game if she wants you she will call you, you will score points if she doesn't... she isn't worth the effort no it is definately not normal, any relationships i've ever had the girl always returned the call, that is how you know it is progressing if she wants somebody to all the running let some mug do it instead, relationships don't work like this!!!! good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Maybe she's just what some call "old-fashioned". That doesn't make her weird or anything. And it doesn't mean she doesn't like you. My guy thinks I call him too much. -Deranged Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 I agree. You've only been seeing each other for a very short time and there are still plenty of women (even young ones!) who think it's the guy's role to call. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Its wierd, if I call she is really happy and things are great, 90% of the time we will catch up. However, the only time that she does call on her own (not returning a call etc.) is if we have made plans as she can't make them. I just dont want to have to do all the running around, and I figured if she wants to speak to me she will call. She knows all my numbers and often where I am most times, so she really doesnt have an excuse. I dont want not to speak to her, but on the other hand I think it is reasonable to not speak to her until she calls me! Is that fair? Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Originally posted by Guest I dont want not to speak to her, but on the other hand I think it is reasonable to not speak to her until she calls me! Is that fair? All is fair... It's only a good idea if she does indeed call you back. Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 its the year 2004!!! if a woman doesn't respond after you make the effort then don't call her back, that happened to me once, she never bought a drink either, no way i wouldn't! when a woman responds she instantly becomes more interesting and respectful and then us boys become even more interested well the women i like to follow anyway! Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 hopefully for you she is not an attention seeker on the rebound or something like that... do you know much about her recent relationship history? Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 due to the resurgence of the "Rules," a lot of us, myself included, are non-callers until we are fully in relationship mode. ideally, this is because we are too busy, but realistically, it's because we need to know that the man in question is interested enough to keep pursuing before we invest our bodies and our hearts. Link to post Share on other sites
zinc Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Jenny, it is true that most girls are non-callers, and that can be good to keep a guy's interest and initiative active. However, I would expect SOME encouragement from the girl I was calling. It would be nice at the end of a conversation to hear her say, "so, when are you calling me next?" or something like that. I would also consider it only right and proper (i.e. not coming on strongly to the guy) if she calls him back after he's left a message on her answerphone ASKING her to call him back. What does everyone else say? (this is an opinion coming from a guy who is totally useless at relationships :) ) Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 those are great tips, actually. i like the first one a lot, and will use it from now on thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
xalysabethh Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 me and my boyfriend have been dating for a few months now and i sitll have only invited him to do a few things he invites me mostly. i dont know why either. i didnt think that maybe he felt the way you do .because i definatly like him alot xalysabeth Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 I'm sure it's just that she thinks she's not 'supposed' to call. A lot of us get taught that to make ANY move in the direction of a guy constitutes 'chasing' him and then we're told - even on LS - that guys hate that. Some of us left behind our early teaching in favour of the rules of reciprocal social intercourse. In other words, you take turns at stuff. She's someone who believed the old indoctrination. Don't be too hard on her. Maybe you should leave her messages asking you to call her and then she might get more comfortable with it. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 it's interesting - i think the one thing that the rules and all this applicable nonsense does not talk about is that your behaviour will determine the kind of man you attract. i know in advance i prefer what's typically called 'alpha men' - i like shy guys as friends, but forcing a guy into a position where he must stubbornly pursue a skeptical girl is a definite indication of the kind of guy he is. i really hate the book of 'the rules' and i find the culture of them nauseating. but i did most of them without realzing it, and they do work on a certain kind of demographic. in this way, the rules are good for that kind of guy, but absurd for most normal guys and shy ones, for sure. my guy now had to 'win' me for sure, but now that he has, i've mellowed about this stuff a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 your behaviour will determine the kind of man you attract One hopes. I like the kind of man who thinks games are BS and who is feisty enough to deal very well with feisty me. I'd actually lose respect for some guy who let me make him jump through hoops to get me (shudder). It's all a matter of perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 everybody plays games, whether they acknowledge it or not. pursuing a shy guy is just as much a quest as luring an alpha one. my sincerity is intact, even if i don't salivate every time the phone rings. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 everybody plays games, whether they acknowledge it or not. There has got to be a fallacy to suit that one. And, really, not everybody does. Lots of people can't be bothered with the BS. even if i don't salivate every time the phone rings. ? I don't believe anybody suggested that anyone does or ought. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 I call her every now and then, but I also get the urge to call more often that I should, but I do not want to come across as an obsessed man, or pester her too much, as I am not 100% sure what she wants out of the relationship. Like I said, she will call back, not a problem ... the problem is just to get her to initiate a call out of the blue. She did call out of the blue the other day, but it was for a favour - to drop back to her place something she left at mine, so it doesnt really count. Link to post Share on other sites
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