FWB suggestion may have been a mistake

[manders_01]

About three years ago I met Aaron at a bar. We both go to the same bar to watch our football teams and have been acquaintances since meeting.

 

Last fall, I invited Chuck, a guy who I'm head over heels in love with to the bar to watch a game. When he didn't show, I ended up spending the evening chatting with Aaron. After the game, we shared a few kisses and some discussion about where that kissing might go. While he indicated things were complicated for him at that time, we decided to see if dating might be in our future. After our first date, the holidays rolled around and we didn't see each other for over two weeks. But after that, things were really nice. However, I had made it clear from the get go that there was someone else.

 

While Aaron was out of town for the holidays, something happened between Chuck and I. We know each other from work (although don't work for the same company) and will be working on a project together until the summer. While we both wanted things to happen between us, the original discussion was that we wait until the project is over. Although that wasn't the final discussion, that's what ended up happening.

 

In the meantime, Aaron and I kept seeing each other. While I enjoyed our relationship, Chuck was never too far from my mind. About three weeks ago, Aaron broke with me because he didn't feel like our relationship was going to progress to the next level. I agreed, mostly knowing that I was in love with someone else. We both contemplated trying to work things out but it ended up as a break up with the decision to remain friends.

 

Sunday night Aaron came over for a booty call. At that time it occurred to me that continuing with that type of relationship would be ideal for me. I'd be able to continue to have sex and a bit of companionship while waiting for my project to be over. So I thought the next time we see each other, I'll see what he thinks of it.

 

We went out for dinner tonight and after dinner, I brought it up. I went into the conversation thinking that he'd be agreeable and it'd be a nice set up for me (and before you go there, yes, I realize that my suggestion is to essentially use him and it's not the nicest thing someone can do to another person). However, he was surprisingly unconvinced commenting that women always get emotionally attached and what would happen if one of us met someone. Knowing what I know, I know things will be over once my project is done. I explained that my reason for wanting an FWB relationship was that I was busy with this project and instead of either trying to start a new relationship when I don't have time to do so or have sex with someone I don't know which can be awkward, I'd prefer to continue a sexual relationship with someone I know, have chemistry with, etc. He however is not convinced of any of this. Obviously, I was not quite truthful in my reasoning.

 

Although we left it at we'll see and he wasn't adamantly opposed to it, I feel like I just shouldn't have brought it up. I don't think telling him the whole truth is a good idea though because he is under the impression that because I tried salvage our relationship, that my emotional investment was 100%. I don't think it's necessary to potentially hurt him by telling him that it wasn't. It seemed like he was mostly okay when we parted but I'm afraid I may have done some damage. Should I being doing some damage control?

Edited February 25, 2010 by manders_01

[In_Repair]

As with any healthy relationship, truth is essential... even with a FWB. He already wants your relationship to progress to the next level, and his worry about you becoming emotionally attached is actually his way of saying that he is already emotionally attached. Unless you want to burn all bridges with Aaron when you finally do get with the other guy, then you need to be honest about the situation.

 

Also... what would the other guy think about the fact that you are running around with Aaron while making plans to be with him, especially if he later hears it from Aaron and not you? You might lose both if you don't get Aaron on your side and let him in on your plans.