ki Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 My boyfriend accidentally called me by his ex-girlfriend's name a couple of months ago (Cat) when he was trying to get my attention in my apartment. When I asked him who that person was, he said no one. When I then asked him if that was his ex-girlfriend's name, he said no, that it was just a nickname he was using for me (like "Let's Scat, Cat"). I believed him, hesitantly, though he never said it again to me. Fast forward to two months later. Here we are last night in my apartment and we're having (after four intense months of dating) a basic conversation about our last relationships so we know the basic details (name, reason for breakup, that's about it) because one of his friend's stupidly mentioned stuff about her in my presence last weekend and it made me feel out of the loop, like the joke was on me, that I was clueless about what kind of relationship my BF had just gotten out of. Well, guess what her name is? He gave me her full name (Catherine - she never goes by this!!). He deliberately gave me this name because he didn't want me to connect it to the slip up a couple of months ago. He was hesitant to even give it to me when I asked. I know he was afraid I'd put two and two together, and I did, but I didn't say anything (yet). My question to you is...how do I get past this? It really bothers me that he lied to me when I deliberately asked him two months ago if that was his Ex's name. I realize he was embarassed, but I don't condone covering up stuff and blatantly lying. I am mature enough to handle a slip up like that. It could have happened to anyone. It just makes me so uncomfortable. Please help me get past this. I wonder what others have done when this has happened. How do you cope??? Can I tell him that he was found out? Can I ask him not to cover things up in the future? How do I get the image of him calling me her name out of my head?? I keep replaying it!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 How do you get past this??? You realize that people are human. When your boyfriend accidentally slipped with this "Cat" name, he had to make up a polite excuse to avoid embarassment for him and hurt for you. Yes, he lied to you but a good percentage of guys would. This was a very embarassing incident that was just a slip up and he wanted to get past it. If you are such a person who wants to make a really big deal out of this, all other things in the relationship considered, let him know. He may very well not want a girlfriend who doesn't appreciate his efforts not to hurt you. I don't think this was the type of lie that would lead to bigger things. If I farted in front of you, I would swear to the end of the world that it was my foot that rubbed against the floor. Simple as that....and I am NOT a liar. Everybody in the entire universe tells a lie once in a while, for one reason or other. Even medical doctors, priests, nuns, etc. Give the guy a break, for Pete's sake, and move on. I am saying this only if he is good in all other respects and he hasn't lied to you about critical things. By the way, I did not fart while posting this message...or maybe I did. You'll never know. P.S. Is your name really ki? My name is REALLY Tony! Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 well if he was with her for a while it was probobly a slip after 26 years my mother can't get mine or my other two sisters names straight. Link to post Share on other sites
Medgirl Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Ki, I wouldn't worry about it. Sounds like a simple misshap and he tried to cover it up because he was embarassed. When I was first dating my boyfriend we were talking about our names and he said "My name can be used as either masculine or female" so I said "Todd?? I've never heard Todd used as a female name" and of course he said "My name isn't Todd, my name is Kris". WOOPS! Todd was another male friend of mine that I had just got off the phone with. So yeah, I was embarassed and my immediate reaction was to cover it up so he didn't think I had feelings beyond friendship for this Todd guy. Luckly, Kris's middle name is Todd and his dad's name is also Todd. Yeah he gave me A LOT of crap for it, but he got over it and it's nothing now. If he yells out "Cat" in bed on the other hand.... lol you better watch out! Link to post Share on other sites
InLoKo Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 I've done this before. Twice!! (Long time ago) And one of those occasions we had just woken up and I asked him if he wanted a cup of coffee, xxxxx! "What did you just call me?" he said. The damage was done. I nearly died of embarassment. Nothing I could do about it. It was just a slip of the tongue. It happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Get over it. Its no cause for drama. It happens to everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 You are acting like such a victim, like this guy was hurtful to you. All he did was spare himself the embarrasment of accidentally calling you a name he was perhaps still associating with his love interest, semantically. The more you bring it up with him, the more you call attention to the fact that you're dangerously obsessive. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 I can HONESTLY say I've done the same thing myself. I've been divorced for six years (no love lost there!) and I still use HIS name sometimes when speaking to another guy. I also do it frequently between my son's name and my brother's name. The older I get....the worse I get! It means absolutely NOTHING! Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 I've done it too...very embarassing but it happens! He probably just lied to cover up because he felt so silly. Link to post Share on other sites
mintjulep Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 My boyfriend has called me by his sister's name, my sister's name, and by something that sounds like my name, but isn't [even a word]. I think judging by these posts, almost everyone has slipped at one point or another. I know I've done it before. And to confuse two completely different names is not easily covered up. How do you explain it away? I didn't need to, because my boyfriend is a sweetheart and we laughed it away, but I feign offense when he forgets my name. Either way, neither of us is ever really offended, we laugh about it, and I wouldn't worry if I were you unless, as Medgirl says, he calls you "Cat" in bed! Link to post Share on other sites
spencer Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 my BF called me by his ex's name. he had a really hard break up with her and it has taken him a long time to get over her. I didn't get upset, we laughed about it. now when he say's her name. kelly. I just say "kelly-kelly-kelly". like the brady bunch show when jan goes "marcia-marcia-marcia". It's really kinda funny. have stupid fun with it and it can be just one more private joke between you. Link to post Share on other sites
mintjulep Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 Wow, spencer, that's pretty big of you. I'm okay with *a few* slipups, but I have to admit, it would stop being funny to me if it were habit way to go for being so cool and secure with yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 Medgirl says, he calls you "Cat" in bed Same mechanism applies. Head wants to say a name, filekeeper in brain pulls wrong file and sends it to mouth - head hears mouth say wrong name and has a fit. It is not conscious or even easy to control. It's a brain fart. Link to post Share on other sites
mintjulep Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme Medgirl says, he calls you "Cat" in bed Same mechanism applies. Head wants to say a name, filekeeper in brain pulls wrong file and sends it to mouth - head hears mouth say wrong name and has a fit. It is not conscious or even easy to control. It's a brain fart. But it's easier to see how someone would be more troubled by that, and if it's a typical occurance, then it's probably something to wonder about - either a brain chemical thingy or a bad memory or an affair, all of which need to be addressed to avoid future conflict. Besides, why not go to the source and correct Medgirl? Why quote and correct me? Brain farts only happen once in a blue moon. Even my boyfriend, who has ADD, has only done this to me three times total, and never in bed. Link to post Share on other sites
Medgirl Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 I just avoid calling out names in bed at all. Just incase lol! Link to post Share on other sites
mfrmboy Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 Hey Here's one for you my ex is with a guy nick named jay. well my name starts with J and he used to call me jay as a term of endearment. So when we were going through the breaking up and getting back together and breaking up again. My ex going back and forth between us I would get confused and sometimes angry about it but I didnt let on. I would'nt let my ex know it bothered me, I could'nt . Although I know he caught it there were no apoligies. Dont let it both you unless it becomes a habit then make an issue of it. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
mfrmboy Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 Actually I sometimes catch me calling one of my best friends by my ex's name. We laugh about it! It does'nt happen often though. Link to post Share on other sites
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