AprilFool Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 You can also think that since she's had so many lovers in the past, who have turned out badly, that she can appreciate you more I certainly know that I appreciate what a wonderful man my husband is SO MUCH, compared to the men in my past. Link to post Share on other sites
rec Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 You guys are amazing, you seriously have done more for me in a few hours than I accomplished in months. I thank google for finding you Link to post Share on other sites
AprilFool Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 You know...If I've had sex with 4 men, then that means I've had sex with more poeple than my husband.....YIKES!!! Link to post Share on other sites
rec Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Originally posted by AprilFool You can also think that since she's had so many lovers in the past, who have turned out badly, that she can appreciate you more I certainly know that I appreciate what a wonderful man my husband is SO MUCH, compared to the men in my past. well, that's the other problem I spotted the other day when talking to her about this (just things she mentioned but didn't ACTUALLY say). This is my fault again (man I suck in this relationship, i know). Quick breakdown of my past, first love at an early age of 12, moved house, lost contact, lost her... hurt for many months, mebbe even years. New town, new city, new school... all boys school... great!! :| New neighborhood has no girls either, all old people, teachers, blah... whatever. So no real female friends for like, all of high-school and college. Come to uni, eventually meet her after a few messed up relationships which fell flat quickly. As you can see, I've never, before her, had a strong interpersonal relationship where I'm with the person a lot and we see a lot of each other and do a lot for each other... but she obviously has had a "couple" of these before. I think sometimes, I don't appreciate what she does for me as much as I could... because I don't really know what's "excepted" (that sounds bad, I know, but ignore the word, I couldn't think of a better one), and how much she actually does for me and cares for me. Need to start making some effort.... Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 You can also think that since she's had so many lovers in the past, who have turned out badly, that she can appreciate you more I certainly know that I appreciate what a wonderful man my husband is SO MUCH, compared to the men in my past. Excellent point, April! In fact, the first one is the one that's not all that special - people make that choice because they know no different. Once you've had several relationships, you get a LOT pickier, and the numbers of people who even qualify to be considered for a relationship drop drastically. So that you made it through means a whole lot more!! Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme You can also think that since she's had so many lovers in the past, who have turned out badly, that she can appreciate you more I certainly know that I appreciate what a wonderful man my husband is SO MUCH, compared to the men in my past. Excellent point, April! In fact, the first one is the one that's not all that special - people make that choice because they know no different. Once you've had several relationships, you get a LOT pickier, and the numbers of people who even qualify to be considered for a relationship drop drastically. So that you made it through means a whole lot more!! Even though I am feeling less anguished about my bf's past, reading these posts still makes me feel good ... thanks ...and good luck to you rec. Stay strong with sorting it out...live in the present and your life will feel a whole lot better. Believe me, I know! Link to post Share on other sites
xalysabethh Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 hey i know its not alwyas easy to get past etc. i wished that i hadnt asked either. i had alwas "thought" he had been with more But once i asked i regretted the whole situation. i mean what differnt did it make.. he agreed to get tested we used protection. i already liked him and was having sex with him... he had explained how he had gone through a bad time and had some casual sex etc. after sometime i've gotton over it. at first it was weired doing anything with him but i've gotton over it hopefully you will too Link to post Share on other sites
rec Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Hi guys, it's the following morning here, and i just got up and re-read the whole thread. Just liked to say thanks again. I know my own thoughts now, and know why I was so troubled by this, and had an issue with it. And you comments offer some nice opinions on the situation. I guess, if I am to be truely honest, my mind, even though I hate having this mentality, was working like this. Sex is a "sacred" thing, something you share with someone special, and I held back for a long time till I found someone special, and to be honest, she did too, so I guess we agreed for a long time, just we were born a few years apart. Anyway, I was upset with the situation, because of my belief that sex is special, I believed that she had done herself wrong by having sex with so many guys.... but if you look at it with an open mind; She hadn't, she'd experienced somethings new, had an enjoyable time and "lived life". My belief that she'd had sex with so many guys, ment she didn't keep it for anyone "special" in her life, it was easier to get it from her than it would be to get it from someone of my current mentality, which makes me feel less special in the relationship we have. This is what was ultimately getting me down I guess, I don't feel like anyone special to her in this relationship, because in my mentality, if someone was special, I'd goto bed with them, but she's been to bed with so many, that doesn't work for her.... What I need to get over is my "sex standard". It's old and out-dated, infact, I should probably get rid of sex standards all together, looks like they'll only cause trouble in relationships, not enhance them. It boils down to this, on a more general note, is sex, "just sex?" or is it more... and that seems like its a matter of opinion, different from person to person. To her it is, to me it isn't, to AprilFool it wasn't too, but to her first, it was. Same applys to xalysabethh and her partner, and Thinkalot and hers I guess too. I guess it probably works like this, the first sexual relationship you have, sex is special blah blah... and you think of it as some holy way of showing your appreciation of someone. But as time goes on, you learn it's just sex... a fun activity you do with a partner you enjoy time with. Maybe after our relationship is over, I'll feel like going off and having rampant sex with every woman I meet, or maybe our relationship will last, and for me atleast, sex will always stay "special". Who knows the future, but I do know now, I have nothing to worry about. Thank you everyone who's replied to this thread, you've been amazing. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 I don't feel like anyone special to her in this relationship, because in my mentality, if someone was special, I'd goto bed with them, but she's been to bed with so many, that doesn't work for her.... Hey, an intelligent and emotionally present guy like you should be able to see through this idea and realize how weak it is. Sex is one powerful (and sometimes ambiguous) way to show your feelings, but what about the other ways? Does she listen to you, praise you, encourage you, rub your back, light up when you walk in the door, always want to be holding your hand or just standing near you? Does she tell all her girlfriends that she's got the greatest guy and feel secretly sorry for them 'cause they're not with you? Does she always ask how your day went and really listen to the answer? If someone's been ragging on you, does she instantly take your side even if maybe the other person might have had a point too? Does she tell you that you make HER feel special and loved? Does she sometimes just grab you for no reason and smooch you all over while saying "Mmmmmmm....."? C'mon, tell. Link to post Share on other sites
rec Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Originally posted by SoleMate C'mon, tell. You soo nosey! But I undersand your point I'm over it, tbh, I thought about it a few times today, and each time I get that depressing feeling in the back of my head, then I thought of this thread, and it went away. I'll get over this, I'm sure, thanks to you guys. I'll come back and register here, I promise, just have some making up todo for a bit yet Link to post Share on other sites
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