coldheart Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 For all the women that think porn is their problem, i'm going to let you in on a little secret. Porn is not the problem, you are the problem. If your husband or boyfriend loved sports, you would complain that he's up all night watching ESPN. If he liked fishing, you'd complain that he's always out fishing. If he stayed in the house all day and didn't go anywhere, you'd complain that he needs to go out and find some friends. You are never satisfied. Instead of being happy that you're not married or dating some violent woman beater, dope fiend, or closet petaphile, you nag him about having a healthy interest in the opposite sex. Just because you like to look at attractive women, naked perhaps, doesn't mean that you have some sort of deep seeded deviant disorder. Just beacuse you may admire the cuteness of someone elses child doesn't mean that secretly you desire to get rid of your own. It's juvenile. What if you pinching some cute little newborns cheeks was followed by incessent nagging about how you don't love your own kids and you just want someone elses. You would consider that lunacy. "Hey joe's new car is really nice." "Why don't you just go drive Joe's car then? What, isn't our car good enough for you anymore? Why are you always looking at other peoples cars? You don't love our car anymore"? It's rediculous. There are a lot more things you can be worried about than the 20 minutes that you husband/boyfriend spends alone with his own desires. He deals with you at home, his boss at work, why isn't he entitled to a little peace. now and again? Link to post Share on other sites
InLoKo Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 You really need to take some of your own advice and get out more. Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted January 7, 2004 Share Posted January 7, 2004 Sounds like you like porn and someone close to you has objections. You can justify it all you want to yourself - but that doesn't make you right for the rest of us. I was curious about porn when I was single, but after falling in love and getting married it doesn't interest me because anything that my spouse finds disrespectful or feels strongly about is simply not something I care to have anything to do with. It is degrading to women - it degrades them to objects. Things to be used by men, for men's pleasures. Some people don't see it that way or have a problem with it and that is fine, but if I, or someone I love, sees it that way then I'll abandon it -- I'd rather have the people I love be happy and I don't miss it. And I also find male porn just as degrading to men and for the same reasons. I also understand natural curiosity - but porn should not come before a persons feelings. If porn is more important to you than your spouse or gf/bf, then you are in the wrong relationship for you and/or you have an unhealthy (obsession) fixation on pornography. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Originally posted by coldheart For all the women that think porn is their problem, i'm going to let you in on a little secret. Porn is not the problem, you are the problem. If your husband or boyfriend loved sports, you would complain that he's up all night watching ESPN. If he liked fishing, you'd complain that he's always out fishing. If he stayed in the house all day and didn't go anywhere, you'd complain that he needs to go out and find some friends. You are never satisfied. Instead of being happy that you're not married or dating some violent woman beater, dope fiend, or closet petaphile, you nag him about having a healthy interest in the opposite sex. Just because you like to look at attractive women, naked perhaps, doesn't mean that you have some sort of deep seeded deviant disorder. Just beacuse you may admire the cuteness of someone elses child doesn't mean that secretly you desire to get rid of your own. It's juvenile. What if you pinching some cute little newborns cheeks was followed by incessent nagging about how you don't love your own kids and you just want someone elses. You would consider that lunacy. "Hey joe's new car is really nice." "Why don't you just go drive Joe's car then? What, isn't our car good enough for you anymore? Why are you always looking at other peoples cars? You don't love our car anymore"? It's rediculous. There are a lot more things you can be worried about than the 20 minutes that you husband/boyfriend spends alone with his own desires. He deals with you at home, his boss at work, why isn't he entitled to a little peace. now and again? I wouldn't be surprised if you get picked apart for posting this but I for one completely agree with you. I probably would say it in a less bitter, antagonistic way, but the idea is completely true. Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Agreed that porn is probably overrated by the female population as the root cause of relationship problems. It seems it's much easier to blame men for "infidelity" whether is is real or imagined, than to ask: Why has love interest grown apart? A much more complicated question, with answers that are probably much less palitable than taking any responsibility for the end result. Also agreed, Dyermaker, this guy will be burned at the stake: But then, it'll be a hot flame that melts a coldheart. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 How poetic, I think the thread will just be locked. Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Although I am a woman who isn't thrilled with porn or how it seems to be hurting these women on the forum, I'm not the least impressed enough with this thread to pick apart anything. It was written by a man that likes or agrees with porn....big deal.... Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Originally posted by VivianLee Although I am a woman who isn't thrilled with porn or how it seems to be hurting these women on the forum, I'm not the least impressed enough with this thread to pick apart anything. It was written by a man that likes or agrees with porn....big deal.... Right, as long as women continue to validate one another's feelings of insecurity, their relationships will be sooo much better Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Dyermaker, you are so hateful and cruel. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Originally posted by Samson Dyermaker, you are so hateful and cruel. Aww, I'll fight fire with fire, but I'm not stooping *that* low. Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Originally posted by dyermaker Right, as long as women continue to validate one another's feelings of insecurity, their relationships will be sooo much better The person that wrote the most in response to this thread was a guy......he said.... "Sounds like you like porn and someone close to you has objections. You can justify it all you want to yourself - but that doesn't make you right for the rest of us. I was curious about porn when I was single, but after falling in love and getting married it doesn't interest me because anything that my spouse finds disrespectful or feels strongly about is simply not something I care to have anything to do with. It is degrading to women - it degrades them to objects. Things to be used by men, for men's pleasures. Some people don't see it that way or have a problem with it and that is fine, but if I, or someone I love, sees it that way then I'll abandon it -- I'd rather have the people I love be happy and I don't miss it. And I also find male porn just as degrading to men and for the same reasons. I also understand natural curiosity - but porn should not come before a persons feelings. If porn is more important to you than your spouse or gf/bf, then you are in the wrong relationship for you and/or you have an unhealthy (obsession) fixation on pornography." Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Originally posted by VivianLee It is degrading to women - it degrades them to objects. Things to be used by men, for men's pleasures. ... but porn should not come before a persons feelings. If porn is more important to you than your spouse or gf/bf, then you are in the wrong relationship for you and/or you have an unhealthy (obsession) fixation on pornography." Yes! Exactly. Any woman who would think that a man would rather be in a relationship with a pornstar over their spouse is mistaken. It's not like the girls who make porn are forced into the profession, they choose to degrade themselves. Porn never should come before someone's feelings, and if women understood men a little more, it rarely would. All I was saying is that a woman who makes another women's insecurities feel stronger, by validating her jealous rage over pornography, is doing a disservice to that woman and her relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 All I was saying is that a woman who makes another women's insecurities feel stronger, by validating her jealous rage over pornography, is doing a disservice to that woman and her relationship. I've never seen any woman on here display a jealous "rage" about porn, I've seen them ask "what do you think" or "do you feel the same way?" Everyone on this forum answers similar questions to many situations not just porn, how can that mean they are validating something when they are just being sympathetic or just giving an opinion. If men understood women more then maybe they'd understand what causes the insecurities..... Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Originally posted by VivianLee If men understood women more then maybe they'd understand what causes the insecurities..... It's a circle then, I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Originally posted by dyermaker It's a circle then, I guess. I guess so... Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 It can be cured by communication, but as we've just found out, sometimes the sexes are wrapped up in their own role in the circle that it's difficult to communicate. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Simple solution: Walk up to your guy while he is 'pornocating'.....saying something sexy while your dressed in a lacey thing.....and watch his area of interest quickly change. That goofy big titted girl in the magazine, movie or puter.....can't compete with the REAL THING! Link to post Share on other sites
lotsoffun Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 I wonder how the guys would feel if the tables were turned and the women were ogling naked Chippendales all the time and masturbating....hehe Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Originally posted by lotsoffun I wonder how the guys would feel if the tables were turned and the women were ogling naked Chippendales all the time and masturbating....hehe Turned on? As long as we don't have to look at the Chippendales, I get images of Chris Farley in my head... Link to post Share on other sites
Author coldheart Posted January 8, 2004 Author Share Posted January 8, 2004 I don't mind if people pick me apart for my feelings on this subject. After all, the point of this and every other forum is discussion and healthy debate. Now, for the person that said that I must be "into" porn and have someone that objects, you are mistaken. I don't have to be involved in a particular activity in order to have an opinion. I guess if I were arguing for the rights of gays to marry, then I must be gay right? Close minded yet typical response from anyone who doesn't agree with someones right to have an opinion different from theirs. As far as the person that said how would men feel if the roles were reversed? Well I guess you are under the assumption that only men enjoy porn, and that there isn't a single man in this world frustrated that his wife/girlfriend indulges in adult entertainment. That's a pretty bold assumption. We only see what makes us appear to be right. You nag and antagonize your mate until he or she is driven into the arms of another, but instead of looking at your own obsessive behavior, It must be something else, right? Porn, that's it, Porn is to blame case closed. No need to evaluate my part in the breakdown of my relationship. Typical self absorbed i'm perfect everyone else is flawed mentality. Sure there are perverts that take things to extremes, just as there are overzelouse puritanical bible thumpers on the other end of that spectrum. However, porn in itsself is not to blame for the dissolution of every marriage where one of the participants may indulge in it. Let's be realistic porn is a ready made excuse for the failure of some relationships. Like I said, more often than not, if porn was removed from the equation another easily substituted issue would be to blame. I just can't agree with the fact that you can have a few drinks now and then but that doesn't make you an alcoholic, but if you ever lay eyes on porn, your some kind sick demented hellspawn that should be obliterated from existence. Pick your battles. If you have a man that works, pays the bills, keeps food on the table, and keeps you from harm, be happy. Stop nitpicking before you find yourself by yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Originally posted by coldheart If you have a man that works, pays the bills, keeps food on the table, and keeps you from harm, be happy. You're that guy who goes to the bar, and doesn't drink, he just looks for drunk people to fight with, aren't you? Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 If you have a man that works, pays the bills, keeps food on the table, and keeps you from harm, be happy. I don't that that's entirely enough to keep a woman happy, but you can certainly have the opinion that it should be. Might want to add that you love her somewhere in there. I hate that you guys have dragged me into yet another thread about porn that will lead absolutely nowhere (ok actually I don't hate it, I'm rather amused). I am not in the mood to be jumped on because I don't necessarily like pornography ok? But, as an individual who can feel however I want to feel about whatever I want to have feelings about, if I was dating someone who needed/wanted to look at nude pictures of other women, I would rather "find myself by myself" as coldheart stated, and allow the guy to find someone else he was more"suited" for. I like to send my B/F sexy pictures of ME to keep on hand for times we cannot be together. He enjoys this treat, so far as I know, and claims he doesn't look at porn anymore. Go ahead and say that he probably does, but also, again, as an individual I am able to believe what I want. So . -Deranged Link to post Share on other sites
lotsoffun Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Originally posted by coldheart As far as the person that said how would men feel if the roles were reversed? Well I guess you are under the assumption that only men enjoy porn, and that there isn't a single man in this world frustrated that his wife/girlfriend indulges in adult entertainment. That's a pretty bold assumption. That would be me. And no, I don't make that assumption at all. I was merely asking a question. How WOULD you feel if your woman spent time looking at good-looking naked men and masturbating to it? We only see what makes us appear to be right. You nag and antagonize your mate until he or she is driven into the arms of another, but instead of looking at your own obsessive behavior, It must be something else, right? Porn, that's it, Porn is to blame case closed. No need to evaluate my part in the breakdown of my relationship. Typical self absorbed i'm perfect everyone else is flawed mentality. Personally, I don't have any problem with my husband looking at porn and never snoop to see if he has or say anything about it. It's a non-issue with us. So don't put your label on me. I say live and let live. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Originally posted by DerangedAngel Go ahead and say that he probably does He TOTALLY does. Don't let it bother you though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coldheart Posted January 8, 2004 Author Share Posted January 8, 2004 ^^^No, I'm just one of those fromer good guys that eventually got tired of being nagged to death about everthing that I did or didn't do. I know if it's not porn, it's something else. Link to post Share on other sites
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