Burned again

[WWDDFD]

Well, I got burned again (history), and like an idiot child, I keep going back.

 

 

This time she calls me on Tuesday morning; I had the phone's ringer off so I didn't notice it; so she got my voicemail and left me a message.

 

 

Here's what she said:

 

"hey *** it's *****, uhm... just calling to say hi... I'm a little sick, so uhm... I don't know, uh, what I'm going to be doing for the next two days, but, who knows, maybe it's like a quick thing or something, uhm, so we might be able to, uh, but, uhm, I guess I'll just try to call you later or something, allright, goodbye"

 

 

 

And of course, I've heard nothing since (it's wednesday night now).

 

 

 

Now, her voice sounded really bad, so I don't want to jump on her, because she's probably really sick... but I just can't handle this anymore. I've decided I'm going to send her a letter, and I need opinions, please.

 

(names hidden to protect the innocent )

Dear *****,

 

First of all, I would like to apologize about the form of this; I really

want to be able to tell you everything in person, or at the very least over

the telephone, but it now appears that we may never meet, and I can never

seem to get ahold of you whenever I have gained the courage to tell you what

I need to say. Even a letter through the mail would be more appropriate, but

alas, I do not know your address, or even your last name. So my only option

is thus, a letter in electronic form; cold and impersonal.

 

As I write this, it is now January 11th, exactly four months since we

first spoke; one third of a year. During this time we've talked dozens of

times, and gotten to know each other fairly well. We've also been completely

unable to meet in person, for whatever reasons I do not know.

 

Three months ago, when I called you up after not having called you for

the entire previous month, I entirely expected you to say "piss off you

inconsiderate jerk". The fact that you didn't say that stunned me; you were

so understanding and nice about it, I felt obligated to return the favor in

kind. The first month you kept disappearing on me, I said to myself, "well

that's okay, you were extremely rude to her and you deserve this, so just

put up with it".

 

To be completely honest, I was a little relieved every time you

disappeared on me; for you see, I am very self-conscious about my weight.

Four years ago I weighed 100 pounds less, so I am incredibly embarrassed by

how big I am at this point in time. Every time you canceled on me, I kept

thinking to myself "well that's good, another week, another few pounds

lost"; I wanted to look my absolute best when we finally met for real.

 

Another reason I am not angry with you is because I am incredibly shy;

there is a good possibility that even if we *did* set up a date to meet in

October or November, I probably would have freaked out on the way there,

and not shown up.

 

The day you bought your treadmill and cancelled on me, I would not have

been able to meet you anyway; when I was taking a shower getting ready to

meet you, my brother stole the car to go to his friends house, and he didn't

even bother telling me. I meant to tell you, but I never had the opportunity.

 

By the time December had rolled around, we had been talking for three

months pretty much every week, and I figured that if you were still calling,

you still seriously intended to meet me. I find it incredibly difficult to

be mean to people, and it seemed to me that you were being earnest, so I

decided to just continue to roll with it; after all, I would end up

regretting this forever if it were just happenstance that kept us from

meeting, rather than malice on your part.

 

I told you a few times that I am a paranoid person; for years I avoided

people because I believed all they would do is harm me. It is incredibly

difficult for me to believe that someone is telling me the truth at times.

I tell you this because shortly before you gave me your number, I decided

that this kind of life was literally driving me mad, and making me a very

unhappy person. I would have never called you before I made this decision

about my life, but for the first time, I told myself to throw caution to

the wind, and I called you. Not only that, but I decided that I would

unquestioningly believe everything you told me. Maybe that was a dumb

move on my part, but god damnit, I'm sick of not trusting people; I want to

be able to trust in others.

 

I have to be honest with you *****, I'm starting to find it very

difficult to believe what you tell me anymore. It's gotten to a point where

the only thought on my mind when you say "I will call you at <day/time>" is

"yeah right". I hate feeling like this. It just depresses me and I am sick

and tired of being depressed. I'm sure you've heard the saying "Actions

speak louder than words", and I believe at this point in time I have to

take that saying to heart. You keep saying you "definitely" want to meet;

but your actions tell a completely different tale. I've become the brunt of

my friends jokes over you; no longer do they ask "did you finally meet

her?", but instead they ask "what's her excuse this week?" when they see

me. They laugh of course, but the utter absurdity of this situation becomes

more apparent by the day. If anyone had asked me three months ago, "would

you still be pursuing someone who constantly blows you off and disappears

all the time three months from now?", my answer would have been a hearty

"Hell no! That would be insane!". My friend James, who is much older and

wiser in the ways of women than I, told be back in November to forget about

you and never answer your calls. He said that the most time I should ever

invest in someone before meeting them is two or three weeks. At the time I

didn't want to believe him, and even now I have a hard time listening to

that advice; there's a little voice in my head that keeps telling me "nah,

he's wrong; it's just coincidence that we can't meet". I really hope I'm

not deluding myself here.

 

My brain is very mathematical and analytical; if I do not know or

understand something, I seek to find out everything I can and understand

it. I've been going crazy here trying to find out why you would tell me you

want to meet me, yet seemingly avoid me every time we get down to actually

trying to meet.

 

It occurred to me that you may just be shy, but if that's the case, then

I don't believe you would have had the courage to just go up to some guy you

don't even know and give him your personal telephone number.

 

It occurred to me that I may be sending the wrong signals; always

seeming not to mind when you cancel or disappear, seeming to not be very

interested in you. I assure you, I am.

 

It occurred to me that you may just be a very nice person, or a very

scared person; someone who is afraid of telling me to get lost because you

do not know how I would react to that. If this is the case, I wholeheartedly

promise you, if you ever tell me to piss off, I will never bother you ever

again. I see absolutely no point in trying to make something work with

someone who wants nothing to do with me.

 

It's my fault I've been going crazy over this of course; I understand

now that it is ludicrous to try to attempt to understand why people do the

things they do; I don't even understand the things I do myself sometimes

(for example, I don't know why I find it so difficult to talk about

emotional things, even though I want to), so I've stopped trying to

figure you out.

 

*****, I still believe you when you say you want to go out. I still

believe your reasons when you cancel on me; I understand that you are a

busy person, and as a person you still hardly know, I'm not all that

important to you. But enough is enough. I would have thought that four

months ago, I would be completely insane to continue pursuing you if you

cancel on me almost every week. A funny thought occurred to me the other

day; I imagined us still talking but never actually meeting four months

from now... and I just cannot allow that to happen.

 

I've invested a significant amount of time in you already; you seem like

a fun and happy person, someone I'd love to get to know better. I imagine

your obsession with exercise and eating properly would be a great influence

on me; in short I think you're the type of person I need in my life right

now. It would be an incredible shame to have to tell you to leave me alone,

but you're driving me mad and I can't stand not meeting you anymore. The

choice is yours; no longer do I find your vocal reassurances sufficient. I

need you to prove that you really want to meet me. Actions speak louder than

words after all, Madame.

 

 

 

I'm going to post it in a hidden directory on my website, and send her the URL on her cellphone. I won't do it for another four days though.

[SoleMate]

I've decided I'm going to send her a letter, and I need opinions, please.

 

You're going to get 'em.

 

I didn't read the whole letter. It's way too long and angry and psycho-sounding. If I got a letter like this, I would run the other way. And if this kind of letter ever does attract a woman, it won't be the kind you (should) want.

 

What's it gonna take for you to give this a rest?

[InLoKo]

That letter tells me how much she's got under your skin and that she can snap her fingers and you'll come running.

[WWDDFD]

Originally posted by SoleMate

You're going to get 'em.

 

I didn't read the whole letter. It's way too long and angry and psycho-sounding. If I got a letter like this, I would run the other way. And if this kind of letter ever does attract a woman, it won't be the kind you (should) want.

 

What's it gonna take for you to give this a rest?

 

 

First of all, I'm a firm believer of the idea that you should read things fully before passing judgement on them.

Second of all, even though I didn't intend the letter to sound angry at all, don't I have a right to be just a little bit angry?

Thirdly, the letter states exactly how I feel. If that scares her away, so be it. I would rather not pretend to feel different just to have someone like me. If she reads this and decides that I'm not the kind of person she wants to be with, then that would be a great burden lifted from my mind, and I can forget about her. I'm only attracted to people who are attracted to me, and she keeps saying she is. The moment she tells me she's not interested in me, I will give up.

 

She told me to be myself. This is myself.

[dyermaker]

I read the letter, all of it, and I think you should make some changes. I think you should take out the part putting the ball in her court and make it a "This is why I'm ceasing all contact with you" letter, not a "This is why I'm frustrated, but if you take some actions I'll allow you to continue to mess with me" letter.

 

Also, instead of posting it on a website, call her, tell her you want YOU to talk and HER to listen, and read it to her.

[jenny]

i understand where you are coming from. let me try and explain where she might be coming from.

 

you meet a guy, he doesn't call, it's no loss. if he does call, but flakes out of plans, or if you back out of plans, and it happens too many times, you move on. your friend is correct in assuming that a lot of dating people in the 20s-30s use three weeks as the maxium turnover period.

 

she should not have kept calling. this was her error.

 

your error:

 

a deep and painful over-investment in what was not even a relationship. your pain here, i hate to say it, is caused by you along. she's annoying to keep calling and making dates that she cancels - but the normal response to that lack of consideration is dismissal.

 

i think you are a very beautiful and sensitive person; that's hard in our society. nothing cripples like density. but you are looking for a response where you are not going to find one.

 

so, frankly, if i recieved that letter from you i would cut you off completely. i've been in a similar situation, and it is specifically the one that taught me i can't play footloose with plans with guys anymore. i recived a phone message that said more or less the same thing, and i have not spoken to him since and i blocked his number and email addy. that was three years ago.

 

people are scared by that much intensity. i don't think there is anything wrong with that level of feeling, it's just wildly inappropropriate in this situation.

[zinc]

>> She told me to be myself. This is myself.

 

Yes, laddie, this is yourself. Your letter is a masterpiece of eloquence. And there is something a little wrong here...throughout the letter, you are basically placing your heart on your sleeve, waving it in front of her, and saying "look, see how delicate it is...now try and see how many blows it takes you to pulverize it completely. Go on!"

 

Your feelings are valid: you're feeling uncertain, confused, sad, angry, a lot of things. A close friend of yours, who would already be familiar with your moods and manner of expressing things, could listen carefully and help you sort out how you want to see things. A counselor or therapist could do that too. Someone who doesn't know you that well, or is not a professional, cannot. This girl cannot. She will not. She does not know or understand you well enough to respect you. She may just have some idea (not far wrong) that she can play football with your heart. Or, if she's more decent, like SoleMate, her impression might be that you are so troubled, you should see a doctor. In any case, it's not her problem to solve. It's yours.

 

You're likely going to find the next thing I say even harder to understand, let alone act on. It may sound totally inhuman to you. But it is not at all inhuman: it just gives priority and importance to the most important human involved in this situation: i.e. YOU. Here it is for what it's worth:

 

Leave her alone. Refuse to listen to her calls. Forget about her and start living. Get your ass in gear and take control of your life. No woman on this planet, not even Claudia Schiffer is worth giving up your sanity for. Do things you enjoy, with people who like and respect you. Spend some time feeling the pain you have, because you ARE going to feel it, and express it in such an eloquent letter as you have done, if you must...but DON'T send it (you will regret it someday if you do). Talk about it to people who can handle it and won't use it to manipulate you; possibles: close friend, parent, teacher, counselor, doctor, therapist, the neighbour's cat...

 

Once you are able to feel whole, you are better equipped to handle people like her, as your heart will be stronger.

 

NO woman on this planet deserves to play football with your heart. If you persist in believing and proclaiming the contrary, no self-respecting woman will respect you. And you DON'T want that, do you?

[moimeme]

don't I have a right to be just a little bit angry?

 

No. You do not. You have persisted in believing that because this woman once gave you her number that there is some sort of relationship between you and that she is not holding up her end. The truth is that you are obsessed in an unhealthy way. She is a brick wall, you keep running yourself into the brick wall, and you complain incessantly about how much it hurts.

 

I used to feel sorry for you. Now I'm very worried. People with sense know when to give up on a bad deal. People who are somehow in trouble will do what you've been doing - obsessing and going nuts over a nonexistent relationship.

 

I think you need counselling, badly. You have gone way beyond a mere crush and this does not bode well for you now or in your future relatinships. This one person dropped a tiny bit of approval your way and you have sacrificed all your dignity in trying to get her to drop a few more. CUT IT OUT. Please do NOT send this letter. And PLEASE get yourself to a counsellor. Take the sheaf of paper prints from your posts here and then listen to what you are told. Maybe a human standing in front of you will make you listen where none of us has succeeded.

[Fancy]

Oh my goodness. I've read this thread and the previous ones and my eyes are now bleeding. Is it correct that you've never gone on one date with this girl and that you don't even know her last name or her age? Is that still the case?

 

I agree with Moimeme. PLEASE get some help for yourself. The behavior you're displaying is far from healthy. You're completely obsessed with this person and you've deluded yourself into thinking there's a relationship here. There is no relationship. Please see that.

 

If a woman wanted to be with you, she would. Period. End of story. No one works or oversleeps that much. This girl is playing with you and toying with your mind big time. How many times does she have to stand you up and not return your calls for you to see this?

 

I seriously think you need to get some counseling ASAP to help you deal with your low self esteem and your obsessive thoughts. You're so deluded you can't see what is clearly evident to anyone who reads your threads. I'm not saying this to be mean. I'm sincerely trying to help you.

 

Please, please get some counseling.

[WWDDFD]

Originally posted by jenny

i understand where you are coming from. let me try and explain where she might be coming from.

 

you meet a guy, he doesn't call, it's no loss. if he does call, but flakes out of plans, or if you back out of plans, and it happens too many times, you move on. your friend is correct in assuming that a lot of dating people in the 20s-30s use three weeks as the maxium turnover period.

 

she should not have kept calling. this was her error.

 

your error:

 

a deep and painful over-investment in what was not even a relationship. your pain here, i hate to say it, is caused by you along. she's annoying to keep calling and making dates that she cancels - but the normal response to that lack of consideration is dismissal.

 

i think you are a very beautiful and sensitive person; that's hard in our society. nothing cripples like density. but you are looking for a response where you are not going to find one.

 

so, frankly, if i recieved that letter from you i would cut you off completely. i've been in a similar situation, and it is specifically the one that taught me i can't play footloose with plans with guys anymore. i recived a phone message that said more or less the same thing, and i have not spoken to him since and i blocked his number and email addy. that was three years ago.

 

people are scared by that much intensity. i don't think there is anything wrong with that level of feeling, it's just wildly inappropropriate in this situation.

 

How could I help it? I've lived my entire life thinking I was completely unlikable by anyone, and in one day she managed to totally **** up my head. I know it's my fault and I don't want to lay any of this on her.

 

I just don't understand why anyone would do this. I'm very naive in the ways of the world and I find it incredibly difficult to believe that anyone would deliberately tell me they want to meet week after week when they don't actually want to. Why the hell can't people just say things they mean?

 

This whole thing makes me want to just go back to my old ways; just totally forget about women forever and lead a pointless and hollow life. At least I won't cry so much.

 

 

I wish I could afford therapy, but I can't.

[moimeme]

she managed to totally **** up my head

 

No, actually it's you who have done that.

 

 

just don't understand why anyone would do this. I'm very naive in the ways of the world and I find it incredibly difficult to believe that anyone would deliberately tell me they want to meet week after week when they don't actually want to. Why the hell can't people just say things they mean?

 

One of the things you need to realize is that lots of people are messed up. To expect every person you meet to behave rationally and fairly is completely unrealistic. You don't have to remain naive. Read through the posts on this boards - it will give you a good sense of what sorts of people there are out there and what sorts of problems you can have in relationships. The stories you read here are not unusual in the least.

 

This whole thing makes me want to just go back to my old ways; just totally forget about women forever and lead a pointless and hollow life.

 

How's about instead of that making it your goal to learn about people and relationships?

 

I wish I could afford therapy, but I can't.

 

You can't afford to NOT have it. Most places have some free sources of therapy. If you're a published author, you must have done research at some point. Research this. Talk to your doc first of all. Call your local hospital. Look through the phone book for 'Counsellors' or 'Therapists'. If you belong to a church, talk to one of the clergymen.

[jenny]

i think it's a question of ambivalence. you meet someone, you think he's great, but life just gets in the way. the longer it's been since you've seen them, the less of a priority they are.

 

slowly, they are just less important than getting laundry done. you still think they are cool people, but it's just not a priority at all by then. you might talk to them on the phone, but getting together in person just seems like more and more a bother.

 

it does not mean she dislikes you, or is freaked out by you, though she probably might be after you send that letter. it just means this is how things go. i have meant to get together sincerely with people, but as time goes by, i just changed my mind and started focusing on new people and things.

 

i don't think she has done anything wrong except not know herself well enough to shoot you down immediately. it took me until i was 27 to know when i could sort out the people i actually wanted to spend time with, and even then, the bonds have to strike fast or we'll both get distracted by other things.

 

if you can't fathom therapy, your alternative is: suck it up. (i've been in waaay too many team sports ) seriously, this whining about the state of the world and women has to stop today. right now. it's intolerable, it will guarantee you continued pain, and you are way too smart, creative, and cool to be doing a bad rendition of lord byron.

 

tell me how other parts of your life are going - how's the writing? it sounds like you've got a cool group of friends? what do you do for fun?

 

spend some quality font on yourself.

 

cheers, babe, j

[FreeMe]

Originally posted by moimeme

The truth is that you are obsessed in an unhealthy way. She is a brick wall, you keep running yourself into the brick wall, and you complain incessantly about how much it hurts.

 

This one person dropped a tiny bit of approval your way and you have sacrificed all your dignity in trying to get her to drop a few more.

 

I totally agree. I would advise you not to send the letter and to ignore her messages and don't answer the phone. She sounds like she's a bit off the wall.

 

I really regret having to say this because you are obviously lost, but I have to tell you that your letter was so pathetic. If I was attracted to someone and he sent me that letter I would lose all respect for him.

 

Please be nice to yourself and forget her, concentrate on doing positive things that make you feel better, try to be healthy and continue to lose weight, which will have many benefits for you.

 

Get counseling, please!

[WWDDFD]

Originally posted by jenny

i think it's a question of ambivalence. you meet someone, you think he's great, but life just gets in the way. the longer it's been since you've seen them, the less of a priority they are.

 

slowly, they are just less important than getting laundry done. you still think they are cool people, but it's just not a priority at all by then. you might talk to them on the phone, but getting together in person just seems like more and more a bother.

 

it does not mean she dislikes you, or is freaked out by you, though she probably might be after you send that letter. it just means this is how things go. i have meant to get together sincerely with people, but as time goes by, i just changed my mind and started focusing on new people and things.

 

i don't think she has done anything wrong except not know herself well enough to shoot you down immediately. it took me until i was 27 to know when i could sort out the people i actually wanted to spend time with, and even then, the bonds have to strike fast or we'll both get distracted by other things.

 

if you can't fathom therapy, your alternative is: suck it up. (i've been in waaay too many team sports ) seriously, this whining about the state of the world and women has to stop today. right now. it's intolerable, it will guarantee you continued pain, and you are way too smart, creative, and cool to be doing a bad rendition of lord byron.

 

tell me how other parts of your life are going - how's the writing? it sounds like you've got a cool group of friends? what do you do for fun?

 

 

I don't do anything for fun. All my life it's been work work work school school school work work work school school school; and now that I'm done with school and not writing anymore... I'm completely lost.

 

All of my friends are getting married and no longer want to spend time with me, but rather their fiances/wives/husbands, and I can't stand going places alone.

 

 

It's not that I don't want to go to therapy; it's that I really cannot afford it. Writing makes me absolutlely no money at all, and my other job just recently cancelled everyone's heath insurance "too much money", so I'm basically broke, lonely, depressed, bored, and confused.

 

 

And to top it all off I just bought a cell phone that I now realise I won't be needing, but it's too late to get out of the 2-year contract.

(yes I bought it because of this girl. I know it was dumb, so don't say it)

[jmargel]

Can't you see what everyone is telling you here? I'll be as nice as I can, but you need to get a life.

 

Start doing things that make you happy. Start a hobby, take up a gym or martial arts. Get a dog. Do something!

 

If you are this starved for affection/attention then if you were to ever go out with this girl on a date you are going to put so much pressure on her, its going to feel like she's going to have to marry you.

 

You need to stop obessing about her, its not good for your health. There are alot of women out there and if she's not the one, then another one is.

 

You really need to work on yourself alot! Nothing this girl would be able to do could fix your problems. I'm not trying to be harsh, just trying to wake you up to reality. Take a step back and see what you are doing. How many times have you called her? I'm assuming alot. That would be enough to scare anyone away.

 

I'm also going to put this as nice as can be: SHE DOES NOT LOVE YOU! SHE ONLY KNOWS YOU AS SOMEBODY SHE KNOWS, YOU CAN'T EVEN BE CONSIDERED A FRIEND YET!

 

This girl does NOT owe you anything! So what if she calls now & then. Be glad that she does. It's apparent SHE HAS A LIFE! You don't own her or control her.

 

Before you can get into any sort of relationship you need alot of work on yourself. Have you been in a relationship at all?

 

One more thing.. I assume you met her on the internet? If that's the case, then more than likely she is a fake. I've had two bad encounters with women on the net. One I talked to for about 3 months, and ended up being a fake. Fake picture, lies, etc.. She gave me excuse after excuse on why she didn't meet me. Would make plans and then change them.. She finally then told me the truth.

 

Second one I met after talking for about four weeks. Needless to say her pic was not her. Coming in at 5'10 250 lbs she looked like a sumo wrestler. Thank god we met at a public place.

 

If you met her this way and she's giving you excuses and you did not see a webcam of her, then I can guantee she is a fake. At least you were honest on your side.

 

Though not all people are fakes. I talked to someone for about 6 months and was going to meet her. I didn't, and still regret it. She was going to drive 1000 miles to see me, but I never met anyone from online and it kinda scared me. She met someone else in her area & now is married. We still chat now & then, but you still wonder the 'what ifs'..

 

Anyway, hope this helps you some. Alot of people on the net claim to be someone who they aren't. Don't let it get you down.

[WWDDFD]

Allright. Well I haven't called since Sunday night, a week ago now. Yesterday she left me a message on my cell when I was exersizing and I didn't call back.

 

 

You know this really seems like a ****ty thing to do to her, especially if she really was sick and all.

 

 

 

This was her message:

 

"Hey ***, it's *****, uh, just calling to say hi. I've been pretty sick, so uh, that's why I haven't been in touch lately, but, uhm, just trying to get over this, and then uh, see if you want to meet (?) or hang out or whatever, uh, talk to you later, bye bye"

 

 

The "see if you want to meet" part was kind of scrambled, so I'm not sure that's what she said. I really feel I ought to just give her one more chance, considering that I think that sickness (especially with the bad flu going around and all) is a perfectly valid excuse.

 

 

I think tomorrow I'll give her an ultimatum; we meet this week or never at all.

 

 

 

Anyway guys and gals, thanks for the advice; I've managed to chill out in the past few days and not worry about this so much. My doctor says I get these weird obsession runs and mood swings because my body is rapidly changing to meet my new metabolism (went from a life of sloth to active exersize 6 days a week).

[jenny]

hey; congrats on getting strong; that take stunning will power.

 

now: don't call her and don't give her an ultimatum. she's old news; you've seen all her tricks and she is dull. take that new bod of yours down to the bookstore/coffeeshop/library/museum and meet another girl.

[Jon S.]

Ya gotta take the girl off the pedestal and put yourself on it. Whenever I'm feeling lonely and blue, I go out to the bar or a club and meet people. You can either be slick ("hey baby, what's your sign?") or you can be you ("hi. how are you, tonight?") But it's good to get out and meet lots of people. It puts things in perspective.

 

I still remember the day I realized my ex-girlfriend wasn't as great as I thought she was. She was just another person. You can do it with this chick. Just move on.

[amerikajin]

Dude,

 

Listen to Margel. I think you need to change your attitude. I'm not saying you're a bad guy or anything, but you're not gonna pull any chicks unless you change what isn't working.

 

Chicks dig confidence. Hanging onto some girl just because she gives you the time of day isn't exactly the sign of confidence. Writing letters in a tone of desperation and whining isn't confidence; it's just plain cookoo. Stop what you're doing this minute. Forget about the woman who's obviously too chickens*** to tell you what she really thinks (hoping somewhere down the line you'll connect the dots yourself). Move on with your life.

 

And then do the things that brother Margel is preaching. Get some hobbies. Take some martial arts classes or something. If you're a big guy, judo might be your thing. You could really whoop some ass then (and do it in a productive way). Get a gym membership. Go on a diet if you want to lose some weight.

 

Look, I know what it's like to be self conscious. For most of my life, I've had the opposite problem. I've been the boney guy whose chest wasn't big enough to impress the ladies. So what did I do? I started pumping some iron, and though I'm absolutely not, Lee Haney or Arnold, I looked much improved after only three or four months - and the chicks noticed, too. But you've got to want it. You've got to have enough pride and determination for yourself to get in there and do the work. You've got to decide this minute that you're not going to be sitting here in front of a PC until 3 a.m. in the morning every night for the next five or ten years posting sorry messages on Loveshack.org.

 

Get to work!