flirty best friend

[youaretheone]

I have this best friend of 5 years. She is naturally very physical with her friends, like she usually hugs them or touches them while talking, etc. However, for the past few months, I realized some confusing signals coming from her.

 

She has a controlling, jealous and insecure boyfriend who has been bugging her about her freedom and friends. With the addition of this and other problems resurfacing, they had huge fights but they managed to avoid break-up. I was the best friend who helped her through these difficult times as you can guess.

 

During these days, we became more physical and intimate than ever. She started holding my hand out of nowhere, touching me more than usual. She started kissing me on the cheek multiple times when she hugs me. At an evening party with other friends but without her bf, we sat always next to each other, with her legs on mine when she is whispering something to my ear because of loud music. That night we dance like a couple, with cheeks side by side, cuddling.

 

I see a girl in a concert and tell her I want to ask her out, she says "That girl would definitely not miss a perfect guy like you if she knew you." but she never makes an effort to help me with the girl.

 

Then, one day, I write to my FB wall "my instincts tell me someone has been constantly thinking about me all week long. Who is this?" and she replies "I will tell you who. It's me me me!!!".

 

She texts me out of nowhere about how happy she is and she wanted me to know it because knowing that would also make me happy. (I have been telling her, I can sense what she senses since I am her other half.) I am surprised since she never initiated such messages before. When I call her that day, we flirt and talk on the phone like a couple but when I call her the other day, she always keeps mentioning stuff about her bf and their jokes, happy moments, etc.

 

I would definitely want to take things further with this girl but I am aware that she is off-limits since she has a bf. I can also realize that she is finding in me what her bf is not giving her but I honestly don't know why she is giving me such confusing signals and how I should act in return. I will appreciate if someone could provide an outsider perspective.

[BlueHarvest]

I have this best friend of 5 years. She is naturally very physical with her friends, like she usually hugs them or touches them while talking, etc. However, for the past few months, I realized some confusing signals coming from her.

 

She has a controlling, jealous and insecure boyfriend who has been bugging her about her freedom and friends. With the addition of this and other problems resurfacing, they had huge fights but they managed to avoid break-up. I was the best friend who helped her through these difficult times as you can guess.

 

During these days, we became more physical and intimate than ever. She started holding my hand out of nowhere, touching me more than usual. She started kissing me on the cheek multiple times when she hugs me. At an evening party with other friends but without her bf, we sat always next to each other, with her legs on mine when she is whispering something to my ear because of loud music. That night we dance like a couple, with cheeks side by side, cuddling.

 

I see a girl in a concert and tell her I want to ask her out, she says "That girl would definitely not miss a perfect guy like you if she knew you." but she never makes an effort to help me with the girl.

 

Then, one day, I write to my FB wall "my instincts tell me someone has been constantly thinking about me all week long. Who is this?" and she replies "I will tell you who. It's me me me!!!".

 

She texts me out of nowhere about how happy she is and she wanted me to know it because knowing that would also make me happy. (I have been telling her, I can sense what she senses since I am her other half.) I am surprised since she never initiated such messages before. When I call her that day, we flirt and talk on the phone like a couple but when I call her the other day, she always keeps mentioning stuff about her bf and their jokes, happy moments, etc.

 

I would definitely want to take things further with this girl but I am aware that she is off-limits since she has a bf. I can also realize that she is finding in me what her bf is not giving her but I honestly don't know why she is giving me such confusing signals and how I should act in return. I will appreciate if someone could provide an outsider perspective.

 

 

Some people need relationships as their saftey blanket. Sounds like she is one of them. If she is even thinking about dumping her current BF she's making sure the boat with you is solid before doing so. That being said I wouldn't get my hopes up to high. IF she was truly interested in you as more then friends I think the signals would be alot clearer.

 

Again I'm not saying things won't go in your favor but as a person who has been in this position myself, I wouldn't get my hopes up.

[youaretheone]

Thank you for the advice. I am trying not to make her the center of my life and I am meeting other girls, etc.

 

Are you saying that she is keeping me as the "other guy" in case she dumps her bf?

[BlueHarvest]

Thank you for the advice. I am trying not to make her the center of my life and I am meeting other girls, etc.

 

Are you saying that she is keeping me as the "other guy" in case she dumps her bf?

 

Yes, in essence you are her backup plan, her failsafe. You are her option should her boyfriend decide to dump her, or if he should decide to push her over the edge and make her dump him (for whatever reason).

[freestyle]

She has a controlling, jealous and insecure boyfriend who has been bugging her about her freedom and friends. With the addition of this and other problems resurfacing, they had huge fights but they managed to avoid break-up. I was the best friend who helped her through these difficult times as you can guess.

 

During these days, we became more physical and intimate than ever. She started holding my hand out of nowhere, touching me more than usual. She started kissing me on the cheek multiple times when she hugs me. At an evening party with other friends but without her bf, we sat always next to each other, with her legs on mine when she is whispering something to my ear because of loud music. That night we dance like a couple, with cheeks side by side, cuddling.

 

 

 

Please notice what I bolded---Are you surprised that her bf is jealous and insecure? (who's judgement was that, BTW?)

 

Wouldn't you have that same reaction, if you were in his shoes?

 

If she's complaining about him being jealous, and insecure---yet behaving that way with you----when he's not around---then she's playing him as a chump.She's not being fair to him at all.

 

My concern is that someday, that could be you---do you really want to be with someone who would be hanging on a guy 'friend'........and complaining to him about you.......

 

........when your back is turned???

[phineas]

knowing your the backup puts you at an advantage but as the above poster stated, you could wind up the boyfriend sitting at home while she cuddles up with another guy.

[youaretheone]

She has a controlling, jealous and insecure boyfriend who has been bugging her about her freedom and friends. With the addition of this and other problems resurfacing, they had huge fights but they managed to avoid break-up. I was the best friend who helped her through these difficult times as you can guess.

 

During these days, we became more physical and intimate than ever. She started holding my hand out of nowhere, touching me more than usual. She started kissing me on the cheek multiple times when she hugs me. At an evening party with other friends but without her bf, we sat always next to each other, with her legs on mine when she is whispering something to my ear because of loud music. That night we dance like a couple, with cheeks side by side, cuddling.

 

 

 

Please notice what I bolded---Are you surprised that her bf is jealous and insecure? (who's judgement was that, BTW?)

 

Wouldn't you have that same reaction, if you were in his shoes?

 

If she's complaining about him being jealous, and insecure---yet behaving that way with you----when he's not around---then she's playing him as a chump.She's not being fair to him at all.

 

My concern is that someday, that could be you---do you really want to be with someone who would be hanging on a guy 'friend'........and complaining to him about you.......

 

........when your back is turned???

 

It was her who said her bf is controlling and jealous. However, he already acted this way before we became that close.

 

Now the behaviour I described in friendship forum is combined with this and I need to get this off my chest.