Ok, everyone, you want to hear a STUPID problem.

[AprilFool]

My drivers license expired a month ago. Since I work every day of the week, except the weekends, it's a little hard for me to make time to go get them renewed.

 

Tonight, my husband kept buggin me. Every time I would sit down to relax, he would yell for me. Most of the time, he just wanted to ask me a stupid question, which I would politely answer, and go back to my room. Finally, he called me into the living room, and asked me to stay with him. I did. We sat and watched half an hour of sports...what HE wanted to watch. I just wanted to go into my room and be alone for an hour, but he wouldn't leave me alone! Finally, he said, "I'm going to give the dog a bath, will you fold clothes?" I agreed. We had about three loads worth to fold. I thought to myself, "Once I get this done, maybe I can relax!" Well, he kept bugging me for one thing or another. Finally, I was in the bathroom washing my face, and he yelled for me. I said, "Whaaat?" somewhat frusterated, because I could get NOTHING done. He came into the bathroom, and asked, "Do you have a problem?" I quietly said, "no." then he yelled, "DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM." I looked at him for a second, then I said, "Leave me alone." I wanted to scream at him, but I didn't figure this was significant to argue over. Then he asked, "Have you got your driver's license yet?" I answered, "No." then he asked, "Why not?" In my opinion, that question was asked just to tick me off. DUH!!! I don't have any days off during the week! So I smartly said, "I guess because hell hasn't frozen over yet."

 

He's always getting ME for asking stupid questions.

 

He finally left me alone.

 

Well, after a couple hours passed, I was feeling better, so I went to the bedroom where he had snuck off to bed without saying goodnight. I apologized to him. He didn't say anything. I asked, "Do you forgive me?" He didn't say anything. I playfully said, "You are so stubborn." He said, "Mmm hmm." I said, "Why? You were just as bad as me. He said, "Uh huh." I kept trying to get him to talk to me, and he said, "Why haven't you gotten your driver's license yet?" I said, "I don't have time, and I keep forgetting." He said, "How can you forget something like that?" I said, "Well, I think about other things." To wit he replied, "Well, your not getting any until you get your drivers license."

 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Is that not the STUPIDEST thing you've ever heard come out of a man's mouth!?!?!?

 

I replied, "Well if I don't get any, that means that you don't either. He said, "Oh well." I said, "You're being so stupid." he replied, "You're stupid." I said, "I'm going to go write on the internet and tell everyone what you said, and see if they think it's a stupid as I do." He said, "Fine, do it (Fill in the blank)<--I'm not sure what he said here...it sounded like he either called me a woman, or a whore. When I asked him what he said, he said, "You heard me." When he says something mean, he usually won't repeat it, because he knows I'll go into an angry fit.

 

Anybody think he has a right to do this, or is he stupid?

[moimeme]

So your man finally wants your company - a LOT. You decide all his questions are 'stupid' and that he's 'bugging' you all night. You never tell him the truth - that you are tired and would like a bit of alone time. Instead, you build up resentment all night and then snap at him.

 

Then, after you being snippy with him, he tries to persuade you to do something sensible and you get in another snit.

 

Are you sure you actually love this person?

 

And no, I don't think it was stupid. I think he figures he might have found the one thing to use to get you to cooperate. If you don't have your license, he's stuck with having to be chauffeur, isn't he?

 

Next time, if you don't want to be 'bugged' by his 'stupid questions' and requests for your company, try communicating. Try saying that you're tired and want to be alone to rest.

 

Were you two supposed to get counselling ever?

[VivianLee]

LOLOLOL!! How old are y'all?? Y'all are having quite a "teenage day"! I'm sorry but I can't help it! I have those days with my husband and daughter!! Ummmm I really have no advice other than maybe y'all will be better in the morning....he was just trying to "get your goat" and he got it! These days happen....I see my parent's that are in their 50's having them....just teenage days!!

[Thinkalot]

April, I am not the perfect partner when it comes to relationships and have been working on my own issues lately...nevertheless, I have to say, you guys really need to communicate a little more openly about how you are each feeling. If you are getting tired and agitated, then tell him nicely how you are feeling, to avoid anything blowing up later. Your husband owes you the same respect. It's as though you each get so frustrated with each other or tired or whatever, but don't explain where you are at, and then things blow up over stupid stuff. Ive been there too, and now my bf and I try to be open and calm and just talk things through. It doesn't always work, but we're getting there!

 

It does seem like it was a silly thing to say. Was he trying to make a joke? It would have been better if he could have communicated with you what he was really thinking/feeling about the issue, rather than linking it to sex. I have learnt also, that pushing a man to speak when they don't want to is usually not a good idea, and does not yield good results. I know it is very hard not to though, especially when things seem unjust to you. Sometimes people need time though.

 

I really think though, you BOTH need to learn how to communicate better. Read Men are from Mars..it's an oldie, but it has some good insights, which both helped us and made us laugh.

[AprilFool]

Tell me how I was the one who snipped. He knows it gets on my nerves when he keeps yelling for me and yelling for me and yelling for me. He does it JUST to bug me. He'll call me into the room, so I'll pause what I'm watching, get out from under my blanket, get out of my chair, walk into the living room, and he'll go, "Never mind."

 

I wasn't angry at him for wanting to spend time with him, I was angry, because he kept BUGGING me. If he really needed something, or wanted something, or wanted ME that would be ok, but he's just pestering!

 

Then, when I finally let it out that he's going to far, he gets in my face, and yells, "DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM!?" I didn't ask for that. If I call him into a room one time, he'll go, "Whaaaat." Besides, if he wants to be around me so badly, he can come watch my tv with me! Why should I stop watching what I'm watching to watch something I don't want to watch, if I'm not in the mood to be with him anyway!

 

Whenever I want to spend time with him, I will sit with him and watch what he's watching. I don't ask him to join me in my programs, because I know he doesn't like them.

 

If I would tell him to give me some time to myself, he would never request my attention again! I like him to want me sometimes, but I don't like being pestered.

 

No, he hasn't chauffered me around....I am driving on my expired license.

 

WHAT THE CRAP! I'm a grown woman, if I want to drive around on an expired license, should that be MY business???? How dare he ground me??? You condone this??? It's like telling me that I can't watch TV, until I clean my room!

 

We have been/are getting along great, and if you didn't notice, I did apologize for my behaviour, I agree that I should've just communicated to him that I was tired and wanted to rest, but then he probably would've called me lazy, or said his classic, "You haven't done nothin."

 

I wasn't in the mood to hear it. He was the one who yelled. All I did was say, "Whaaaaat..." he does that to me all the time...it's our way of saying, "You're starting to bug me, give me some time." I get it, but he got mad!

 

HUSBANDS SHOULD NOT ULTIMATUM THEIR WIFE WITH SEX!!! THAT'S STUPID!!!!

 

moimeme, you know that I respect you and your advice.....if you still think I'm wrong, go ahead and say so, but I apologized, and he told me no sex until I get my license. I guess I'm going to have to disappear from work for a couple hours one day and get them, so I can get LAID!!

 

THAT IS SO STUPID!!!

[AprilFool]

If I were to run out tomorrow, and get my license renewed, so I won't be driving around on an expired on, and so I can have sex with my husband (this is so STUPID) then will he not take that as sex is a way to conrol me? If I cave, will he not think from now on that whenever he wants something, all he has to do is GROUND Me!?!?!

[AprilFool]

I've got half a mind to never renew them, and if he doesn't give it up, tell him that I'm going somewhere else.....THIS IS SO STUPID!!! What would you do? Would you cave in, or would you hold out in hopes that he caves

[moimeme]

Bottom line, April, is you two need to communicate. Not assume the other knows how you feel. Not assume motive. Not get pissed all the time. TALK. Negotiate. Pretend you're friends, for heaven's sakes.

[AprilFool]

We do act like friends I don't know where this stupidity came from.

[Thinkalot]

April just TALK to him about how that comment made you feel. Be nice and be calm and discuss it with him in the light of a new day.

[AprilFool]

I need to define stupid questions:

 

While I was folding laundry, he went to the kitchen, opened a cabinet, and found two full bottles of syrup. The last time I went to the store, I picked up some syrup to go with my waffles and pancakes...obviously, I was unaware that we already had one full unopened bottle at home. While I'm folding and sorting the laundry, he calls me into the kitchen. I stop what I'm doing, and walk into the kitchen. He holds up the bottles of syrup, and says, "You collecting syrup or something?" he's not being funny, he's being a smart ass. He does this all the time. I explained that I didn't know we already had some. He put it away, and I went back to do the laundry. What was the point in interrupting me while I'm trying to do chores? Couldn't it wait? Was it so important that it even had to be referenced!?

 

I'm all cuddled up watching TV, and he called me into the living room. When I arrive, he asks, "What are you doing?" I'm like, "I'm watching TV." he says, "Oh, ok." That was just playing, but it's still annoying in access.

 

I'm fixing something to eat, and he calls me to him while he's paying bills. He asks, "What's this? and points to something I wrote down." I'm like, "Gas," he takes it back and continues what he's doing. WHAT DOES IT MATTER WHAT IT IS!!!!

 

Then, while I'm washing my face! With soap on it and everything, he's calling me into the living room! I had had it by this time! I replied with a long weary, "Whaaaat." and he gets in MY face?......

 

let me put it another way.

[AprilFool]

This evening, I was calling my wife to the living room to ask her a simple question, and she replied by giving me attitude. I walked to where she was, in the bathroom, and asked her if she had a problem. She mumbled something, so I repeated it louder, "Do YOU HAVE A PROBLEM!?" She looked at me, and said, "Leave me alone."

 

Her license expired a month ago, so I asked her if she had renewed them. She said that she hadn't. I then asked her why, and she replied, "Because hell hasn't frozen over yet."

 

I didn't speak to her for the entire evening, then she came to bed, and apologized to me. I didn't tell her I forgave her, so she asked me if I forgave her. I asked her again why she hadn't renewed her drivers license, and she said, "Because I haven't had time, and I keep forgetting." I then told her that she wasn't getting any until she renewed her drivers license. She said that I was being stupid. I called her stupid. She said that as long as she wasn't getting any, that I wasn't getting any either. I said, "Well, OK." She left, obviously angry, and said she was going to get online and tell everyone what I said.

 

I told her to go ahead.

 

Is she stupid? Am I wrong?

[dyermaker]

You're both wrong, and you're both being stupid. You need to communicate with each other, not seek strangers to tell you "who's right", as if that's going to fix anything.

[Thinkalot]

There is a link missing in the things you seem to be doing together sometimes...you honestly seem to be not communicating fully, being on different wave lengths, and getting on each others nerves. Also, from the outside, it seems you both want attention, but like to control when and how you get that attention. All relationships can suffer from these problems, but you should nip them in the bud. Talk to your husband about this stuff. I know you can't make him want to discuss things, but at least try and do your bit. Look at the big picture. Like I said, I do speak from some experience with volatile communication styles...but they can be improved! You seem to go up and down a lot. Gee, I can go up and down a lot too...but the aim should be a more even keel I think. You say you're happy together....are you really both happy? Then why sweat the small stuff all the time (both of you I mean)?

 

You have great advice to offer on various issues April, I guess the hard thing for all of us, is applying our own advice to ourselves! It ain't always easy to do, especially when your husband is in the equation too. Good luck smoothing things out. Look at some books on typical communication styles between men and women, they are often very insightful.

[moimeme]

Or, you could each get yourself a notebook and keep careful track of every single transgression, every single time one of you bugs the other, and every possible annoyance. Then go over them again and again to be sure you remember them. Maybe you could bring them up when you're having a nice time, just to be sure that you can't actually enjoy each other's company. And whatever you do, don't try to cooperate, understand each other, or communicate like mature adults.

 

And yes, this IS sarcastic.

[AprilFool]

[jenny]

i apologize for the cheesiness of this advice, but i really think it might help.

 

you two are obviously friends, there is even a sort of playfulness in this silly "forum as audience" squabble. what i'm sensing though, is that you're projecting the minor irritations of daily life onto each other.

 

none of the problems mentioned are huge ones - they just result in having very busy days and only a limited amount of emotional energy.

 

let's say you have 100 units of emotional energy per day: i would say, for me, work takes up about 45 units. chores, easily another 35. that leaves me with 20 unites to spend between myself and my partner. usually, he'll get the shaft.

 

weirdly, what i think you guys need is more quality time together, rather than infinite irritated/tired time together.

 

now, i can't quit working, nor can i stop doing chores, but some things can increase the normal amount of emotional/mental energy expected in the week overall; for example:

 

*going on a short weekend vacation together - it can be cheap - just go to local tourist attractions or brewery/vineyard. for us, this gives us about 15 extra units throughout the week and a 20% downturn in irritation.

 

*rebelling against drudgery together. f*** the laundry folding. decide to go to a movie together instead and laugh behind the oppressive laundry's back. 10 daily units.

 

*learn to laugh at yourselves even more. i think you've got a good sense of humour about this already, but if you can learn to express your needs immediately, both of you, but in a funny way, it might go smoother.

 

my fiancee and i had wretched fights about my inattentiveness until we made a joke out of it - for example, if i've been reading for four hours, and he comes in and makes the cat perform a trick of some sort: fetching, or he'll dance with it, or bug me about the cat little - this means he wants attention. because it's funny, and gives me pleasure, i'll forego the pleasure of my book for him. this way it's not some kind of creepy 'sacrifice' dynamic.

 

*laugh at the forum members and this advice together. we actually have a great time making fun of some of the forum regulars; )he thinks my spending time is totally hilarious) it's like harmless gossip. to get you started: what must these people be like in real life? do the regulars *ever* get laid? 5 units.

 

* dates. many many more dates. trips, walks, go as many cheesy tourist cheap places as you can in an evening, if possible. always about 12 units.

 

any, just some ideas. i don't think this is a serious problem or a serious fight. get some books on communicating together, and reward yourselves gratuitously when you have communicated well.

 

as for the driving thing, why don't you guys go together for the renewal and go for dinner afterwards?

[lostforwords]

Why not resolve all problems with a simple game of rock, paper, scissor. april... it seems to me that you are constantly havng problems with him.... i thought some time ago you agreed to go to counselling.... im sorry.... i just dont see the need to come to loveshack for marital opinions regarding the "stupidity" of questions.

[ConfusedSoul]

You have ALOT of threads on here about how you arent happy,Maybe you should seek proffessinal help rather then just coming on the forum.

[Benedict]

Sorry for helping to resurrect this old thread, but I thought it was funny. Not in a "ha-ha" kind of way, but... well, yes, in a "ha-ha" kind of way.

 

In reading your posts, I - like another poster here - detect a lot of playfulness in you and your husband's exchanges. Maybe I am wrong.

 

Anyway, here is my idea:

 

Take your expired license, punch a hole in the corner and tie a ribbon through it. Then put it around your neck. Come to him wearing nothing but the license and jump his bones. I"LL BET he doesn't stop you for very long. As my very wise good friend once pointed out to me: what normal guy EVER turns down sex?

 

OK, maybe leave out the license-around-the-neck part; that may rub it in his face too much...

[Samson]

I don't get the impression that you've had children.

 

Perhaps going without sex is a blessing.

 

BTW, M's post 16 had me smiling without the explaination......

I think we can tell when you're being sacastic.

[moimeme]

I think we can tell when you're being sacastic

 

Not everyone has

[Guest]

Why did you post this? I mean, what were you hoping to achieve? Were you just ranting? I can understand that.

 

It sounds like maybe your husband is a lot older than you and the two of you have fallen into more of a parent/child relationship or communication pattern and seem unable to break away from that.

 

Are you two in counseling? Maybe you should be, because if you can't communicate effectively then things will get worse for both of you.

 

And the whole thing about your drivers license -- maybe he doesn't want you to get a ticket. If you get pulled over and your license is expired it could cause you a much bigger hassle than a couple of hours of lost work. Most states allow renewal by mail -- but not if its already expired. Certainly your boss will understand that you have to take care of this! And to say you are not going to do it out of spite is only going to hurt you in long-run. That's like saying you'll cut off your nose to spite your face.

 

Do you two do a lot of name-calling in your fights? That's not good. You need to learn how to have an argument without the name calling and bringing up the past.

 

No couple can be expected to agree on everything, all the time. It’s expected that a married couple will get on each others nerves sometimes. But learning how to fight is crucial to keeping the marriage healthy. Name calling and one-upmanship is not healthy.