need some opinions

[Kevin]

Ok, once again I have posted on this board a few times but some new things have come up. My ex girlfriend broke up with me because I was getting "too close", buying her too much stuff, being too nice, etc.

 

AFter some time apart, I tried to contact her and she did not reply at all. Any phone call or letter I sent her was totally ignored. A few months went by and then I decided to write her and let her know I respected her feelings and knew she needed some time to herself. After I sent that letter, she did reply to me with a very short note.

 

Now, another few weeks have gone by. I have kept in contact with her through letters and email, but only occasionally, not on a weekly basis. She has started to write back and reply to my letters. It seems she is still very cautios in what she says, but she has sent 3 now in the past month and each one was a bit more friendly.

 

What am I to make of this? Should I continue doing what i'm doing in an attempt to get our freindship back? Most importantly...can anyone tell me what might be going through her mind in that she is replying to me now after not replying for a period of a few months....but yet her letters still are short? thanks.

[billy the kid]

ok, so first no one can tell you what she is thinking except her, so ask her!!! either way you get an answer. you ought to know this already but I will tell you anyway, next girl do not buy her stuff unless she asks for it and as far as being too close lay off, only come around when she asks you to.....

Ok, once again I have posted on this board a few times but some new things have come up. My ex girlfriend broke up with me because I was getting "too close", buying her too much stuff, being too nice, etc. AFter some time apart, I tried to contact her and she did not reply at all. Any phone call or letter I sent her was totally ignored. A few months went by and then I decided to write her and let her know I respected her feelings and knew she needed some time to herself. After I sent that letter, she did reply to me with a very short note. Now, another few weeks have gone by. I have kept in contact with her through letters and email, but only occasionally, not on a weekly basis. She has started to write back and reply to my letters. It seems she is still very cautios in what she says, but she has sent 3 now in the past month and each one was a bit more friendly. What am I to make of this? Should I continue doing what i'm doing in an attempt to get our freindship back? Most importantly...can anyone tell me what might be going through her mind in that she is replying to me now after not replying for a period of a few months....but yet her letters still are short? thanks.

[Randy]

This girl broke up with you for the same behavior that you are exhibiting now. She doesn't want to be smothered, she doesn't want you obsessing about her, and she doesn't want you to be so nice. Frankly, she wants you to be a bit of a challenge.

 

She may be feeling a bit guilty for breaking up with you because you were nice to her. She probably would like to be friends with you. But she will never want a romantic relationship with you unless you change your ways.

 

If you just want to be friends (and you are being very honest with yourself), pace yourself and just be a remote friend with her. If you try to strike up something close, you will surely fall even deeper in love and screw things up again.

 

If you are wanting to be romantic with her, move even further away, stop sending her so much mail, stop calling her so often and when you do talk to her make the conversations short, and move on your way in life.

 

This girl has very clearly shown you she does not want someone who is so nice. You said that yourself. Decent ladies get very uncomfortable with a guy who buys them too many gifts. While you were very sincere and wanted to express your affection for her with gifts, she could have easily taken it that you were trying to buy her love and affection and it doesn't seem to be for sale.

 

In the future, set some strict rules for yourself or you're sure to screw things up again. Don't be too nice, don't be predictable, don't be too available, don't communicate very often at first, keep your lady guessing about you. Be mysterious.

 

If you don't learn this, you will have these types of problems for a very long time.