Attractions and the waiting games.

[JohnM]

Kind of a double thought here.

 

What are good ways of gauging if someone is ready for another relationship after finishing another? I understand that everyone is different and some people can take longer/less time and theres all the variables. But what is to be looked for when trying to evaluate it for yourself?

 

Last time I gave about 2 months waiting and then expressed my interest kind of with an open option to let me know when she was ready and that ended up with me waiting for about 6 months to find out. That was a bad decision indeed!

 

Is it perhaps best to just leave it to the other person to make the calls as they know themselves best? Trouble with that is if the other person doesn't have the confidence to I suppose.

 

 

Erm, second thought it how I don't really know how to evaluate who I am interested in any more. Because as much as I can really dig a woman who has a great personality and makes me laugh if I'm not deeply attracted to her I dont see how it will work. It makes me feel a bit shallow which I understand but the last time I tried going out with a girl I liked mostly for her personality when it came down to the crunch I knew I couldn't live with only half the desire I wanted. I suppose it comes down to the fact that if you aren't sexually attracted to someone then its never going to work really as its pretty important. I know people will say that in the end the personality is the most important thing as looks fade; but I feel I shouldn't settle for less than I want.

 

Hmm. I would redraft these statements but this is kind of how my thoughts flow and I almost reply to my own questions but yes. Inputs; I'll elaborate on exactly what I'm concerned with when I shape the inputs into a dialogue!

 

Thanks in advance.

John.

[zebracolors]

Hello JohnM, nice to meet you.

 

You want to make sure you're sure the next one is not just going to be a rebound relationship, or just someone to try and fill the void the last one left. And that comes when you've made your peace with the breakup, and know then what you really want.

 

As for someone you're interested in, from everything I understand, I think if you're really wanting it to be a good, committed relationship then the sexual chemistry should be there. Otherwise they might as well be just a friend, no? Also be careful to make sure that you are not just a rebound for them. Make sure she knows what she really wants too. But that is something that comes with time, trust and communication I would think. Wish I could have been more help but good luck with it.

[JohnM]

True words, I like how you put it with 'he sexual chemistry should be there. Otherwise they might as well be just a friend, no?'

 

Its what I should keep in consideration I think. Just because someone is a female friend does not mean I have to also evaluate the possibility of a relationship with them. I truly know this though as I probably have more solid female friends than males. I'm quite good at managing that divide between the two.

 

The point on the right timing is good also. Its not about if I'm ready, as I am. But its hard to judge for another party I think I'll just take it slow and take things naturally. Theres a girl I quite like and I think its reciprocal but she has only recently split, I think she is still working through that as I think she still meets up with him, most likely as friends but until I can tell she is ready I'll leave her to it as its not my place to pry and I'm in no rush. Plus, I need to be sure of how much I like her too.

 

Kind of combines the two questions; nice girl; great personality. Just not totally sure the sexual attraction is all there. I don't mean to sound harsh on this but i can't help but be attracted to average to slim girls. A bit extra is fine but I find the ol extra tyre a real turn off! Feels horrible to admit, but I keep myself in good shape and I'm very athletic. I guess I want someone who can keep up!

[JohnM]

Still thinking along the same lines I was, I'm sure the girl is interested in me as more than a friend but I'm not as certain where I stand. We have met up and hung about a few times for a long period of time on each occasion and its not gone any further than her cuddling up to me etc.

 

I can't get my head around the division line between whether I am wanting a romantic relationship with her or to be just good friends. I think its going to come down to risk; whether it is worth pursuing that extra something from her but opening up the possibility of hurting her if when it comes down to it I and I may not get the buzz of sexual attraction from her.

 

I love her personality and she makes me feel really positive and happy when I spend time with her; she is obviously a good influence on my mood and I feel upbeat with her. I think she has a really cool style to her appearance and a pretty face, she is just a bit fuller figured than the sort of woman I find attractive though and it makes me feel terrible to have that be the only major stumbling block.

 

I'm not giving off any major signals or anything at the moment to take things a step further but I don't know if/when my attitude will change on this and its certainly not fair to tag things along with her and mislead whilst I'm trying to unconvolute my feelings and thoughts.

 

Need to untangle this mess of thought.