MJEW Posted February 28, 2010 Share Posted February 28, 2010 Well it's been quite the week for me, day by day though I do grow stronger and I am a little more at ease with myself. I made it through the work week, I had some awkward moments with the OM's friends, but I MADE IT. I have become stronger and the pettiness at work will not bring me down. It will not make me turn on my decision to leave the OM, and that feels great. I can see that I have alot of support, before it was the wrong people I was turing to for support, the ones who I couldn't expose my deepest feelings to. The people that I have surrounded myself with in the last 2 years, are friends of the OM and how could I tell them that I had made the biggest mistake of my life by divorcing my ex husband, how could I tell them that the OM was not my true one? I couldn't, but I kept turning to them. Well you certainly know who your friends are when the crap hits the fan. The last 2 months have been such an eye opener for me, and the last 2 weeks have been even more. I can see..... My head and my heart are not at war with each other anymore, and that feels peaceful, something I haven't known in such along time. No I can't change what I have done in my past, I can only forgive myself for it and try to come to terms with what I have lost. It's hard to take that look within yourself, hard to break down that wall that you've built because it's easier to cope with that wall in place. But, looking within yourself and self destructing within, will make me a better person for the healing, in the end of all this pain the healing will come and I will build myself back up to a brand new me. Something I always did before to avoid the pain of breaking down that wall, not to deal with it, because it was easier to just shove it away, was to help someone who was wounded soul, I would be their saviour and that would make me feel good about myself, it would erase all of my hurt and pain that I felt within myself. Well, I can't run from it anymore, my crap has caught up with my full force and has slapped me sideways. I have 2 choices, I can carry on what I have always done " Run away and hide from it" or stand and fight with it and deal with it once and for all. I have chosen to stand and fight, to fight for me, I haven't done that before, it's scary, but my god it feels good. Forgiving others is hard, but forgiving yourself is the hardest of all. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted February 28, 2010 Share Posted February 28, 2010 I see it as you only have one choice, & that is to take this battle head on. You have realized it's going to take work, you have realized what didn't work so now your only choice is to move forward & kick some butt!!!!!! It's never easy to look at one self & what I'm finding is the more you look the more you find wrong, but if you keep working the outcome is so rewarding.... You are correct, when you run it will catch up with you again down the road & trip you up again & again until you finally deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
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