indecisive coward

[White Flower]

TBONE, TBONE, where is my sweet TBONE??

 

It's dinner time, and I would like a Tbone..

 

I saw a car wreck today in an intersection, it was a Tbone.

 

I got out a marker, scribbled the 20th letter of the alphabet on my weiner, hence, a "T" Bone

 

I, you get it......

He moved out and has no computer.

 

Or his W did a Lorena Bobbit. Sorry tbone, I couldn't resist.

[stampdaddy]

He moved out and has no computer.

 

Or his W did a Lorena Bobbit. Sorry tbone, I couldn't resist.

 

Oy Vey, no Tbone......

 

God Speed Tbone, God Speed

[lordWilhelm]

Everything you say about your wife indicates that you don't want to be with her. She is physically abusive, manipulative, oppressive and controlling, and you have fundamental philosophical/religious differences.

 

Even the way she's reacting right now to the affair disclosure indicates that she wants to chain you in the marriage against your will.

 

Yes she's been hurt a lot, but don't let her make this decision for you. YOU have to make your own decision.

 

You keep saying that you're going to stay and work on the marriage so that you can look your eldest son in the eye.

 

The only way you can do that is to make your own decision, and that's the example that you should set for your son. You've been indecisive and cowardly, and you need to change yourself if you want to be a role-model for him.

 

You can still be a good father, divorced and without this oppressive cloud looming over you. Or if you can somehow rediscover whatever it was that brought you and your wife together.

 

But it just strikes me that you have done everything to avoid making your own decisions throughout and that's what fundamentally needs to change.

[White Flower]

Everything you say about your wife indicates that you don't want to be with her. She is physically abusive, manipulative, oppressive and controlling, and you have fundamental philosophical/religious differences.

 

Even the way she's reacting right now to the affair disclosure indicates that she wants to chain you in the marriage against your will.

 

Yes she's been hurt a lot, but don't let her make this decision for you. YOU have to make your own decision.

 

You keep saying that you're going to stay and work on the marriage so that you can look your eldest son in the eye.

 

The only way you can do that is to make your own decision, and that's the example that you should set for your son. You've been indecisive and cowardly, and you need to change yourself if you want to be a role-model for him.

 

You can still be a good father, divorced and without this oppressive cloud looming over you. Or if you can somehow rediscover whatever it was that brought you and your wife together.

 

But it just strikes me that you have done everything to avoid making your own decisions throughout and that's what fundamentally needs to change.

LordWilhelm, I couldn't agree more. I too feel that he CAN look his son in the eye even as a D'd man. 50-60% of all M end in D and those parents can look their children in the eye.

 

I think tbone is on his way to doing this but we still haven't been updated. He could very well cave under pressure and it isn't only his W pressuring him. His dad and the ghost of his grandfather pressures him as well. But I'm not making excuses for him.

 

I wanted to also say to those who think I am just an OW cheering on a MM that I look at tbone's story as a woman who believes in M, was M for 25 years, and fought like hell to keep my M alive before I finally D'd. I don't post as just an OW, which I have only been for 4 years. I think I'm well-rounded and experienced enough to offer advice and perspective to both MPs and APs.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Everything you say about your wife indicates that you don't want to be with her. She is physically abusive, manipulative, oppressive and controlling, and you have fundamental philosophical/religious differences.

 

Even the way she's reacting right now to the affair disclosure indicates that she wants to chain you in the marriage against your will.

 

Yes she's been hurt a lot, but don't let her make this decision for you. YOU have to make your own decision.

 

You keep saying that you're going to stay and work on the marriage so that you can look your eldest son in the eye.

 

The only way you can do that is to make your own decision, and that's the example that you should set for your son. You've been indecisive and cowardly, and you need to change yourself if you want to be a role-model for him.

 

You can still be a good father, divorced and without this oppressive cloud looming over you. Or if you can somehow rediscover whatever it was that brought you and your wife together.

 

But it just strikes me that you have done everything to avoid making your own decisions throughout and that's what fundamentally needs to change.

 

So it's her fault he cheated and she's angry about that, so it's hs fault he cannot make a decision about his future on his own. But he hasnt owned anything. His betrayed wife is an oppressive cloud? Really, nice way of saying passing the buck!

 

I dont think his wife is all that bad, Waywards lie, or does people here still do not understand? They will lie and cheat to do whatever they want, get whomever they want.

 

WTF, is that so hard to understand. he said it himself he cannot make a decision because he's a coward...

 

Sad but that's what he claims he is, some role model for his son. He's having an affair and cant make a decision to make a choice, an indecisive cheater is a great role model for a son. Really? the man who hurts his wife, the sons mom, breaks up the family all for a piece of tail. Yeah that's a role model.

 

Trust me, my father was the same way...

[White Flower]

So it's her fault he cheated and she's angry about that, so it's hs fault he cannot make a decision about his future on his own. But he hasnt owned anything. His betrayed wife is an oppressive cloud? Really, nice way of saying passing the buck!

 

I dont think his wife is all that bad, Waywards lie, or does people here still do not understand? They will lie and cheat to do whatever they want, get whomever they want.

 

WTF, is that so hard to understand. he said it himself he cannot make a decision because he's a coward...

 

Sad but that's what he claims he is, some role model for his son. He's having an affair and cant make a decision to make a choice, an indecisive cheater is a great role model for a son. Really? the man who hurts his wife, the sons mom, breaks up the family all for a piece of tail. Yeah that's a role model.

 

Trust me, my father was the same way...

chrome I don't think lordwilhelm was focusing on the BW and how to comfort her during his post. I'm sure he's well aware that she needs this, but the post was focused on advising tbone.

 

It has been well established in this thread that tbone's W is in pain, angry, and rightfully so. He IS sorry about it and that is why he was willing to 'do the right thing' even if it wasn't right for him.

 

I'm sure tbone is feeling guilty and stupid already, as he has confessed as much here unless you haven't read the whole thread.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Oh ive read it all right but the lord's post seemed alot of blameshifting, as to where T-bone wouldnt have to own up to his bad choices.

 

That is wrong.

[stampdaddy]

Teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lordWilhelm]

No, I'm not saying this justifies him in having an affair in the least bit. If he was as unhappy as he claims in his marriage, the right thing to do would have been to get a D in the first place before he started banging an OW.

 

I'm saying that he needs to review his whole decision-making process.

 

Or rather he needs to come up with his own decision-making process because right now he's letting other people make decisions for him.

 

Otherwise after the dust settles he'll be back here in different circumstances with the same underlying problem.

 

To be fair, he is starting to make baby-steps in the right direction (but I do wonder if the only reason he disclosed the affair was that it got to the point where there was no other way out).

 

But he needs to be aware that he needs to make his own decisions. And take responsibility for them.

Edited March 18, 2010 by lordWilhelm

[lordWilhelm]

I think tbone is on his way to doing this but we still haven't been updated. He could very well cave under pressure and it isn't only his W pressuring him. His dad and the ghost of his grandfather pressures him as well. But I'm not making excuses for him.

 

Right, and there are a lot different pressures on him. The wife, the OW, the kids, the counsellor, us on this board.

 

He should never find himself in the position where he has to follow a course of action because he's been so indecisive that he has no other option.

[2sunny]

Right, and there are a lot different pressures on him. The wife, the OW, the kids, the counsellor, us on this board.

 

He should never find himself in the position where he has to follow a course of action because he's been so indecisive that he has no other option.

 

he already made progress... he put the truth on the table to his W. that is a huge step.

 

now we are waiting to have him check back in after a few days of dealing with the wife being volatile after the truth was revealed.

 

praying he's safe at this point. hoping he's just staying away from home and doesn't have computer access at the moment.

[whichwayisup]

but don't let her make this decision for you. YOU have to make your own decision.

 

Part of the problem here is, he doesn't WANT to make the 'final' decision. That's what got him in this mess in the first place. Tbone not wanting to be the bad guy, the one to 'end' the marriage. He wants his wife to take that responsibility - So it seems.

[Dexter Morgan]

Dude. I think you missed some posts.

She was with her CHILDREN at a CHURCH function. I imagine it was something pre-planned that she could not get out of.

 

if one has just found out their spouse was unfaithful, you'd be surprised what they could get out of. Even business trips have been canceled because what they are dealing with at home is more critical than a trip.

 

If I had a business trip scheduled when i found out, you better believe it would be canceled.

[Dexter Morgan]

Ok dude, you win. I just highly doubt she packed up the kids to scamper off and have a revenge affair.

Here's a spring bunny for you...

 

oh I'm not saying she is packing up to go have an affair, but to leave a cheating spouse behind when you JUST found out about the affair, thats like throwing candy at your cheating spouse. when the cat is away the mice will play.

 

but for her to go off after just learning all this, she may not be going with the express intent TO cheat, but I bet its in the back of her mind somewhere.

[2sunny]

oh I'm not saying she is packing up to go have an affair, but to leave a cheating spouse behind when you JUST found out about the affair, thats like throwing candy at your cheating spouse. when the cat is away the mice will play.

 

but for her to go off after just learning all this, she may not be going with the express intent TO cheat, but I bet its in the back of her mind somewhere.

 

not true. not all women (wives) intend to be vengeful when faced with crisis or disappointment.

[anne1707]

but for her to go off after just learning all this, she may not be going with the express intent TO cheat, but I bet its in the back of her mind somewhere.

 

Or it could be that at that particular time, the last thing she wants to do is be close to the person who has hurt her more than anybody else. She just wants to get away from the pain somehow.

[Dexter Morgan]

not true. not all women (wives) intend to be vengeful when faced with crisis or disappointment.

 

uh...I think I just said she wouldn't really intend to do it, just that it COULD be in the back of her mind.

[Dexter Morgan]

Or it could be that at that particular time, the last thing she wants to do is be close to the person who has hurt her more than anybody else. She just wants to get away from the pain somehow.

 

I can go along with that. I hope she uses this time to think long and hard and without and fog. if she was smart....well, you know me......

[NoIDidn't]

Yeah, I wonder what happened to tbone as well. He was all too comfortable reporting all the bad things his W did to him. I think he's broken NC and spoken with the OW and is just making things worst.

 

Pure speculation, of course. But its usually what happens around here. Too many threads with WS that take just that pattern before clearer heads prevail. And "clearer heads" doesn't mean that marriage is saved, just that the WS is thinking a little more clearly and based on facts, instead of feelings.

[NoIDidn't]

While I suspect he's contacted the OW as well, I hope he's doing ok and will give us an update. Even if he thinks we might "yell" at him.

 

Oh, same here. I do hope he's okay. I hope his W hasn't escalated, but I suspect she has. He may have painted a well-earned picture of her, and his absence, given that, is a little concerning.

 

I live in an area where violence following a D-day is pretty common, in both BWs and BHs. And even sometimes with OPs joining in.

 

I just hope he'll let us know he's okay regardless.

[White Flower]

Oh, same here. I do hope he's okay. I hope his W hasn't escalated, but I suspect she has. He may have painted a well-earned picture of her, and his absence, given that, is a little concerning.

 

I live in an area where violence following a D-day is pretty common, in both BWs and BHs. And even sometimes with OPs joining in.

 

I just hope he'll let us know he's okay regardless.

 

There is an area where this behavior is common? Is this a metropolitan area or the country?

[bentnotbroken]

There is an area where this behavior is common? Is this a metropolitan area or the country?

 

 

I hear it on the news a lot here. It isn't about class, race, religion or region. Someone gets shot, publicly humiliated or just plain ole azz whipped. I think we all hear about it a lot and it is usually reported as a domestic dispute. Recently here a man killed his wife and nephew for their affair and then killed himself in the driveway of their home. He busted them when they thought he was out of town on business. They were in the driveway doing their thing while the children slept in the house.

 

Sad, lives over and/or changed forever because we never know what pushes someone over the edge. For me it would have been my children being molested or something to that affect. I WOULD without a doubt shot first then deal with my consequences. Thank God I didn't feel as Mr. Messy or the ow were worth that.

[Dexter Morgan]

While I suspect he's contacted the OW as well, I hope he's doing ok and will give us an update. Even if he thinks we might "yell" at him.

 

something tells me his wife isn't giving him any indication that she wants to keep this marriage. She may well have contacted an attorney, thus being on this board might be the furthest thing from his mind right now.

[Dexter Morgan]

We'll see.

I just hope he'll give us an update soon so we know he's ok.

 

I'd like to know if his wife is doing ok.

[stampdaddy]

I'd like to know if his wife is doing ok.

 

why, you want to be "the guy" she has, as you say, "revenge sex" with??

 

this has to be one of the longest threads WITHOUT the OP I can remember..

 

oooooooooooooooooooooooo Teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Boooooooooooooooooone! where you be man?!?!?