hurtingandconfused Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 I have read a lot of posts regarding breakups ect...I have noticed that most of you have a "no contact" rule after the breakup. However, I'm want to send my ex-gf(broke up offically 2 days ago) a letter that is basically asking for a another chance(not a commitment but a date, and we'll take it from there)...I mean what do I have to lose...she was my first love and I think that she is worth it...I know that i made huge errors...And I do want to try this last time...doesn't hurt to try right? I thought that a letter would be better than a phone call because we would not have to argue if she disagreed..or had a question... What do you guys think??I've written the letter but have not sent it...I was thinking of sending it tomorrow(1/8/04) if not monday (1/12/04) we broke up on (1/5/04) Or when is it more appropriate to send it? Link to post Share on other sites
trulyme Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Why did you break up and who broke up with who? I think that is important! Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 doesn't hurt to try right? Yes it does, it hurts you. It was good that you wrote the letter, that helps you out. Now don't send the letter, pretend you did, and didn't get a response. Now, no contact. It's your best chance. You won't believe me until it's too late. Link to post Share on other sites
RobertoPNW Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Yea, keep the letter, don't send it. If you must send it, only send an apology. Bring up specific points about your errors. Do not ask for a second chance and do not say you love her or miss her. You might think about stating how you would have handled things differently. If you have to send the letter, send it now while everything is still fresh. Then, don't contact her anymore. Let her contemplate your message, in time she'll decide what she wants. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Nope, don't send the letter. Sending the letter is resignation, and won't get her to contact you. Link to post Share on other sites
oOobubblesoOo Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 I don't see anything wrong with sending the letter because the break-up is recent. I think it's only natural to reach out in the beginning. After all you have been together and shared love and life. If you do reach out and say your piece at least you won't have any regrets or what ifs. However if you get no reply, or he is not interested then you use the no contact rule. Link to post Share on other sites
InLoKo Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 I disagree completely. If someone doesn't want you to contact them, you think it's good to ignore them and do your own thing anyway. Do you really???? Have you experience that this has worked? Link to post Share on other sites
Reckless Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Dear Hurtin' In case you haven't sent the letter and are waiting until Monday - - Don't do it!! Don't send it because: 1) She broke up with you - if she wants to try again she'll call you. She will not receive a letter and decide to take you back. Her not changing her mind, after you beg her to, will hurt you more. 2) You've already explained to her where you think you went wrong and the lessons learnt, there's nothing more to say. 3) If you send the letter you will from that moment be tortured as to if a) she received it; b) how she feels about it; c) if she'll reply to it. Bubbles it right it's natural to not accept an ending (especially first love) and to try and reach out; breakups hurt like a humdinger but the 'no contact' rule is not to deny you 'one last try' it is to protect your heart. It's to help you accept the situation and try and adapt to he reality of a breakup. Writing the letter is good if it helps you 'heal', sending it would be 'bad' because it just rips the bandage off a wound, making the whole getting over it longer and more painful. Anyway, thinking back to my own first breakup, I know you'll probably go ahead anyway because along with waiting by a phone that doesn't ring, re-reading old love letters, crying over photos and ignoring advice, part of first love is learning the hard way... Hope you stop hurting soon, R. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Yeah, don't do it. You'll come off as the needy guy, and if there's one thing girls hate, it's needy guys. Write it, write to your hearts content, but don't send it to her. After my girlfriend and I had a horrible break up, a few weeks later I wrote a long letter that was NOT asking for a second chance, rather telling her how much she meant to me and how much I'll cherish the time we spent together and the memories I have of her, and wishing her good luck and all that. Made me feel a hell of a lot better doing that. If it's over, it's over. You can't change that. Don't try to win her back. Link to post Share on other sites
Kanuk Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 Absolutly not, i wrote a letter to my ex. Some said do it, some said don't. I ended up desciding to send it and gave it to her mother. I recently heard that she didn't even read the letter. And that was 3 week after she would have got it. I recently was informed that wasn't completly true, that her friend red it to her.... and that 'she wasn't impressed' This can never go well. Don't do it uness you want your ex's opinion of you dropping even lower than before. Use me as your example, don't f'up like i did. Listen to the people here Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtingandconfused Posted January 9, 2004 Author Share Posted January 9, 2004 "I would rather do something and find out that it was the wrong thing, than never know if it was the right thing"- I think that its possible for me to maker her happy again...I just want to give up...I mean everyone that has tried..fails? Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 yeah write the letter then don't send it, i know its hard to do that but it might help you, this is the time to help YOU and not the EX!!!! i considered writing my ex a letter after we met 5 times ( trying the friendship thing! ) after our breakup and i did something stupid, i unintentionally got drunk and she and her friends APPARENTLY had to get me a taxi home, i don't know what i said or did etc. and it is playing on my mind 1 week later, don't know whether i will ever hear from her again i'm not going to contact her ever, i phoned her friend to ask what happened and she assured me i said nothing i think i would regret but "don't do it again", don't know what this means , she also said i didn't ruin her night either, it was her birthday, she invited me and not me inviting myself seeing as her friend knew what i called about i.e sorry i ended up that way i decided not to write a letter afterall, she has been told damn alcohol, usually i really can handle it then it surprises me at the most inappropriate time... i know a guy who got sacked recently as he told the vice president of his company at his company what a w****r he was... funny... he can't even remember it!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 Originally posted by hurtingandconfused I think that its possible for me to maker her happy again...I just want to give up...I mean everyone that has tried..fails? Sending the letter is giving up, trust us. Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 yeah dyermaker is right... my recent dumper once stormed out of my house due to me really "putting my foot in it" she wrote me a letter saying how we couldn't be together having such fundamental differences of opinions... which was true! i appeared at her house with flowers, explained that it wasn't really my view and she took me back ( only to ditch me 2 months later for good! ) when a dumper sends a letter it usually means you have a chance... when a dumpee sends a letter they have no chance... dumpers are like global thermo nuclear weapons... dumpees are like firecrackers! Link to post Share on other sites
Steve2usa Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 I agree with everyone here. Do Not Send IT!!! I did not find this forum until after I had sent my ex a letter one day after the break up asking for the exact same thing. It backfired in my face and she is now even more distant than she was before. I know I cannot contact her at all, and have to wait for her first move. However, I believe after a couple of months of me getting my feet back on the ground then I can try and talk with her again, but then I will have already figured out that it is over and maybe we can talk about what went wrong so I don't make the same relationship mistakes again. It's not a definate that I will, because 2 months can change a persons mind alot. Keep your chin up, After about a week or two you will still hurt, but be able to deal with it better. Link to post Share on other sites
Marty_McFly Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 I wrote an email yesterday, and even though I still think I got good advice to write it, I'm wondering now if I should have sent it, at least not so soon. I wrote it because I know she's going to be away from home on business for a few weeks, and I guess I wanted to make sure she had something to think about while she was away from everything at home. The others are right, it tears you up inside when you know that they've read it and you get no response. Sometimes, no news is good news. Link to post Share on other sites
RobertoPNW Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 Originally posted by Marty_McFly Sometimes, no news is good news. 50/50 chance, right? Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 nope you shouldn't have sent it, you have answered your own question it just pushes her further away and justifies her actions in the first place sorry but she would have thought about everything anyway reverse the situation, always gives good retrospect!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtingandconfused Posted January 9, 2004 Author Share Posted January 9, 2004 I decided that I will not send her that letter...you guys are right...It's just that I am in so much pain..and I am so desperate that I am willing to do anything right now before it is too late. However, I was on ICQ and she Imed me...we talked for about 30 mins..she was the one who contacted me...Should I ignore her next time?? We did not talk about our relationship...or if we were going to get back..we talked about what have we been up to ect... Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 don't know about that one, i'm in a similiar situation myself if my ex contacts me... i need advice too! what do we do? hang up? ignore? Link to post Share on other sites
mandrews1119 Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 Lucky you!! You didn't send the letter, and she contacted you. Take it easy, and with eyes open. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 Wha??? No. If your ex contacts you, you're winning the game. Just take it easy, yeah. Link to post Share on other sites
mandrews1119 Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 Hey Dyermaker, Look at that! Your advice worked for him! He didn't send the letter and look what happened! We should all be so fortunate. Link to post Share on other sites
theedge Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 I know exactly what you are going through and really contact wouldn't be good. I recieved the no contact e-mail X-Mas Eve. Yes I know it hurts and there feels like a piece of your life is missing, but you have to move on. There hasn't been a day go by that I haven't thought of her, but I am staying strong and respecting her wishes. Im sure if you wait 1-2 weeks, you will say to yourself why did I want to contact this person again? Its hard for me in general, I don't have many friends and the ones I have are hitched or don't go out. Since that day I have felt a massive void at times. I am just using things to distract me, or meeting new people to try and go out with. I wish you the best of luck on moving on, its probably for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
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