Author Rearden Metal Posted March 22, 2010 Author Share Posted March 22, 2010 When it comes to your body, crap goes in, crap comes out - so to speak. You will feel worse if you eat bad food. I'm normally a whole foods eat from my garden type of girl, and after my split I went "no-face-atarian" as my friends like to call it - I'll eat anything that doesn't have a face. Yesterday, though, I gave in and had some McDonald's french fries and a coffee for lunch. Boy did I feel ****eous last night. Back to tofu, tempeh and broccoli for me. I won't get on my alcohol soap box, but I will say it's a natural depressant, so why would you want to increase your depressive tendencies, if only for a day or two, at this point? It is hard, though, to retrain your brain. I know what you mean. Thanks for the post, I appreciate the concern. I'm a competitive athlete with years of experience dieting. I don't have a problem at all with eating clean and healthy. I just don't do it year round, I prefer to enjoy food moderately most of the year, and ramp it up in the summer for the beach! As for alcohol, I don't feel more or less depressed with or without it. I don't drink often, only in social situations. It loosens me up, which is fine. I don't find myself commensurately more depressed afterwards (or during). I'm more or less somewhat depressed always as a result of several factors in my life which until recently I have not attempted to work on. Link to post Share on other sites
worlybear Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Do you think that some people never really get over things? I have been following your log with interest and it seems to me that some people (you and me included) struggle to pull up from life changing circumstances and exist in a kind of subdued misery. Sorry if that sounds negative-its just a thought! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 I remember learning in one of my undergrad psych classes that depressed people actually have a more accurate view of themselves and the world. People who are generally happy, apparently, are this way because they are just a little bit delusional. But in a good way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 22, 2010 Author Share Posted March 22, 2010 Do you think that some people never really get over things? I have been following your log with interest and it seems to me that some people (you and me included) struggle to pull up from life changing circumstances and exist in a kind of subdued misery. Sorry if that sounds negative-its just a thought! I had a 10 year relationship (7 married) and I got over it. It took a couple years, plus a new relationship (with current ex) to totally let go. But I did. With the current ex, I think it's partially because I feel I don't deserve this pain. I was GREAT to her. Loved her and showed her as often as possible. But I was in a tough spot personally, and she judged me for it. Not cool. I still love her, but I think she's a tool. That's possible, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 22, 2010 Author Share Posted March 22, 2010 I remember learning in one of my undergrad psych classes that depressed people actually have a more accurate view of themselves and the world. People who are generally happy, apparently, are this way because they are just a little bit delusional. But in a good way. This is absolutely true. And I've been some level of depressed as long as I can remember. I am extremely critical of myself (and of others, although I overlook/forgive things easily in others) and of society. A positive (optimistic) viewpoint is that of delusion. Ignoring signs. Ignoring facts. Ignoring a lot of things that could go or have gone wrong and choosing to instead have faith that things will work out/get better is generally what they'll do. I wish I was the former. I'm not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 23, 2010 Author Share Posted March 23, 2010 Morning Metalheads... Definitely got up on the wrong side of bed this AM. Second day of gray skies and rain after a week of sun and warm weather. Not to mention, my Ex is imbedded deeeeep in my psyche. I'm feeling suffocated by the thoughts of her being unaffected by my absence from her life. Pulverized by my inability to desire other women. I read Denver Bachelor's farewell post. I envy his position. He's reached an enlightened place where he can view his past relationship in a healthy manner. I want to move on, too. I want to give up hope completely. Each time I make progress, I take a step back. I feel shattered into millions of disparate, mishappen pieces. Another day 13. Last time she contacted me on day 13. I pray she doesn't this time. I don't have the strength to talk to her. I haven't been able to ignore her previous contacts. Please let her stay away from me. Please let her fade... Link to post Share on other sites
worlybear Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Stay strong! Thinking of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 24, 2010 Author Share Posted March 24, 2010 Thanks worly... Makes me feel better than some of you are reading this crud I'm layin' down. Link to post Share on other sites
monkeymaid Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 yo rm!! just keep trucking along. she will fade. ...are you working out? playing with your hobbies? hanging out with the buds? reading? keeping busy? remember whats been going on. dont forget what she has put you through. remember that you are the prize and that she LOST!! you are going to get through it becasue everything that happens is for our betterment!! she will regret that day, and you will be there when she comes back for a shot of ego boost to NOT GIVE HER ANYTHING!!! relish in the thought of what WILL be, and when you can imagine it, keep imagining it, keep thinking about it, keep looking to it, then when you forget to remember her, you will be in that place where you are happy alone, and living your life. ...THE life!!!! head up rm ftb! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 24, 2010 Author Share Posted March 24, 2010 Thanks monkey, love ya man I'm feeling a little better everyday. Been working out HARD. Playing some poker, too, which I haven't done in months. Off to Boston for work today. Traveling with someone so the conversation should keep me occupied. I'll check in later... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 24, 2010 Author Share Posted March 24, 2010 Forgot to tell you guys, I dropped a pick up line on a waitress this weekend. Credits to my buddy Rick for the line itself. Waitress passes a few times, we notice she's wearing black moccasins with yellow stitch. Not your average footwear. She smiles and is engaging/friendly. After 3 or 4 rum n cokes, I say: Me: "Hey, nice moccasins, wanna see my Teepee?" Her: "Oh...my...gawd!" then she laughs really hard in a nice way. I then clam up and say "Yeah so keep these coming!" pointing at my drink. So I probably dropped the ball, but whatever, at least I SPOKE to a girl. LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Good for you. I was talking to a friend of mine today about how the end of a longterm relationship dribbles like a broken faucet. You can go short periods of time without it breaking into your consciousness, but it comes dribbling back out. After a while though, you fix the faucet and move on. Sometimes I think that just accepting that this process has to take place is somewhat liberating. That way you don't get so frustrated when they return to your mind and cause melancholy, rage, bitterness or regret to erupt inside of you. You can just know that this will happen, and will pass, and the good days will eventually start outnumbering the bad ones. Gray skies always make me blue, anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 24, 2010 Author Share Posted March 24, 2010 Yeah that's exactly right. The recognition of the process taking place is HUGE. It definitely limits the amount of time a negative emotion will mess with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 25, 2010 Author Share Posted March 25, 2010 Oh boy..... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2719566#post2719566 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 26, 2010 Author Share Posted March 26, 2010 So I'm going on this date tonight... I'm happy to be getting out and meeting people, but I'm honestly very scared because I'm still in love with my ex. It's a bad spot to be in. Today is 15 days of NC. It's been almost 6 weeks since I've seen or spoken to my ex, and 15 days ago is when she told me (via texting) that she "had someone and was happy". I don't spend much, if any, time at all wondering who she's with or if she's really happy. But I do think about her many times a day, and I do still have a flicker of hope that she'll come back. It might be the worst possible thing if she was to contact me again. I need to extinguish the hope. Tonight should be fun, either way. This new girl is witty and playful in our texts and has a nice vibe to her. I'll let you Metalheads know what happens... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 27, 2010 Author Share Posted March 27, 2010 Date was Meh... Miss my ex. Thought about her all night. So sad. Hopefully I can pass out. I love you, you stupid, arrogant bitch... Link to post Share on other sites
spriggig Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 Date was Meh... Miss my ex. Thought about her all night. So sad. Hopefully I can pass out. I love you, you stupid, arrogant bitch... Sht. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 27, 2010 Author Share Posted March 27, 2010 Sht. Sorry. It's alright man. My date was really nice, super shy and we had a good time. Just grabbed pizza and beers and watched people sing karaoke. We even danced a bit but that's the part that made me upset, because my Ex and I would dance SO sexy, make out and go home and screw... I started intensely missing her and I felt terrible for my date. My date was way more compatible for me in several ways, but she wasn't my ex and I'm clearly not over it, so it got in the way for me. My buddy says it happened for him this way, too, and that it took him several dates before he was ok. He says to make yourself go out and do your best with it. My instinct is to NOT date more right now, but he might be right. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 I know what you mean. It's like there's an aftertaste in your mouth that overpowers all other flavors. But as with any aftertaste, it will recede after a while. I don't know about dating. I definitely think that for me that would not be healthy. But different people need different things, and you may just need this. Or this type of dating may be what causes all those "he's just not that into you" posts that we see in the dating section...It does seem a bit callous, to me, to just use these nice ladies to get over your previous relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 27, 2010 Author Share Posted March 27, 2010 [quote=blind_otter;2722917 Or this type of dating may be what causes all those "he's just not that into you" posts that we see in the dating section...It does seem a bit callous, to me, to just use these nice ladies to get over your previous relationship. I actually thought of this exactly, while out last night. It felt like I was in that movie, honestly. It does feel callous, and it's unfair to girls I'm dating... but my buddy says he went on a half dozen or so dates and then one time he got lucky and really connected with one of the girls. He's been with her for 7 months and is far happier than he was ever before with his ex. His ex also (oddly) sent him a Facebook friend request, last night, during my date (yeah, I was texting my friend DURING the date). He declined it and didn't write her a message. Man, what I'd give to feel that way about my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
spriggig Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 He's been with her for 7 months and is far happier than he was ever before with his ex. I was really effin happy with my ex until all this. I don't think I'll ever be happier, maybe as happy. Maybe. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 27, 2010 Author Share Posted March 27, 2010 I was really effin happy with my ex until all this. I don't think I'll ever be happier, maybe as happy. Maybe. Don't make me drive to NM and slap you. Of course you'll be happier, your wife FU*KING CHEATED ON YOU THROUGH A VIDEO GAME. She's a loser, dude. The only reason you're in pain now is because YOU chose her to fall in love with. You're mad at yourself more than anything, you just don't know it yet. You're a good man, Spriggs. You're gonna do JUST fine without her. Trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
spriggig Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 Don't make me drive to NM and slap you. Of course you'll be happier, your wife FU*KING CHEATED ON YOU THROUGH A VIDEO GAME. She's a loser, dude. The only reason you're in pain now is because YOU chose her to fall in love with. You're mad at yourself more than anything, you just don't know it yet. You're a good man, Spriggs. You're gonna do JUST fine without her. Trust me. I'm mad at myself for falling in love with her? You're right, I don't know that yet. I'm mad at her for cheating, I'm mad at her for not talking to me about her problems. I'm mad at myself for being so obtuse all those years. I'm not mad at myself for falling in love with her. I don't regret falling in love with her, in spite of what has happened. Maybe it will come, tho. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 27, 2010 Author Share Posted March 27, 2010 I'm mad at myself for falling in love with her? You're right, I don't know that yet. I'm mad at her for cheating, I'm mad at her for not talking to me about her problems. I'm mad at myself for being so obtuse all those years. I'm not mad at myself for falling in love with her. I don't regret falling in love with her, in spite of what has happened. Maybe it will come, tho. At the risk of sounding rude, it will come. Link to post Share on other sites
spriggig Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 At the risk of sounding rude, it will come. Cool! Can't wait! Really, looking forward to all the great stuff to come, yet! Oh well, forewarned is forearmed, I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
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