RM's Breakup/Coping Log

[Rearden Metal]

Okay..... I didn't need to see that forum . I know guys are base like that, but somehow I just don't like seeing it in print. As lonely as I am, it makes me glad I'm not dating.

 

You could've just told me that it was a euphemism for masturbating.

 

It's base, but it's in fun. At least for me. I find the people on the forum to be really funny.

 

So yeah, it's a euphemism for masturbating!

[Rearden Metal]

I shared this with monkeymaid, who has been very supportive and helpful to me. I thought I'd share it here, too.

 

We were sitting in my car Sat night after movie/dinner/billiards date... I was just looking at her as she talked and couldn't imagine a prettier face. A funny thing about her... she won't kiss with her mouth open unless it's in anticipation of sex because she gets really turned on, and so do I. Like, if we kiss and start to really make out, I get instantly hard and she pushes up against it... and then when we started having problems, she wouldn't kiss me open mouthed at all anymore and it became an incredibly stressful, negative thing for me.

 

So in the car, we start kissing, and she's doing it closed mouth. I back up and looked at her, stroked her hair and then kissed her again, lightly, then softly opened my mouth and flicked her mouth w my tongue and bit her lower lip gently... we then shared a really satisfying, passionate but not overtly sexual kiss that went on for a few minutes. She was beaming, smiling after the kiss. We both knew that it was kind of new ground for us, a passionate kiss that wasn't a prelude to sex.

 

Weird how ppl's dynamics go, isn't it?

[Rearden Metal]

Wats up ladies and gents :^)

 

Well, it's been another pleasant couple of days. Ex and I have both been busy but spent an hour last night playing a game online together and chatting. Both busy today, her with school and me with work in Boston.

 

Tomorrow I'll meet up with her in the afternoon and head into Boston for our date. We're going to an exhibit at a contemporary museum, and then to dinner at a cool restaurant on the water. Then, she'll come stay with me Sat-Mon... she thinks she's getting her period so that will be pretty interesting, as we've both been somewhat eagerly anticipating some astrological earth axis moving sex... So I might have to do the shower sex thing hahaha!

 

Also, she asked me today to be her date to a Jack and Jill wedding shower in May. So things are progressing towards reconciliation, although neither of us has jumped the gun about being a "couple" again.

 

So far, so good.

 

Oh, went to counseling yesterday and tried to focus on my aggressiveness and competitive nature, and how that related to my relationships. Also was pointedly reminded to keep my relationships as 2 way relationships, not to interject into other people's affairs and not to allow others to interject into mine. This is something I've had some trouble with, and look forward to observing closer going forward.

 

Time for some cardio. And then a great steak and veggie dinner. Later gators.

[CleverName]

Hi RM, I'm a lurker on your log, lol, that didn't come out quite right, anyway, you sure do plan some fun dates. Carry on!

[Bolts]

I have loved your journey... and naturally where it has progressed...

 

The pace seems great... I am so jealous...

 

and so VERY VERY happy... you keeping the rest of us filled with hope and faith.

 

Lost my one after she moved to California 2 months ago... She even proposed to me the noght before she left... but get ready... I actually said NO!!! Why??? I clearly made it understood that I wanting nothing more than to be her husband (she is 19 and eager to get married and have kids)... But when I engage I want to have a ring ready, and have us engaged when we can spend the time together... when I caught back up with her in 6 months. I also felt that things were getting really rough on her here, and she couldnt be happy here any longer...

 

She moved to her sisters house (a sister who has always hated me... and lives on a marine base... <sigh>) and in 3 days she broke up with me... I am devistated... have been a wreck everyday... tried to go and see her and she refused to see me (she said she was still "too angry and extremely emotional")...

 

My fear, she will get engeged and/or pregenant before I ever see her again.... shw is AMAZING and no man can resist her charms... omg what have I done... ruined my life...

 

Since the day I met her, I have wanted to spend my life with her... I actually moved to her country to be with her (from the city she actually lives in now, can you believe it)... and i thought I was looking out for her happiness sending her ahead... and I just feel I actually declined the one thing I have always wanted and crushed her heart and mine... and now she implimented NC <sigh>.... since april 1st, and I broke it, but she doesnt respond.. <sigh> I cant function. I have resigned from work and am going home tomorrow...

 

The real story is soooooo long.... suffice to say, I am proud of you. I am so happy for you. Love her. Hold her and never let go. Thank God your taking it calm and steady. Listen to her. And love her for all of us who wish our one's would come back to our arms... to smell her and feel her once again...

[Rearden Metal]

Hey fellas and fellettes B^)

 

Wow what a long day! Up at 5AM, drive to Newport RI, troubleshoot an order, deliver it to jobsite, drive back, hit the gym mid-day, spend some time with Mom, and then in the car again off to pick up my ex..

 

Picked her up at her dad's place. I actually went in and was met by her father with a big grin on his face. He always liked me. When I'd visit I'd always chop or load wood, help with yardwork, help with the housework... I know he respects me quite a bit.

 

Then my ex's doggy, who LOVES me, came running out and barking at me... I took off my hat and she sniffed me and then jumped RIGHT into my lap and I rubbed her belly. I said "gimme a kiss!" and she instantly licked my nose. Awww 3 months and she remembers me!!!

 

Ex came down looking gorgeous! We headed out and made it right in time to catch the lecture, which was a dynamic, personal and esoteric production about SKIN and it's multi-dimensional importance. One speaker was a hair artist, another a designer for Smart Labs and the last a tattoo and fine artist. Diverse and intriguing... Unfortunately we did NOT get to see the gallery as it was closed during the lecture, and we had to run out to get to dinner a bit before the lecture ended.

 

We had a great dinner on the water at LTK (Legal Seafood Test Kitchen), one of my favorite spots. I had crab cakes, Thai Martinis and Fruits de Mer, which were all fantastic. Ex had Grilled Scallops w Jasmine rice and Butternut squash. Very tasty all around!

 

Then I drove her home, and we parked and had a VERY passionate kiss which she is still texting me about 3 hrs later hahaha!!! I love kissing, I'm just a super makeout whore LOL. I managed to shake off her slightly more than half serious offer to stay the night, because I have to get to the airport early tomorrow to drop off my friends who are going to Hawaii... However ex and I did make lunch plans for tomorrow, and confirmed this weekends plans.

 

Saturday we are going on a tour of a Newport Mansion. Which is bigger than most malls. And opulent. So that should be pretty awesome. Then at night, we're going out and most likely going to sex it up until mid Sunday, then sleep til Monday. Seriously, that's the plan!

 

Lastly, ex mentioned that I'd be getting an invite for her other brother's wedding (they're both getting married in the same month). I then asked "did I miss the 'we are a couple again' memo?" and she laughed and said "no but it's getting there, don't you think?"

 

On my way home, she texted me that she has built a lot of trust in me and has faith in me now that wasn't there before. And that she is crazy attracted to me, and that she feels like she did when we first met. So I think we're doing a good job of keeping it slow enough to let things evolve but also enough contact daily to build a rapport that we had so terribly screwed up before.

 

All in all, I feel so blessed for this opportunity, and really hopeful that things continue the way they're going.

 

Night y'all!

[Rearden Metal]

Cleaning and doing laundry, then some metro grooming

 

Ex will be here around 4:30... we're going to the gym first, then I'll make her dinner here. Picked up some strip steaks, asparagus and a nice bottle of Pinot Noir. Tonight, out for some drinks and maybe dancing. Then it's hot tub time

 

Tomorrow is the Newport date, then Sunday is an all day relax day with some movies and cuddling, and maaaybe another trip to the gym. She may head home Sunday but may stay til Monday, as she has the day off. I've got counseling Monday and considering asking her to join me, but will play this by ear.

 

Have a great day ppl!

[monkeymaid]

Cleaning and doing laundry, then some metro grooming

 

Ex will be here around 4:30... we're going to the gym first, then I'll make her dinner here. Picked up some strip steaks, asparagus and a nice bottle of Pinot Noir. Tonight, out for some drinks and maybe dancing. Then it's hot tub time

 

Tomorrow is the Newport date, then Sunday is an all day relax day with some movies and cuddling, and maaaybe another trip to the gym. She may head home Sunday but may stay til Monday, as she has the day off. I've got counseling Monday and considering asking her to join me, but will play this by ear.

 

Have a great day ppl!

 

happy much??

 

nice metal!! ...NICE!

[Rearden Metal]

Love ya MM

[mikeymad]

Awesome my man. Keep it up. Re: your argumentative style, you might want to look up some things on building your emotional intelligence (or EI, as opposed to IQ). It's basically all about how to relate to people who are different than you (ie you dominant, her not so much). Has helped me a lot.

[CarrieT]

RM - you got me on Facebook and if I peter away from this site, I hope you'll remember to stay in touch on FB and let me know how you guys are doing a year from now.

 

I want to hear what happens when the honeymoon is over and I'll continue to cross my fingers for you.

[Rearden Metal]

RM - you got me on Facebook and if I peter away from this site, I hope you'll remember to stay in touch on FB and let me know how you guys are doing a year from now.

 

I want to hear what happens when the honeymoon is over and I'll continue to cross my fingers for you.

 

Absolutely. And you know where to find me

[djentleman]

Speaking of which, RM:

 

In regards to fb > "Corvidae" and look for a "pencil thin" 'stache.

[Rearden Metal]

Speaking of which, RM:

 

In regards to fb > "Corvidae" and look for a "pencil thin" 'stache.

 

I looked, found some corresponding things but couldn't ascertain who you were exactly. If you want, you can send a link to your page to [email protected]

[Rearden Metal]

Update! Cliffs style..

 

- Friday night, she arrives around 5, we go to the gym and I show her some new exercises, we both do a weight workout then both do cardio. Then we head back to my place, shower and get comfy... I cook the steaks and we eat, then we cuddled on the couch and watched movies. Lots of touching and kissing led to foreplay and then we had really great, passionate sex... man, she really "does it" for me and our sparks were flying! Then we fell asleep and slept in til...

 

- Saturday around 10AM. Got up, called about tickets to visit the Vanderbilt Breakers mansion in Newport RI. I made her an organic egg ham and cheese omelette, we ate and then headed out around noon. Toured the mansion with an audio tour, it was AWESOME! Really spectacular, over the top opulence. Can't describe it, you gotta see it! Then we headed to the Cheesecake Factory in Providence for lunch, walked around the mall and then headed back home... For... Hot tub time Yeah, let's just say it got a little hot in there! After the hot tub, we showered and headed out to a club. Got there around midnight, partied til 3:30 or so since I know the owner we stayed late past closing. Had a blast, danced, drank. Got home late and snuggled and talked in bed til 5AM almost... then fell asleep..

 

- Sunday we slept til almost noon, then made brunch, cleaned up and went to the gym again. Pretty proud of ourselves for having made it twice in the weekend, we proceeded home to watch a few movies... and fire up the hot tub again... Yeah. Let's just say we spent a few more hours getting acquainted... and it was . . . . glorious. We're both pretty freaky and let it all go, had our way with each other. Yum

 

- This AM we woke up early, around 9AM, made breakfast and cleaned up the house. Fooled around on the internet together and then went out to see the movie Kick Ass, which was pretty good. Then lunch at Fridays, where we had a good conversation about where we are at and our fears and hopes. I've noticed she is much calmer and assured, and her ability to verbalize is much better. We agreed that we are now exclusively seeing each other, but not going to reintroduce to our families that we are dating for another couple of weeks or so.

 

- Next date is up near her in New Hampshire, next weekend. Going to take a pottery class and then she's going to make me dinner, and do the candle lit thing. Then, probably the weekend after, she is coming to me and we're either going to do Skydiving (if we grow the stones) or if we chicken out, Laser Tag. LOL. It will be fun either way!

 

Soon it will be beach weather, and we'll be adding that to the date repertoire. I'm happy with how things are progressing, and hopefully in the next months we can form a real trust that bonds us for good...

 

Oh.. and as we left today, she said "I love you", paused, then said "You're the only man for me. I've always wanted you."

 

Melt...

[cp3_panda]

Wow. thats amazing the entire journey you went through. Currently I am going through the phase where you had dreams about your ex.. that was like what? page 3? lol

 

Its crazy how similar you and my experiences are, down to the very thoughts and reactions to all of the same things. Man, if anything this thread has made me believe in that storybook happy ending.

 

In my case, I was in a 4 year relationship that just ended mid march; so I am only a month in. I do miss her sometimes intermitently. I have come to realize that for the most part, when I am conscious and aware; the end of the relationship does not bother me very much. Yet on the other hand, moments such as waking up in the morning and ESPECIALLY at night sleeping (dreams) are terrible. For example, last night I dreamt about us being together again and i woke up this morning to a shattered reality. Imagine how i felt lol.

 

I feel really happy for you and I wish that you truly do end up staying happy together forever with your ex.

 

Just a little caveat though, it seems that you guys are so very much into the honeymoon phase that you guys seem to spend a TON of time together especially the last few days. Even if you are, keep in mind what you told the rest of LS. KEEP UR INDEPENDENCE and INTEGRITY!

 

Thanks RM.

[CarrieT]

Currently I am going through the phase where you had dreams about your ex.. Imagine how i felt lol.

 

 

I broke up with my ex almost TWO YEARS ago and he still pops up in my dreams. Pisses me off more than I can say because I want him out of my head, especially when I find out later (through mutual friends) that those dreams of mine are concurrent with the Ex having particularly bad emotional times (going through rehab, surviving a suicide attempt).

 

Just goes to show me that some people really *are* connected on deeper levels, even when you don't want them to be. There are times when it can work well and times when it is just toxic...

[Rearden Metal]

Panda...

 

It's not a storybook ending yet, by any means. But so far, it's been a happy result! I definitely hear you about keeping our independance. It's important for me to continue to work on being happy with myself and by myself. So I'll make a renewed effort at that this week.

 

I'm going to a friends stand up comedy act tonight. He's hilarious so I'm looking forward to that. Also this week I'd like to continue drawing, and possibly sign up for some painting lessons with a guy in the next town who some friends of mine have taken lessons with. So I'm looking into that. Picked up several new books as well, so I'm gonna do my customary read 5 books at once thing. Anyone else do that?

[cp3_panda]

yeah before i was broken. I used to do that type of thing.. read self-help books and philosophy books just to educate myself a little better. Definitely let me know what happens.. I am interested because your case seems to be so rare. For every 1 of you, theres at least 9 others that end up never talking to their ex again or their ex never asks for them back. In a way, I want her back.. i guess emotionally. But logically, I know that shes toxic. No idea what to do besides just wait it out and try to move on :[

[Rearden Metal]

Hey panda,

 

My ex was a pretty terrible gf to me at times. But somehow deep down I knew she was not as terrible as she was being. Since we've begun talking again, she's revealed the depths of her mistrust in me, the jealousy it spawned and the result being her behavior.

 

Neither of us takes 100% responsibility or blame. We are both being honest and sharing the blame for the issues we created. I think it's likely that we are a rare case where despite all the bad history, we both still wanted each other but needed space to figure ourselves out and back away from the toxic relations we had previously.

 

I think you've answered your own question. Backing away and assessing what you need from yourself and your mate is absolutely crucial. I think you'll find that there are things you want to achieve that you've held yourself from because of the drain of this negative relationship.

 

You can't worry excessively about whether she will come back. I didn't want my ex back if she wasn't going to be changed as well.

 

I've been pleasantly surprised by her of late. She's calmer, not jealous, smiles more. She's more affectionate and loving, and much more open and verbal. It's not even the same girl from the one I was dating for most of the relationship. Some things changed in her thinking and the space allowed her to deal with her own reactions and emotions. All of this adds up to a renewed life to our relationship, and definitely a much happier day to day existence.

[cp3_panda]

Thats great.. I can only hope that I get that again from her. Oh well.. I've gotten to the point where if it doesn't..

[Rearden Metal]

Hey all,

 

Yesterday I had a long day, traveled about 3 hrs to CT for work. Did a service call at a 36,000 sq ft (main house) residence which was quite spectacular! 4 kitchens, I think 17 bedrooms. 12 fireplaces... 4 living rooms. The entire house was either original or reclaimed beams which were fantastic. 2 guest houses and a pool house as well. Probably a $40M property when all said and done.

 

Took a long time to get home, but geared up and hit the gym anyway for a leg workout. I'm up a few lbs after last weekend's looser eating so I'm rededicated this week. My GIRLFRIEND has also been super motivated and dedicated to the gym. She had a long day of school until 7PM but she got there (we live 90 miles apart, separate gyms) for a hard workout as well. I'm really happy that she's so intense about the gym and her diet now. She deserves to lose the weight she doesn't want and feel comfortable in her body!

 

So throughout the day we talked via text, and at night on the phone for 10 mins. The night before we added each other on FB and talked a lot about our relationships and experiences while we were broken up and while in NC. She addressed some issues with me straightforwardly that in the past she would have kept silent about. Particularly about 2 girls who created issues for us while we were together, whom I've talked to since the breakup. I tried to put her at ease that I have no interest in them, or anyone else, and assured her I would not let them get between us again.

 

I talked to her about her jealousy, and she agreed that it had gotten out of control. She vowed to address things with me so that it wouldn't fester and grow like it did before.

 

And so yesterday, we made plans for the weekend. Friday I'll meet her at her gym after work and we'll work out, then I'm going to her place. I'll cook dinner (chicken marsala and we're going to rent a movie and stay in. Saturday, we are going to bring her dog to the park in the AM, then have a picnic lunch, then go to a pottery painting studio for our date. After, we'll get sexified and go out dancing! Should be a lot of fun! I'll come back earlyish on Sunday as I want to draw and do a lot of yardwork if it's nice outside...

 

And yes, we discussed being back together. We both want this opportunity, and don't want other people. So we agreed that we are a couple again

[dreamer0123]

RM...

 

I'm really REALLY happy for you!! I think throughout your process you learned a lot about yourself and addressed your needs and I really envy you!!

 

I've been feeling really sad lately so to read this makes me happy (not hopeful for my case)- but really happy for YOU!

 

Good luck and I hope things work for you two!

[Rearden Metal]

One thing I'll say, dreamer, is that the best thing I did was move on as best I could as if she were not coming back. Either way, I was going to feel better and it was in my power to do so.

 

I think you'll find in my posts right before she did return that I was getting to a better place emotionally. If I hadn't made it there, I'm sure our reconciliation would have failed badly.

 

So give yourself the space to feel better. You're allowed!

[dreamer0123]

One thing I'll say, dreamer, is that the best thing I did was move on as best I could as if she were not coming back. Either way, I was going to feel better and it was in my power to do so.

 

I think you'll find in my posts right before she did return that I was getting to a better place emotionally. If I hadn't made it there, I'm sure our reconciliation would have failed badly.

 

So give yourself the space to feel better. You're allowed!

 

I'm really trying RM.. I want to feel better and move forward... but lately I just feel stuck (the last few days or so)- I think its just because our birthdays had just passed (mine a few weeks ago, and his on Sunday).

 

The one thing that makes me happy is that I have zero desire to contact him anymore (at the moment anyways)- I just want to get off this emotional roller coaster ride and stop feeling ill and just stop thinking about him!