RM's Breakup/Coping Log

[spriggig]

He's a good man, even if he's done bad things. It's evident in his posts.

 

I might be different, but I've made terrible, debilitating errors in relationships. I'm no better a man than Spriggy.

 

Thank you.

 

Sorry this is happening in your thread, if she responds, I hope she'll do it in mine.

Edited March 28, 2010 by spriggig

[Rearden Metal]

Thank you.

 

Sorry this is happening in your thread, if she responds, I hope she'll do it in mine.

 

I asked the question, originally (I think). It's fine, I don't have a sanctimonious view of this thread. I'm happy to have discussion here.

[nobmagnet]

Thank you.

 

Sorry this is happening in your thread, if she responds, I hope she'll do it in mine.

 

 

oh I do appologise. Trully. I suppose i read a couple of flippant comments and wrongly assumed you had no regret.

 

Yes she was wrong to have an affaire. Nobody ever has that excuse. Its disrespect on so many levels.

 

I wouldnt mind asking if she really never said anything to you about her unhappiness? could it be you were not listening?

 

Im sorry it took her leaving for you to realise you behaved badly.

 

Sorry for being a tad turse before

 

Nobby x

[Rearden Metal]

It's ok, you just don't spend 63 hrs a week on LS and know erryone's bizniss like Sprigg and I do.

 

His situation is REALLY sad. BUT, I'm sure he won't recreate it in his next relationship. He's learned.

[spriggig]

oh I do appologise. Trully. I suppose i read a couple of flippant comments and wrongly assumed you had no regret.

 

Yes she was wrong to have an affaire. Nobody ever has that excuse. Its disrespect on so many levels.

 

I wouldnt mind asking if she really never said anything to you about her unhappiness? could it be you were not listening?

 

Im sorry it took her leaving for you to realise you behaved badly.

 

Sorry for being a tad turse before

 

Nobby x

 

It's a long story, spread all over the place. I haven't done a good job of keeping in all in one place.

 

She really never confronted me in a way that reflected how MUCH pain she was actually in--not even close now that I understand just how much I hurt her. And, she has readily admitted this several times. I can specifically remember her saying on maybe two occasions: "I just want some adult conversation, I've spent all day here with the kids."

 

Probably the closest she got was saying something like: "I'm sorry I've been such a b*tch lately--it's not fair to you to have such a b*tchy wife". I never understood what she meant when she'd say this because she never seemed b*tchy to me--at all (to the point that I had a very hard time telling when it was that time of the month unless she told me.) So I'd say, "I don't know what you mean, you're not being b*tchy(?)" and that would be the end of it from both of us.

 

If I wasn't paying attention then I wasn't but I don't know that I wasn't. That's probably part of it though, it's so common.

 

And about learning? I've learned about the way men communicate differently from women. Looking back, I can see it all now. In the middle of it, I was blissfully ignorant.

Edited March 28, 2010 by spriggig

[Rearden Metal]

She didn't do a good job at all of alerting you to her pain, and you did a poor job of "hearing" her admittedly weak signals.

 

All in all, it's crappy. She never should have cheated. And the whole thing with the video game is soooooooper pathetic. Like really, really lame.

 

You're both to blame. And it's so far beyond a point of return. Stab the hope monster to death. Then go forward and work on being attentive and caring in your next relationship.

 

In my last R, I was super attentive and caring. To the point that I was considered "weak". And I saw LOTS of signs, and struggled to address them. I was met with a wall of resistance and a lack of empathy. It hurt tremendously and still does.

 

The lesson for me is to find someone with a compassionate, empathetic viewpoint/personality, and to retain some of my masculine features (other than appearance. I know. I'm sexy. You don't have to tell me) that keep me desirable.

[spriggig]

She didn't do a good job at all of alerting you to her pain, and you did a poor job of "hearing" her admittedly weak signals.

 

All in all, it's crappy. She never should have cheated. And the whole thing with the video game is soooooooper pathetic. Like really, really lame.

 

You're both to blame. And it's so far beyond a point of return. Stab the hope monster to death. Then go forward and work on being attentive and caring in your next relationship.

 

In my last R, I was super attentive and caring. To the point that I was considered "weak". And I saw LOTS of signs, and struggled to address them. I was met with a wall of resistance and a lack of empathy. It hurt tremendously and still does.

 

The lesson for me is to find someone with a compassionate, empathetic viewpoint/personality, and to retain some of my masculine features (other than appearance. I know. I'm sexy. You don't have to tell me) that keep me desirable.

 

The line between "nice guy" and "bad boy" is hard to find, let alone walk. Yet that is what men are expected to do reasonable well at all times.

[Rearden Metal]

The line between "nice guy" and "bad boy" is hard to find, let alone walk. Yet that is what men are expected to do reasonable well at all times.

 

Yes, this is true.

 

But let's not kid ourselves, women have similarly difficult expectations put on them by men. It's not easy for anybody to maintain a healthy, awesome relationship year after year. It's questionable if it's even normal to do so.

[spriggig]

Yes, this is true.

 

But let's not kid ourselves, women have similarly difficult expectations put on them by men. It's not easy for anybody to maintain a healthy, awesome relationship year after year. It's questionable if it's even normal to do so.

 

True dat.

 

I don't know what normal is anymore. It sure doesn't seem common--I don't think it ever has been.

[Rearden Metal]

"Passive"

 

“Dead as dead can be,” my doctor tells me

But I just can’t believe him, never the optimistic one

I’m sure of your ability to become my perfect enemy

Wake up and face me, don’t play dead cause maybe

Someday I will walk away and say, “You disappoint me,”

Maybe you’re better off this way

 

Leaning over you here, cold and catatonic

I catch a brief reflection of what you could and might have been

It's your right and your ability

To become…my perfect enemy…

 

Wake up (why can't you) and face me (come one now),

Don’t play dead (don't play dead)

Cause maybe (because maybe)

Someday I’ll (someday I'll) walk away and say, “You disappoint me,”

Maybe you’re better off this way

 

Maybe you’re better off this way

Maybe you’re better off this way

Maybe you’re better off this way

You’re better of this; you’re better off this;

Maybe you’re better off!

 

Wake up (can't you) and face me (come on now),

Don’t play dead (don't play dead)

Cause maybe (because maybe)

Someday I’ll (someday I'll) walk away and say, “You ****ing disappoint me!”

Maybe you’re better off this way

 

Go ahead and play dead

I know that you can hear this

Go ahead and play dead

Why can't you turn and face me?

Why can't you turn and face me?

Why can't you turn and face me?

Why can't you turn and face me?

You ****ing disappoint me!

 

Passive aggressive bull****

[Rearden Metal]

 

came on my Ipod at the gym...seemed so fitting... played it a dozen times today.

[Rearden Metal]

I gotta Quitter the Twitter. This isn't healthy.

 

Have a date tomorrow night. Cute girl. Only 23 though... also, has a body type like my Ex. Hope I'm not re-creating my experience. At least I'll be much more careful going forward.

 

Raining like a Muther out here. Had a positive counseling session today that focused on my work responsibilities, success/fear of success, and my interpretation of my own beliefs (nice guys finish last?) (Is that why I'm not a nice guy?). I'm interested in myself a bit more now, LOL.

 

Gym time, shortly. I'm getting leaner and in about a month should be really rocking single digit bodyfat. I'm looking forward to the beach this year

[Female Tech]

I really just wanted to show support to you RM!! I stumbled across this thread while trying to gather some support for myself. It was late last night and I about fell asleep reading it. I was anxious all day at work to get back to it and finish the thread to see how you were doing. So many things you say I can feel deeply myself. When you try and get out there again and just have a good time and forget your ex, I know just how you feel. Everything they do is compared to your ex, things they don't do the same way are always a let down, things you see or hear and want to comment to your ex about as you would in general conversation are no longer allowed. This one doesn't get it... and the history you shared left with your ex. At least that is how I feel. I don't know how long it takes to get past that. I have had several offers of dates, but rarely go. The few I force myself to go on I end up longing the whole time for the company of my ex as I know I'd have fun.. we always connected. I want to move on but it's difficult. I know I need to focus on myself right now as you are doing. I can see positive turns in your words as I read through and am so happy for you!!! Putting your pure raw emotions out for us to read is inspiring. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself, and know that you have many that are backing you, pulling for you and offering you a smile each time you need one, wishing they could offer you a hug when you have a step back. It's not always easy to be strong... but you have many to hold you up when you need that support.

 

Thank you for all you give of yourself...

~FT

[Rearden Metal]

I really just wanted to show support to you RM!! I stumbled across this thread while trying to gather some support for myself. It was late last night and I about fell asleep reading it. I was anxious all day at work to get back to it and finish the thread to see how you were doing. So many things you say I can feel deeply myself. When you try and get out there again and just have a good time and forget your ex, I know just how you feel. Everything they do is compared to your ex, things they don't do the same way are always a let down, things you see or hear and want to comment to your ex about as you would in general conversation are no longer allowed. This one doesn't get it... and the history you shared left with your ex. At least that is how I feel. I don't know how long it takes to get past that. I have had several offers of dates, but rarely go. The few I force myself to go on I end up longing the whole time for the company of my ex as I know I'd have fun.. we always connected. I want to move on but it's difficult. I know I need to focus on myself right now as you are doing. I can see positive turns in your words as I read through and am so happy for you!!! Putting your pure raw emotions out for us to read is inspiring. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself, and know that you have many that are backing you, pulling for you and offering you a smile each time you need one, wishing they could offer you a hug when you have a step back. It's not always easy to be strong... but you have many to hold you up when you need that support.

 

Thank you for all you give of yourself...

~FT

 

Thanks for showin' love FT. I'm glad some of you can relate to what's going on in my life!

[kimflute26]

Definitely be a quitter of twitter (at least hers). Dates are a very good thing... helps you remember life goes on. Good luck on yours tomorrow!

[monkeymaid]

yo RM, you and i are in what seem to be a VERY similar boat. ...single digits coming soon!! WOOT ....ok enough of that. ...ive also got the date thing happening with a similar looking girl to the ex, and they actually know eachother ..*GULP*.. there is definately life beyond! god bless the gym. ..hit it hard.. then hit it again!! cheers mate!!

 

 

quit that twitter ****. ...pussy

im quitting the jdate **** so o better quit that twitter ****. nc means NOTHING if not fully implemented. ...you like the pain dont you you sick *** ....L-E-T I-T G-O!!!!

[Rearden Metal]

yo RM, you and i are in what seem to be a VERY similar boat. ...single digits coming soon!! WOOT ....ok enough of that. ...ive also got the date thing happening with a similar looking girl to the ex, and they actually know eachother ..*GULP*.. there is definately life beyond! god bless the gym. ..hit it hard.. then hit it again!! cheers mate!!

 

 

quit that twitter ****. ...pussy

im quitting the jdate **** so o better quit that twitter ****. nc means NOTHING if not fully implemented. ...you like the pain dont you you sick *** ....L-E-T I-T G-O!!!!

 

Yeah, we are in very similar spots. On opposite coasts! If you're ever in Boston, you know who to call

 

I'm quitting the Twitter, now. I really am a sick fu*k, bent on seeing the limits of my endurance at times.

 

I'll tell you one thing, I'm going to crush the beach this year. My abs are already coming in and I'm training fu**ing HARD.

[Joe Normal]

I literally CANNOT believe she's already in a relationship. It's so bullsh*t, everything she said to me was about how she needed to finish up school and not be in a relationship. What she meant was WITH ME.

 

At the risk of sounding rude, I literally cannot believe you fell for that line. Cmon man, it's the oldest excuse in the book! When someone "needs space" or "isn't ready for a committed relationship right now", 95% of the time it means..."at least, not with you". Someone else comes along they prefer, or just someone new? Suddenly they're ready again.

 

You should read more on this site, you'll see the same garbage excuses come up again and again. After a while you start to realize how predictable people are in relationships. "It's not you, it's me", "we're just good friends", "I need to focus on my career". Lol. Funny how people who are actually in love (both of them) never say this stuff!

 

Also, you called out that other guy for feeling love still for his cheating wife. Well, you gotta jettison your feelings too. You were ignoring the evidence, now your ex's recent new fling has thrown that evidence right in your face. Time to knuckle down and kill every last vestige of affection you ever had for that dishonest woman.

[Rearden Metal]

At the risk of sounding rude, I literally cannot believe you fell for that line. Cmon man, it's the oldest excuse in the book! When someone "needs space" or "isn't ready for a committed relationship right now", 95% of the time it means..."at least, not with you". Someone else comes along they prefer, or just someone new? Suddenly they're ready again.

 

You should read more on this site, you'll see the same garbage excuses come up again and again. After a while you start to realize how predictable people are in relationships. "It's not you, it's me", "we're just good friends", "I need to focus on my career". Lol. Funny how people who are actually in love (both of them) never say this stuff!

 

Also, you called out that other guy for feeling love still for his cheating wife. Well, you gotta jettison your feelings too. You were ignoring the evidence, now your ex's recent new fling has thrown that evidence right in your face. Time to knuckle down and kill every last vestige of affection you ever had for that dishonest woman.

 

Amen, Joe. Thanks for the support.

[GrayClouds]

RM, I am concerned.

 

You have gone from an avatar of humors haircut, to the yo ho ho personable pirate picture of your plucky profile, to one that could be a rejected cover one of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight trilogy or a bad Maroon 5 cover.

[Rearden Metal]

RM, I am concerned.

 

You have gone from an avatar of humors haircut, to the yo ho ho personable pirate picture of your plucky profile, to one that could be a rejected cover one of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight trilogy or a bad Maroon 5 cover.

 

Haha!

 

yeah, the first one cracks me up, then I put up the personal pic, but a cursory Google search of my username found this page too easily so I took it down.

 

I'll try to find something more fun than this one. I like the image, though.

[GrayClouds]

Haha!

 

yeah, the first one cracks me up, then I put up the personal pic, but a cursory Google search of my username found this page too easily so I took it down.

 

I'll try to find something more fun than this one. I like the image, though.

 

Ya it just every time I look at it I feel like I should be at the Lilith Fair singing chick music

How about this until you find something better:

 

http://i129.photobucket.com/albums/p228/ChanchaHeavy/Metal.jpg

[Rearden Metal]

Found one for you, Chief.

[dreamingoftigers]

LOL nice avatar!

[Rearden Metal]

Heh thanks DoT, I smile when I see it.