Complicated situation, GF lost phone

[WantToGetExBack]

Well it wasn't long ago I made a thread here about our long distance break up and how to get her back, and I eventually did. For a week or so things were going really good. Then three days ago after talking with her in the morning, I keep trying to call her and get no reply, get no reply to my texts. Next day in the noon, my friend calls me to let me know she left him msgs online saying she lost her phone and to let me know about it. I also checked my messages on yahoo messenger and msn mail and she was telling me not to panic and that she will get in touch with me soon. She seemed worried because she said how she has crazy text msgs on her phone and if someone returns it to her brother( she lives with him), she will be in trouble big time. She told me she will come back to check her msgs, but three days pass and so far I have heard nothing from her. I have left her countless msgs on yahoo and MSN, but nothing so far. Yesterday she logged in to her Youtube and changed her personal pic background to a plain background and put headline "NOTHING LEFT" and put a kind of emo song on her page. At nite around 2-3 AM( she is usualy sleeping), I am refreshing her page and all of sudden it says account closed. So she came on youtube two times, but did not care to check or reply to my msgs on msn and yahoo? I am now wondering if she is really caught or if this is a drama, ploy from her to force me to move on. Her phone after she lost it I kept calling , whoever found it didn't switch it off but didn't care to also pick up( which is weird for me), am gettin all the signals she badly wants to move on that's why she took these strong steps, at the same time im madly in love with her, and hoping its not the case and she contacts me soon like she promised in her msgs. Please do not tell me to move on, just want to know what you people feel is really happening, is she in trouble and will contact me soon? or is it end of us?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Turn it around and think of it this way:

 

You are clearly in love with her. Would you:

 

1. Get in touch with her through some other girl without contacting her first?

2. Tell her you'll be in touch soon with no other explanation?

3. Not answer her messages.

4. Close accounts so she can't reach you?

5. Not talk to her at all?

6. Wait days before leaving just brief unemotional messages.

 

No, of course you wouldn't. Because people who love you will not do that to you. Only people who clearly do not and are trying to get away from you do.

 

Think about it. There are no other explanations for her behavior. None. Nada. The phone story is ridiculous all around.

 

She does not want to be with you anymore and wants you to leave her alone. She likely does not want to tell you directly because you are obsessing at this point and that can be alarming.

 

All those calls. All those messages. The panic.

 

You have to walk away before she takes even stronger measures to make sure you walk away.

[2sunny]

it's the end. face it - she is a dawg and doesn't have the courage to tell you. what a bad character trait she has - no honesty. what is wrong with her just telling you? geeeez.

 

she didn't lose her phone... it wouldn't still be on... power would have run dry. too many things add up to "it's over; but i don't have the courage to tell you."

 

so now that she's built so many lies instead of being honest - she has to run and hide from all of what she's created... so she starts shutting down her other forms of communication so she doesn't have to face the truth (which is that she's a liar). and possibly a cheat too.

 

too much drama and lies... this is a favor - be grateful you are seeing the truth now - cut off communication and move forward.

[threebyfate]

Yup, the phone thing is just a story. How many people do you know who don't have online access, if they truly want to communicate with a loved one? If need be, they would be accessing through friends/family, public library or through an Internet Cafe.

[WantToGetExBack]

Hey thank you for your replies. Well she left me messages online before she left them for my friend, but she left for him in case I can't check online , if he does he will be able to contact me and let me know as she knows I start getting worried. So he actually called me, and then I stopped calling her. She left me yahoo messages in the morning saying she will check back later. Then she left me email on hotmail after 5-6 hours, and I wasn't home so I only replied back when I got home. In both places, she said she hope im not getting worried and stuff it's because she lost her phone, and she will try to get in touch with me soon. I know for sure she is worried about her bro and our thing was secret from her family. I tried calling the phone today and it seems like the line has been disconnected or deactivated. She has school on weekdays so my only hope is tomorrow if she can reply. If she doesn't that means she got caught because she said in her message if her bro finds out, she is dead. Only thing I don't get is if she logged in on youtube twice to delete account, it would have taken her at most a min to check up on my messages in yahoo and hotmail. I wanna wait till monday, if she doesn't reply, should I contact police? I have nothing to lose, at least I might be able to find out if shes in trouble or not or if it was her decision. By the way I live in Canada, and she is in US. I do love her a lot madly, and throughout our relationship for 1 and half years, I've been very persistent to make it work, that's why it has lasted this long. Just the day she lost her phone, we talked in the morning and it was one of the best phone conversations we had in every way, and she told me she will call at 6 in the morning next day.

Edited March 1, 2010 by WantToGetExBack

[Rollercoasterr]

I don't know if you've heard or not, but in schools there are these things called Libraries and inside those libraries are computers WITH internet access!!!

 

The phone being lost is a story. She's either got caught or doesn't want to risk getting caught and wants to end it.

 

How do you see this working out anyway if she's "dead" once her brother finds out? This is an impossible relationship. Real life isn't like the movies. You aren't going to go sweep her off her feet and wisk her away from that terrible terrible land to be with you. Being in an LDR where you are in different countries makes it harder because if you were to want to relocate you would have to file for a visa. That takes time, and her family will find out if you do that.

 

I realize that you're in love with her like mad, but you need to wake up and be realistic. What can come of this relationship? Answer honestly to yourself. Don't let romance cloud your thoughts. REALLY. What can come of it? Nothing can. Not if your relationship has to be a secret.

[SuburbanOblivion]

Do NOT contact anyone.

 

If she wants to get in touch with you, she will. In the meantime, back off.

 

You are seriously sounding like a stalker at this point.

[WantToGetExBack]

I don't know if you've heard or not, but in schools there are these things called Libraries and inside those libraries are computers WITH internet access!!!

 

The phone being lost is a story. She's either got caught or doesn't want to risk getting caught and wants to end it.

 

How do you see this working out anyway if she's "dead" once her brother finds out? This is an impossible relationship. Real life isn't like the movies. You aren't going to go sweep her off her feet and wisk her away from that terrible terrible land to be with you. Being in an LDR where you are in different countries makes it harder because if you were to want to relocate you would have to file for a visa. That takes time, and her family will find out if you do that.

 

I realize that you're in love with her like mad, but you need to wake up and be realistic. What can come of this relationship? Answer honestly to yourself. Don't let romance cloud your thoughts. REALLY. What can come of it? Nothing can. Not if your relationship has to be a secret.

 

Hey, I agree with some of the things you said. However, I do remember making my first post here and being told to go NC and move on, I refused to do that and I eventually got us back together. I don't know but I do strongly believe love happens once, wheres the commitment if you are only falling in love to eventually move on. If after every issue I decided to move on, I would've had about 50 ex-girlfriends by now. I don't know maybe I am obsessed with her, maybe I feel this relationship has taken a lot out of me and I don't want it to go down the drain now, which I admit is the wrong way to look at it. Only thing that is keeping my hope alive is we had very descriptive phone conversation the morning she lost her phone, she also acknowledged I was now a lot more easy going and understanding, she said she would call me in the morning at 6. Her two messages also were very assuring and she seemed worried what I might be going through. My only hope is tomorrow because her brother is supposed to be at work and she in her school, so if by then she does not contact, then I will start to feel more it was a plan to dump me. Or that she is not allowed to leave the house( although I doubt that) but her family is Muslim so can't rule that out.

[WantToGetExBack]

Do NOT contact anyone.

 

If she wants to get in touch with you, she will. In the meantime, back off.

 

You are seriously sounding like a stalker at this point.

 

Hey, what is wrong if I try to contact some law enforcement authorities? I know it might seem like taking too far and being overly obsessive, but why should I be the only one to feel like I am being tortured through all this. Whether it's her plan or her brother's authority, they should at least deal with it. I have nothing to lose, maybe the truth will come out at least. Maybe this is the best way for me to get me out of this relationship for once and all. I just need to figure out how I will move on because it is something I've never been prepared for with this girl, she just meant everything.

[Rollercoasterr]

Yes, but unfortunately you are also walking the thin line of sounding like a stalker. Seriously. Being in love is one thing, but you're obsessed and that's not healthy.

 

If she wanted to contact you she would. She would find a way. She hasn't found a way. I know this is falling on deaf ears because you ARE in an unhealthy state right now, but maybe one day you'll understand. You can make excuses for her until you're blue in the face, you can have all the hope in the world, but that's not going to change the fact that the girl that you thought loved you isn't answering your phone calls and is canceling her accounts.

 

I really hope you come to reality on this. Stalker isn't a good look for anyone.

[Rollercoasterr]

Hey, what is wrong if I try to contact some law enforcement authorities? I know it might seem like taking too far and being overly obsessive, but why should I be the only one to feel like I am being tortured through all this. Whether it's her plan or her brother's authority, they should at least deal with it. I have nothing to lose, maybe the truth will come out at least. Maybe this is the best way for me to get me out of this relationship for once and all. I just need to figure out how I will move on because it is something I've never been prepared for with this girl, she just meant everything.

 

 

Okay, seriously. You need help. You don't even know for sure if the stories she's telling you are TRUE, and you're thinking about doing this. No matter how well you think you know someone, people LIE.

 

Have you ever met her in real life?

 

And you DO know that she can get a restraining order against you if worst comes to worst, right????

[2sunny]

Hey, what is wrong if I try to contact some law enforcement authorities? I know it might seem like taking too far and being overly obsessive, but why should I be the only one to feel like I am being tortured through all this. Whether it's her plan or her brother's authority, they should at least deal with it. I have nothing to lose, maybe the truth will come out at least. Maybe this is the best way for me to get me out of this relationship for once and all. I just need to figure out how I will move on because it is something I've never been prepared for with this girl, she just meant everything.

 

you're not listening and you're not thinking clearly.

 

BACK OFF! stop obsessing about a gal that doesn't want contact enough to borrow a friend's phone and call you. she's done. accept it and move on.

 

leave her alone... to do anything further with her is just way too stalkerish.

[WantToGetExBack]

Okay thanks for replies. I agree I'm not thinking clearly so sorry if I said something stupid in my earlier posts. I have some reasons to believe she will try to contact me, but at the same time I do agree with you guys that it can't have been too hard for her to get in touch if she wanted. My heart is in my mouth right now just waiting for morning, I'm just feeling so nervous and anxious can't even sleep because I know if she does not contact me tomorrow, it's over. Don't know how I will cope, I'm currently taking seroquel for depression and ritalin for mood elevation and still feeling like this.

[aerogurl87]

Yes, but unfortunately you are also walking the thin line of sounding like a stalker. Seriously. Being in love is one thing, but you're obsessed and that's not healthy.

 

If she wanted to contact you she would. She would find a way. She hasn't found a way. I know this is falling on deaf ears because you ARE in an unhealthy state right now, but maybe one day you'll understand. You can make excuses for her until you're blue in the face, you can have all the hope in the world, but that's not going to change the fact that the girl that you thought loved you isn't answering your phone calls and is canceling her accounts.

 

I really hope you come to reality on this. Stalker isn't a good look for anyone.

 

Yeah I have to agree with Rollercoasterr on this one. Look OP I was in this same crazy "can't let them go because I put so much work into our relationship" state of mind that was in hindsight, extremely unhealthy and borderline obsessive. I thought the world revolved around my ex and for the first 6 months after we broke up it still basically did. He was my drug and my addiction, life just didn't seem right without him and we had this undeniably awesome connection.

 

But sometimes you have to come to terms with life and realize that it's over. This isn't the Notebook or some other Hollywood film, she's not going to see the light and come running back to your arms. And in time you'll find someone else, someone who loves you and is willing to put as much work into a relationship as you put into this one. If it can happen for me, it can happen for you.

[WantToGetExBack]

We're both Muslims and share the same background culture, so this would never have been the issue. Anyhow, unfortunately, you guys were right I guess. I've been dumped, today was the biggest hope for me, but heard nothing from her. I feel like this will torture me for lifetime just the way it happened. I don't think anyone deserves to be treated this way. It almost makes you hate the person you love the most, care for most. I feel surprised how well some people have been able to move on, for all I know, I never will. I tried reading over worst ever break up threads to make me feel like I am not the only one, and lot of people had made bigger commitments and lost out on more, yet I feel like I have it the most rough. Believe or not, I missed one whole month of my university during our break break up month ago because I just lost motivation for everything. We get back together for while, I start to get my life together, and then this happens . I feel odd for being a guy and crying over a break up at every opportunity. I never hung out, don't have friends, my life revolved around internet, so I really have nothing to fall back on unlike most people. I feel like dying tbh, but her two e-mails still give me little bit of hope. If she wanted to shut me out completely why would she write all this? Just copy/pasting few imp snippets from her 2 msgs.

Offlines on Yahoo:

plzzzzz i realy hope ur nt going crazy n waitng n woundring bout wats happning its jus dat i dnt have my pone wit me

i dnt no wat 2 dooooo??? n where r uuuuuuuuuu....plzzz cme soon n read dese msgs i will try to cme n check again

if my bro cmes 2 find it sme hw dats da end ov me having a cell pone omg plzzzz goshhh i will tlk 2 u soon i hope tc

 

Her email 6 hours later on MSN:

hi goshh i dnt no wat 2 say...hope ur ok n nt going crazy coz u cnt gt in touch wit

me thro my pone

i have left u msgs on yahoo offline coz my yahoo mai iz nt wrking

uffff plzzz dnt wrorry i will try 2 gt in touch wit u sooonnn,,,

ufff anwys tlk 2 u later i gues wat ever happens happens ok tc bii...

 

Why would she give me hope if she wants me to move on this badly? Just the day it happened, that morning we had some very descriptive phone conversation.

Edited March 2, 2010 by WantToGetExBack

[Rollercoasterr]

She said she'd try, not that she would get a hold of you. There's the loophole there. If she really wanted to, like we all said earlier, she would. If she goes to school theres libraries and computers in school. Other people have phones they would gladly let her use to shoot an email. Saying that either of these isn't possible for her is just making excuses and trying to delude yourself more.

 

I've been through an awful breakup, so I DO know how you feel. My fiance and I broke up once 6 years ago and that breakup nearly killed me. I didn't want to eat, sleep, or do anything. It was the worst time of my life. But I didn't badger him. We continued to talk and be best friends after a while, but we were still in love with each other. So don't think I'm trying to be mean to you, I'm not, I do know how you feel and understand how bad it hurts.

 

But the one thing that will help you to get over the situation is to stop making excuses for her. Look at the situation and say "You know what, she COULD HAVE gotten a hold of me" and then realize that she's not worth your efforts. That will take some time, it doesn't happen overnight, but it will be beneficial to you.

 

If she were truly and honestly in love then her family would know about you. They might not like it and may take her things away, but you don't cave in and lose your love just because someone takes a stupid phone away. You find another avenue. Persistence wins. If she tried long enough and hard enough you wouldn't be in the situation that you are in today.

 

Just remember, she didn't try for you. She didn't contact you. And then try and get yourself someone to talk to. Your situation isn't healthy and if you're missing a whole month of school just for this, you really need help.

 

And do NOT, contact the law. They will only laugh at you, and if they do go to her, they'll advise her to put a restraining order against you. If you've never met her, they will not be sympathetic towards the situation.

[Els]

I agree that there are plenty of ways besides a phone to get in contact with someone. I'm truly sorry for your pain, OP, and I do hope you will get to the bottom of this soon at least.

 

If she were truly and honestly in love then her family would know about you. They might not like it and may take her things away, but you don't cave in and lose your love just because someone takes a stupid phone away. You find another avenue. Persistence wins. If she tried long enough and hard enough you wouldn't be in the situation that you are in today.

 

I'm not sure that going the direct route with some parents is the best way, though. Yes, she should definitely find another way if the phone is taken away - but it'll be harder, won't it? And it's already hard enough. At least hiding it from her parents would make it less difficult. Who knows, they might take away her internet, ground her after school so she can't go to cybercafes, etc etc.

[Rollercoasterr]

I agree that there are plenty of ways besides a phone to get in contact with someone. I'm truly sorry for your pain, OP, and I do hope you will get to the bottom of this soon at least.

 

 

 

I'm not sure that going the direct route with some parents is the best way, though. Yes, she should definitely find another way if the phone is taken away - but it'll be harder, won't it? And it's already hard enough. At least hiding it from her parents would make it less difficult. Who knows, they might take away her internet, ground her after school so she can't go to cybercafes, etc etc.

 

But if not now, when? When will they ever find out? If you're hiding something that means SO much to you, how can it ever come to fruition? It can't. It will have to stay a secret forever. Who wants to keep a love secret their whole life? There wont be marriage, there wont be children, there will be nothing but this huge secret.

 

And even if they eventually find out, how would you do it? Make up a huge huge lie to tell them so that they wont freak? If you lie once you have to keep up the lie. You have to live every day hoping and praying that it doesn't come out, that you or your SO doesn't slip up and say the wrong thing. Living a lie that big would be misery.

[Els]

Oh, no, not forever. At least til she's financially independent though, at least. While she's dependent on them, there's not much she can do.

[Rollercoasterr]

Oh, no, not forever. At least til she's financially independent though, at least. While she's dependent on them, there's not much she can do.

 

 

And then you say "Hey! Been hiding this guy from you for about 5 years. There's nothing you can do about it now, but just wanted to let you know!", right? Regardless of if you're financially dependent, telling your parents something like that especially after it caused so much trouble in the past is enough to ruin a relationship for a while, if not forever.

 

I'm all for people being independent and doing what they want as long as it makes them happy, but for this girl, it sounds like she doesn't have that option.

 

There are people that let their parents run their lives forever. In some cultures a child would never go against their parents will, no matter what the age. In cases like that, once a secret, always a secret.

 

I'm not trying to argue, Els. I adore you. I'm just saying that a lot of the time when something like this happens there is never an intention on one end or another to ever tell. How many times have we seen that on here to know it's true? A whole lot! There are always exceptions to every rule, but it's hard to find them.

Edited March 2, 2010 by Rollercoasterr

[WantToGetExBack]

Hey, thanks both of you for replies. Well I logged in today in my yahoo, and she sent me these offline messages. I understand I shouldn't really be posting our messages and respect her privacy, but I'm really down and seeking for advice to understand what is really going on. So this is what she posted to me on yahoo. I feel hopeless either way if she is doing it to go our separate ways or if she indeed really got caught. Only time will tell for sure.

 

9:19 AM 3/2 u have no idea wat i have been going thro

9:19 AM 3/2 u no my br gt da pone n found out a lot ov stuff

9:20 AM 3/2 he has nt been to wrk in few dayz

9:20 AM 3/2 i cnt do anything wit out him watching me

9:20 AM 3/2 i will tell u all dat is happning

9:20 AM 3/2 i jus cnt cme online az mch im nt going to skool either

9:20 AM 3/2 goshhh kashiiiii u have no idea

9:20 AM 3/2 my wrst wrst nite mare came trueee ufff

9:20 AM 3/2 plzzz calm dwn

9:20 AM 3/2 i dnt no wat 2 tell uuuu

9:20 AM 3/2 jus calm dwn

9:21 AM 3/2 im in deep deep touble

9:21 AM 3/2 he wants 2 find out who u r???

9:21 AM 3/2 i dnt gt gud feelings

9:21 AM 3/2 buh im trying to fight it ufff

9:21 AM 3/2 dnt do anything or ask any 1

9:21 AM 3/2 i wil cme online sme hw n tell u

9:21 AM 3/2 i have 2 go

9:21 AM 3/2 he will b coming out ov da bathroom

9:21 AM 3/2 az he is nt going 2 wrk

9:21 AM 3/2 omgggg

9:21 AM 3/2 GOD help meeee

9:22 AM 3/2 ok tc bii

9:22 AM 3/2 missing u lyke never b4

9:22 AM 3/2 ufff bi....

 

BTW, she doesn't have parents, so she is obviously very dependent on her brother and lives with his family. I can understand she does not want to risk ruining her relationship with them. She may still be doing it to move on, but I know she's usually very straight forward, and she could've done this when our break up happened and I bugged her with calls/msgs, but not when we were back together. So if her family is against it and they are keeping eye on her, what are like our options anymore? Of course it still all depends on how strong she feels about us, and how much she is willing to do to make it work.

[Rollercoasterr]

From what she has said, your options don't look good.

 

Are you SURE that she's 21? I mean, are you completely sure, without a doubt? From the way that she writes and acts it sounds like she isn't. A lot of girls and guys do lie about their age online and then it comes right back and bites them. In your other thread you said that she has a student teaching job. My cousin just graduated from college, and he didn't start his student teaching until after he had graduated from school. He graduated from college, started his student teaching for a year, and then he gets to apply for jobs. In her messages she said that she's not even going to school. Is she talking about her job, or is she talking about college?

 

I'm not saying she's a liar, but I'm saying that from the way she types(I wouldn't want someone who typed like that to be teaching my children), the things you've said, and the things she's said something doesn't add up.

 

I really honestly believe that she's trying to let you go once and for all. Things may be bad for her at home now that's he's found out, there's no doubt about that, and I think she's scared because she's in trouble. Not scared for her life or anything, just scared because she got caught. Now that she's gotten caught she's more than likely not going to try again.

[CarrieT]

God, I must be old. I don't understand txt spk whatsoever.

[Rollercoasterr]

God, I must be old. I don't understand txt spk whatsoever.

 

 

I work for a cell phone company and it still took me forever to decipher that.

[CarrieT]

I work for a cell phone company and it still took me forever to decipher that.

 

It seriously hurts my brains to try and figure it out.