How Can I Stop My Wife Seeing OM

[ConflictedGuy27]

While it is commendable that you offer to stick around as you feel you owe the members of the board a debt. Keep in mind this is a board of saddness and at times despair.

 

You need to find happier times and begin to heal, and do not need reminders of the past few months. As it stands, there will be enough reminders without visiting LS.

 

Should you feel that part of your healing is to stay away from LS, please do so.

 

In nothing else, I would like to someday read an update on how much better your new and changed life is going for you

 

Yes, this post is pretty much embodies my rationale for eventually walking away from LS, at least during the remainder of my healing.

 

It never ceases to amaze me how often infidelity goes on in this world, for whatever reason. The infidelity board serves as a reminder to me of the pain infidelity causes, yes, but also represents a place where I can find people that understand, relate and even care. It's funny how I'll never forget a group I've never met face to face. God bless the Internet. ;p

 

You will get your update, when the time is right. As much as you want to see it, that's how much I'd love to report it. Lol.

[seibert253]

I think I'm hard pressed to find anyone whose handled the Sh#t you've been through with such class and dignity.

 

You serve as a model to many of us right now, and will to many to come, (unfortuantly).

 

When God closes a door, he always opens a window. You will be walking through, standing tall with your dignity fully intact.

 

As the song say's, "the future's so bright I gotta wear shades"

 

Peace to you my friend.

[ConflictedGuy27]

I signed my lease for my apartment in the city this afternoon! ;D

I move in at the end of April.

 

The final signing of the refi papers is tomorrow... Wow. It's almost time to move out of my own home. Amazing... My STBX and I bought the place & moved in only 10 months ago... Who knew that just 10 months later I'd be nearly divorced and moving out. Wow.

 

Those that have married, or are dating, a narcissist beware. When they are done with you, you and everything you thought you had with that person are tossed away like used tissue - ZERO empathy & ZERO remorse. Watch out! Better yet, get away from them; espicially if you don't have kids.

 

I'm excited about the future. ;p

Edited April 13, 2010 by ConflictedGuy27

[CM2009]

I signed my lease for my apartment in the city this afternoon! ;D

I move in at the end of April.

 

The final signing of the refi papers is tomorrow... Wow. It's almost time to move out of my own home. Amazing... My STBX and I bought the place & moved in only 10 months ago... Who knew that just 10 months later I'd be nearly divorced and moving out. Wow.

 

Those that have married, or are dating, a narcissist beware. When they are done with you, you and everything you thought you had with that person are tossed away like used tissue - ZERO empathy & ZERO remorse. Watch out! Better yet, get away from them; espicially if you don't have kids.

 

I'm excited about the future. ;p

 

I agree bro with everything you just said. I was like you with LS and using it as a crutch but I've had to learn not to use it as a crutch but more of a place where I can help those who are going through the same thing I'm going through. To be honest the only reason why I've been on LS is to really check on your post because like I told u early on your story sounds so familiar just like mines and I wanted to see how you did. I must say you did better then myself, and I gladly extend my hand to shake yours and to say congrats on making it through this storm (even though its not over yet) I pray God blesses you with a woman who deserves you......

[ConflictedGuy27]

...To be honest the only reason why I've been on LS is to really check on your post because like I told u early on your story sounds so familiar just like mines and I wanted to see how you did. I must say you did better then myself, and I gladly extend my hand to shake yours and to say congrats on making it through this storm (even though its not over yet) I pray God blesses you with a woman who deserves you......

 

Thanks for checking back in on me.

 

So I'll be getting the keys to my new place in Friday and I'll be moving in on Monday. What that means is this is the last weekend I'll be spending in my condo - the place my STBX and I chose to be our marital home forever.

 

4 days left. I'm excited in a big way. I've never lived by myself before; that's how far back my STBX & I go.

 

What an interesting chapter that's coming up. Exciting is an under statement.

I'm rambling so I'll wrap up this little update.

 

In summary: 4 days left in the old condo & counting; I'll be moving on a weekday when my STBX is @ work; and that's that.

 

The refi is complete and in 2 weeks the D docs will be ready for final ink.

This is damn near the end. I wonder what her face'll look like when she finally comes home and ALL my sh*t's gone... Lol. I'd pay $20 to see that candid camera footage.

 

There's no need for anymore face to face. Once I'm out, all the docs can be signed by me when she's not around. I like the idea of not allowing her an opportunity for closure by saying a final goodbye to me.

 

There's something way more bad ass (and in control) about just vanishing w/o a trace. I like that idea.

 

Any other suggestions? You guys agree with the no closure vanishing act idea??

[NABDP]

I just want to say you are a hero. I saw your post on another site as well and noticed you were here. My situation and yours are so similar you have no idea and I am going through this for the second time in my life actually. Both times with a girl that sounds like she could be a twin of your ex.

 

If you want to talk at all, send me a PM as you have no idea how much I can relate and how much I am in admiration of your progress here. I can also send you some links to threads of mine in other forums if you are curious to read a similar story and maybe learn something from my journey as well.

 

Congrats on the amazing progress you have made, and I am wishing you nothing but the best, and know you are going to be successful.

[how2forgive&2forget]

Hi CG. I just wanted to let you know that I admire and respect you because you have lots of self-respect and self-worth, and this is why you are getting out of situation relatively unscathed. If you had lower self-esteem you would still be begging for any smokes and signals that she still loves you.

 

 

You are a shining example to everyone here.

[on1wheel]

I have followed your post from the beginning; even added my 2 cents worth (in Cdn money btw :-) when I thought it pertinent.

I have admired you from afar, as I was not able to walk away as you are doing...baby involved. I am living vicariously through you mon ami. I can't wait to read that U R out of the condo & went NC & disappeared. It will drive the B*tch crazy that U did that.

I wish U all the best in your new place & in ur new life. My hat is off to U. I don't think ur conflicted guy any longer...BRAVO!!!

[jnj express]

Hey CG---I am happy for you----It will take a while but soon enuff you will start to enjoy your new life----Good luck, and have a great future----You deserve it.

[ConflictedGuy27]

Hey CG---I am happy for you----It will take a while but soon enuff you will start to enjoy your new life----Good luck, and have a great future----You deserve it.

 

"it will take awhile..." you're not kidding.

I didn't realize how effected I would be by moving on like this. It dawned on me last night that i'm still trudging through this in a big way.

 

I broke NC to offer my STBX an opportunity to buy some furniture I won't be taking with me. She accepted, as I knew she wanted them.

 

We did get off subject a bit, as she felt the need to let me know how frustrated she's been w/ me regarding my lack of contact. It was a stupid conversation I shouldn't have initiated in the first place.

 

When I fired back at her bull sh*t she eventually made a break for the bathroom after saying "I'm not going to cry in front of you..."

 

According to her I'm now a cocky jerk and she's happy I'm leaving, lol. She offered this also: "when I get into my next relationship (implying she's not currently in one) instead of shutting myself off I'm going to communicate better" lol. I told her, good luck with that...

 

I was being more non chalant than cocky, but whatever. Doesn't matter, but certainly engaging her was a mistake; as breaking NC is usually a mistake in general.

 

So anyway, other aspects of my weekend were great. Visited my new place, love the new neighborhood. It's certainly the best thing for me.

 

I won't be over this for awhile though... That's what I learned as I prepped for the move. I thought I was in the home stretch, but there's still a ways to go. I'm in the part that can only be closed out by being away from the situation.

 

So, to summarize: I'm moving, that's going good; I broke NC, that went bad; and I've got some healing ahead of me.

 

Geez... Divorce is such a pain in the ass.

[ConflictedGuy27]

Hey CG---I am happy for you----It will take a while but soon enuff you will start to enjoy your new life----Good luck, and have a great future----You deserve it.

 

"it will take awhile..." you're not kidding.

I didn't realize how effected I would be by moving on like this. It dawned on me last night that i'm still trudging through this in a big way.

 

I broke NC to offer my STBX an opportunity to buy some furniture I won't be taking with me. She accepted, as I knew she wanted them.

 

We did get off subject a bit, as she felt the need to let me know how frustrated she's been w/ me regarding my lack of contact. It was a stupid conversation I shouldn't have initiated in the first place.

 

When I fired back at her bull sh*t she eventually made a break for the bathroom after saying "I'm not going to cry in front of you..."

 

According to her I'm now a cocky jerk and she's happy I'm leaving, lol. She offered this also: "when I get into my next relationship (implying she's not currently in one) instead of shutting myself off I'm going to communicate better" lol. I told her, good luck with that...

 

I was being more non chalant than cocky, but whatever. Doesn't matter, but certainly engaging her was a mistake; as breaking NC is usually a mistake in general.

 

So anyway, other aspects of my weekend were great. Visited my new place, love the new neighborhood. It's certainly the best thing for me.

 

I won't be over this for awhile though... That's what I learned as I prepped for the move. I thought I was in the home stretch, but there's still a ways to go. I'm in the part that can only be closed out by being away from the situation.

 

So, to summarize: I'm moving, that's going good; I broke NC, that went bad; and I've STILL got some healing ahead of me.

[dreamingoftigers]

enh you are allowed to slip up every now and then.

 

You are doing great overall and I hope you hae the best time ever!

[ConflictedGuy27]

So I'm fully moved out and the final D paperwork is signed (should be filed later this week). We're in CA's 6 month "cooling off" waiting period.

 

I'm loving my new place & new neighborhood so far. I seriously upgraded so I'm feeling pretty good.

 

I had my final visit with my psychotherapist today and she says I'm looking pretty good. She gave me a few more things to think about for the sake of my mental health - I.e. being sure to turn my new place into a home/sanctuary. I call this my final visit as it relates to my situation with my STBX and closing out that chapter.

 

My therapist reccomends that I see her again once i start dating someone seriously. I'll be taking her up on that. The concern we both have is obvious: to avoid falling for another woman psychologically resembling my STBX.

 

So... All the loose ends are officially tied up.

What a relief. All I can do now is focus on creating a brighter future & do my best to ensure that the chapter I just cleared stays closed.

 

Cheers.

[ConflictedGuy27]

CG- Can I ask you a question? Could you maybe have called the xW about the furniture just to see how you would feel about seeing her? Kinda like testing your sobriety? Just wondering, since you could have put the furniture on craigslist, sold it to friends, donated it, etc etc etc.

 

Good intuition, JT, my motive at the time was something like that.

 

We were at the condo & I saw her out the window sweeping the porch. I got ready to leave just so I could "pass her by" on my way out. I knew this would very likely be our final face to face (she didn't know that) so I wanted to see/talk to her in person once more, for whatever reason.

 

Now don't get me wrong, this had nothing to do with love or even recon; this was more like visiting a tombstone... Paying my respects to what was, one last time - and her body was the medium; or so I thought at the time.

 

As I engaged her, I forgot for a few moments that she was still carrying on her relationship heavily with her OM. It was interesting just looking at her face. It was like looking at memorial or something. My ex was very simple and very childish, so I was dumbstruck at how brazen she was at destroying our M.

 

Yes I sold my furniture. I chose her cause I knew I could sell it with literally no effort - she liked my stuff. But yes, JT, I had an ulterior motive and of course, that back fired (even tho I made my sale).

 

When I look at her now, I pitty her. I'm also convinced now that she'll "get it" in a few years or so.

 

Be that as it may I don't intend to see her again.

[stillafool]

"it will take awhile..." you're not kidding.

I didn't realize how effected I would be by moving on like this. It dawned on me last night that i'm still trudging through this in a big way.

 

I broke NC to offer my STBX an opportunity to buy some furniture I won't be taking with me. She accepted, as I knew she wanted them.

 

We did get off subject a bit, as she felt the need to let me know how frustrated she's been w/ me regarding my lack of contact. It was a stupid conversation I shouldn't have initiated in the first place.

 

When I fired back at her bull sh*t she eventually made a break for the bathroom after saying "I'm not going to cry in front of you..."

 

According to her I'm now a cocky jerk and she's happy I'm leaving, lol. She offered this also: "when I get into my next relationship (implying she's not currently in one) instead of shutting myself off I'm going to communicate better" lol. I told her, good luck with that...

 

I was being more non chalant than cocky, but whatever. Doesn't matter, but certainly engaging her was a mistake; as breaking NC is usually a mistake in general.

 

So anyway, other aspects of my weekend were great. Visited my new place, love the new neighborhood. It's certainly the best thing for me.

 

I won't be over this for awhile though... That's what I learned as I prepped for the move. I thought I was in the home stretch, but there's still a ways to go. I'm in the part that can only be closed out by being away from the situation.

 

So, to summarize: I'm moving, that's going good; I broke NC, that went bad; and I've STILL got some healing ahead of me.

 

I love how you stbx tried to turn the situation around and put it on you. Did she forget that she stated twice she wanted to go through with the divorce? Did she also forget that she is the one who was spending nights away from the condo instead of trying to repair her marriage? She is just upset because you didn't chase after her and feed her ego. Who knows, this OM may not be as attentive to her as he once was. She was definitely playing games and sounds like she is in a state of confusion. You are right to pity her at this point. I also think you did the right thing by offering the furniture to her to buy. It would have been mean of you to sell the stuff to someone else when you knew she wanted it. It was a brilliant idea to just vanish. That has always been my exit and it drives the other party out of their mind; but you did what you felt you needed at the time and I can respect that.

[Disintegration]

I'm sure it has to be a bitter sweet moment for you. Moving on with your life without all of that excess baggage and into a new place with a promising future. Yet the dissolve of your marriage not for once thinking the outcome would be the way it is. I know we'd all really enjoy to know how you're doing after the six months and see where you are then and I bet it'll be with someone more deserving of you. You may not see it now but this had to happen in order for you to meet the one you're supposed to be with.

 

Your whole attitude towards this has been nothing short of remarkable. I don't think many people would have handled it the way you have. You're one to admire.

 

Hope you're enjoying your new home-make the best of it.

 

Good luck!

[Kenyth]

"it will take awhile..." you're not kidding.

I didn't realize how effected I would be by moving on like this. It dawned on me last night that i'm still trudging through this in a big way.

 

I broke NC to offer my STBX an opportunity to buy some furniture I won't be taking with me. She accepted, as I knew she wanted them.

 

We did get off subject a bit, as she felt the need to let me know how frustrated she's been w/ me regarding my lack of contact. It was a stupid conversation I shouldn't have initiated in the first place.

 

When I fired back at her bull sh*t she eventually made a break for the bathroom after saying "I'm not going to cry in front of you..."

 

According to her I'm now a cocky jerk and she's happy I'm leaving, lol. She offered this also: "when I get into my next relationship (implying she's not currently in one) instead of shutting myself off I'm going to communicate better" lol. I told her, good luck with that...

 

I was being more non chalant than cocky, but whatever. Doesn't matter, but certainly engaging her was a mistake; as breaking NC is usually a mistake in general.

 

So anyway, other aspects of my weekend were great. Visited my new place, love the new neighborhood. It's certainly the best thing for me.

 

I won't be over this for awhile though... That's what I learned as I prepped for the move. I thought I was in the home stretch, but there's still a ways to go. I'm in the part that can only be closed out by being away from the situation.

 

So, to summarize: I'm moving, that's going good; I broke NC, that went bad; and I've got some healing ahead of me.

 

Geez... Divorce is such a pain in the ass.

 

I mean really, what does she expect after doing you over the way she did? Champagne brunches, spa visits, and family holidays together? She obviously has little clue of the seriousness of her actions. Luckily, she has you to teach her the value of fidelity. Even the most stubborn mule will eventually learn what it's supposed to do once the whip has been cracked on it's @$$ enough times.

[Darth Vader]

Good intuition, JT, my motive at the time was something like that.

 

We were at the condo & I saw her out the window sweeping the porch. I got ready to leave just so I could "pass her by" on my way out. I knew this would very likely be our final face to face (she didn't know that) so I wanted to see/talk to her in person once more, for whatever reason.

 

Now don't get me wrong, this had nothing to do with love or even recon; this was more like visiting a tombstone... Paying my respects to what was, one last time - and her body was the medium; or so I thought at the time.

 

As I engaged her, I forgot for a few moments that she was still carrying on her relationship heavily with her OM. It was interesting just looking at her face. It was like looking at memorial or something. My ex was very simple and very childish, so I was dumbstruck at how brazen she was at destroying our M.

 

Yes I sold my furniture. I chose her cause I knew I could sell it with literally no effort - she liked my stuff. But yes, JT, I had an ulterior motive and of course, that back fired (even tho I made my sale).

 

When I look at her now, I pitty her. I'm also convinced now that she'll "get it" in a few years or so.

 

Be that as it may I don't intend to see her again.

 

If she ever does "get it", she'll have your furniture there with her to remind her what she threw away! Ever think of that?! That'll be priceless when that happens! Remember, stay NC!

[Dazedme]

You know she has the power but you can take it. You have the divorce papers ready that she doesn't think you will use. Give them to her and make it "REAL". Right now she is enjoying the new man and most likely the drama between the two of you because she is in control of it. She will let this go on as long as she can.

In this case I would also let her family know about the divorce and why the divorce is happening. Usually I would say don't do this but I think it is needed here to make her reenter the real world. In this case you wouldn't be doing it to shame her but rather help her.

Find out more about the OM. There has to be a reason she isn't with him all the time now. My guess is he is married. If so she has to have doubts about him leaving the wife for her. That may be why she is keeping you as back-up.

(and no more gifts from you to her. Not a V-day card, Birthday or anything. All that does is let her know she is still in charge.)

[USMCHokie]

Wow...I just read through all 32 pages...it's like an f'in Dan Brown book...but good on you, CG...

 

Question...did you decide to forget about the whole informing her employer of the A...?

 

 

I was kind of looking for that the whole time...

[ConflictedGuy27]

Wow...I just read through all 32 pages...it's like an f'in Dan Brown book...but good on you, CG...

 

Question...did you decide to forget about the whole informing her employer of the A...?

 

 

I was kind of looking for that the whole time...

 

Hey USMC, I opted not to make that move, actually.

It certainly had the potential to do some damage to her, however, executing it would have been for pure revenge.

 

Eventually i reached a stage where I was pretty indifferent towards my ex, altogether, and that's where I said forget about that plan.

 

Also, she has to pay me monthly for my interest in a property we used to own together, so she'll need her job if I am to receive timely payments in full. So, that's the scoop on that idea.

 

At the time when I was seriously considering it I just wanted her to be destroyed. I wanted vengence so she would understand the true depth of her stupidity. But sooner or later you get to a point where caring is a waste of time/energy and you let it all go.