How Can I Stop My Wife Seeing OM

[Trojan John]

Get "She's Lying" tattooed on the back of your hand, and every time she speaks to you, look at it.

 

Has she shown any remorse for her actions or any genuine concern for your feelings? You really ought to be living separately, and have no contact outside of mediation. This is only going to drag you down further and further otherwise.

[stillafool]

CG, I live in a no fault state also, but we have a longer one year physical separation requirement before divorce. I don''t know if it differs in your state, but the separation period can not start until you are actually physically separated and living apart. Also, in my state, you CAN change the locks after she leaves. Once she leaves she cannot remove anything from that house without a specific court order for it. By allowing her to come and go as she pleases, you are taking away your own rights. I would talk to someone in your area about this.

 

You mentioned a possibility of paying alimony if you expose her affair to her employer and get her fired. Don't worry about that. Alimony is based on the marital history and the degree to which she was a dependent spouse during the marriage. Getting her fired at this point should have no effect at all. Child support might be another issue, but she can't nail you at this point for alimony. With no children to suffer from her loss of employment, I'd deliver the news to her boss in person. Do you really see telling her boss as revenge? Revenge?... for leaving to shack up with another man and then coming back and rubbing it in your face? Nah, it's not revenge, more like just having a little fun with the cheating bitch who caused you to waste so much of your life.

 

Oh yeah, the whole teary eyed "I still love you" crap and the fact that she is staying there?... add that to her checking up on that other woman and it's clear that she has either had a falling out with her OM, or she found out something about him that has made her pause. That's why she is back in your face, making sure her safety net is still there.

 

 

That is some great advice and info in pp 1 and 2. I think the OM has backed down now that he knows she may be divorcing her CG. He probably didn't expect or want their affair to go that far. Especially if he is also seeing other girls in the office. I guess now she is realizing she is losing a "real man" for a boy. The question is if they reconcile will she be this weak again and that can weigh heavily on CG's mind.

 

CG your wife is only 26 and you are 27, how old were you when you first started dating? Maybe she feels she missed the "dating" part of her life because she got married young.

[ConflictedGuy27]

I'm past due for an update, so here goes:

 

First and foremost, I stopped all the spying; it's just a waste of my energy and doesn't change sh**.

 

I also decided I may be moving too fast. I'm pretty much at the tail end of the D paperwork. If my wife can get a loan herself than I'm off the old loan... If I agree not to fight for the place.*

 

Being so close to the edge is effecting me some. Just like back in the begining, im revisted by the emotions that tell me i dont want to divorce her... Yet ive moved us this far.*

 

On top of that, her recent behavior adds to my second guessing my fast pace. Which is why I've decided to slow my roll a bit. *

 

Over the past week my W is showing signs that she may not want to proceed but the reasons why she acts like that are speculative, cause she certainly isn't offering her real motives; and I haven't asked.*

 

I met with my shrink today who claims*my wife has been ambivelent through this whole ordeal and now that were at this point, she's showing signs of reevaluating things. Im not sure i agree completely. Basically, when my shrink says "things," she means:

 

1. Whether or not she wants to be single;

2. Whether she wants to live in our home, alone;

3. Whether she should recomit to the M & try.*

 

She's asking herself questions along these lines and her behavior jumps from supporting one, to the other, then to the other... I agree with my therapist there.*

 

This explains why I still see signs she's willing to move forward with the D, frankly... Like today she's been in contact with lenders regarding starting loan approval. That strikes me as a girl that wants out... Lol.*

 

I asked my shrink how sure she is about my W reevaluating and she says she's quite certain; based on several behaviors.

 

My therapist agrees 100% that the shift in behavior indicates some pause or upset in one or more aspects of the A. We can only speculate what the WHY behind it is. **

**

In light of her recent behavior and because she was sick I offered to take care of her last night and did.

 

I made her dinner, drew her a bath and all that jazz. Before bed (we did not sleep in the same room)*we had a few words.*

 

I told her I still loved her, although I stopped saying it & the reasons I agreed to take care of her was to show affection. *She said she knows i love her & she still has love for me too.*

 

Despite our feelings we express here n there I don't feel a strong emotional bond with her; not like before all this...

 

My shrink tells me that I must watch out that things don't move back to the norm and the reason(s) within her for having the A arent just swept away under the rug. Complaceny, as she calls it, is quite common - but is VERY BAD news, why? Cause A's typically recur but are better hidden.*

 

I'm a bit less stressed now days, as I just handle one day @ a time; waaaaay easier to think of it that way. *

 

Its my plan to sit back and see where this week ends up before I make any MAJOR decisions.**

 

Thanks for sticking through this long winded post.*

[stillafool]

I can only imagine what you are going through. What I hear is a woman who loves you but is not "in love" with you anymore. She doesn't want to give up the familar for the unknown but something within her is making her want to be single. I don't know if it's this guy or because it seems she married pretty young and didn't get a chance to experience the single life she wanted before she settled down in marriage. 24 is young. I think you need to go NC with her until she makes up her mind what she wants to do. You my friend need to move out. You are probably staying there to see her daily and hope that your kindness or divorce proceedings will change her mind. It doesn't sound like it has. Taking care of her while she is sick is not going to make her change her mind.

 

Why haven't you just come out and asked her if she is still in love with you and does she really want the divorce?

[bestplayer]

I can only imagine what you are going through. What I hear is a woman who loves you but is not "in love" with you anymore. She doesn't want to give up the familar for the unknown but something within her is making her want to be single. I don't know if it's this guy or because it seems she married pretty young and didn't get a chance to experience the single life she wanted before she settled down in marriage. 24 is young. I think you need to go NC with her until she makes up her mind what she wants to do. You my friend need to move out. You are probably staying there to see her daily and hope that your kindness or divorce proceedings will change her mind. It doesn't sound like it has. Taking care of her while she is sick is not going to make her change her mind.

 

Why haven't you just come out and asked her if she is still in love with you and does she really want the divorce?

 

well I completely agree with stillafool , u should ask her it might give u some clarity

[stillafool]

Being so close to the edge is effecting me some. Just like back in the begining, im revisted by the emotions that tell me i dont want to divorce her... Yet ive moved us this far.*

 

 

This means you are moving backwards. This is why one of you needs to move out until she decides what she wants.

 

On top of that, her recent behavior adds to my second guessing my fast pace. Which is why I've decided to slow my roll a bit. *

 

Again, you are giving her the control without proper communication as to what she wants to do. You still don't know because you won't ask her.

 

Over the past week my W is showing signs that she may not want to proceed but the reasons why she acts like that are speculative, cause she certainly isn't offering her real motives; and I haven't asked.*

 

This is because she is thinking about exactly what your therapist said.

 

 

My therapist agrees 100% that the shift in behavior indicates some pause or upset in one or more aspects of the A. We can only speculate what the WHY behind it is. **

 

 

I agree. Probably because the guy freaked when she told him she is considering divorce and isn't that vested in your wife to go through such and ordeal for her or with her. If she is investigating another girl she thinks he's seeing, chances are he is somewhat of a 'playa'. He is probably screwing a few girls at work not just your wife and has girls in his personal life as well. Maybe your wife realizes he isn't as into her as she thought and having to give up a H who is has given her pause. But, this guy made her feel things that has made her wonder if you are the person she is suppose to be with.

 

I made her dinner, drew her a bath and all that jazz. Before bed (we did not sleep in the same room)*we had a few words.*

I really think you did too much considering the circumstances and not having "the talk" to find out how she feels.

 

 

I told her I still loved her, although I stopped saying it & the reasons I agreed to take care of her was to show affection. *She said she knows i love her & she still has love for me too.*

 

She actually said "I still have love for you too".? Ask her next time if she is "in love" with you.

 

Despite our feelings we express here n there I don't feel a strong emotional bond with her; not like before all this...

 

This is because she is emotionally connected to the OM.

 

My shrink tells me that I must watch out that things don't move back to the norm and the reason(s) within her for having the A arent just swept away under the rug. Complaceny, as she calls it, is quite common - but is VERY BAD news, why? Cause A's typically recur but are better hidden.*

 

I'm thinking this could definitely happen again if you don't get the answers you need to move forward and the only way you are going to get them is to ask her.

 

 

I'm a bit less stressed now days, as I just handle one day @ a time; waaaaay easier to think of it that way. *

 

Is the reason you are less stressed because she has been staying home? That is not a fix.

[CM2009]

Hey Bro I know you love your wife but you need some clarity on the matter I suggest you and her have a real and serious heart to heart to see where the both of you are at. Be real with her in what you want if it's being with her let her know, bring up MC for you 2 to get to the root of your problem. But what your feeling is totally normal bro, this is a big step and you wanna make a smart decsion not a hasty one!!!

[stampdaddy]

SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!

 

 

Dude, stop the craziness!!! Don't get me wrong, it's not like I am "pro-divorce" or anything, but 'cmon man!!! Where was her mouth just 2 weeks ago, and for how long was it there??? What was buried deeeep inside of her, and who knows where and how many times, and now the question is, with how many different guys?? Sh*t, one is enough, so let's leave it there.. What words were spoken just 2 weeks ago, and what was said about you??

 

Now the boat is rocking a little as the storm starts and you are starting to bail... Let the ship of this sham sink and move on with your life.

 

Can you really, REALLY stay with her when you are laying there wondering for the rest of your life what she did with this other dude?? Can you kiss her mouth again knowing that just 2 weeks ago, in Vegas, some dude was blowing his load in said orifice???

[ConflictedGuy27]

Thanks for all the posts everyone. StampDaddy, your advice is always top knotch. I needed that slap.

 

So this AM had the heart to heart I should have had on tuesday eve. I told her were at the tail end of this and I feel there are 3 options:

 

1. We hault mediation, start spending more quality time together and work on our issue(s);

2. We hault the mediation and see where things move organically (in retrospect that idea just seems dumb...); or

3. We continue forward with the D.

 

Drumroll pls.............. She chose door number 3!!!

I'm not suprised. She says even if moving forward with the D is a mistake, we could get back later... Lol. Exact words: "Id call you up and appologise; we could try it again". I said, I probably wouldn't take that call.

 

So there it is, I have clarity once again and don't feel ambivalent anymore. Does it suck? Sure, at the moment, but I'll be cool once I move on. This chick in my class last night is going thru some stuff too and kept me up until 1am on the phone last night. Hmmm, never been with a blonde yet.

 

My W also lied during the heart to heart.

She offered again that she was staying with her girl friend so I ask, what part of town was she at again (I learned weeks ago that this girl moved downtown recently) and my STBX says a different part of town than usual - let's call it town A.

 

I say, but wasn't she living in town B, like last week? Yeah but she moved to town A like very recently. A part of me wanted to say you damn liar, your girl friend doesn't live in town A, she's been downtown since the 3rd week in February!! I didn't though. It's just telling that she's still willing to lie, even though the D will move on. Afterall she doesn't want a spiteful, pissed off STBX husband - that may mess up her plan for a smooth D where she gets her beloved condo...

 

What a lying bitch.

I'm glad we had that heart to heart; I'm back on task now.

[delahung]

Pretend like you don't care and you might find that you don't after all. start doing new exciting things on your own and let her "find out" by herself.

The trust isn't there so it's still at a game stage, when you fully trust someone you don't have to play these power struggle games.

 

Search for Don Diebal he gives practical advice on this kind of thing.don't know where to exactly find his website.

 

Also you should watch the film "american beauty" it perfectly identifies how I think you should proceed.

 

Remember women want men to be men, even if they've convinced themselves otherwise.

 

hope it all goes well for you sincerely.

[Disintegration]

Well good for you! Glad you're back on track. Now you know for sure where she stands. Yeah and why on earth would you want to try again at a later time, what, just in case it doesn't work out with those OM? Well you gave it one last shot which you wanted and now you know you can move forward with your divorce. That's right, there are other women out there who wont let you down. Best of luck to you always.

[CM2009]

 

Drumroll pls.............. She chose door number 3!!!

I'm not suprised. She says even if moving forward with the D is a mistake, we could get back later... Lol. Exact words: "Id call you up and appologise; we could try it again". I said, I probably wouldn't take that call.

 

Well there u have it, continue with the D process its funny how she views you as an option that she can always come back to. It's like feeding a stray cat, they always seem to come back........

[ConflictedGuy27]

do not waste your time on it any more than you have wasted already.....close that door forever...go with the fullforced D....every thing i mean everything is replaceable expect time

 

Agreed. Life's way too short and there's no guarantee that any of us'll see tomorrow.

 

There are other fish out there. I'm sure one I settle into a new spot in a cool part of town & am ready for a girl friend that'll be cool.

 

My Dad continues to warn me that once you're out of there physically, don't assume it's over; espicially when I get a new woman. He advises I keep my guard up, stay NC once out and keep my distance. He, and others i've talked to, have many a story about the ex wife that gets it waaay too late and tries to work her way back in by chasing off (stalking etc.) your new gf.

 

My Dad said he thinks he lost the best woman of his life cause he under estimated how "over" it was.

 

I'm going to get the mediators their final payment next week, start saving for my security deposit and the rest'll be a BIG chapter closed and, at the same time, a BIGGER chapter opening.

 

Thanks to all that showed me support these past few weeks. It all means a great deal. It'll be a good day when I post my happy ending to all this maddness. April 2010's going to be an interesting month ;p

[Richard Friedman]

Glad to see you're back on the straight and narrow, but what made you falter in the first place? Earlier you were making all these grand claims about how you're over her, you know you can do better, etc., but when she throws you a few scraps of affection and shows a hint of remorse, probably cuz the guy she was banging dumped her, your resolve melted like ice in a fire. You were ready to start running backwards like a puppy at her command. Everything she did, from her "gambling" trip to vegas to her unashamed confession to her own parents to her taunting you by calling him in front of you went out the door. ****ing hell, what does she have to do to you for you to kick her to the curb without looking back? Her behavior has been appalling even by the standards of he average cheating skank. Seriously bud, once this is over you need to take a look at yourself. What about you makes you able to tolerate this kind of abuse. Unless you start loving yourself, building your self respect and establishing hard and fast personal boundaries, all your relationships will implode. Next time you feel weak remember what they say about love; it is indeed a kind of insanity, a rush of chemicals in the brain. It can bring us a lot of pleasure, but when we let it override our logic it can bring us to our knees.You owe your wife some props. Either knowingly or unknowingly your she's kept you from impaling yourself.

[Jeff1962]

What a lying bitch.

 

I hope this helps you. I know you have been hurt and have a right to be pissed.

 

Do yourself a favor and do not name call. If you do this, it objectifies her as a non-person and therefore easier to hurt. Be the bigger person and view her for what she is, human, she screwed up big time. Do this for yourself, let go of your hate and let go of her. This WILL help you heal so that you do not drag any of this into your next relationship.

[bestplayer]

Thanks for all the posts everyone. StampDaddy, your advice is always top knotch. I needed that slap.

 

So this AM had the heart to heart I should have had on tuesday eve. I told her were at the tail end of this and I feel there are 3 options:

 

1. We hault mediation, start spending more quality time together and work on our issue(s);

2. We hault the mediation and see where things move organically (in retrospect that idea just seems dumb...); or

3. We continue forward with the D.

 

Drumroll pls.............. She chose door number 3!!!

I'm not suprised. She says even if moving forward with the D is a mistake, we could get back later... Lol. Exact words: "Id call you up and appologise; we could try it again". I said, I probably wouldn't take that call.

 

So there it is, I have clarity once again and don't feel ambivalent anymore. Does it suck? Sure, at the moment, but I'll be cool once I move on. This chick in my class last night is going thru some stuff too and kept me up until 1am on the phone last night. Hmmm, never been with a blonde yet.

 

My W also lied during the heart to heart.

She offered again that she was staying with her girl friend so I ask, what part of town was she at again (I learned weeks ago that this girl moved downtown recently) and my STBX says a different part of town than usual - let's call it town A.

 

I say, but wasn't she living in town B, like last week? Yeah but she moved to town A like very recently. A part of me wanted to say you damn liar, your girl friend doesn't live in town A, she's been downtown since the 3rd week in February!! I didn't though. It's just telling that she's still willing to lie, even though the D will move on. Afterall she doesn't want a spiteful, pissed off STBX husband - that may mess up her plan for a smooth D where she gets her beloved condo...

 

What a lying bitch.

I'm glad we had that heart to heart; I'm back on task now.

 

good for u & u sound much more confident than before . Now u guys are going ahead with D , dont bottle up any emotions or anger in ur heart , tell her how she has betrayed u , lied to u , hurt u & , why do u let her walk away with her lies ? confront her right at that moment .

 

just speak out u have give a piece of ur mind to ur stbx . she still pretends that she hasn't done any thing wrong & has been all the way truthful to like a true friend . So tell her what u feel about her .

This only for the closure , & u will be able to get over this mess much easily .

 

Bets of luck

 

 

 

best of luck

[ConflictedGuy27]

Glad to see you're back on the straight and narrow, but what made you falter in the first place? Earlier you were making all these grand claims about how you're over her, you know you can do better, etc., but when she throws you a few scraps of affection and shows a hint of remorse, probably cuz the guy she was banging dumped her, your resolve melted like ice in a fire. You were ready to start running backwards like a puppy at her command. Everything she did, from her "gambling" trip to vegas to her unashamed confession to her own parents to her taunting you by calling him in front of you went out the door. ****ing hell, what does she have to do to you for you to kick her to the curb without looking back? Her behavior has been appalling even by the standards of he average cheating skank. Seriously bud, once this is over you need to take a look at yourself. What about you makes you able to tolerate this kind of abuse. Unless you start loving yourself, building your self respect and establishing hard and fast personal boundaries, all your relationships will implode. Next time you feel weak remember what they say about love; it is indeed a kind of insanity, a rush of chemicals in the brain. It can bring us a lot of pleasure, but when we let it override our logic it can bring us to our knees.You owe your wife some props. Either knowingly or unknowingly your she's kept you from impaling yourself.

 

This here is an amazing and very accurate post.

 

I'll begin with saying all that you wrote was the unwaivering message I'd get from my mind, regularly. The waivering behaviors were due to the emotional swings in me that didn't want to accept that she was in fact gone.

 

When it's a marriage you're losing it's more than the girl. Sure she was my friend, lover and recreational partner in a lot of ways, but losing the M meant losing certain dreams and ideas we once had for the future; accepting a reduction in net income and possibly having to leave the home we just purchased last year. It was more than just her and what I perceived to be childish reasons for looking outside of the M for what she wanted.

 

In summary, the heart is a very powerful thing and it'll f**k with your rationale, whether it's sound or not.

 

I agree with you that but for her refusing to try and fix the M, I would be willing to take her back; despite all the s**t she pulled... Where was the line for me?? How much further would she have had to take it before I would say "Fu*k my feelings, I'm DONE!"?? The answer to that question varied a lot depending how I felt on any given day.

 

When I was up (in an emotionally neutral or better mode) it was easy to say screw you & the horse you rode in on; the opposite was true when I was down.

 

Bottom line - being hard lined is learned. People get burned, try when they shouldn't, get burned again then learn to protect themselves from the next thing... Truth be told, I'd never been dumped before, much less by a woman I devoted my life to and trusted to no end, without a second thought.

 

She Fu*cked me and I'll be a wiser man for it. There were tale tale signs I didn't see but now I can see probably a mile away.

 

You said I owe my STBX props. I'll probably agree with that in hind sight but more than props I feel I owe her the finger, at a minimum.

 

I'll be damned if I let myself go through this sh*t again.

I never used to understand that "bitter" 40 year old guy who would scream at the top of his lungs "don't get married!! It's a trap...!!!" lol. I have loads more appreciation for that point of view now.

[ConflictedGuy27]

I hope this helps you. I know you have been hurt and have a right to be pissed.

 

Do yourself a favor and do not name call. If you do this, it objectifies her as a non-person and therefore easier to hurt. Be the bigger person and view her for what she is, human, she screwed up big time. Do this for yourself, let go of your hate and let go of her. This WILL help you heal so that you do not drag any of this into your next relationship.

 

Thanks Jeff, good point.

[lostsunsets]

Ditto. Dump her. But dump her with class.

[AIC]

This here is an amazing and very accurate post.

....

I never used to understand that "bitter" 40 year old guy who would scream at the top of his lungs "don't get married!! It's a trap...!!!" lol. I have loads more appreciation for that point of view now.

I agree it was a good post too. Re not getting married, I've never understood the need to get married anyway. Are you religious? My 'missus' and I arent, and technically we aren't married we dont see the point it's more or less just a big shindig for all your friends to get drunk I'd rather spend all that money on something that will benefit us more personally at the stage of life we are at. What is marriage anyway just a bit of paper, the important thing is the love and respect and the bond, getting married doesn't give you that bond and if you have that bond it wont change just because you sign a bit of paper that says you are married. Is it 50% people who get married get divorced anyway? Sure doesnt sound like a great relationship move to me. I've never understood it. It's like that so called rule that you can only eat fish on good friday I'm sure a group of fishmongers made that one up- good for business - our tradition is to have the biggest bbq of the year. ha ha

 

Ok I know I'm rambling but I really think many problems like this, people getting married too early, mid life crisis, often most of that sort of thing can be avoided by having a less 'what society generally expects' type of perspective in life. The world is such a big and wonderful place and you will be old sooner than you think, why waste time being tortured or chained to someone or something that churns your guts? Why live 9-to-5 working to get material things that you cant take with you anyway. Why waste time on a person that you were wrong about, you are in love with who you thought she was, not who she really is, mate cut and burn her and move on without any pressure whatsoever to go and find someone else. Stay single for a while, why do you need a woman are you so emotionally fragile that you NEED a woman to make life bearable? Go buy a backpack and throw a dart at a map and go on a real adventure, no plan no timelimit no destination, no pressure, discover who you really are before you want to go dedicating your life to living in one spot with one person, one future. There are so many opportunities out there you just have to have the balls and the guts to go out there and find them. Dont put any pressure on yourself to live your life a certain way. I travelled for 5 years through my 20's whilst my friends back home all did the career thing, I came home one time and a friend's mother asked me ok so when are you going to stop wasting all your money and get serious in life? I said I havent wasted a cent I want my grandchildren to look at me in amazment one day so I've been investing my money in the crazy stories that I will one day tell them. She looked at me puzzled just couldn't get her head around it. Funny thing is now 10 years later I run my own business and have more material things than any of them. Funny how life goes sometimes.

 

I know that sounds like I'm talking about me but I'm just using myself as the anecdote, the important point is that not every road travels the same way and don't pressure yourself to do what you think you are supposed to do in life.

 

And dude can I ask what the hell can a shrink tell you that your mates cant over a few beers? They know you better and wont send you an invoice for the privilege.

[on1wheel]

I have missed the saga since b4 the mediation & just now read pgs 11-14. WTF??? I was yelling @ U in my mind "what the Hell is wrong with this guy?" U talked the talk & were ready to do what U had to do to get this deadly virus out of your life. She is a cancer & U were ignoring the cure.

I live N of Toronto & was planning to drive there just to slap some sense into you buddy. I feel for you, as I was U 2+ yrs ago; w/o the brutality of what she continues to do. My W (once caught of course) @ least was appologetic, went NC, we talked about a no hassle divorce. For me & a no fight for shared custody of our baby. SHE KNEW it was all her fault & showed it.

Yours acts like it's your fault. What's worse is U let her treat U like something she stepped in & is stuck to her shoe. The fact that you took it all confuses me, but that is why she doesn't respect you. I am not trying to be mean, just telling you what we're all thinking CG. The woman U married & are "in-love" with is gone...probably forever. She is NOT in-love with U, but still cares.

That is not enough! You have to go NC, get the D ASAP, then STAY NC...forever. This woman will continue to use U for the rest of your life. She knows how much U love her & she belittles U over & over. She is laughing on the inside @ how weak U R being; maybe laughing on the outside too. If she repented & accepted responsibility IN THE BEGINNING then that's different. But she didn't & has F*cked every guy but U since my friend.

Do not ever reconcile with her; U will regret it. The woman U love is dead, so mourn her & move on.

U will find happiness again, I promise U that. But never while she is still in your life. Go NC & U will see that that gaping wound that you call a marriage will heal. I wish U well. PM me & I'll give U my email...if U want to hear my full story & how I know what I know.

[bestplayer]

I have missed the saga since b4 the mediation & just now read pgs 11-14. WTF??? I was yelling @ U in my mind "what the Hell is wrong with this guy?" U talked the talk & were ready to do what U had to do to get this deadly virus out of your life. She is a cancer & U were ignoring the cure.

I live N of Toronto & was planning to drive there just to slap some sense into you buddy. I feel for you, as I was U 2+ yrs ago; w/o the brutality of what she continues to do. My W (once caught of course) @ least was appologetic, went NC, we talked about a no hassle divorce. For me & a no fight for shared custody of our baby. SHE KNEW it was all her fault & showed it.

Yours acts like it's your fault. What's worse is U let her treat U like something she stepped in & is stuck to her shoe. The fact that you took it all confuses me, but that is why she doesn't respect you. I am not trying to be mean, just telling you what we're all thinking CG. The woman U married & are "in-love" with is gone...probably forever. She is NOT in-love with U, but still cares.

That is not enough! You have to go NC, get the D ASAP, then STAY NC...forever. This woman will continue to use U for the rest of your life. She knows how much U love her & she belittles U over & over. She is laughing on the inside @ how weak U R being; maybe laughing on the outside too. If she repented & accepted responsibility IN THE BEGINNING then that's different. But she didn't & has F*cked every guy but U since my friend.

Do not ever reconcile with her; U will regret it. The woman U love is dead, so mourn her & move on.

U will find happiness again, I promise U that. But never while she is still in your life. Go NC & U will see that that gaping wound that you call a marriage will heal. I wish U well. PM me & I'll give U my email...if U want to hear my full story & how I know what I know.

 

on1wheel , I think ur post was badly needed at this time . I too think op shouldn't let her stbx continue lying when he knows the truth & dont let her pretend to be like a nice friend for u , yu know she is deceptive . Tell her her right there to stop her bs .

[Trojan John]

Ditto. Dump her. But dump her with class.

 

Meaning that you should make sure your cravat is straight and your shoes are properly polished before you kick her squarely in the arse.

[ConflictedGuy27]

Once again i'd like to give a big thanks to everybody who posted during this crazy time in my life. Its drawing to its ultimate conclusion very soon, and I can't wait to move forward really.

 

I was out and about today looking at apartments and I think I found the one I'll be moving into. Its awesome!

 

Back at my condo, its the same ol' same o - STBX still coming in and out as she pleases, etc. I had vowed to stop snooping around playing detective so to speak (because its a total waste of time and sets one back emotionally) but i couldn't resist the other night. I found a few new nuggets, which I had to deal with emotionally later that day.

 

Bottom line, she's still with the OM, the same guy as before. Getting confirmation of that changed absolutely nothing and just made me feel bad for a quick minute. lol.

 

I'm over it now; been staying at a friends house when i suspect she'll be coming through. I believe she'll get approved for a homeloan herself, which will get my name off the loan when she refinances then i'll be gone.

 

I was strongly considering signing a lease today and just moving in ASAP, but it may be wiser to just wait until she is actually approved for the refi before I make my move. Any advice on that will be much appreciated.

 

Its my plan to mull that one over later tonight. However, I have totally decided when I split, I'm doing it when she's not there. Its my plan to just disappear and once moved out go all out NC, changed phone number, etc.

 

I'm so done at this point. 7 weeks since D day and I can finally say, if she came crawling back today, the answer would be a definite FU*K YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON!!

 

Some relationships are worth saving; this wasn't one of those - even though I was the main one trying to.

 

Will she regret it - probably, once the stage one romantic fuzzies wear off.

 

But at the end of the day, I can totally do better.

 

I'm so close to moving out and going full on NC I can taste it... I'm waaay over due.

[on1wheel]

I agree, why wait? Who cares whether she gets the loan or not...U shouldn't.

I'm gonna' B blunt again, as I still think ur hoping to swing in like prince charming & save her if she can't stand on her own 2 feet. U should move out ASAP, go 100% NC & just live YOUR life.

U seem like a nice guy, so don't let what she did change that. Karma will take care of the Monster U call ur STBX. When the OM realized that he's a new kind of OM now (only man) the rush will wear off.

Then she will realize what a mistake she made & try to find U...but she won't B able to. BOOM; her back-up plan/ doormat/safety net is no longer there. She will then have to make it or break it on her own.

She ruined the marriage, she is an adulterer (& worse), now she should accept the responsibility for her horrible morals. May God have mercy on her, because if youkre smart U won't. Let her go CG, but do it 100%.

I know it's hard, but so is anything worthwhile in life. I guarentee U go NC & disappear & it will kill her inside. Right now she knows that no matter how hard she kicks U, U just get up & say "can I have another please?"

I do not mean to B cruel, but someone's gotta say it. I truly wish U well...keep us posted.