How Can I Stop My Wife Seeing OM

[ConflictedGuy27]

I agree, why wait? Who cares whether she gets the loan or not...U shouldn't.

I'm gonna' B blunt again, as I still think ur hoping to swing in like prince charming & save her if she can't stand on her own 2 feet. U should move out ASAP, go 100% NC & just live YOUR life.

U seem like a nice guy, so don't let what she did change that. Karma will take care of the Monster U call ur STBX. When the OM realized that he's a new kind of OM now (only man) the rush will wear off.

Then she will realize what a mistake she made & try to find U...but she won't B able to. BOOM; her back-up plan/ doormat/safety net is no longer there. She will then have to make it or break it on her own.

She ruined the marriage, she is an adulterer (& worse), now she should accept the responsibility for her horrible morals. May God have mercy on her, because if youkre smart U won't. Let her go CG, but do it 100%.

I know it's hard, but so is anything worthwhile in life. I guarentee U go NC & disappear & it will kill her inside. Right now she knows that no matter how hard she kicks U, U just get up & say "can I have another please?"

I do not mean to B cruel, but someone's gotta say it. I truly wish U well...keep us posted.

 

If she doesn't get the loan, do I still plan to live there? No. That just means we sell it.

 

It's my plan to abandon ship and all related payments connected to the place. Were just about out of money, as most was used to pay down all credit cards. I'm a little bit uneasy about not having very much saved but I can gradually build that back, myself.

 

I beleive everyone's right. I should move ASAP and simply let the business with the condo move at it's own pace w/o me being there. Bottom line - I can watch that transaction from a safe distance.

[ConflictedGuy27]

I'm just confused as to what benefit you would get from staying.

 

I thought the only benefit would be financial, as I still manage our collective earnings; even at this point. I was wrong however.

 

After crunching the numbers the $ I'm able to save alone is a bit more after spliting any jointly saved $ 50/50.

 

There is NO benefit in staying.

I'm going to bail.

 

On another note, this AM I got a call from my wayward, adulterous STBX. I didn't pick up but she left a vm. Paraphrasing: "calling to say hi & good morning, I didn't see u this weekend... I hope u had a good one; mine was good. Hope u remembered it's daylight's savings. Talk to you later..."

 

Wow. Talk about NO respect; the audacity is flooring (now that I'm well enough to see it). I mean, good lord... "I didn't see u this weekend" [no comment on that... The aubsurdity speaks for itself]; "my weekend was good..." [ WTF do I care how your cheating, adulterous, wayward weekend was?!? The mere fact that she mentioned that demonstrates how justified she believes she is and how disrespectful, all in one short sentence; "I hope you remembered DST, talk to u later..." [= maybe you didn't answer cause you're still asleep, call me back. That's the translation I heard atleast...]

 

The voice was pleasant but when listening to the words then placing them within the context of what's really going on, this is pretty nauseating. Very actually.

 

I've certainly got work to do. I've made up my mind to move. Even if it's just my clothes, & stuff. I can return for the furniture (I hope) later. She's so viral she can't even see it; and/or she was playing me like a fiddle since D Day...

[ConflictedGuy27]

Doll, please don't waste your time trying to translate what and why she said what she said. It's a waste of time. And it allows her to continue to try to play you.

 

Move out!

 

Thanks Jthorne. I took a few more steps (financial ones) in preparation for the move to my new place. I'll be pulling the trigger soon.

 

It's funny (I just cracked) a smile recalling a conversation I had with a friend recently. She thinks about this choice she's made, everyday. She's already living with it in real time, & I'm not fully gone yet. Lol yet.

 

When I'm gone & fully detatched, physically, emotionally & financially (true NC) she will begin living with the truth she created... not to mention regretting it. I know this woman better than anyone on planet effing Earth. She WILL regret this, although she will not admit it to me. This woman never forgets the past and will revel in it regularly; that's just how she is. Whereas I typically compartmentalize my issues and ultimatly forget about the ones that are no longer relevant.

 

It's amazing but my parents marriage ended up the exact same way and my mom (who cheated) regrets it all the time. Moreover, she's remarried & not even happy. She calls my Dad sometimes to complain about the guy and indirectly nudges at the idea of getting back together; lol. Were talking after years of divorce where all the children are up & out.

 

Lol.

[mark982]

bout the best thing you can do till you move out is disconnect the land line, and change you cell number. this womans totally just screwing with your head. you do good for a couple days and she pops back in. and don't think she don'y know what she doing either. not saying you have to rush moving out, just end ALL means for her to contact you.

[She's_NotInLove_w/Me]

It's amazing but my parents marriage ended up the exact same way and my mom (who cheated) regrets it all the time. Moreover, she's remarried & not even happy. She calls my Dad sometimes to complain about the guy and indirectly nudges at the idea of getting back together; lol. Were talking after years of divorce where all the children are up & out.

 

I am glad that it's been years and you can laugh at the irony in this. It's kind of sad to me. That your parents ended this way, and now you will too...

 

The only good thing I can say at this point is thank god the two of you don't have kids togther. She's proven that she is not worthy.

 

Keep your head up man! You seem to have managed to keep your act together very well this far...

[on1wheel]

She is not as happy as she pretends to be in my opinion. She just wants you to think she is, thus keeping the malance of power in her hands.

She wants you to need her more than she needs you. I have faith that when you show her you don't need her by moving out, changing ur cell & going FULL NC; well u'll hear her change her tune.

But more importantly, you will start to feel like a man again. You removed a cancer from your life & now she is someone else's problem. Date or don't date, it doesn't matter; you will be able to live whatever type of life that makes you happy.

Please move out ASAP so that you may see what an error you have made to put up with her Sl*tty ways for so long. You have been too nice to her & now it must end.

We are all pulling for you here CG...good luck.

[ConflictedGuy27]

She is not as happy as she pretends to be in my opinion. She just wants you to think she is, thus keeping the malance of power in her hands.

She wants you to need her more than she needs you. I have faith that when you show her you don't need her by moving out, changing ur cell & going FULL NC; well u'll hear her change her tune.

But more importantly, you will start to feel like a man again. You removed a cancer from your life & now she is someone else's problem. Date or don't date, it doesn't matter; you will be able to live whatever type of life that makes you happy.

Please move out ASAP so that you may see what an error you have made to put up with her Sl*tty ways for so long. You have been too nice to her & now it must end.

We are all pulling for you here CG...good luck.

 

Thanks for pulling for me. I agree with your comment completely. I've decided to move forward & sign that lease. I'm going on my lunch break today. If I get the keys today, that would be awesome.

 

The grass always looks greener on the other side my friends. Perphaps some aspects of the other knoll are greener, but most aren't. It'll be a gradual revelation for her once I leave and go full on NC.

 

I was cc'd on an email from the lender doing the refi and I'd be supirsed (very suprised) if she doesn't get approved solo. Her numbers work (thanks to my financial mgmt.).

 

This is an exciting day for sure. If my life were a book I'd end the current chapter right about here. I'd pay a few bucks to see the look on her face when she notices my clothes (which she comes back each weekend and washes out of guilt - according to my shrink) and other items are gone.

 

[Disintegration]

Good luck hopefully you'll receive those keys soon! You need out of that place fast. You should rent a uhaul and have some friends help you take some furniture as well, or do you have to discuss what to divide? I know you're entitled to some if not all, after what she's done.

[Jeff1962]

Conflictedguy27. Dude. Do yourself a huge favor. Have NC with her other than legal. Don't accept e-mails, text, phone calls, anything. Get those keys and RUN.

[ConflictedGuy27]

For those of you who say to move out asap @ all costs I should mention again that I am still tied to the loan associated with some real property that we bought together.

 

Can see pay all bills w/o me? Yes.

Will she qualify for a new loan in her name? Very likely, yes.

 

Even though these things are true, there is risk associated with tying my responsibility to two dwellings. Bottom line, I can't afford both if she does anything stupid like not pay for whatever reason.

 

In such an event we'd be mutually screwed. I think the liklihood of this going down is minimal; but not to consider such a risk because deep down I'm emotionally ready to go is foolish.

 

I'm taking a risk here, make no mistake. The benefits are mostly for my emotional well being. I've never been one to make these types of calls based on emotion, but I beleive my decision is a fair one.

 

Should the worse case scenerio go down, I'd be in trouble and would have to think fast.

 

Be that as it may, something tells me my timing is correct.

[stillafool]

On another note, this AM I got a call from my wayward, adulterous STBX. I didn't pick up but she left a vm. Paraphrasing: "calling to say hi & good morning, I didn't see u this weekend... I hope u had a good one; mine was good. Hope u remembered it's daylight's savings. Talk to you later..."

 

Wow. Talk about NO respect; the audacity is flooring (now that I'm well enough to see it). I mean, good lord... "I didn't see u this weekend" [no comment on that... The aubsurdity speaks for itself]; "my weekend was good..." [ WTF do I care how your cheating, adulterous, wayward weekend was?!? The mere fact that she mentioned that demonstrates how justified she believes she is and how disrespectful, all in one short sentence; "I hope you remembered DST, talk to u later..." [= maybe you didn't answer cause you're still asleep, call me back. That's the translation I heard atleast...]

 

QUOTE]

 

 

I think she is trying to treat you as a friend because you have treated her as a friend. Taking care of her while she is sick and all. I think this makes her feel less guilty that the two of you can still remain "friendly" and "caring" for each other because of your history, while still going through a divorce. This way she can tell her friends and family "CG and I are handling this well and ours is not a "nasty divorce". This doesn't make her seem or feel as "sluty" for what she has done to her marriage and you.

 

 

I understand you wanting to make sure you are completely off the hook financially before you move on. When do you expect her to hear whether she got the loan or not?

 

Even if you don't move out into your own apartment until the loan comes through, don't you have friends or family you could stay with for a few weeks until the loan comes through? BTW, stop the snooping now, it will keep her and "them" on your mind. You need to stay out of that condo because you don't need to see when she comes and goes.

[stillafool]

You're gonna be JUST FINE. And what will you care if she relives the past when you find a nice girl and have moved on? Not a bit.

 

It never fails. You really don't care anymore by the time their payback comes around.

[ConflictedGuy27]

I have someone that i can stay with, but I hate the idea of relying on them for a prolonged period like weeks.

 

I expect the approval shouldn't be longer than 2 weeks.

I could be wrong though.

 

Stillafool, I agree with your post regarding the vm my STBX left me. Being friendly is mirroring somewhat how I've acted in weeks past. These past 8 days or so I've been pretty distant; there just isn't much to say anymore in my opinion - her acts have said it all.

 

On a different note, I got an email where she says she'll be back tonight...

Blah. I had an odd sexual dream last night (characters were nobody I knew) where there was this high priced call girl in a room, a dude that wasn't invited that showed up and forcefully had his way with said call girl and a mob type dude in the next room that pulled a gun and point blank shot the guy when he saw that some unwelcome guy had just finished the act.

 

I gave it some thought as the dream was kinda vivid. Anyway it seems this dream reflects how I feel about my STBX sexually. I'm attracted to her physically, but she's like the call girl - she's sexual with other guys. Yet like the guy that forced the act, I feel this macho kind of claim to her body - after all she's still MY wife. And of course my concious - the mob guy with the gun -knows there would be a LARGE immediate consequence that would hurt mostly me. Notice how the only one killed was the guy that shouldn't have done what he did. Lol.

 

She's a game playing cake eater. Coming on to her is 300% the wrong thing to do because it feeds the perception that she her control over me; not to mention if the deed occurred how I would construe it in my vulnerable mind.

 

She's total poison.

[Disintegration]

 

She's a game playing cake eater.

 

She's total poison.

 

Two important facts that will help you to get on with your life. She is no longer the woman you originally married.

[ConflictedGuy27]

Two important facts that will help you to get on with your life. She is no longer the woman you originally married.

 

Correct. And in classic game playing cake eating fashion informed me she'll be home and what'll be for dinner tonight.

 

Wow. Me 2 - 3 weeks ago would have fell for it.

Thinking I should call up my buddy again for his couch.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Correct. And in classic game playing cake eating fashion informed me she'll be home and what'll be for dinner tonight.

 

Wow. Me 2 - 3 weeks ago would have fell for it.

Thinking I should call up my buddy again for his couch.

 

So just dont be home.... go see Greenzone, ht the club, show her you arent her little emotonal punching bag.

[stillafool]

I have someone that i can stay with, but I hate the idea of relying on them for a prolonged period like weeks.

 

I expect the approval shouldn't be longer than 2 weeks.

I could be wrong though.

 

Stillafool, I agree with your post regarding the vm my STBX left me. Being friendly is mirroring somewhat how I've acted in weeks past. These past 8 days or so I've been pretty distant; there just isn't much to say anymore in my opinion - her acts have said it all.

 

On a different note, I got an email where she says she'll be back tonight...

Blah. I had an odd sexual dream last night (characters were nobody I knew) where there was this high priced call girl in a room, a dude that wasn't invited that showed up and forcefully had his way with said call girl and a mob type dude in the next room that pulled a gun and point blank shot the guy when he saw that some unwelcome guy had just finished the act.

 

I gave it some thought as the dream was kinda vivid. Anyway it seems this dream reflects how I feel about my STBX sexually. I'm attracted to her physically, but she's like the call girl - she's sexual with other guys. Yet like the guy that forced the act, I feel this macho kind of claim to her body - after all she's still MY wife. And of course my concious - the mob guy with the gun -knows there would be a LARGE immediate consequence that would hurt mostly me. Notice how the only one killed was the guy that shouldn't have done what he did. Lol.

 

She's a game playing cake eater. Coming on to her is 300% the wrong thing to do because it feeds the perception that she her control over me; not to mention if the deed occurred how I would construe it in my vulnerable mind.

 

She's total poison.

 

Your interpretation of your dream seems 'right on' to me. I think it is also a warning to you that this is a dangerous situation. Of course this is your wife, your body that she is willing giving to a stranger. She is lucky that you are a man of sound mind. Her coming and going, in and out of your home to sleep with another man is enough to make some guys want to blow them both away. C'mon we hear about this stuff every night on the news. She is definitely playing with your emotions whether she knows it or means to. This is why we all keep saying remove yourself from the condo. Your heart can only take so much and we don't want to see you do anything stupid. Also no, don't ask her for sex because it's likely she will say no and then you will feel horrible. Just hold on guy.

[stillafool]

So just dont be home.... go see Greenzone, ht the club, show her you arent her little emotonal punching bag.

 

I agree. Get showered, shaved and looking good. Be ready to walk out the door when she gets home. Even if you go over your buddy's house and sleep on the couch. F--k her dinner.

[2sunny]

oh no - she may have a plan to sway you with a nice meal and tease you into sex. this could really mess with your progress that you've done a beautiful job of btw...

 

i'd be sure to be out of the house while she's there. she's gonna start pulling out the stops now since she can see you have the power. this is her only ploy she can present right now - expect more of it.

 

do you have a lock on your bedroom door? i'd get one- and use it. i wouldn't put it ast her to crawl under the sheets during the middle of the night...

 

women like this tend to get sneaky and manipulative. keep your distance. keep your cool. think all the way through any scenario when you are needing any interaction with her. looking at the best possible outcome will give you whether or not you ever need to even respond at all.

 

i'd text her and say - "have a great dinner." nothing more - nothing less.

 

as far as the new place. move everything you want to take. i'd bet money once you're out - she won't allow you back in to get anything else. to fight over any of it through the courts does nothing but cost a fortune.

 

once you've taken your things. she can either request something specific - to which you can reply either yes or no.

 

do not leave your house without everything you intend to get out of the divorce!

[on1wheel]

I couldn't agree more with everyone that said she will use whatever she has to in order to shift the power back to her.

She will use what she knows you want...her body. DON'T FALL FOR IT CG!!! Think of the STD's, all of the freaky stuff she has let some other guy do to her (I've found that women that cheat become someone they normally aren't, so they drop their inhibitions & act as slutty as they have always wanted to, but were afraid their husbands wouldn't love them anymore...ironically, 90% of us husbands want a freak in the bedroom & a woman on the street) not to mention the fact that she doesn't care about you @ all.

The fact that you have been sooo nice to her has just allowed her to justify her slutty ways & say "he doesn't really mind, he understands that this is just what I need to do now, we'll still be good friends; Hell I can always go back if it isn't better with the new guy".

She has it all & you have inadvertantly given her permission to take it. I know you are a nice guy, but we all know where they finish. You can't take back the nice things you've done in the last month or so, but for the love of God stop it all now.

Do not be home for dinner or walk out & say something came up. Take everything with a moving truck, put it in storage, then work out the division later. I guarentee she will not be as fair if you leave & try to get something later. The OM will be over in that condo as soon as ur gone, so unless you want it soiled by them "get it & go".

You can see the light @ the end of the tunnel, so don't be her little plaything anymore. You are her little puppy dog following her every move & it is soooo hard for me to read what you write sometimes. I feel so bad for you, yet you don't seem able to see what we all see. People think I am crazy for yelling @ my Crackberry while I'm @ work.

I feel like when I watch a horror movie & am yelling at the TV "come on... Who walks into a dark deserted alley in the worst part of town...can't you see the blood all over the walls? "

Pretend she is dead, lost in a car accident or something, because the truth is that the woman ur in-love with is dead. She is gone & NOTHING U do will bring her back CG. It sucks, it never should have happened; yet it did & U have to accept it.

I still say grab all your stuff & go b4 the condo is finalized. She will not default as it will screw up her credit too & her chance @ starting over in her new life. It also shows her "enough is enough, U have pushed me too far...I never want to see or talk to you again".

That is the point she really feels the effects of what she's done:

•commited adultery

•ruined a good marriage

•emotionally damged her husband so much that he wants nothing

•now has to stand on her own two feet...until she can trick someone else into marrying her

But you will be 100% NC, so she'll really feel alone. You are her security blankie...don't be.

Let us know when ur out & full NC. Good luck & be strong.

[Tnerforireyeh]

I'm guessing this girl is quite attractive, and knows that if she says the magic words she'll have him back in a second.

 

Seems like she's pretty blase about the whole situation.

 

I'd laugh if she waited until the very last second, then with a few words stopped the OP, and the divorce, cold.

 

I bet she could. Something tells me she's much more in control of this situation than would initially appear.

[stillafool]

Well she probably is attractive and she's only 26. But the good news is CG is only 27 and in man years he is a baby. So there are plenty of good women out there who will ravish his soul if he lets them. On1wheel, you are right about the OM coming over to the condo after he is gone and he should take everything he needs when he leaves. I agree, she is not likely to give him anything (other than your personal items) after you move out.

[Disintegration]

The nerve of her to ask "what's for dinner?" as if nothing is going on. If I were you I wouldn't even acknowledge her texts, phone calls, voicemails, or even talk to her when you're both at the condo. Which is why we all suggest you move out or even stay at a friends place to avoid her. It'll hit her hard once you are gone not tolerating all the bs.

[Ms. Red]

Correct. And in classic game playing cake eating fashion informed me she'll be home and what'll be for dinner tonight.

 

Wow. Me 2 - 3 weeks ago would have fell for it.

Thinking I should call up my buddy again for his couch.

 

 

There is no book of rules on how to react in a situation that has blindsided you like what you are going through. You are doing the best you can & I think you are doing well.

 

I give you a big platonic hug for support!

[2sunny]

The nerve of her to ask "what's for dinner?" as if nothing is going on. If I were you I wouldn't even acknowledge her texts, phone calls, voicemails, or even talk to her when you're both at the condo. Which is why we all suggest you move out or even stay at a friends place to avoid her. It'll hit her hard once you are gone not tolerating all the bs.

 

she didn't ask what's for dinner - she stated what will be for dinner. seeing as CG hasn't been back - i wonder if SHE was on the menu...