Young married couple.. ?

[xchumpx]

Ok so I'm a young wife..to be honest im 19 and my husband 18. We got married because we "love" each other.. which is not the usual reason young people marry these days lol.. any ways my husband can be kind of a prick at times... And to be honest i need to hear some other peoples thoughts on the things he does..

 

for starters..

 

when we first got together it was an instant love connection. he wanted me to move in with him but my family being the way they are said "no moving in with boys till you get married"..They r old school catholics and what not..anyways so i told him i couldnt just move in with him because of what my family wishes were and respected those wishes .. but we could wait a little longer before we jumped to a decision..but he said he couldnt wait and wanted to marry me so it happened...but now when his family and friends ask whyd ya do it he said he was forced to which was not the case at all... and it bothers me alot because now i feel like he feels forced to be with me and what not when thats not even how things had to be at all and i told him that from the get go but yet he insisted and now its a different story.

 

well a week of us being married he cheated on me because we got in a huge fight and he says he thought we we're done which wasnt even discussed or said during the fight he just ASSUMED!... but i forgave him for it and we got over it.. I mean it sounds like we were doomed from the begining i know... i mean of course we would fight from time to time but we managed to make things work..

 

he told me that our relationship is the longest one he has ever had.. and i see why lol ..he drinks sometimes and he can get pretty mean..verbally. But no matter what is said or how he acts i stay and take care of him and every once in a blue moon he tells me how much he appreciates me for it and thats how he knows im the "one". I tend to ask myself am i the dumb "one" though.. anyways he treats me good for the most part and im usually happy but when its bad its bad..

 

he says hurtful things sometimes like how him having sex with another person isnt a big deal ..its just sex..and i dont know wether or not to take him seriously.. since he has cheated before.. and it has caused me to kind of act like a suspicious wife which i never wanted to be..but there are times where he just acts wierd.. like changing his password for his myspace out of the blue and telling me i cant use his phone or when he goes somewhere its none of my bussiness.. but when the tables are turned he can use my phone whenever he wants or look through it and get on my myspace ..and if i go somewhere i have to tell him where im going and with who.. if i thought about being the way he was to me then all hell is breaking loose..

 

im just at the point where i dont know what to do or how to handle the things he does or says to me... i get very emotional and dont know where to turn or who to tlk to .. i understand we are young and all that jazz..

 

I seriously need some people honest opinions on my situation or atleast some one to tlk to and confide in..

 

and please no your to young to be married or leave him because i get that alot..

 

i would like to hear from mature people that will give me good honest opinions

 

please and thank you

[Neutrino]

First of all heath :

 

Do you have safe sex in your relationship, and I don't only mean contraception...

 

If not - did you both get tested before you got physical with each other ? Did your H use a condom when he cheated ? Did he get tested afterwards (and again after 3 months) ?

 

If he cheats on you without using protection - at the extreme he may contract HIV and this could cost you your life.

 

This guy sounds irresponsible and sorry to say - but you also sound a bit inexperienced....

[xchumpx]

Well

Neutrino:no we dont... ocasionally

 

and when he cheated he said he used a condom ..plus they were missing anyways..but i was a virgin when we got together.. and he did get tested before we did get together and was clean..

 

so as far as the health thing i guess we r ok.. but thanks

 

cannedstarfish:

 

a little harsh but much needed.. thanks though for putting it that way ..

[Enema]

I agree with cannedfish.

 

I'd also add that this is a good example of one of the ways religion poisons everything.

 

How much easier would this be if you guys were just dating. Had a fight, he cheated, you broke up. Done, Dusted, Move on, Grow up.

 

Now, because of religion your life is 100x harder than it should be. Thanks god!

[bayouboi]

I'd also add that this is a good example of one of the ways religion poisons everything.

 

How much easier would this be if you guys were just dating. Had a fight, he cheated, you broke up. Done, Dusted, Move on, Grow up.

 

Now, because of religion your life is 100x harder than it should be. Thanks god!

 

Noone forced her to make the decision to get married. Religion might have its point of view on things of this life, but it can't force someone to do something they don't want to do.

[Enema]

Noone forced her to make the decision to get married. Religion might have its point of view on things of this life, but it can't force someone to do something they don't want to do.

 

No one said she was forced to get married... you're attacking a strawman.

 

However:

Was she pressured to get married? Yes.

Pressured because of religion? Yes.

 

I probably could make a good argument that she was forced into it if you consider the penalties (eternal torment?) for not complying - but that's another thread.

 

Would she be in this situation if her parents weren't devout catholics? -Probably not.

 

Conservative religious people have a significantly higher divorce rate than atheists for just this kind of reason. Stats here

[bayouboi]

No one said she was forced to get married... you're attacking a strawman.

 

However:

Was she pressured to get married? Yes.

Pressured because of religion? Yes.

 

I probably could make a good argument that she was forced into it if you consider the penalties (eternal torment?) for not complying - but that's another thread.

 

Would she be in this situation if her parents weren't devout catholics? -Probably not.

 

Conservative religious people have a significantly higher divorce rate than atheists for just this kind of reason. Stats here

 

I get it, you don't like religion...it's the new "cool".

 

Are kids pressured into having sex at young ages by society/Hollywood? Yes.

Do these pressured kids have children that make their lives 100x more difficult than if they hadn't had sex at a young and unprepared age? Yes.

 

Point is, everyone has their own choices and the only reason you're choosing to blame something other than the person who made the choice is because you have a bias against that which you're making your point against.

[Enema]

Do these pressured kids have children that make their lives 100x more difficult than if they hadn't had sex at a young and unprepared age? Yes.

 

There wouldn't be so many unplanned children if the catholic church didn't say contraception was wrong. Catholic contraception

 

Religion, and parents indoctrinate children to believe these ridiculous things and remove the childs ability to make an informed choice - by denying basic education and threatening hell / familial shunning if you don't blindly follow along.

 

This is probably my biggest fear for the OP. If she continues to be brainwashed and pressured by her church and parents, there's a good chance she'll compound her mistakes and get pregnant.

 

....the only reason you're choosing to blame something other than the person who made the choice is because you have a bias against that which you're making your point against.

 

I get it, you don't like religion, is the new "cool"

I'm not biased, all my points are objective. Thanks for the ad hominem attacks though, they're usually the last resort of the incompetent.

[bayouboi]

There wouldn't be so many unplanned children if the catholic church didn't say contraception was wrong. Catholic contraception

 

You're right, my bad, all unplanned children are the result of Catholicism? I use hyperbole to show you how ridiculous your implications are.

 

 

Religion, and parents indoctrinate children to believe these ridiculous things and remove the childs ability to make an informed choice - by denying basic education and threatening hell / familial shunning if you don't blindly follow along.

 

I agree that religion, parents, secular teachers, television, internet, all have varying degrees of influence on children and young adults. That doesn't dismiss, however, that these children and young adults ultimately are the final decision makers.

 

 

 

I'm not biased, all my points are objective. Thanks for the ad hominem attacks though, they're usually the last resort of the incompetent.

 

You mean like inferring that someone's incompetent? Look, Enema, 99% of the time I enjoy your posts and perspectives on LS. I just don't get on board with your P.O.V. of blaming religion for choices that individuals make.

[Enema]

Look, Enema, 99% of the time I enjoy your posts and perspectives on LS. I just don't get on board with your P.O.V. of blaming religion for choices that individuals make.

 

I comment case by case. It's only in this specific case that I'm saying it's the fault of religion and her parents.

 

IMO - I don't think an 18 year old child has a real, informed choice when they've been exposed to the church/parents in such an influential way their entire life.

 

Their choice becomes: Do as I've been taught or, disobey my parents and god?

[Ecosse]

How about keeping this on track??????

 

To the OP----------

 

Here is my opinion. It pretty much mimics what was posted...

 

You want an honest opinion but dont want to hear the truth... Your husband is way to immature to be married. I am quite sure you are way to immature to be married...

 

Im going to tell you a story... this is the same story you will see everywhere across this country...

 

young girl from abusive upbringing meets boy at young age. Leaves abusive family at first opportunity. Couple matures a little, realizes they married too young and are not the same ppl... couple resents each other and eventually split, but not before having a kid or 2... Dad is barely around, mum jumps from relationship to relationship bringing in various men (some of which are not suitable role models shall we say)... Eventually the kids grow up and well history repeats itself... toss in an addiction here and there...

 

How'd I do?

 

So what do I suggest??? Get to couples counseling ASAP... If you intend to stay married you need to both grow up and only with some professional guidance will you have the best odds...

[Toodamnpragmatic]

way too sad and pathetic.... Just reading and seeing the grammatical errors and the inability to construct a proper sentence tells me this is doomed.

 

A 19 yo already drinking too much, a marriage forced by religion, no hopes and aspirations...... He married you because he wanted to have sex.... You argued and guess what???? He found sex elsewhere.....

 

Get out, get it annulled if possible and start life anew.... Chances of success is/are 1 in 1,000....

[bayouboi]

IMO - I don't think an 18 year old child has a real, informed choice when they've been exposed to the church/parents in such an influential way their entire life.

 

And you've formed this opinion based on the age or the influence? Because if you base it on the influence, I again remind you the influences of peers, schools, media. In fact I would argue that most people (and I'd wager the OP included) have a FAR greater number of secular influences than they do religious influences.

 

And if you've formed this opinion based on the poster's age, then that dates you to be old enough to have forgotten what your mind was like at 18. The gov't considers us old enough to make informed decisions in presidential elections, to sign up to die for our country, and to kill ourselves with cigarettes.

 

So again, you're only coming to these conclusions because of your anti-religion bias. And that's okay, just don't use the guise of "objectivity". You're entitled to loathe something for your own reasons.

[linwood]

Ok so I'm a young wife..to be honest im 19 and my husband 18. We got married because we "love" each other.. which is not the usual reason young people marry these days lol.

 

You`re marriage is a long shot due to your ages.

Love is the worst reason for marrying I can think of.

 

.... he wanted me to move in with him but my family being the way they are said "no moving in with boys till you get married"..They r old school catholics and what not..anyways so i told him i couldnt just move in with him because of what my family wishes were and respected those wishes .. but we could wait a little longer before we jumped to a decision..but he said he couldnt wait and wanted to marry me so it happened...

 

You should have ignored your families "wishes" and you`d be ok right now as you wouldn`t have committed anything but some time to discover you weren`t happy.

Your family misguided you terribly.

 

 

and please no your to young to be married or leave him because i get that alot..

 

You get alot of that because it`s the best course of action for you.

Get out and live life a little before getting married again.

No matter what you do DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN IN THIS MARRIAGE!!"

 

i would like to hear from mature people that will give me good honest opinions

 

please and thank you

 

I`m 43, been happily married ten years.

You`ve got my best honest opinion.

 

Good luck to you.

[linwood]

I comment case by case. It's only in this specific case that I'm saying it's the fault of religion and her parents.

 

IMO - I don't think an 18 year old child has a real, informed choice when they've been exposed to the church/parents in such an influential way their entire life.

 

Their choice becomes: Do as I've been taught or, disobey my parents and god?

 

Enema, you are right on the money.

 

Her families religion has very well trashed this girls life unless she alters it now..

Edited March 3, 2010 by linwood