Wife is cheating with a co-worker

[stillfallin]

This is my first post and I feel it will be a long one. I will try to keep it short. I have been married almost 2 years (May), Im 35 and she's 34. I have 3 stepchildren, 1 of which lives with us. Everything is in her name (house,car,etc)

 

We werent getting along for the last few months and in Jan she asked me for a divorce. It was a friday night and she came home late from work (7:30 or 8:00) Her mother and my 2 nieces (her sisters kids) have been living with us since Nov. My mother-in-law called me at about 4:00 saying she couldnt get in touch with W and that she needed to go to work early but didnt want to leave SD, who is 10, alone. I blew off some of my work and went home. I knew she was at the bar close to her work that she frequents far too often. When W got home I didnt say anything at first but eventually couldnt help it. I told that she had to stop doing this and not answering the phone or calling was unacceptable. At one point she was going to the bar at least twice a week. She had gotten a little better lately but she will never answer the phone or call. I can think of 2 serious incidents when she was at the bar. First, she had been at the bar all night and after midnight she wrecked her car a couple of miles from the house. She tried to call me but at that point I was asleep. Somehow she got the car home and we got her a new vehicle a couple weeks later. Second, she had been at the bar all night another time after that and decided to call me to come and get her. I believe I was on call at work so going out drinking was out of the question not to mention that 2 of my stepchildren were at home asleep. After arguing I decided to go and get her. When I got there I called and told her to come outside and lets go home. She wanted me to come in and have a beer, I got angry and refused but eventually had to go in. We got into it at the bar because she didnt want to leave yet. I told her we couldnt stay because the kids we home alone. Finally I downed her beer and we left. Of course everyone is looking at me like Im jerk but who cares.

 

Anyway, the night she asked me for a divorce I asked why she went to the bar so much and never called. Eventually she said she didnt want to come home because she was miserable and wanted a divorce. She said we just werent compatible. She said it wasnt just me, that the house was always a wreck and her mom and nieces were always there. I didnt know if there was someone else but of course I asked. She denied it. I spent the rest of the night and the next day trying to convince her to work things out and lets try harder. She wouldnt budge and by Sunday I had given up. On monday I turned in my notice at work but they convinced me to stick it out for a little while and save some money. I felt much better Monday. I took my money out of our bank acct (her request) and started looking for a month to month apartment. We had a good talk that night and I felt alot better. I asked for us to separate and not call it a divorce and to tell the kids together when I did leave. She agreed. I found a place the next day and was planning on leaving that weekend. The next few nights she progressively got meaner and was coming home at 9:00 or 10:00. On thursday I couldnt shake the feeling that something had to be going on. I looked thru her txt msg's while she was getting ready for work. I found one from a co worker that said "I know I love you and cant stand to be away from you" Obviously I was devestated. I said nothing and went to work. Told then what happened and I needed off to try to get that apartment. I went home and told her mother what happened. I called W at lunch and confronted her. She tried to play it off like it was nothing. I knew better and told her I didnt believe her but we would talk that night. I left the house for a while and came home to find W in the middle of a chat with the OM. She was logged in on gmail at work and home. I took screenshots and saved them to my flash drive.

 

W told OM "he knows" and it went from there. They were talking about whether I would tell their boss or his live in girlfriend who he has a 1 year old baby with. Never did they say they made a mistake or that it had to stop. Just how they were deleting everything and needed to invent a code language. She admitted more that night but never the affair. They went on a business trip to alaska for 8 days right before xmas. Just the 2 of them, no one else. He was the only one I ever suspected. She got him the job about 6-8 months ago and he moved from MS to AL. I moved to AL from MS with W 3 years ago because she got her current job back and all her family was there. She told me that he said he had always been attracted to her and that he was in love with her. She still wouldnt admit to the affair and said nothing happened. W also said this had nothing to do with her asking for a divorce, that she had been thinking about it for a while. I am no saint and know that I have made mistakes. If she had communicated with me maybe we could have worked things out but someone else on the side is obviously gonna push her away from me.

 

I left that night and got my own place. I havent been back since other than a few times to get my stuff. I stayed for about 3 weeks. I quit my job and moved to TX and Im currently sleeping on my best friends couch trying to figure out what to do. Its been about a month since I talked (txt) to her. She said she will file the papers but didnt have the money at the time. I dont know if I should file or try to get in touch with her or what.

[Dexter Morgan]

you go ahead and file and get your life back. she isn't fit to be anyone's wife. You deserve better and there is definitely better out there to be had.

 

move on and live your life. She'll get what is coming to her sooner or later.

[hopesndreams]

This is my first post and I feel it will be a long one. I will try to keep it short. I have been married almost 2 years (May), Im 35 and she's 34. I have 3 stepchildren, 1 of which lives with us. Everything is in her name (house,car,etc)

 

We werent getting along for the last few months and in Jan she asked me for a divorce. It was a friday night and she came home late from work (7:30 or 8:00) Her mother and my 2 nieces (her sisters kids) have been living with us since Nov. My mother-in-law called me at about 4:00 saying she couldnt get in touch with W and that she needed to go to work early but didnt want to leave SD, who is 10, alone. I blew off some of my work and went home. I knew she was at the bar close to her work that she frequents far too often. When W got home I didnt say anything at first but eventually couldnt help it. I told that she had to stop doing this and not answering the phone or calling was unacceptable. At one point she was going to the bar at least twice a week. She had gotten a little better lately but she will never answer the phone or call. I can think of 2 serious incidents when she was at the bar. First, she had been at the bar all night and after midnight she wrecked her car a couple of miles from the house. She tried to call me but at that point I was asleep. Somehow she got the car home and we got her a new vehicle a couple weeks later. Second, she had been at the bar all night another time after that and decided to call me to come and get her. I believe I was on call at work so going out drinking was out of the question not to mention that 2 of my stepchildren were at home asleep. After arguing I decided to go and get her. When I got there I called and told her to come outside and lets go home. She wanted me to come in and have a beer, I got angry and refused but eventually had to go in. We got into it at the bar because she didnt want to leave yet. I told her we couldnt stay because the kids we home alone. Finally I downed her beer and we left. Of course everyone is looking at me like Im jerk but who cares.

 

Anyway, the night she asked me for a divorce I asked why she went to the bar so much and never called. Eventually she said she didnt want to come home because she was miserable and wanted a divorce. She said we just werent compatible. She said it wasnt just me, that the house was always a wreck and her mom and nieces were always there. I didnt know if there was someone else but of course I asked. She denied it. I spent the rest of the night and the next day trying to convince her to work things out and lets try harder. She wouldnt budge and by Sunday I had given up. On monday I turned in my notice at work but they convinced me to stick it out for a little while and save some money. I felt much better Monday. I took my money out of our bank acct (her request) and started looking for a month to month apartment. We had a good talk that night and I felt alot better. I asked for us to separate and not call it a divorce and to tell the kids together when I did leave. She agreed. I found a place the next day and was planning on leaving that weekend. The next few nights she progressively got meaner and was coming home at 9:00 or 10:00. On thursday I couldnt shake the feeling that something had to be going on. I looked thru her txt msg's while she was getting ready for work. I found one from a co worker that said "I know I love you and cant stand to be away from you" Obviously I was devestated. I said nothing and went to work. Told then what happened and I needed off to try to get that apartment. I went home and told her mother what happened. I called W at lunch and confronted her. She tried to play it off like it was nothing. I knew better and told her I didnt believe her but we would talk that night. I left the house for a while and came home to find W in the middle of a chat with the OM. She was logged in on gmail at work and home. I took screenshots and saved them to my flash drive.

 

W told OM "he knows" and it went from there. They were talking about whether I would tell their boss or his live in girlfriend who he has a 1 year old baby with. Never did they say they made a mistake or that it had to stop. Just how they were deleting everything and needed to invent a code language. She admitted more that night but never the affair. They went on a business trip to alaska for 8 days right before xmas. Just the 2 of them, no one else. He was the only one I ever suspected. She got him the job about 6-8 months ago and he moved from MS to AL. I moved to AL from MS with W 3 years ago because she got her current job back and all her family was there. She told me that he said he had always been attracted to her and that he was in love with her. She still wouldnt admit to the affair and said nothing happened. W also said this had nothing to do with her asking for a divorce, that she had been thinking about it for a while. I am no saint and know that I have made mistakes. If she had communicated with me maybe we could have worked things out but someone else on the side is obviously gonna push her away from me.

 

I left that night and got my own place. I havent been back since other than a few times to get my stuff. I stayed for about 3 weeks. I quit my job and moved to TX and Im currently sleeping on my best friends couch trying to figure out what to do. Its been about a month since I talked (txt) to her. She said she will file the papers but didnt have the money at the time. I dont know if I should file or try to get in touch with her or what.

 

This W of yours is nothing but a big headache and then put cheating on top of it and she is quite simply, a loser. Regardless, you're hurt and perhaps wondering if you two can get back together? If that's the case, you need to tell the OM's gf about what her man is up to. She deserves to know, yes?

 

Your W will get in touch with you when the OM she is "in love" with won't leave his gf and child for her. Hopefully, by that time, you would have had enough time away from her to start thinking with your brain and not your heart, then realizing she is a loser and you should not spend anymore time and energy on her.

[seibert253]

you go ahead and file and get your life back. she isn't fit to be anyone's wife. You deserve better and there is definitely better out there to be had.

 

move on and live your life. She'll get what is coming to her sooner or later.

 

^^^^^^

This

 

Dex is on the money once again.

[on1wheel]

So sorry 1st of all. I have been in your place 2+ yrs ago.

Get as far away & have little or NC with her. She is selfish & has no morals & will get her Karma in the end.

Just remember "you are only a doormat for as long as you allow yourself to be". You have done the hardest part; getting ur own place...even if it's a buddies couch.

That's what friends are for btw. Her OM will not leave his GF & baby, but was willing to take the free sex from ur W. He will get his Karma hopefully too.

Get on with ur life, as there are women out there who have been through what you have & are looking for a man with morals. You will find your soulmate yet. The search is not easy, but I truly feel we all have one out there.

I wish you well...good luck.

[stillfallin]

Thanks for all the advise everyone. I really appreciate it. Sorry it took so long for me to reply but my buddies computer screwed up on me and I had to reinstall windows. BTW I did tell the gf and she left that day. I waited about a week cause I couldnt stop direct deposit on our acct in time and I needed to get the rest of my stuff. The very next morning I took out my money, signed off the acct, took the gf the evidence, and got the rest of my stuff. It was a busy work day to say the least. I even drove by the OM's place to see if the gf left and she did. I sent a text to my wife about a week later to tell her she had to call to get the cable in her name. For some reason I told her I was sorry for what had happened. Her response was, well I sure did a great job of destroying the gf's life who did nothing at all. I let her have it and after about 4 txt msg's of my thinking she finally said she was sorry and it never happened before that. I went to a counselor which did no good since I was talking the whole time. I never even told her that I moved to Tx.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Get your divorce and keep it moving. You live your life without this toxic cheater of a woman within it.

 

I bet when the OM dumps her she'll come crawling your direction. Your in texas, I would rebuild my life and start making some money. looking for a good job, dating some big bones texas woman with them fine country accents. lol.

 

Life is good and you should never subject yourself to such misery. Why would you even contact her? Let her rot. Get a lawyer and have hm file on your behalf. It doesnt make sense to try anything with a woman who doesnt know how to be married. I would tell friends and family the real reason for the divorce just in case they ask or in contact with the ex.

[stillfallin]

Thanks Chrome. Yeah there's no shortage of women out here but Im not the greatest company right now. Well I talked to her last night for the first time in a month. She found out from her grandfather that I moved to TX and sent me an email asking for my address and to call her. She ended it saying she hoped I was doing ok. I didnt call cause I assumed she just wanted an address to send the papers. Apparently she txted a couple of my friends and even lft a msg with my mom. After I talked to my mom I called her.

 

She had a lawyer draw up the papers yesterday and needed an address. I gave it to her and she asked if thats where I was gonna be. I told her I didnt know for sure and I dont. Im planning on staying here but who knows. She asked if I was doing ok. Her tone wasnt depressed but really low. I was more aggressive of course. At some point I asked her if she was happy. After debating for a minute she took it as was she still with the OM. She said yes which is what I assumed. I also found out that the night she asked for a divorce she wasnt at the bar but with him. I figured that too but I guess hearing it was alot harder. Im sure she could tell I was crying so I didnt say much. I finally asked her about everyone in her family. It was to much craziness to get into. Her mom is moving out in the middle of the month and she said it will be nice to have her house back. The neighbor came home while I was outside so i wrapped it up. I know I probably shouldnt have even called her but I couldnt resist. Well at least I know the papers are on the way.

[nowomanocry]

Still fallin

 

You are a good guy and don't deserve this. Move on, find yourself a new gurl who will love you as you deserve! I am not an expert on the legal side of the things but 1st kick her out of your life.

 

Good luck mate, keep us posted

[stillfallin]

nowomannocry

 

I am trying my best to move on even tho its hard. I have good days and bad ones. I have seen a few people on other posts say they should tell their boss about the affair. Who could really blame me if I did. What do you guys think?

 

She has been a member of another divorce forum site for about a year and a half. I almost joined it but didnt really want her to find out I was on there. I look up her posts almost everyday. Lately she hasnt posted anything about me or the divorce but of course I had to look at it when she first asked for the divorce. It was hard to fight the urge to join it and bust her lies wide open. I saw from the posts that she even met one of the guys on the site for a couple of beers after the affair when she was out of town. Another post where everyone was joking around she said she just needed to get laid. I was floored.

[califnan]

This is my first post and I feel it will be a long

 

 

Anyway, the night she asked me for a divorce I asked why she went to the bar so much and never called. Eventually she said she didnt want to come home because she was miserable and wanted a divorce. She said we just werent compatible. She said it wasnt just me, that the house was always a wreck and her mom and nieces were always there. I didnt know if there was someone else but of course I asked. She denied it. I spent the rest of the night and the next day trying to convince her to work things out and lets try harder. She wouldnt budge and by Sunday I had given up. On monday I turned in my notice at work but they convinced me to stick it out for a little while and save some money. I felt much better Monday. I took my money out of our bank acct (her request) and started looking for a month to month apartment. We had a good talk that night and I felt alot better. I asked for us to separate and not call it a divorce and to tell the kids together when I did leave. She agreed. I found a place the next day and was planning on leaving that weekend. The next few nights she progressively got meaner and was coming home at 9:00 or 10:00. On thursday I couldnt shake the feeling that something had to be going on. I looked thru her txt msg's while she was getting ready for work. I found one from a co worker that said "I know I love you and cant stand to be away from you" Obviously I was devestated. I said nothing and went to work. Told then what happened and I needed off to try to get that apartment. I went home and told her mother what happened. I called W at lunch and confronted her. She tried to play it off like it was nothing. I knew better and told her I didnt believe her but we would talk that night. I left the house for a while and came home to find W in the middle of a chat with the OM. She was logged in on gmail at work and home. I took screenshots and saved them to my flash drive.

 

W told OM "he knows" and it went from there. They were talking about whether I would tell their boss or his live in girlfriend who he has a 1 year old baby with. Never did they say they made a mistake or that it had to stop. Just how they were deleting everything and needed to invent a code language. She admitted more that night but never the affair. They went on a business trip to alaska for 8 days right before xmas. Just the 2 of them, no one else. He was the only one I ever suspected. She got him the job about 6-8 months ago and he moved from MS to AL. I moved to AL from MS with W 3 years ago because she got her current job back and all her family was there. She told me that he said he had always been attracted to her and that he was in love with her. She still wouldnt admit to the affair and said nothing happened. W also said this had nothing to do with her asking for a divorce, that she had been thinking about it for a while. I am no saint and know that I have made mistakes. If she had communicated with me maybe we could have worked things out but

 

----------------------------

 

Still; I have learned that nothing you can do - would be of a greater lesson to her, than: Giving her what she wants ... Let her have the divorce .. And go on with your life as the other posters have commented .. She will probably find that the grass was not greener - just jumping from the frying pan into the fire (very self-destructive) .. Do all you can for yourself jobwise .. even if it means returning to your other job .. An income is very important to your future and independence ..

[stillfallin]

Yeah, I am letting her have the divorce. I should be getting the papers any day now and I will sign them as long as she isnt asking for anything. The thing that sucks is that she already filed her taxes and I cant claim anything filing separate. Now Im gonna owe quite a bit.