candoit Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 is telling the wife a bad thing to do ? Link to post Share on other sites
Fouts Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 Yes, it accomplishes nothing. If you're leaving her leave, if you're staying stop whatever it is that you're doing and be a faithful partner. Link to post Share on other sites
moaningmyrtle Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 is telling the wife a bad thing to do ? Are you asking whether it is a bad thing for an OW to do? If so I can answer from the BW perspective, that although it can be a spiteful and malicious thing to do, it pales in comparison with the other "bad" things an OW has "done" (or helped "do") to the wife. This question has been discussed before and there have been many OW who advise against it, while saying they themselves could not be that cruel. This to me is pure hypocrisy. Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha0905 Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 is telling the wife a bad thing to do ? I read this as meaning you are asking is telling the wife of your MM a bad thing to do? Now I'm confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha0905 Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 If you are asking should you tell your MM's wife of the affair the two of you are having, what would be your motivation to tell her? Shouldn't he if the two of you are going to be together? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 Are you the WS? AP? Third party? My answer...yes, yes and yes. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 Telling won't do any good. The wife will know that if you were genuine in your motivations, you would have told her BEFORE the affair happened in an effort to prevent it for altruistic reasons. After the fact, it won't look like anything but revenge done for spiteful reasons, and will likely backfire on you. You genuinely think she should know and can't stop yourself? At the very least make it anonymous. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 Read some of your past posts. You don't think you have done enough to the bs? Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 is telling the wife a bad thing to do ? Yes - the wrong thing to do .. Although she has her hands full, in having a husband who has not honored the marriage vows .. She has the marriage license - and the marriage is sacred - under God .. The one flesh covenant . I feel that that when mm cheat they are just Using the other woman - and do not take the relationship as seriously as their marriage relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author candoit Posted March 2, 2010 Author Share Posted March 2, 2010 I broke it off with my mm already I figured he was just enjoying his cake and eating it too , but i have not gotten over the anger of him hurting me lying to me and trying to get me pregnant just so i could be his OW for ever ...I just feel the need to get him back by telling his wife , i dont mean to hurt her but just to prove to her husband that he is not a player Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 I broke it off with my mm already I figured he was just enjoying his cake and eating it too , but i have not gotten over the anger of him hurting me lying to me and trying to get me pregnant just so i could be his OW for ever ...I just feel the need to get him back by telling his wife , i dont mean to hurt her but just to prove to her husband that he is not a player ------------------------- Don't tell her .. It will accomplish Nothing.. If you are lucky enough to not be pregnant, you are lucky enough .. If you are pregnant, I hope you will have the baby .. Personally, I think that All mm who have affairs, are enjoying having their cake and eat it too.. No matter how much they love their wives - having the other woman, makes the marriage even better .. they are being even more fulfilled - and draw closer to their wives because of it .. Taking away your relationship is the Best you can do .. Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha0905 Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 I broke it off with my mm already I figured he was just enjoying his cake and eating it too , but i have not gotten over the anger of him hurting me lying to me and trying to get me pregnant just so i could be his OW for ever ...I just feel the need to get him back by telling his wife , i dont mean to hurt her but just to prove to her husband that he is not a player In that case, no -- don't tell her. This is all about you and your anger towards him. You've both already done enough to his wife. Of course it would hurt her whether you mean it to or not. I don't think she's been at the top of your list of concerns. You've both already hurt her and the marriage. There's a world beyond the two of you. If there's children in the marriage, the injury is even worse. It's cake you served to him on a pretty platter. How can he "try to get you pregnant" without you going along? Makes no sense whatsoever. He's still in control of you if you feel a need to prove anything to him. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 I broke it off with my mm already I figured he was just enjoying his cake and eating it too , but i have not gotten over the anger of him hurting me lying to me and trying to get me pregnant just so i could be his OW for ever ...I just feel the need to get him back by telling his wife , i dont mean to hurt her but just to prove to her husband that he is not a player Before you exact revenge on him, look in the mirror at the woman who got involved with him willingly. What revenge will you punish her with? Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 Hes a player why are you so mad he was taken when you met him.You have not said much so its hard to help you.Are you seeing him again?getting pregnant so you can trap someone is not good.I hope your not does he have kids.well good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 I broke it off with my mm already I figured he was just enjoying his cake and eating it too , but i have not gotten over the anger of him hurting me lying to me and trying to get me pregnant just so i could be his OW for ever ...I just feel the need to get him back by telling his wife , i dont mean to hurt her but just to prove to her husband that he is not a player Your best revenge is to let go of him completely and go on with your life. YOU let this MM do this to you, you knew he was married, chose not to protect yourself while having sex with him. Yes it hurts, and yes you're angry..Turn some of that anger towards yourself and seek some counselling. FIX YOU instead of going after his wife to 'hurt' him, and punish him. Link to post Share on other sites
boomboom63 Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 Before you exact revenge on him, look in the mirror at the woman who got involved with him willingly. What revenge will you punish her with? Excellent point Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 Personally, I think that All mm who have affairs, are enjoying having their cake and eat it too.. No matter how much they love their wives - having the other woman, makes the marriage even better .. they are being even more fulfilled - and draw closer to their wives because of it .. Gosh! Then why do so many of those Ms end in D? Aside from a few recovered Ms on here - and those BSs will testify to what hard work was involved in that - most of the BSs here would NOT consider their M to have been improved by the A, or their H to have "drawn closer" to them through the A. I don't know your story and so can't comment on whether you felt turned on by your H having an A or not, but if so, I'm sure you're in a minority here! Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 is telling the wife a bad thing to do ? Yes. It's tacky. Link to post Share on other sites
Author candoit Posted March 2, 2010 Author Share Posted March 2, 2010 actually when i met him he lied to me that he was single , i found out three months later that he was married , and thats when the lies began . the lies of i am trying to get out and him begging me to have his baby and no i am not pregnant Link to post Share on other sites
John Who Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 I broke it off with my mm already I figured he was just enjoying his cake and eating it too , but i have not gotten over the anger of him hurting me lying to me and trying to get me pregnant just so i could be his OW for ever ...I just feel the need to get him back by telling his wife , i dont mean to hurt her but just to prove to her husband that he is not a player You are trying to hurt her,in fact you never cared about her feelings,he hurt you and now you want him hurt by telling her in hopes that she leaves him. Get over it and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 actually when i met him he lied to me that he was single , i found out three months later that he was married , and thats when the lies began . the lies of i am trying to get out and him begging me to have his baby and no i am not pregnant But you did find out. You didn't walk away after that did you? Did you try to find out the truth by going to his wife? You're a big girl and I would bet that your intelligence level is of at least normal levels. This is where the rational thought process kicks in. You made the choice not to think things through. You made the choice to buy into the lies. I never have a problem with the BS finding out no matter the motivation. But for you think of ways to get revenge is like saying you absolve yourself of all responsibility and that isn't the case. He may still have cheated with some one, but you made the choice that it would be with you, that makes you 100% for your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 actually when i met him he lied to me that he was single , i found out three months later that he was married , and thats when the lies began . the lies of i am trying to get out and him begging me to have his baby and no i am not pregnant Yet you CHOSE to continue with him, even AFTER finding out the truth, after he lied to you. You own that, you can't put that all on him. I really wish you had the self respect and strength, pride, ego when you first found out he was married and walked away THEN. Instead, you let the A happen. Now, everything's a mess and you're hurting, pissed off, etc.. He is scum, he's got issues but honestly, what about you? Sorry that I sound harsh. Let it go. Heal yourself and go on with your life. If you tell her, YOU need to be prepared for all the fallout and drama that follows, and you may regret telling her, especially since this is ALL revenge driven to 'get him' to 'hurt him'. Glad to hear you are not pregnant, even MORE of a reason to close the door and move on with your life. IF you can't get past this, seek therapy to help you cope better. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 Your opportunity of telling, that time window has closed. IF you were going to tell, as soon as you found out he was married WOULD HAVE been the time to tell her since he omitted the fact he was married. But, now it's sour grapes, your reasons of wanting to tell are purely for selfish and revenge reasons. Another thing, if you tell, chances are high HE will throw you under the bus, make it seem like you're crazy, you stalked him, pursued him. And, he'll HATE you, so your little plan of maybe wanting him for yourself, hoping his wife will kick him out, won't happen. He'll want nothing to do with you ever again. Keep that in mind if your golden plan is to land him in the long run. Still think the best revenge is for you to let yourself really grieve the loss, and heal so you can finally let go and find 'you' again. Find happiness and be proud of who you're with, not be some hidden secret behind closed doors, and be second fiddle. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 Your best revenge is to let go of him completely and go on with your life. YOU let this MM do this to you, you knew he was married, chose not to protect yourself while having sex with him. Yes it hurts, and yes you're angry..Turn some of that anger towards yourself and seek some counselling. FIX YOU instead of going after his wife to 'hurt' him, and punish him. This is a great response. I totally agree with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Fouts Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 This is a great response. I totally agree with this. Agreed also. No matter how much info you disclose, he'll lie and smooth it over with her anyway and you'll feel even worse. Fix yourself hun. Link to post Share on other sites
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