second chances?

[ConflictedPast]

So Im new to the forums and desprate for advice.

 

Some Background.. I left an abusive partner last June, moved out and been recieving counceling weekly. In December i finally decided to put myself out there to dating. I met someone in January and am now in a committed relationship. My ex has been in counceling for awhile. Last week i went to go pick up the kids (we share 3) and he asked if we could take the kids to chuckie cheese together and spend the day as a family. I saw no issue there and we had so much fun. It seems he has changed alot. He is begging me for another chance. For the kids I want to and I want to. Problem is.. I have feelings for the new guy. I just cant bring myself to let him go. He is the total oposite of my ex. but then again I dont know really its been just over 2months that ive been with him.. down the road i could find he's totally different from the couple days a week i see him.

 

Standing at this cross road Im terrified of failure. If I choose my ex and end up back in an abusive situation, Im going to feel stupid and embarassed. However if i choose to move forward with this new guy slowly and it dosnt work out, Im going to be wondering if it would have worked with my ex and regret not trying.

 

ANy Advice would be helpful please?

 

Thanks

[dannie19]

Please don't go back to him. What issues caused him to be abusive? They are usually deep issues which don't go away but form a permanent part of someone's character. What work has he done to change? He can't just say he's different he has to show it and that will take a long long time. You have lots of time as you have children and so will have contact frequently for years to come. Don't rush in on the basis of one day trip. Of course he was going to be lovely in front of the children, it would have been like a first date and people always make an extra effort for those. It's not real life though. Watch him closely. Maybe he has found out about your new relationship and wants to see if he has a pull on you. Also obviously your children would like dad at home, but you probably hid the abuse from them, they wouldn't want that. When they get older they'll be proud to just have a mum who has maintained a civil relationship with their dad, more than many children have. As for the new man, well you can't see into the future but you can be pretty sure your ex pestering you isn't going to help. Tell you ex to step back. Your new relationship is happy for now, enjoy that it may just be an important step in your healing or he could be Mr Right. You just don't know. One thing I think you can know pretty much for sure is that your ex would soon slip back into his old ways. Don't sell yourself short or undo all your hard work and doubtless pain you went through on the basis of a day trip, it was make belive for the children and to hook you back in. Well that's what I suspect! He doesn't want to see you happy and idependent or he would never have abused you in the first place.

[Angel1111]

Your new bf may be a wild card because you still don't know him that well, but your ex isn't a wild card. He abused you, and that's a sure thing. He blew it with you. Keep it that way. These men do not change. They only seem to change when their partners leave them. But they only do that to get you to doubt your decision and go back to them. Do not go back to him. You will live the same nightmare all over again, and will have lost your current bf who is probably a great guy. Teach your children that you have more self-respect for yourself than that. It's a lesson they will never, ever forget. If you go back, though, you'll be teaching them a whole new lesson. One you'll totally regret having taught them.

Edited March 5, 2010 by Angel1111