Steve2usa Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 For those Fimiliar with my story you know that my ex broke things off with no apparent reasons and never did explain them to me. And yes I know the no contact rule and want to abide by it, however something big has happened in my life and I want to share it with her. We talked when we were together about me buying a house, and she was already out looking at different places that would suit her needs (this tells me she planned on living with me). I just got the news today that I was approved for a home loan and can now go out and find the home of my future. But, I want to share this experience with her since she is the one who always said I could doit and was my main supporter and motivation. And even if we don't get back together I want to share this house hunting experience with her. So my question is Do I contact her and ask her to share in this experience? And If I do, How would I or you go about asking her this without making her think its about anything else? I am very sincere in this matter. Link to post Share on other sites
InLoKo Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 No contact rule still applies. Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 The house is for you and not for her. I know you want to share it (Congrats BTW - buying a house is stressfull but worth it when you close and move in!) but sharing something so personal with a recent ex is bound to stir up feelings that will get trampled on and tangled with the good emotions and experiences of buying a house, no matter how good your intentions are. Plus, she is part of your past now and you need to get over her. Having her associated with the purchase of a new home is going to keep her in the present and you will forever associate her with the house (well maybe not forever, but for a long time) Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Even more so now. Link to post Share on other sites
AllyKat Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 It seems to me you need to do this yourself. Why would you want to share this experience with someone who doesnt really seem to care about you? I dont think you want to go there, especially since you have done so well with no contact. Do this yourself, learn about you. Its YOUR house. Maybe once it was a dream for the both of you but its not now. Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Steve this would be a heart wrenching experience if she even agreed to do this as you'd be kidding yourself that she will move in with you everything will go back to the way it was if you want a woman's opinion ask your best female friend for her help or if that isn't possible somebody else suitable Link to post Share on other sites
maxmuscle Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Steve, I agree with everyone here. No contact! That's your blessing, not hers. I know you want to share this good news with her and a part of you feel like its her home approaval as well. The reality is she is not a part of your life. Sharing this with her will not bring her back. It only tarnish it with a very thin coat of painting and when it rains that thin coat is gone.................... Link to post Share on other sites
Marty_McFly Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 There will ALWAYS be something you want to share with her. In the past month I have had so many things, none of them very big, that I wanted to share with her. But I haven't. It's natural to want to because when you were together, you shared everything you were with this person. But unfortunately, now it's not that relationship anymore. Enjoy your successes, and maybe she'll even hear through the grapevine and remember that she was emotionally invested in that event as well, and think of you. Or maybe she won't. But either way, it's yours now. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 Sorry I didn't see this thread soon. It makes me sick that you would even consider thinking about considering "sharing this experience" with you ex. She is history and she is out of your life. Take your time and find a home YOU like and savor the experience all by yourself. GEEZE, if you were to call her to ask her to help you pick a house, she would probably throw up...or at least think you were some kind of weird!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
mandrews1119 Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 I have to agree with everyone else here, you can't share this one, at least not yet. If she happens to hear, or contact you, then that is different. It may not come off well at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steve2usa Posted January 9, 2004 Author Share Posted January 9, 2004 What I'm hearing in here is the same I'm hearing from friends. I will go out and enjoy this experience, and perhaps bring a friend or two (Females...just because they have a better idea of what a home should be than a guy) to help me in my search. And yes, perhaps she may hear this through the grapevine and it might get her thinking, but I realize that it would still be wrong because her motivation will be materialistic and not emotional, at least that how I feel now. So perhaps, if it does open a door of communication, I will take it, but only to take it slow and not rush into major decision making. Thank you everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
mr_roggger Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 Shouldn't the home be what you want, not what others' think you want? Link to post Share on other sites
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