Madly in love but staying true

[jennifer05]

My boyfriend of four months has been talking about 'messing' around. I've always stayed commited to myself to wait till I'm married. But I really love him and don't want to make him feel like i don't want to 'be' with him! What should I do...stick to my decision or give in? What's best?

[mintjulep]

I think it really depends on how old you are, and how ready you are. You shouldn't be "giving in" to anyone.

 

Imagine telling your parents that you're pregnant. I know you can be incredibly careful and you can do everything right, but the only sure fire method of birth control is abstinence. I always used that as a measure. If I wasn't ready to tell my parents that I was having a baby, I wasn't ready to risk it. Sounds silly, I know, but I always pictured it as a purely "scientific" way of determining how ready I was, all emotions aside.

 

Besides, if he really loves you, even if he does feel disappointed, it won't be in you, and a strong relationship can survive abstinence, if that's what you want for yourself. Age and maturity play a big factor,which is why I said that it depends on how old you are. I knew 16 year olds who were ready, and I know 24 year olds who still aren't...so, you know Go with what you feel in your heart, not what you feel in your pants (or his!).

[Errol]

You can't make him feel anything, any more than he can make you feel anything. Your feelings are YOURS and you choose how you want to feel. The same goes for him -- he chooses how he wants to feel. If you tell him that you want to wait until you are married then he should respect that. If he does not then he does not care enough about you or love you enough.

 

Despite all the talk about how pre-marital sex has no taboos - it still does, and there are still plenty of people who wait until they are married.