DenverBachelor Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 This one goes out to all the guys ... * I downloaded every season and episode of Sex and the City * I watched every episode with her when she got off of work * I cooked for her and always had a glass of wine ready for her after a long day * I enjoyed spending time with her family -- mother, sister and all * I would have gone to the ends of the Earth for her * I would have stuck by her through depression, sickness, death in the family, etc. * I enjoyed going out with her wherever and whenever she wanted * I loved her for who she was and her ambitions and goals * I loved her even when she hated her friends and work -- I always listened to her when she needed to vent * I was there for her when her aunt died, with a Xanax in hand to help calm her down because I know she was hurting * I loved her, our dog and it was our family * I would have given her anything within my means This makes me a *good* boyfriend. And it makes me realize that I am of a special breed. * I miss her Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 I empathize with you, and could fill endless journals of such things from my decade long marriage. I hope you're happy you loved and were and are that kind of man. I know I am. That knowledge sustains me and causes me to cast a discerning eye upon any woman who comes within my field of view. Only a very view get to benefit from that love and devotion. Maybe, someday, another woman might. Someday Link to post Share on other sites
jlr Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 Denver, I know what you mean, dude. I was the same way. It sucks that they didn't appreciate that enough to stay. One day, someone will appreciate us for those things, and they will love us enough to see it through. I know you feel, I miss my ex too. -JLR Link to post Share on other sites
kyta Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 treat em mean keep them keen!! good guys come last, i think we can be to nice and it gets boring for them, they need excitment, and doormats dont bring that. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 DB, What was it that you allowed her to *give* to you? How did you let her express that she, too, was competent and capable of loving you? Were you strong enough to ask her for help, to let her take care of you, to receive from her? Did she have her own opportunities to be appreciated and not just always appreciative? Being a good partner is also (very much) about allowing one's partner to be a good partner. Link to post Share on other sites
starwolf242 Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 treat em mean keep them keen!! good guys come last, i think we can be to nice and it gets boring for them, they need excitment, and doormats dont bring that. Wouldn't agree with this at all. I've only ever wanted a nice/good guy and always make sure I treat him as well as he treats me. I find being treated well is exciting enough and a very welcome change of pace from all the bad guys I've dated. Hang in there good guys! There are girls looking for you too. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 Next relationship you know what not to do. Link to post Share on other sites
bananaboat11 Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 DB... I'm sorry man. I too, firmly, truly, honestly, sincerely believe, I was a good a boyfriend. In time will someone better come along who will appreciate that... for you... for him... for me... for all of us who are such. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 treat em mean keep them keen!! good guys come last, i think we can be to nice and it gets boring for them, they need excitment, and doormats dont bring that. This is wrong WRONG WRONG. There is a vast difference between a good guy and a doormat. I, for one, appreciate a good guy. You can be a good guy and still be exciting (especially in the bedroom ). Link to post Share on other sites
nowomanocry Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 This is wrong WRONG WRONG. There is a vast difference between a good guy and a doormat. I, for one, appreciate a good guy. You can be a good guy and still be exciting (especially in the bedroom ). Donna, exceptions do not break the rule Link to post Share on other sites
nowomanocry Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 Wouldn't agree with this at all. I've only ever wanted a nice/good guy and always make sure I treat him as well as he treats me. I find being treated well is exciting enough and a very welcome change of pace from all the bad guys I've dated. Hang in there good guys! There are girls looking for you too. Starwolf - Hello lol nice ta meet you Where were you all my life ;) Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 Donna, exceptions do not break the rule Well, whaddayawant? Quantity or quality? Link to post Share on other sites
nowomanocry Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 This one goes out to all the guys ... * I downloaded every season and episode of Sex and the City * I watched every episode with her when she got off of work * I cooked for her and always had a glass of wine ready for her after a long day * I enjoyed spending time with her family -- mother, sister and all * I would have gone to the ends of the Earth for her * I would have stuck by her through depression, sickness, death in the family, etc. * I enjoyed going out with her wherever and whenever she wanted * I loved her for who she was and her ambitions and goals * I loved her even when she hated her friends and work -- I always listened to her when she needed to vent * I was there for her when her aunt died, with a Xanax in hand to help calm her down because I know she was hurting * I loved her, our dog and it was our family * I would have given her anything within my means This makes me a *good* boyfriend. And it makes me realize that I am of a special breed. * I miss her Denver if you were the following you would've been loved till the end of time lol ( no offences , just inspired from what you wrote, nothing to do with you or your family or gurl whatsoever) * I did not download episodes of Sex and the City because it co-incided with Chelsea FC matches and I always forgot * I never watched any episodes with her when she got off of work because I switched to a sports channel my favorite one and despite she did not agree I forced her into it . If she shouted back beat her with a baseball bat and kick her all around the house * I never cooked for her and always bought BK (whenever I had money) and never asked what she would like to eat as I honestly did not give a fook * I hated spending time with her family -- mother, sister and all I all hated 'em and was also sleeping with 'em both. I asked for a 3 sum but they said swinging wasn't moral and it just did not feel right * I wouldn't have gone to the shop at the corner for her. Even when she gave me some money to buy shopping I would usually come back home with a pack of fags, a 6 can pack of Bud, and hash * I would'nt have stuck by her through depression, sickness, death in the family, etc. --> would have dumped her if any of these happened. * I enjoyed going out with her wherever and whenever I wanted (applies only for BK or a Chelsea game) * I loved her for sex only - ...the rest I do not want to know * I didn't give a **** about her work and colleagues -- I never listened to her when she needed to vent as I would be busy out with me mates at a pub or my OW's house (lust mmmmm lol). Even when I was home I would usually yell at her and tell her to stfu * I ran away when her aunt died, and never looked back. She was a fat bitch anyway * I didn't loved her, she was a cow to milk and a pussy to f..k.. hated our dog and kicked the mf dog all around da house. One day we got stoned and drunk with me mates and we hung the dog on a tree in the garden * I would never have given her anything within my means, as I was broke, jobless, on drugs, an alcoholic and living like a looser I am sincerely sorry for you mate - Hope you find the right person in your life , good luck Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 I kick guys like that to the curb. Actually, they never get a shot because I can spot 'em a mile away! Link to post Share on other sites
nowomanocry Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 Well, whaddayawant? Quantity or quality? Donna I do not know anymore lol Please be gentle Link to post Share on other sites
jlr Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 DB, What was it that you allowed her to *give* to you? How did you let her express that she, too, was competent and capable of loving you? Were you strong enough to ask her for help, to let her take care of you, to receive from her? Did she have her own opportunities to be appreciated and not just always appreciative? Being a good partner is also (very much) about allowing one's partner to be a good partner. I don't think he was saying that she didn't do anything good. He was simply pointing out the nice things he did. In the end, she WASN'T appreciative of him, and these little things, which is important in a relationship. He clearly did appreciate her or he wouldn't be here missing here. Link to post Share on other sites
nowomanocry Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 DB, What was it that you allowed her to *give* to you? How did you let her express that she, too, was competent and capable of loving you? Were you strong enough to ask her for help, to let her take care of you, to receive from her? Did she have her own opportunities to be appreciated and not just always appreciative? Being a good partner is also (very much) about allowing one's partner to be a good partner. I don't think he was saying that she didn't do anything good. He was simply pointing out the nice things he did. In the end, she WASN'T appreciative of him, and these little things, which is important in a relationship. He clearly did appreciate her or he wouldn't be here missing here. How can you miss a person who never appreciated your company despite all that you did? Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 Donna I do not know anymore lol Please be gentle I only pull hair, spank, and bite when asked. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 How can you miss a person who never appreciated your company despite all that you did? That's a question that should be asked of DB, since he stated he missed her. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 * I miss her It is ok to miss her, but I suspect you miss yourself being that person in the realtionship is more accurate. It is important to understand that some people, as much as they want it, is not ready for deep, sincere love. They did not get it as a child when they needed and have not learn to accept it when it come as an adult. Some work very hard to get to that point to be able to enjoy it, other go their whole live running towards and then away from it. If we are lucky enough for yourselves to get there, we may meet partners who we believe is there too but we find out that is not the case. It is why it is important to take time to get to know people, to look past the superficial things like beauty, money, unaffected physical passion, initial rush of chemistry. It to see if they have done the work on themselves so they are not only ready TO love but also to BE loved. For these will be the partners that inspire both of you to grow as a person, to move towards your highest self, who will give and receive love. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 It is important to understand that some people, as much as they want it, is not ready for deep, sincere love. They did not get it as a child when they needed and have not learn to accept it when it come as an adult. Some work very hard to get to that point to be able to enjoy it, other go their whole live running towards and then away from it. If we are lucky enough for yourselves to get there, we may meet partners who we believe is there too but we find out that is not the case. It is why it is important to take time to get to know people, to look past the superficial things like beauty, money, unaffected physical passion, initial rush of chemistry. It to see if they have done the work on themselves so they are not only ready TO love but also to BE loved. For these will be the partners that inspire both of you to grow as a person, to move towards your highest self, who will give and receive love. Favorite GC post to date. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 This makes me a *good* boyfriend. And it makes me realize that I am of a special breed. Yes, a man of your breed is always the stronghold in a relationship. Take good care of yourself, please. And remember that the memories of your past relationships will always be with you, and your future will always be ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
jlr Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 It is ok to miss her, but I suspect you miss yourself being that person in the realtionship is more accurate. It is important to understand that some people, as much as they want it, is not ready for deep, sincere love. They did not get it as a child when they needed and have not learn to accept it when it come as an adult. Some work very hard to get to that point to be able to enjoy it, other go their whole live running towards and then away from it. If we are lucky enough for yourselves to get there, we may meet partners who we believe is there too but we find out that is not the case. It is why it is important to take time to get to know people, to look past the superficial things like beauty, money, unaffected physical passion, initial rush of chemistry. It to see if they have done the work on themselves so they are not only ready TO love but also to BE loved. For these will be the partners that inspire both of you to grow as a person, to move towards your highest self, who will give and receive love. That couldn't have been said any better. Especially this part: It is important to understand that some people, as much as they want it, is not ready for deep, sincere love. They did not get it as a child when they needed and have not learn to accept it when it come as an adult. Some work very hard to get to that point to be able to enjoy it, other go their whole live running towards and then away from it. I felt like my ex was that way. She didn't get love as a child at all, her mother was very cold and her father wasn't around. I always tried to give her love so she'd know she was loved. But I fee like she does that - runs towards it, just to run away from it. It's sad, because until she figures that out, or works on that part of her, this will just be a cycle. I also think that because she didn't see love as a child, she didn't know what to really do with it, or how to properly process it, or live with it. She's not really sure what it is she needs or is looking for. I had my own emotional problems stemmed from my childhood too. But, I was the opposite. I was so happy to be to that point, to love someone, to have someone love me. I saw my parents get divorced, and I wanted to do the exact opposite. I wanted to work things out, to not give up. I never even imagined leaving her. I had this loyalty. My dad took off on me too, so I developed this loyalty towards people I love. I don't want to be the person who leaves, who walks out. Sometimes, it's a fault now. Because even when she was being ****ty to me and playing with my heart last year, I should have said enough is enough, but still, I wanted to fix it. So some people repeat the cycle. They learned it a certain way, and even if they didn't like it, they subconciously keep repeating it. It's comfortable to them. It's familiar. Then there's the other kind, who go to the complete opposite, doing everything they can to try and save it, or fix it, even when it's dead and they know it. And yeah, it's still possible to miss someone who didn't really appreciate you. Sure, it seems silly. But, you miss who they were at one point. You miss whatever it was that drew you to them initially. Link to post Share on other sites
cdt76 Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 treat em mean keep them keen!! good guys come last, i think we can be to nice and it gets boring for them, they need excitment, and doormats dont bring that. if this is the truth then women are stupid, crazy and just plane out of their minds. Yeah, keep a dirtbag just to have the mystery. Brilliant. Oh or a liar because you want to change him. Or how about a coward just because you see the "good" in him and refuse to accept reality. This is why MEN do the things they do because WOMEN are nuts. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 It is ok to miss her, but I suspect you miss yourself being that person in the relationship is more accurate. I would tend to agree. Most of my points of mourning during the divorce process were mourning the loss of the person I was during my M; how I loved and cared and sacrificed; the loss of that dynamic which is no more. The good news is, as I'm sure the OP has realized, is that all those qualities, that person, are still within. No other person can ever take them away Link to post Share on other sites
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