Not calling enough?

[xc_girl]

Let's see if I can condense a 14 year relationship in a few words:

 

Boy and I have been best friends for several years now, and knew each other prior to that. Throughout high school he had a crush on me, but could never get up the nerve to tell me. In the meantime, I didn't realize I compensated his feelings. In fact, when he finally did ask me out (after several years) I initially turned him down. I honestly did not realize that I liked him like that, and with us going to different colleges, I thought it would be a waste of time.

 

He was heartbroken, but somehow our friendship endured. And eventually my head caught up to my heart, and we've been dating 2 months. Not that long, I know. Still, the closeness of our friendship prior to dating makes this relationship carry a significant amount of weight.

 

Le problem:His communication skills are severely lacking- even when we were friends he would rarely call or text, and never plan anything. When we did hang out it was clear to see there were no underlying problems. He's simply not one of those phone people.

 

However, I (rightly) expect more now that we have upped the relationship (my personal take: more physical, more emotional). Something of a romantic, I want the all-night phone conversations, the good-morning texts, the constant contact throughout the day. Trying not to be too clingy, I've asked he only contact me everyday and he has, but it's bare minimum. No fb wall posts, no e-mails, just a brief text conversation or a phone call he usually ends.

 

Of course, he thinks he contacts me more than enough. Also, both of us have busy lives (I work full-time on top of class, and his coursework is challenging) and he has this huge fear of interrupting me during work or class with a call- and doesn't do well with texting, although he is trying.

 

Still- if you really like someone and want to get closer to them- should they even have to ask you to call daily?

 

I know his feelings are still here. I'm not going to launch into a full description here of how he acts when we're together (or the effort he makes to see me.)

 

What I want to know is- is his bare minimum effort when we're apart a personality trait I need to learn to cope with, or is it a sign that something is wrong here?

[aerogurl87]

Your boyfriend sounds like my ex. See link below:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t208800/

 

And from experience I can tell you that if his lack of communication skills bothers you as much as it bothered me with my ex, then it will end up tearing you two apart. I tried to "deal" with the way my ex acted and after awhile it just got to me alot, to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. So I ended it. But if you think you can deal with his lack of communication (because more than likely it won't improve or if it does it will only be on a temporary basis) then go for it.

[xc_girl]

...but I don't think our relationships are that similar. I saw you post on another board that you had sex four hours after meeting? Not dissing that life style at all! But I think there's a different element in that this is a solid relationship which there was no physical things for a long time. Even now, we're not too far past the kissing and cuddling stage, and both of us are fine with it.

 

Maybe I'm trying to seek out the reason he's not as eager to contact me. Is it a lack of interest, not knowing how to be a boyfriend, personality, or could he really be that worried a call will interrupt my day?

 

He DOES contact me, just, not as often as I would like. And it seems to take a lot of prompting.

[aerogurl87]

...but I don't think our relationships are that similar. I saw you post on another board that you had sex four hours after meeting? Not dissing that life style at all! But I think there's a different element in that this is a solid relationship which there was no physical things for a long time. Even now, we're not too far past the kissing and cuddling stage, and both of us are fine with it.

 

Maybe I'm trying to seek out the reason he's not as eager to contact me. Is it a lack of interest, not knowing how to be a boyfriend, personality, or could he really be that worried a call will interrupt my day?

 

He DOES contact me, just, not as often as I would like. And it seems to take a lot of prompting.

 

Haha no, that was my other ex. Mr. I show no emotion waited about 1 month to have sex with me after 3-4 months of being just friends. We had a solid relationship that deteriorated after he stopped verbally communicating how he felt about me. Anyway, if his not always contacting you bothers you that much, why don't you try and talk to him about it in a calm manner? Explain to him EXACTLY how you feel and wait and try to come to a compromise on the matter.

[nowomanocry]

Let's see if I can condense a 14 year relationship in a few words:

 

Boy and I have been best friends for several years now, and knew each other prior to that. Throughout high school he had a crush on me, but could never get up the nerve to tell me. In the meantime, I didn't realize I compensated his feelings. In fact, when he finally did ask me out (after several years) I initially turned him down. I honestly did not realize that I liked him like that, and with us going to different colleges, I thought it would be a waste of time.

 

He was heartbroken, but somehow our friendship endured. And eventually my head caught up to my heart, and we've been dating 2 months. Not that long, I know. Still, the closeness of our friendship prior to dating makes this relationship carry a significant amount of weight.

 

Le problem:His communication skills are severely lacking- even when we were friends he would rarely call or text, and never plan anything. When we did hang out it was clear to see there were no underlying problems. He's simply not one of those phone people.

 

However, I (rightly) expect more now that we have upped the relationship (my personal take: more physical, more emotional). Something of a romantic, I want the all-night phone conversations, the good-morning texts, the constant contact throughout the day. Trying not to be too clingy, I've asked he only contact me everyday and he has, but it's bare minimum. No fb wall posts, no e-mails, just a brief text conversation or a phone call he usually ends.

 

Of course, he thinks he contacts me more than enough. Also, both of us have busy lives (I work full-time on top of class, and his coursework is challenging) and he has this huge fear of interrupting me during work or class with a call- and doesn't do well with texting, although he is trying.

 

Still- if you really like someone and want to get closer to them- should they even have to ask you to call daily?

 

I know his feelings are still here. I'm not going to launch into a full description here of how he acts when we're together (or the effort he makes to see me.)

 

What I want to know is- is his bare minimum effort when we're apart a personality trait I need to learn to cope with, or is it a sign that something is wrong here?

 

Lol boy, that sounds very much like my ex starting to go out with her old friend of hers and her sisters dating 15 years back (however, ours was a LDR).....Hope that she's posting the same stuff to sum site like LS lol that she not happy lmao

 

Anyway, from what I see he may be the shy type or too kind not to disturb you. In which case, you can find a rythm together (rhythm is love lol) I mean a texting rhythm - I see relations like dancing .... you have to be perfect as a couple. Either side who can not keep up with the rhythm of the music spoils the whole thing. This is the case here. I think you can not judge the whole r/s by just one texting or calling thing but if you really feel there's something wrong then there is something wrong. (you can judge it best )

 

Even in our LDR we talked almost 8-10 times a day and that much of smses, that was our rhythm - and we had invented a "buzz" thing. A short buzz which signified "love u, thinking about u" which we did for almost 3 years. Any day one of us were busy, and the calls & texts were less we would moan to each other (in a sweet & friendly way) and always made up for it (in a cute way tho, nothing of fighting or arguing etc.) We were not married and in a LDR but hey, she was closer to me than most couples living together who are strangers to each other still.

 

She left me a couple of months ago for someone as I mentioned up there.

 

My story is long, don't want to waste ur time. Hope this helps a bit lol

 

Good luck