Need Help Badly!

[Amanda]

Okay everyone i have 2 problems. I really need help with...The first one is a problem with one of my ex's. We went out for 6 months and in June he broke up with me because he said he needed some time to handle some stress...and when HE got ready we could start things back where they left off...i told him that i couldn't just wait around on him. Well when the time rolled around...about a month later that he "decided" we could get back together i was seeing some...nothing serious but i was kinda involved. So i told him that i couldn't get back together...that my feelings for him were gone...well they weren't completely gone but they were starting to fade and i didn't want to take the chance of getting hurt again. So ever since July he has been calling me and sending me stuff and he just won't take the hint...he even bought me and engagement ring ( i made him take it back). He is in the military and he comes home next month on leave...he already has all this stuff planned that he wants us to do...i've told him that i don'tlove him anymore and that all we are is friends but he doesn't seem to understand. I don't know what else to do without just being down right mean to him...any suggestion? i need help!

 

Second...There is this guy...my best friend actually...i've known he for going on 13 years (I'm 19 he's 20)...well i've had crushes on him on and off for the whole 13 years...we were bf/gf back in like 6th grade but after that we were just friends again...it was just one of those immature "relationships" well anyway...in high school i developed the biggest crush on him...you see we are always flirting with each other and playin around and stuff... Ever since we graduated 2 years ago and went off to (seperate) college we don't get to see each other real often. well this summer when i was going through the break up with afore mentioned ex bf he was there for me big time! and he has been having lots of girl problems that i've been there for him with...we spent ALOT of time together this summer...we would things on the weekends like go bowling or watch a movie...just me and him (as friends)..or go and sit and talk at the park till like 4:00 in the morning...well since we are from a REALLY small town everyone knows us and think we would make the perfect couple including both of our parents'. Well so this summer everyone thought we were going out. Anytime we would talk about what people were sayin about us we would just laugh and say things like how wierd it would be and stuff like that...we would say stuff about we know too much about each other and stuff...well towards the end of the summer we were talkin at the park late one night we were talking about the kind of girls he dated in high school (all super skinny blonde bimbos) and he was telling me how what he wanted had changed...he wants someone more down to earth...intelligent ...etc...He said he wanted someone who was just like me...I was flattered and didn't think alot about it at the time but the more i think i about it the more i wonder...then a few weeks ago we were having one of our 7 hour phone conversations and somehow we got on the topic of how funny it would be if we put and engagement announcement in our local hometown paper...then later we started talking about how we wondered how it would be between us if we had meet at college instead of elementary school and he said and i quote.."well we would probably be putting that announcement in the paper for real" i was shocked...we haven't really talked much since cause we have both been busy but i know i will see him when i go home for thanksgiving break and i don't know what to do..i don't know if i am missing some major signals or what...i need advice bad...please help...if you want to know anymore about this i can e-mail it to you...sorry this is so long but i'm so confused...PLEASE HELP!!!

[Ryan]

For the first guy....if he can't get the hint then stop making it so much of a hint. Become increasingly stern about how you feel or don't feel. Don't let him try to "wear you down" or anything of that nature. If you have to be mean, then do so. It's not your fault he won't accept your feelings. Be strong in your opinion.

 

As for the second guy, it sounds like there is a relationship brewing here that is hindered by distance. I think the question is whether or not you want to try to start and maintain a long-distance relationship. This would not be an easy thing to do at all. However, I do get the notion that you have quite a solid foundation for a very stable and healthy relationship. Even if it should end up not working, chances are great that you would stay friends. This all comes down to you and him. It's a tough decision to make, but only you can do it.