He finally sent the email breaking NC after 13 weeks

[Star Gazer]

CNYCG, do you ever think there's just been too much damage done to this relationship for it to ever be what you want and need it to be?

[curiousnycgirl]

CNYCG, do you ever think there's just been too much damage done to this relationship for it to ever be what you want and need it to be?

 

No I've never thought that - I have however thought that I am so damaged I can never have a relationship. Those two concepts are probably very linked.

 

I just tried to call him, he didn't answer. I refuse to read into that but I did not leave a message.

 

Boy I stink at this.

[threebyfate]

Good points, and certainly not my intent.

 

Actually I told him there was a box, and he was welcome to take a look, he decided to take the whole thing rather than dig through it here. He did not discover the keys until he got home, and I had entirely forgotten what was the box. He didn't try to leave the keys, he said he should have, and I said not to worry no rush, etc.

 

However I can certainly see what you mean. I was thinking about dropping him an email - so I will to keep the lines of communication open. How's that?

I would let him come to you again. Just be careful right now, since everyone is feeling sensitive. Something unimportant can be blown up to epic proportions, during this sensitive period.

 

and more important, how are YOU feeling?

I'm going stir-crazy but overall, doing fine. I have my doctor's appointment this afternoon, so my fingers are crossed that she's going let me go out to play, once in awhile. She was pretty stern with me last time, even suggesting hospitalization, if I didn't do the bed rest thing or if things got worse.

[curiousnycgirl]

I would let him come to you again. Just be careful right now, since everyone is feeling sensitive. Something unimportant can be blown up to epic proportions, during this sensitive period.

 

Actually I told him I would find something out for him, which I did - so I want to get him that information. Would have been easiest over the phone which is why I called, but I will drop him an email and see how that goes.

 

I agree we both uber senstive at the moment. I'm sitting here going crazy that I may have pushed him further away I SWEAR that was not my intent.

 

 

I'm going stir-crazy but overall, doing fine. I have my doctor's appointment this afternoon, so my fingers are crossed that she's going let me go out to play, once in awhile. She was pretty stern with me last time, even suggesting hospitalization, if I didn't do the bed rest thing or if things got worse.

 

I am sure you are going nuts, but remember being home is the equivelant to being allowed out to play when compared to being in the hospital! I think we need to send you coloring boooks and crayons!

[threebyfate]

Actually I told him I would find something out for him, which I did - so I want to get him that information. Would have been easiest over the phone which is why I called, but I will drop him an email and see how that goes.

Okay, that's a good reason to contact him.

 

I agree we both uber senstive at the moment. I'm sitting here going crazy that I may have pushed him further away I SWEAR that was not my intent.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it worse for you. Just relax if you can and let things unfold. Keep in mind that you told him you wanted to take it easy, so he's going to take it slow.

 

I think we need to send you coloring boooks and crayons!

Too funny!

[curiousnycgirl]

Okay, that's a good reason to contact him.

 

I called back and left him a voice mail. We'll see how that goes.

 

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it worse for you. Just relax if you can and let things unfold. Keep in mind that you told him you wanted to take it easy, so he's going to take it slow.

 

Not your fault at all. I need critical, constructive feedback - otherwise why bother? I agree I need to relax while treading lightly. OY VEY! But I can do it!

 

 

Too funny!

 

Oh I assure you if I knew where you lived, you'd already have them, among other coping with boredom supplies. I HATE to be bored! Believe it or not coloring books can be cathartic.

[mickleb]

No I've never thought that - I have however thought that I am so damaged I can never have a relationship. QUOTE]

 

Oh Curio! There you go again, making me anxious!

 

I see the relationship as one that is highly damaged. You are fixable, though, for sure.

 

x

[curiousnycgirl]

[quote=mickleb;2725798Oh Curio! There you go again, making me anxious!

 

I see the relationship as one that is highly damaged. You are fixable, though, for sure.

 

x

 

Not trying to make you anxious, just replying honestly.

 

Thanks for thinking I'm fixable, only time will tell.

[GrayClouds]

No I've never thought that - I have however thought that I am so damaged I can never have a relationship. Those two concepts are probably very linked.

 

Now I think I understand why you are trying so hard to make thisrelationship work?

[looseleaf2004]

Not trying to make you anxious, just replying honestly.

 

Thanks for thinking I'm fixable, only time will tell.

 

 

I just don't think it will work out. It seems like maybe you are pushing more for this to happen than he is. After so much effort putinto the relationship and it not working before, maybe it is time to move on. Even now, it seems like you are walking on eggshells. One moment, you're distraught and gloomy and then the next you are upbeat and optimistic. Doesn't seem like the feelings you are feeling now are any different than the feelings you had when you two were together. I understand you two have some history and have spent a lot of time together, but the pain of the break up will just be that much worse if it doesn't work out. I'm sure you will go through with your intentions regardless of what anyone here writes so I wish you the best of luck though. Hopefully things do work out for you, but I dont' see how someone can preach NC then conduct themselves in this manner. IMO I think you should just focus on yourself right now and leave this guy alone.

[curiousnycgirl]

Looseleaf you seem to be in very good company here - most do not believe this can be salvaged, and I admit that I waffle betweent the two positions. At this point the ball is back in his court.

 

I promised to find somethingg out for him, I did and left him a vm. Texted him later in the day - haven't heard back at all. So once again it's up to him. I will not go out of my way, but I will be nice and sweet and open if/when he contacts me.

 

Taking it one baby step at a time.

 

Thank you so much for your concern and input, I honestly do appreciate it.

[Star Gazer]

Any update, hun?

[curiousnycgirl]

Sorry haven't been on the shack, been working round the clock, plus the jewish holiday got int he way!

 

Hiis passive aggressive tendency showed it's ugly head briefly early this week, I left him a vm on something I said I would check out and he didn't get back to me. I sent a follow up text to make sure he was ok and he didn't answer until about 24 hours later. I responded simply and sweetly.

 

Since then he called to invite me out for my birthday, which we will do tonight (birthday is tomorrow). Conversations continue to be easy and comfortable.

 

My therapist thinks I need to hold on until he gets throught this mankind project weekend and see what happens. She feels strongly that it may really turn things around. We all know how much I would like that!

 

So we continue to be in wait and see mode.

[GrayClouds]

Sorry haven't been on the shack, been working round the clock, plus the jewish holiday got int he way!

 

Hiis passive aggressive tendency showed it's ugly head briefly early this week, I left him a vm on something I said I would check out and he didn't get back to me. I sent a follow up text to make sure he was ok and he didn't answer until about 24 hours later. I responded simply and sweetly.

 

Since then he called to invite me out for my birthday, which we will do tonight (birthday is tomorrow). Conversations continue to be easy and comfortable.

 

My therapist thinks I need to hold on until he gets throught this mankind project weekend and see what happens. She feels strongly that it may really turn things around. We all know how much I would like that!

 

So we continue to be in wait and see mode.

 

 

I do hope I am wrong...

[Kaniut]

First, don't be so hard on yourself (by calling yourself an idiot). Being hopeful that things will change is not idiocy, it's optimism. But, optimism only goes so far. If you know in your gut things can't be saved and that he won't meet you half way then maybe you should go with that and find someone else.

Edited April 3, 2010 by Kaniut
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