You never really know what they did with the other person...

[Bleed Internal]

Heartbreaking, isn't it? It took me 7 months to get her to admit to details about the sex that I knew from speaking with the guy she cheated on me with. And I know there's still so much that I don't know. How did they interact when they met up? How was their conversation? What happened that led to the sex? It just wrecks my brain and makes me sick to my stomach.

 

Part of me still loves her, and every once in a while I feel like I want to make things work, but I'm good about snapping back into reality and realizing that the love I thought we had was a sham. Maybe it was authentically there for a bit, but in the end, she exposed herself as a lying, cheating, whore. It's been about 8 months since the cheating revelations and break-up, during which we've had a lot of ex sex and never gone more than a week or two with NC.

 

We've had occasional good times, and of course, great sex, but the majority of these past 8 months have been extremely dramatic and painful. Especially since she's STILL lying about hook-ups she's had since the break-up. Although we never got back together, I was subconsciously trying to make things work, but finding out that she's sleeping with people and lying about it after her lies destroyed our relationship was the final straw for me. I last saw/talked to her 4 days ago. She even called me last night, but I'm DETERMINED to stick to NC this time.

 

It's so hard and I seriously think about her every second. Hopefully I'll be healed and over this in no time. I'm just ready to move on...

[Dexter Morgan]

you'll move on just fine. time does heal all wounds, but much quicker when you start enjoying the company of other decent women.

 

Listen to "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" by Elton John. No words in a song were ever truer....well, the chorus anyway.

[Bleed Internal]

you'll move on just fine. time does heal all wounds, but much quicker when you start enjoying the company of other decent women.

 

Listen to "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" by Elton John. No words in a song were ever truer....well, the chorus anyway.

I've slept with multiple women since the break-up. It's nice to get laid, get attention from new women, and distract myself from thinking about my ex, but I'm still pretty torn up over what that slut did to me. Mainly because I'm not as attracted to or connected with any of these women as my ex, even though they're all great.

 

I'm still in the phase of NC where every day is a struggle. I know this will affect me for some time, but I hope I'm in a much better place in at least a month or so.

[threebyfate]

You never really know what they did with the other person...

More importantly, what did you do with the body? Hopefully, it's buried somewhere far, far away from home! (j/k of course but I can relate.)

 

As someone who's completely gotten over infidelity, I can hopefully give you some positive knowledge that all the pain passes, over time, if you let it. And one important way to do it, is to maintain NC, now that you've partially exorcised her, from your system. IMO, the ex sex was your way to purge, in that using her, regained some personal power. NC will regain even more of yourself back.

 

Just keep on plugging. Put your head down and keep walking away, one baby step at a time.

[You'reasian]

I've slept with multiple women since the break-up. It's nice to get laid, get attention from new women, and distract myself from thinking about my ex, but I'm still pretty torn up over what that slut did to me. Mainly because I'm not as attracted to or connected with any of these women as my ex, even though they're all great.

 

I'm still in the phase of NC where every day is a struggle. I know this will affect me for some time, but I hope I'm in a much better place in at least a month or so.

 

Ex-es are great to remember on occassion, but best left forgotten. That's the way I look at it. I wouldn't beat yourself up over it - the details don't matter - what matters is what you are doing to take yourself further in relationships, enjoying your free time and respecting yourself.

[Dexter Morgan]

I've slept with multiple women since the break-up. It's nice to get laid, get attention from new women, and distract myself from thinking about my ex, but I'm still pretty torn up over what that slut did to me.

 

It is nice to be in the company of other women. but don't become a slut like the one you just got rid of. and don't play with these women, otherwise you will have become no better than your crappy X.

[troggleputty]

Some people are just into relationships for the personal thrills. It's a big ego trip for a woman to have multiple guys on a string (same goes for guys who act that way too of course).

 

My point of view is that if a relationship is supposed to be "special" then if you cheat, you're devaluing your own primary relationship. You're turning it from "special" into "just another screw."

 

So it's not at all about creating a "special" relationship for someone like your ex; it's about what she can get out of other people by using/manipulating them.

 

As far as issues such as "honesty" and "personal integrity," cheaters just don't seem to think of these things at all. They don't seem to perceive, or care, that by cheating, they are not only destroying the "special" nature of the primary relationship; they are also destroying any notion that they are a person of integrity and honesty.

 

If you read some of the cheaters' posts on LS, it's pretty apparent that cheaters don't seem think the same way as honest people do. They are all pretty much miniature versions of Bernie Madoff, at least in the emotional sense. They are all playing a weird "shell game", a Ponzi scheme. And it seems that the act of ripping people off is a big part of the thrill of "the game."

 

But, usually the Ponzi scheme is revealed at some point, and the whole thing crumbles.

 

Also don't blame yourself, because people like your ex target and prey upon trusting people. They are "players" who don't target other "players" because another "player" would have them figured out immediately and they wouldn't be able to run their Ponzi scheme successfully.

 

In terms of what they said/what they did together? Well since it's a whole fantasy scenario they imagined themselves, most likely, as the star of their own little life drama. But it was all false obviously.

 

Some women are good for having sex with but not a whole lot more.

 

To use an old fashioned word, your ex is a tramp.

[skywriter]

They are all pretty much miniature versions of Bernie Madoff, at least in the emotional sense. They are all playing a weird "shell game", a Ponzi scheme. And it seems that the act of ripping people off is a big part of the thrill of "the game."

 

 

Speak for yourself.....then some of us, just make bad choices and live to regret it. I was the single person that got involved with the MM. I was stupid, and selfish. ....if there ever was a "thrill", it's gone.

[In_Repair]

Speak for yourself.....then some of us, just make bad choices and live to regret it. I was the single person that got involved with the MM. I was stupid, and selfish. ....if there ever was a "thrill", it's gone.

 

He is right. Like me, you were the "other" person, not the married one trying to live a double life. I was also a BS at one time too, and I saw what the cheating did to my wife. Even thogh you were in a relationship with a cheater, you didn't have to totally live your life as a cheater and it sounds like you really don't have any idea about the things that your lover had to do to cover his tracks. There are always exceptions, but married people who cheat eventually change because of the life of lies they have to live to facilitate the double life. Sad actually. These people initially go chasing after some thrill or unmet need in an attempt to cope with their unsatisfying life, but more often than not they end up ruining themselves and all future relationships.

Edited March 10, 2010 by In_Repair
I is stoopid and can't spell

[2sure]

Something Ive learned if you can use it...

 

Unless the person who cheated on you comes clean by sharing everything you want to know...they are still in the act of betraying you.

 

Also, you have to stop at some point wondering about the other person because you have to spend more time wondering about you and your partner. The OP has to come out of the equation or they are still affecting you. Now, that doesnt mean you dont continue dealing with the betrayal - but the sooner it is just the two of you and not the three of you...the better.

[skywriter]

These people initially go chasing after some thrill or unmet need in an attempt to cope with their unsatisfying life, but more often than not they end up ruining themselves and all future relationships.

 

Point, well taken...