1 week since 1st meeting - no follow up date discussed..

[Chitowngirl]

So we met for the first time last Friday-Sunday. I had a great time, he was everything I hoped for and more. When he was driving me to the airport he said he wanted to see me again and we talked about what we could do the next time I was in town. He gave me a great goodbye at the airport and wanted me to let him know when I made it home safe.

We've been emailing every day this week..and he has made two remarks about me seeing him again, but he never asked me. One remark was crude and related to sex, "when do you want your sperm donation"...which I just laughed off..and then today I told him I was going on his diet, which is very strict, and he said, "Why, do you plan to come here soon?" Those have been the only remarks about me seeing him again...

He is still on dating sites searching for women close to him (I know, he contacted my friend who lives 2 hours from him, I live 1000 miles away)..and he was actually emailing my friend immediately when he woke up and throughout the day when I didn't hear from him all day..I asked him if he wasn't interested in me, or if he was just looking for a booty call, and he said he had just had a bad day and that he was looking forward to getting to know me better.

Is he a player? Just keeping his options open? Is he Just Not That Into me? He is a shy guy but I would think if he really liked me he would have made plans already to see me again..or say he missed me or something...

What would you do? (I don't have money to fly to him, so I can't just invite myself) Move on? Stop contacting him? Move into the friend zone?

[Rollercoasterr]

So we met for the first time last Friday-Sunday. I had a great time, he was everything I hoped for and more. When he was driving me to the airport he said he wanted to see me again and we talked about what we could do the next time I was in town. He gave me a great goodbye at the airport and wanted me to let him know when I made it home safe.

We've been emailing every day this week..and he has made two remarks about me seeing him again, but he never asked me. One remark was crude and related to sex, "when do you want your sperm donation"...which I just laughed off..and then today I told him I was going on his diet, which is very strict, and he said, "Why, do you plan to come here soon?" Those have been the only remarks about me seeing him again...

He is still on dating sites searching for women close to him (I know, he contacted my friend who lives 2 hours from him, I live 1000 miles away)..and he was actually emailing my friend immediately when he woke up and throughout the day when I didn't hear from him all day..I asked him if he wasn't interested in me, or if he was just looking for a booty call, and he said he had just had a bad day and that he was looking forward to getting to know me better.

Is he a player? Just keeping his options open? Is he Just Not That Into me? He is a shy guy but I would think if he really liked me he would have made plans already to see me again..or say he missed me or something...

What would you do? (I don't have money to fly to him, so I can't just invite myself) Move on? Stop contacting him? Move into the friend zone?

 

He's definitely playing you. Did he email YOU just as soon as he woke up? No, you said you didn't hear from him all day.

 

And yes, he's looking forward to getting to know you. AND your panties.

 

Sweetie, if you had an amazing time with him on your visit he wouldn't be looking for other girls. But yet, he's still looking. I think that should be an answer within itself.

[hoping2heal]

He's definitely playing you. Did he email YOU just as soon as he woke up? No, you said you didn't hear from him all day.

 

And yes, he's looking forward to getting to know you. AND your panties.

 

Sweetie, if you had an amazing time with him on your visit he wouldn't be looking for other girls. But yet, he's still looking. I think that should be an answer within itself.

 

I second everything said here. How long had you been talking before you met in person? It sounds like quite a while? I can't imagine someone taking a plane to meet someone they met on match.com earlier in the month..

So wow, this guy sounds like a real jerkrag and you don't need someone who is going to treat you badly and make you feel bad about yourself in your life.

[aerogurl87]

You say you two had an amazing time together for the weekend and yet he's still on dating sites AND emailing other women too. Yeah sounds like a player and a jerk to me, move on. Seems like this guy was just using you to get some.

[allina]

he has made two remarks about me seeing him again, but he never asked me. One remark was crude and related to sex, "when do you want your sperm donation"...which I just laughed off..and then today I told him I was going on his diet, which is very strict, and he said, "Why, do you plan to come here soon?" Those have been the only remarks about me seeing him again...

 

This is a bit of a no-brainer...

Sorry it didn't go well OP

[sugarmomma]

You gave it up too soon before you figured out what he wanted from you and what kind of realtionship he was looking for. He has no more of a challenge with you so he's on to the next one. Sorry but that's the risk you take when you move too fast to the bedroom.

[Chitowngirl]

ok thanks everyone. I trusted my gut and I felt like he was just using me anyways..which was fine (not really but ok) b/c honestly I was using him as well. I hadn't had sex in 4 months and he was very muscular and well hung so I couldn't help myself. i did sincerely like him as a person though too..

Though he did seem aloof emotionally he did get very upset when I told I was meeting someone else. But..I pretty much told him to kiss-off..so that was my first (bitter) taste of a long distance romance. I didn't WANT to do it on the first weekend meeting him but most told me that THEY had done it w/in a few hours of meeting their LDR...so...guess I got a bad seed? I dunno or just an emotionally retarded guy...or maybe I am just impatient? I don't know but I've moved on.

[sugarmomma]

Yea you were probably using him as well. At least you're honest with yourself about it. I find that I wait longer with guys that I consider boyfriend material. Some guys are just good for a little fun. Maybe he was just a fun guy.

 

He's also trying to see if you are gonna strart asking to see him. Please don't do that!

Edited March 6, 2010 by sugarmomma

[Chitowngirl]

Yea you were probably using him as well. At least you're honest with yourself about it. I find that I wait longer with guys that I consider boyfriend material. Some guys are just good for a little fun. Maybe he was just a fun guy.

 

He's also trying to see if you are gonna strart asking to see him. Please don't do that!

 

Yeah, I'm not. I've moved on.

[Chitowngirl]

well..the fight came to a head today. He was PISSED that I planned on meeting someone else "not even a week after I met him." (it was exactly a week that he didn't plan to see me again and so I told another guy I'd see him) He said he had a stressful week of work and was going to make plans to see me again during this weekend when he could relax and figure things out. He didn't understand how I could make plans with someone else "not even a week after I met him!" OMG dude I know you're used to "LDR time" but normal people show interest in someone they want to see again and don't wait a week. Sorry but I moved on and no I don't want to see you again since I'm flying to see this guy and it would be pointless to see you again at this point. By your actions this last week there's NO WAY I'd stay sane dating you long distance b/c your communicatively challenged and don't give me enough mental stimulation throughout the day. If I had to always wonder when you're going to ask me out next I'd go insane. I'm not some lame girl who needs saving and is waiting for your word on what to do with my life..sorry I'm attractive and a great catch so I have men in the pipeline...very odd..but you snooze you lose.

[xpaperxcutx]

well..the fight came to a head today. He was PISSED that I planned on meeting someone else "not even a week after I met him." (it was exactly a week that he didn't plan to see me again and so I told another guy I'd see him) He said he had a stressful week of work and was going to make plans to see me again during this weekend when he could relax and figure things out. He didn't understand how I could make plans with someone else "not even a week after I met him!" OMG dude I know you're used to "LDR time" but normal people show interest in someone they want to see again and don't wait a week. Sorry but I moved on and no I don't want to see you again since I'm flying to see this guy and it would be pointless to see you again at this point. By your actions this last week there's NO WAY I'd stay sane dating you long distance b/c your communicatively challenged and don't give me enough mental stimulation throughout the day. If I had to always wonder when you're going to ask me out next I'd go insane. I'm not some lame girl who needs saving and is waiting for your word on what to do with my life..sorry I'm attractive and a great catch so I have men in the pipeline...very odd..but you snooze you lose.

 

Chi, why do you keep flying off to meet people ? Are there not enough compatible people in your area? I think its the way you go about meeting people that's the problem. You jump the gun with the traveling without testing the waters to see if the guys are really worth it in the first place.

[Fouts]

Definitely agree with papercut, LDR's are incredibly hard, even when you know each other well and get along great in all regards. Shop close to home for awhile.

[Chitowngirl]

Chi, why do you keep flying off to meet people ? Are there not enough compatible people in your area? I think its the way you go about meeting people that's the problem. You jump the gun with the traveling without testing the waters to see if the guys are really worth it in the first place.

 

Oh ok so chatting to someone for 1 month is jumping the gun? ok....how old are you/

[alphamale]

Is he a player? Just keeping his options open? Is he Just Not That Into me?

no, he's a thousand miles away

[aerogurl87]

Definitely agree with papercut, LDR's are incredibly hard, even when you know each other well and get along great in all regards. Shop close to home for awhile.

 

They are hard, but what's even harder is feigning interest for someone close to you who bores you to death, rather than being with someone far away who can actually hold your attention. Love knows no bounds and distance, so if Mr. Right is 1,000 miles away rather than down the block so be it. I personally would rather date someone who I actually want to be with, and have it temporarily be a LDR, than date someone nearby who I don't even want to be with. Good luck on your search Chitowngirl.

[xpaperxcutx]

Oh ok so chatting to someone for 1 month is jumping the gun? ok....how old are you/

 

I'm younger than you, but I'm pointing out that it's only been 1 month... For most people even an LDR meant they would at least wait until they established some sort of commitment because that would have made the trip/ visit all the more memorable.

 

The thing is you booked, paid and spend your money to meet this guy.

 

In a relationship, most couples don't even risk the idea of traveling until they're at the one year mark. Am I making any sense?

[aerogurl87]

I'm younger than you, but I'm pointing out that it's only been 1 month... For most people even an LDR meant they would at least wait until they established some sort of commitment because that would have made the trip/ visit all the more memorable.

 

The thing is you booked, paid and spend your money to meet this guy.

 

In a relationship, most couples don't even risk the idea of traveling until they're at the one year mark. Am I making any sense?

 

I kinda agree with xpaperxcutx, a month may be too soon to start planning to go visit someone. I mean my guy and I have been talking for 2 months and we won't be seeing each other for another 3 months or so. But a year is wayyyyy too long to stay in the email/sms/texting/phone stage. I think 3 months is a good minimum for travelling to see someone, because it gives you some time to get to know the other person before meeting and to see if you both are on the same page.

[Chitowngirl]

I kinda agree with xpaperxcutx, a month may be too soon to start planning to go visit someone. I mean my guy and I have been talking for 2 months and we won't be seeing each other for another 3 months or so. But a year is wayyyyy too long to stay in the email/sms/texting/phone stage. I think 3 months is a good minimum for travelling to see someone, because it gives you some time to get to know the other person before meeting and to see if you both are on the same page.

 

 

Ok I didn't spend any money..he paid for everything.

I think chatting to someone every day for 1 month is enough time. I am not a young person in my teens or early 20s who has time to fart around spending months chatting to someone on the internet. If we have money to travel and meet someone w/in a reasonable amount of time, why not do it instead of waiting 2 more months? He is 37, not a college kid, so things are different when you're older..don't think you understand.

[aerogurl87]

Ok I didn't spend any money..he paid for everything.

I think chatting to someone every day for 1 month is enough time. I am not a young person in my teens or early 20s who has time to fart around spending months chatting to someone on the internet. If we have money to travel and meet someone w/in a reasonable amount of time, why not do it instead of waiting 2 more months? He is 37, not a college kid, so things are different when you're older..don't think you understand.

 

Well Chitowngirl, I'm 20 but I don't have the patience to sit around forever to meet up if I have money either, but I was just giving my opinion... if it works for you two then more power to you. Good luck!

[angelaM]

I didn't WANT to do it on the first weekend meeting him but most told me that THEY had done it w/in a few hours of meeting their LDR...so...guess I got a bad seed? I dunno or just an emotionally retarded guy...or maybe I am just impatient? I don't know but I've moved on.

 

I think the difference is that LDR couples who have sex shortly after meeting in person for the first time already have a relationship established, where they both know what their intentions are and they have decided to become exclusive, and by the time they meet, it's just the next step in that journey. That was true for me anyway. Meeting before that as a way of deciding if you want to pursue a relationship is fine, but sex will nearly always cloud the issue unless you're on the same page beforehand.

[Fouts]

He is 37, not a college kid, so things are different when you're older..don't think you understand.

 

What was different? He apparently flew you out for an expensive roll in the hay and now you're disappointed and confused. Seems to me you could've found that at the local dive.

[Fouts]

Oh ok so chatting to someone for 1 month is jumping the gun?

 

Yes it is when they live across the country and you only see what they want you to see and hear what they want you to hear. I'll bet most of it's only the good too

[aerogurl87]

Boy she sure stuck a nerve there... If you have guys "down the pipeline" like you say, then why not get someone down the pipeline where you live? I understand that you're old and don't have time to waste, but LDRs by nature are longer, slower relationships, because it means eventually, if all works out, one of you has to uproot your life completely in order to truly be with another person. Someone of your age (oh wise older one) should know that chatting up a man is not the same as dating him. If you want a snap-bang-go relationship, your best bet is local, because there is less time and fewer resources wasted.

 

This is pretty true, I mean I want to get married one day, but if my LDR does work out it'll be a few years before that even happens due to immigration procedures and costs, moving costs, and the logistics of everything else that would be involved. If you want to start a family ASAP, you probably should find someone closer, or at least try. Now if Mr. Right happens to be across the country, then so be it. Sometimes life throws you curveballs and you can't help who you fall in love with. But if there are two men you have high interest in and one lives far away and one closer, then your best bet is to go with Mr. Local if you want to start a family soon.

[Tropic]

I think the difference is that LDR couples who have sex shortly after meeting in person for the first time already have a relationship established, where they both know what their intentions are and they have decided to become exclusive, and by the time they meet, it's just the next step in that journey. That was true for me anyway. Meeting before that as a way of deciding if you want to pursue a relationship is fine, but sex will nearly always cloud the issue unless you're on the same page beforehand.

 

This was true in my case also. We had already a relationship when we had sex. We had been talking for 1.5 years. It is not the same as meeting someone you have only been chatting for a month. The timeline in a long distance relationship is a lot slower than a short distance one, as you cannot see the person daily, it takes longer to know some aspects of his personality. If you are in such a hurry, then a long distance relationship does not seem the way to go.