Are Paternity Tests Insulting?

[carhill]

The OP had a real life situation crop up and was looking for input. Hope he got what he needed. I would assume, if he loves his GF, there is some 'care' in the equation. That boundary is up to him. It is a dynamic I had not considered prior. LS is nothing if not informative

[Art_Critic]

I've never had a kid or got a woman pregnant. But hypotheticaly I'd like to get any kid I had tested, trust not even at issue. A woman could have a kid that was biologicaly mine yet still be cheating on me so all the test proves is that the kid is in fact the fathers.

 

If you saw my kid and a picture of me you would know that he was my child..

From the moment he was born he looked like me and my baby pictures...

 

If the kid looks like you then the chances would be pretty high that the kid is yours and the test isn't even necessary.

 

I have seen guys order a paternity test just to hurt their STBX even though they knew the kid was theirs..

I think many times a guy pulls the Paternity test deal as a power play and to try and manipulate the situation...

 

IMO a test should only be done if there is a valid reason that the paternity is at risk of being invalid.

A judge will also order a paternity test in some cases of divorce where the paternity is in question.

 

and a test cannot be performed safety until the baby is born...

[Barky]

and a test cannot be performed safety until the baby is born...

 

Actually that's incorrect. Mother's blood + Father's saliva = safe and effective paternity test. No amniotic fluid needed.

[Art_Critic]

That's Postnatal not Prenatal.

 

There are tests that can determine paternity Prenatal but a blood test won't do it..

The tests are also risky and along with that risk comes a chance of miscarriage.

 

How dumb would the guy have to be to push a prenatal test only to wind up killing his own baby because his ego got it the way..

 

Besides.. I think with the Prenatal tests the Mother has to do a legal sign off and I would hazard a guess that it isn't going to happen.

[Art_Critic]

how can you blame any guy?

 

Do you think having a test changes the paternity ?

 

In most cases all the test does is prove that the guy was looking for an easy way out...

[threebyfate]

If father and son could look anymore alike than A_C and his son, if he had asked for a paternity test, his wife would have bought him a pair of glasses, instead!

[Barky]

That's Postnatal not Prenatal.

 

There are tests that can determine paternity Prenatal but a blood test won't do it..

The tests are also risky and along with that risk comes a chance of miscarriage.

 

You are absolutely 100% completely and utterly wrong:

 

http://www.dnaplus.com/fetal_cell_prenatal_paternity_test.htm

[Art_Critic]

If father and son could look anymore alike than A_C and his son, if he had asked for a paternity test, his wife would have bought him a pair of glasses, instead!

 

... So true...

 

I do think there are cases and times that a paternity test would be a good move but I also think in most cases a guy knows if he is the father or if he isn't...

[Art_Critic]

You are absolutely 100% completely and utterly wrong:

 

http://www.dnaplus.com/fetal_cell_prenatal_paternity_test.htm

 

 

http://www.dnaplus.com/ca_paternity_testing.htm

 

The test you are talking about isn't court approved

[Barky]

In most cases all the test does is prove that the guy was looking for an easy way out...

 

And in the other cases....?

[Art_Critic]

and the mother still has to agree to do the test.. duh ....

[Barky]

http://www.dnaplus.com/ca_paternity_testing.htm

 

The test you are talking about isn't court approved

 

We're not talking about court-ordered visitation or child support obligations here, we're talking about a man wanting to know whether the kid is his.

 

And you're conveniently skipping over the fact that you said it couldn't be done Just admit you're wrong, eh?

[Art_Critic]

http://www.ripoffreport.com/Search/Company/DNA-Plus.aspx

 

 

I think your source is a little suspect...

[sweetjasmine]

No one in their right mind would argue that people (women) don't cheat, but that is not the subject of your original post. Had it been, I can't imagine a single woman here advising you to NOT get a paternity test. I think all women would also encourage paternity testing where the situation was an FWB, ONS, or you're with a woman who has a very recent ex-lover. But again, this was not the subject of your original post.

 

Your original post advocated using paternity testing as a matter of policy. I now see from subsequent posts that you tried this argument with your gf and she was offended. You are seeking supporters for your "matter of policy" stance. You simply will not find that among women given the parameters of your original post.

 

You're entitled to a paternity test.

 

The woman you request it of is entitled to believe-

 

1. you doubt you are the father, which can only mean

2. you suspect that another man is the father, which can only mean

3. you suspect she had sex with another man, which can only mean

4. you think she is the kind of woman who would cheat on you, not confess the cheating, allow you to anticipate the birth of a child that is not yours, allow you to love a child that is not yours, deceive you into supporting a child that is not yours;

 

How can a woman accept that the man she loves thinks she is capable of the above behaviors? It would be one of those eye-opening moments in a relationship - "He doesn't know me at all and I don't know him."

 

I agree 100%.

 

If my partner demanded a paternity test, it'd be a huge, gigantic red flag telling me that he doesn't trust me at all and doesn't know who I am.

[tami-chan]

So, basically what I’m asking is if you guys think it is acceptable for a husband or boyfriend who doesn’t suspect cheating to just go ahead and get a paternity test as a matter of policy and safeguarding?

 

What would be the basis of the paternity test if not "distrust"? There is an underlying distrust and while it might make sense to some...it can be insulting to those who really are faithful and can create a wedge in the relationship.

[Green]

Looking through these posts, it's clear that this discussion is pointless. If you're a man, and you want to get a DNA test, then do it. If you don't, then don't. The woman's opinion is irrelevant.

 

And if you want to tell the woman, do it. If you don't, don't. I assume you'd tell her if the test came back negative, but by then you wouldn't really care if she got upset about it or not.

 

And it looks like you can do the test for about $95, so it's not even all that much money.

 

What's the discussion about?

 

agreed

 

If a woman has nothing to hide why would she object to it? If a woman truly is faithful and honest with a man why would she have an issue with proving it? This is yet another case of women demonizing men for protecting ourselves. They want us to blindly trust even though that usually blows up in men's face.

 

Demonized for protecting ourselves puts it well... to women its calling them a slut.

 

Then the next question would be, "Do men care whether it's insulting?" I would venture to answer: "No."

 

I care but not enough to stop me from protecting myself in a way I feel the woman shouldn't be insulted.

 

What would be the basis of the paternity test if not "distrust"? There is an underlying distrust and while it might make sense to some...it can be insulting to those who really are faithful and can create a wedge in the relationship.

 

Its more a distrust of the human race then the specific girl.

[sweetjasmine]

Its more a distrust of the human race then the specific girl.

 

Would you feel insulted if your girlfriend never left her wallet lying around the house while you were there because she distrusts the human race and knows that there are people out there ready to steal her money and credit card numbers?

[Green]

Would you feel insulted if your girlfriend never left her wallet lying around the house while you were there because she distrusts the human race and knows that there are people out there ready to steal her money and credit card numbers?

 

no, but there are obviously things my gf could do to hurt my feelings.

[calizaggy]

In this day and age, none of you girls know married women that cheat?

And I am sure if the cheating woman was asked, her honor would also be horribly offended..

 

In this new age of women's "sexual freedom' I do not see a problem with paternity tests..

[Stung]

As stated before, I don't feel there is a true equivalent of this for men, the STD test questions and computer privacy questions are false equivalencies. And again personally I am not opposed to hospitals or insurance companies requiring paternity tests of everyone at birth, and I do think it's wise for a man who has reason to mistrust a woman, or who doesn't know the woman very well, to ask for a paternity test. But in the scenario brought up in the OP, the woman in question is NOT believed to be a cheat, the couple's relationship is supposed to be believed loving, happy and solid, and the husband asks for the test, not some other agency, rendering it deeply personal.

 

The closest equivalency scenario I can think of, while pretty off-the-wall and obviously not a perfect parallel:

 

A man has been looking for a partner all his life, and finally after many painful years he's found a woman he is deeply in love with. He feels their connection is powerful, that she understands him in a way no other possibly could, that her love is perhaps even unconditional. He begins saving money for an engagement ring, for a house, working overtime for months to put more money aside with each paycheck. He is dreaming of their perfect golden future together. He spends a lot of time stressing over and researching the ring, learning about the real estate market, etc. He buys a ring and a house to surprise her with, investing HUGELY in this venture, confident of her love and their bond. He agonizes over how to ask her to marry him, feeling nervous--he's obviously tremendously emotionally (as well as financially) invested. Finally he pops the question, and she smiles, hugs him, and tells him she's terribly flattered he wants to marry her and she really does care for him very much but she's worried because she knows there are bad men in the world who do crazy, awful things. She wants him to undergo a battery of psychological testing because she believes he might be the kind of morally bankrupt person who would give her syphilis on purpose and never tell her about it while she suffered from the disease.

 

Sure, their relationship might not end there. But I'm guessing the man would feel deeply insulted and misunderstood, the wind would be taken out of his sails and his perception of her and their bond--and his feelings about what should have been a fond, meaningful memory: the proposal--would be forever tainted.

[sweetjasmine]

no, but there are obviously things my gf could do to hurt my feelings.

 

It wouldn't bother you? It wouldn't bother you if your girlfriend took her wallet and checkbook with her every time she went into the bathroom? If she took it with her and locked the door every time she took a shower just to be 100% certain that you wouldn't go in there and take something or write down her credit information?

[sweetjasmine]

The closest equivalency scenario I can think of, while pretty off-the-wall and obviously not a perfect parallel:

 

A man has been looking for a partner all his life, and finally after many painful years he's found a woman he is deeply in love with. He feels their connection is powerful, that she understands him in a way no other possibly could, that her love is perhaps even unconditional. He begins saving money for an engagement ring, for a house, working overtime for months to put more money aside with each paycheck. He is dreaming of their perfect golden future together. He spends a lot of time stressing over and researching the ring, learning about the real estate market, etc. He buys a ring and a house to surprise her with, investing HUGELY in this venture, confident of her love and their bond. He agonizes over how to ask her to marry him, feeling nervous--he's obviously tremendously emotionally (as well as financially) invested. Finally he pops the question, and she smiles, hugs him, and tells him she's terribly flattered he wants to marry her and she really does care for him very much but she's worried because she knows there are bad men in the world who do crazy, awful things. She wants him to undergo a battery of psychological testing because she believes he might be the kind of morally bankrupt person who would give her syphilis on purpose and never tell her about it while she suffered from the disease.

 

Sure, their relationship might not end there. But I'm guessing the man would feel deeply insulted and misunderstood, the wind would be taken out of his sails and his perception of her and their bond--and his feelings about what should have been a fond, meaningful memory: the proposal--would be forever tainted.

 

It's not the best analogy, but it's pretty close. Now imagine her reaction is that she's ecstatic and excited but she still insists on psychological testing and whatnot.

 

I really don't understand how some of you guys don't get why asking for a paternity test when you have no reason to believe your partner cheated on you is something that most people would find insulting and hurtful.

 

Imagine you and your spouse are trying to conceive a child, and after months of nothing or even a miscarriage, she finally gets pregnant. You're both thrilled and excited, yet you demand that she take a paternity test. How could she not be upset by that? Is it really so difficult to see why that's upsetting?

 

Would you still demand a paternity test if you tried IVF and got pregnant that way? Or if you had been trying to get pregnant for years and spent thousands on fertility treatments and then finally got pregnant? Why?

 

Because your wife might be a cheating whore like all women are?

[tami-chan]

Its more a distrust of the human race then the specific girl.

 

Oh well..now that you put it that way...then the girl should not feel insulted...or sad at the very least because the guy distrusts equally! Lucky girl!

[Woggle]

With the way women act these days and with current trends why should a man trust a woman? What women are asking of men is for us to pretty much play russian roulette with our lives.

 

Also do you think it is fair for men to ask women for this level of blind trust?

[calizaggy]

It depends on the woman you date..

 

If you date an old fashioned girl who holds sex to a high regard, I could see this as being extremely insulting and not necessary.

 

If you date a modern type girl who admittedly had dozens of partners , she should understand AND it might be necessary. Especially if she is pregnant relatively early..I have known many women who have FWB's , are cheating and married, or playing the field when they become pregnant. I also heard that when 2 men's semen are in a woman they sort of "fight each other" and there is more of a chance of her becoming pregnant.