Are Paternity Tests Insulting?

[donnamaybe]

That's really easy. Don't behave in those ways and we won't fault you for them.

 

Oh, but these guys are saying they SHOULD be allowed to fault a woman who does NOT display any of these behaviors. It should be okay to demand a paternity test on their child even if their woman has NEVER given them any reason to mistrust them.

 

Pathetic. No wonder I see no successful relationships forming between certain posters and ANY woman.

[troggleputty]

Wow, did you ever get THIS backwards!

 

If you insist on a paternity test, that would mean it must not be a very strong marriage.

 

LOL. That's just what I said.

 

But it's not the paternity test that makes the marriage weak. It's the weakness of the marriage that results in the desire for the paternity test.

 

You have cause and effect reversed.

 

You seem to actually believe that if the marriage is hunky dory in the first place, the husband will want to have a paternity test based on no suspicion; and that it is the test itself that suddenly makes the marriage weak.

 

Obviously that makes no sense, except for a person who wants to deny the problems in their marriage.

 

The kind of person who would respond to a DNA test by doing something as drastic as seeking a divorce rather than, say, seeking marriage counseling to determine the source of their spouse's irrational insecurity.

 

I think it is LOL ridiculous that all you ladies seem ready to step out of the marriage at the most trivial provocation. You are all so insecure in your notion of personal fidelity that even a baseless threat to it is viewed as a real threat, which you don't have the courage to actually confront.

 

"Cutting and running" is not a solution to anything. But it's most likely that every single woman here who is claiming they would divorce over a paternity test, probably has a long history of dysfunctional relationships; probably has a currently dysfunctional relationship; and probably has one foot out the door anyway, and lacks the ability to really commit.

 

Not to mention the fact that a goodly portion of the ladies who claim they are faithful are actually cheaters. Probably at least 50%.

[JustJoe]

Wow, I was raised by my Aunt and Uncle, and we kids were always taught to respect others, it always amazes me how little respect some men have for their women. These guys , who would need a PT, are about as insecure as anyone I know. Dudes, Man the f**k up! If you can't keep a woman, without subjecting her to "verification", then you probably can't keep her WITH "verification". If your woman has given NO indication that she cheats, then the only reason for testing, is your own pathetic issues.

[donnamaybe]

I And where do you get off telling someone to study up on biology when you can't tell the difference between a vasectomy and castration?

 

I'm done with your foolish tripe.

 

Isn't the complete ignorance in this thread by some posters just glaringly ridiculous? I'm surprised some people can change air into oxygen.

[donnamaybe]

The other posters are the ones who brought up the part about assuming all men are rapists.

 

And that was in direct response, and as a comparison, to you men assuming all women are cheating whores.

[donnamaybe]

And there it finally is. The most irrational, presumably male voice in the thread finally admits it is a trust issue.

So yes, asking for a paternity test with no reason for a lack of trust is insulting.

 

Ha ha! So he FINALLY admitted it! It IS about mistrusting your loved one! :lmao:

[donnamaybe]

Why did your first marriage fail?

 

Are you having someone else read to you and type your responses for you? 'Cause man, you sure are missing a lot of very obvious posts.

[donnamaybe]

If the stretch pants fit, then wear them, honey.

 

I didn't know men wore stretch pants. That is something I do NOT wanna see!

[donnamaybe]

I don't know what is acceptable or not for others in this case but if I was in a relationship with a girl and I didn't suspect her of cheating then I wouldn't have any intentions of getting a paternity test if we had a kid. I wouldn't see the point in it.

 

Ahhh, another male with his mental health intact!!!

[donnamaybe]

I think almost ALL MEN..And women still cheat, but usually the men never find out..

 

Are you saying only women are the smart enough sex to find out about a cheating spouse?

[Green]

Are you saying only women are the smart enough sex to find out about a cheating spouse?

 

It's a lot easier for a women to find out when a man had a baby with another woman... than when a woman has a baby with another man.

 

"Hey honey, its your baby... I know you don't remember giving birth or being pregnant... but trust me its yours"

[donnamaybe]

It's a lot easier for a women to find out when a man had a baby with another woman... than when a woman has a baby with another man.

 

"Hey honey, its your baby... I know you don't remember giving birth or being pregnant... but trust me its yours"

 

That's not what the poster said. He said men and women both cheat, but women are the ones who find out. Since when does cheating automatically equate to someone getting pregnant? I know guys who whore around ALL the time on their wives, and none of their side pieces got pregnant.

[Mr White]

LOL. That's just what I said.

 

But it's not the paternity test that makes the marriage weak. It's the weakness of the marriage that results in the desire for the paternity test.

 

You have cause and effect reversed.

 

You seem to actually believe that if the marriage is hunky dory in the first place, the husband will want to have a paternity test based on no suspicion; and that it is the test itself that suddenly makes the marriage weak.

 

Obviously that makes no sense, except for a person who wants to deny the problems in their marriage.

 

The kind of person who would respond to a DNA test by doing something as drastic as seeking a divorce rather than, say, seeking marriage counseling to determine the source of their spouse's irrational insecurity.[/b]

 

I think it is LOL ridiculous that all you ladies seem ready to step out of the marriage at the most trivial provocation. You are all so insecure in your notion of personal fidelity that even a baseless threat to it is viewed as a real threat, which you don't have the courage to actually confront.

 

"Cutting and running" is not a solution to anything. But it's most likely that every single woman here who is claiming they would divorce over a paternity test, probably has a long history of dysfunctional relationships; probably has a currently dysfunctional relationship; and probably has one foot out the door anyway, and lacks the ability to really commit.

 

Not to mention the fact that a goodly portion of the ladies who claim they are faithful are actually cheaters. Probably at least 50%.

 

 

No further comments.

[Jersey Shortie]

I think it is LOL ridiculous that all you ladies seem ready to step out of the marriage at the most trivial provocation. You are all so insecure in your notion of personal fidelity that even a baseless threat to it is viewed as a real threat, which you don't have the courage to actually confront.

 

 

Clearly it’s not a “trivial provocation” for women or even for men. Based on the responses you see here you know that to be true. It’s not even a “trivial provocation” for you based on your own response to this thread.

 

Lets not paint the picture that women are being so silly at the notion that the man they thought trusted and respected them above all other men needs her to prove her worth to him to have his trust and respect to begin with. That’s no small piece. Everything comes with a price. If you want to make women pay for the return of his “trust” , if you can even call it that if he needs a test to prove “trust”, do not be surprised that he will also have to come to terms with the repercussions of his own actions. His own form of payment. Most relationships are built on trust and respect, if you put a crack in either of these, it shakes the foundation of the house.

 

As for who has the courage to confront what and who is insecure about their standing, this issue comes from male insecurity and blamelessness. Not female. Clearly men who feel they need a paternity test do not have the confidence in themselves or their relationships to give trust without a price. Asking women to have a pat test to secure their standing with their man has nothing to do with courage and everything to do with cowardice, fear, weakness, and a lack of confidence in not only your partner but yourself.

 

 

Not to mention the fact that a goodly portion of the ladies who claim they are faithful are actually cheaters. Probably at least 50%.

 

Both men and women cheat. If you want to talk stastics, please look up the stastics on the gender that's known to cheat more. Let me give you a heads-up. It isn't women.

[single-n-lonely]

wow! i can't believe this thread is still going! i think we are all going to have to agree to disagree. The women who are offended by a PT should find men who are not insistent on one (most men) and the men who want a PT should find women who don't care about being subjected to one even though there is no reason to suspect cheating (good luck on that fellas!)

 

Woggle, i have never cheated on a man

[Taramere]

Oh, but these guys are saying they SHOULD be allowed to fault a woman who does NOT display any of these behaviors. It should be okay to demand a paternity test on their child even if their woman has NEVER given them any reason to mistrust them.

 

That's because they can't really see beyond their own issues and insecurities. I'm willing to bet that the men who rail most noisily about women who would treat any demand for paternity testing as a deal-breaker are the same ones who have "deal-breaker lists" of their own that are a mile long.

 

A sense of entitlement and poor negotiating abilities tend to go hand in hand. Ultimately it's about wanting to control others. Call the shots and have everyone and everything fit in with their wishes quietly and nicely. But still, obviously, be permitted to rant and complain in any event.

 

"I would like you to test our child to check that he's mine."

"Of course darling."

"So many women cheat on their husbands. You just can't be too careful."

"I understand, darling."

"For all I know, you might be getting f*cked senseless by the postman on a daily basis."

"I've mentioned before that I have no problem with you kitting the entire house out with CCTV and bugging devices so that you can satisfy yourself that the postman and I aren't copulating."

"Like I should care whether you have a problem with it? If I think CCTV and bugging the house is merited, I will do it. Understood?"

"Of course darling."

"I'm a reasonable man."

"Absolutely darling. Very reasonable."

"If I'm willing to negotiate you should be the same way. You want to be treated like an adult...behave like an adult. That's the bottom line."

"It is, darling. It's the bottom line. I agree."

"So I don't want to hear any more of your whining and bitching about this paternity test. It's going to happen, and that's that."

[blue.iris]

That's because they can't really see beyond their own issues and insecurities. I'm willing to bet that the men who rail most noisily about women who would treat any demand for paternity testing as a deal-breaker are the same ones who have "deal-breaker lists" of their own that are a mile long.

 

A sense of entitlement and poor negotiating abilities tend to go hand in hand. Ultimately it's about wanting to control others. Call the shots and have everyone and everything fit in with their wishes quietly and nicely. But still, obviously, be permitted to rant and complain in any event.

 

"I would like you to test our child to check that he's mine."

"Of course darling."

"So many women cheat on their husbands. You just can't be too careful."

"I understand, darling."

"For all I know, you might be getting f*cked senseless by the postman on a daily basis."

"I've mentioned before that I have no problem with you kitting the entire house out with CCTV and bugging devices so that you can satisfy yourself that the postman and I aren't copulating."

"Like I should care whether you have a problem with it? If I think CCTV and bugging the house is merited, I will do it. Understood?"

"Of course darling."

"I'm a reasonable man."

"Absolutely darling. Very reasonable."

"If I'm willing to negotiate you should be the same way. You want to be treated like an adult...behave like an adult. That's the bottom line."

"It is, darling. It's the bottom line. I agree."

"So I don't want to hear any more of your whining and bitching about this paternity test. It's going to happen, and that's that."

 

Hilarious.

 

Bottom line: If the man and woman involved are in an exclusive relationship then yes, paternity tests are insulting. End of story.

 

If the woman was cheating and got pregnant, then there are lots of convenient legal options she has to terminate the pregnancy. The smart option wouldn't be to try and pass it off as someone else's.

[donnamaybe]

But it's not the paternity test that makes the marriage weak. It's the weakness of the marriage that results in the desire for the paternity test.

 

In this thread, the desire for the paternity test had nothing to do with a weakness in the relationship.

 

Or does it, Green? Is your relationship weak?

[shadowplay]

The women who are offended by a PT should find men who are not insistent on one (most men) and the men who want a PT should find women who don't care about being subjected to one even though there is no reason to suspect cheating (good luck on that fellas!)

 

That sums it up. This thread makes me glad that I'll never be with the kind of guy who would insist on a PT in a healthy relationship where there is no evidence of cheating. No healthy, normal guy would.

 

And you can bet this is also the kind of guy who would be constantly suspicious, disrespectful and bitter (we all know the type) -- basically miserable to be around.

[threebyfate]

You're being disingenuous now.

 

When you asked your H if he wanted to do a pat test, did you threaten him with divorce if he said "yes"?

 

You don't even have the courage of your supposed convictions, do you?

 

Since you decided to bring up the issue with your h in the first place....go tell him that you dare him to get a pat test. Tell him if he gets a pat test you will get divorced no ifs and or buts.

 

That's what you told LS you would do.

Why would I threaten him with divorce? His action defined his consequence. And for that matter, I know he trusts me. I wouldn't have married him, had it been otherwise, pregnancy or not. That's what trust is all about. I trusted his answer to be negative.

[A O]

Ah, gotcha. You don't care how it affects her.

If you actually read my posts, you would never had said this. If you understood the context of this comment, you wouldn't have said this. But since you have, I find it interesting that you care so much for how this affects you but couldn't give a flying rats arse how your answer, how your actions affects anyone else.

 

 

Wow, I was raised by my Aunt and Uncle, and we kids were always taught to respect others, it always amazes me how little respect some men have for their women. These guys , who would need a PT, are about as insecure as anyone I know. Dudes, Man the f**k up! If you can't keep a woman, without subjecting her to "verification", then you probably can't keep her WITH "verification". If your woman has given NO indication that she cheats, then the only reason for testing, is your own pathetic issues.

Learn to practice what you preach bud.

 

 

That's because they can't really see beyond their own issues and insecurities. I'm willing to bet that the men who rail most noisily about women who would treat any demand for paternity testing as a deal-breaker are the same ones who have "deal-breaker lists" of their own that are a mile long.

Cuts both ways from what I can gather. The women railing against all this the hardest do so because of their own past issues. I say again, this isn't a big deal - unless - a guy outright demands a test be performed. A point blank demand, ultimatum in other words, is always unhealthy and we're seeing a lot of this here, mostly, if not all, from the other side!

 

 

.

[donnamaybe]

I find it interesting that you care so much for how this affects you but couldn't give a flying rats arse how your answer, how your actions affects anyone else..

 

Not how it affects me, how it affects the relationship involved. Since a relationship involves two parties (last I looked - albeit not so much as regards the men in this thread ), it would affect two people.

[troggleputty]

Wow, I was raised by my Aunt and Uncle, and we kids were always taught to respect others, it always amazes me how little respect some men have for their women. These guys , who would need a PT, are about as insecure as anyone I know. Dudes, Man the f**k up! If you can't keep a woman, without subjecting her to "verification", then you probably can't keep her WITH "verification". If your woman has given NO indication that she cheats, then the only reason for testing, is your own pathetic issues.

 

 

That's just the point, though. Threatening divorce is such an over-reaction to a paternity test that it sends up a huge red flag.

 

It's the exact same thing as if you were to ask your spouse to take a lie detector test, concerning infidelity issues, and they refused, and threatened to divorce you over it.

 

The appropriate and emotionally healthy response for the woman would be to look at her husband sorrowfully, and say: "Gee I'm sorry you're so insecure that you actually feel the need to get a paternity test. That really hurts me. But go ahead and do what you need to do. Then I think for the good of our relationship, we need some intensive marital counseling to try to figure out why you are feeling so insecure after all this time, because I've given you absolutely no reason to suspect I've done anything wrong.

 

I would never do anything to hurt you, and you must know that. With counseling I hope we can get past your lack of trust issues, get to the bottom of it, and I will spend as much time with you as it takes to resolve this so we can move forward in a healthy manner. I'm sorry if your mother cheated on your father when you were a kid [or whatever the issue actually is which creates the lack of trust] but I hope you will learn that all women are not like your mother, and I think you need some individual counseling as well as marital counseling so we can address these issues."

 

Or something on the same general level.

 

But: "I will divorce you if you get a DNA test"? C'mon, that's the same thing as saying: "I will divorce you if you make me take a polygraph" or "I will divorce you if you want to access my e-mail account or cell phone account" etc.

 

All signs of a cheater, by the way.

[A O]

Not how it affects me, how it affects the relationship involved. Since a relationship involves two parties (last I looked - albeit not so much as regards the men in this thread ), it would affect two people.

Yes, there are two people, or more, in a relationship, but I'm not seeing that from you, in regards to this issue. Your stance is, if your partner asks or insists on a test then you'll do it but walk away thereafter. That's not relationship behavior, that's not thinking of the other, that's all about you. This is a sensitive subject for women, for sure, but does it deserve the ultimate act - separation - no. And almost as important, do you even care how your answer affects your partner's feelings? Do you even know that he has any, or are you too wrapped up in your own feelings to notice! Again, this is a sensitive subject, and like you say, there's at least two people involved, but going on some of the reactions here - you wouldn't think that!

 

.

[blue.iris]

Yes, there are two people, or more, in a relationship, but I'm not seeing that from you, in regards to this issue. Your stance is, if your partner asks or insists on a test then you'll do it but walk away thereafter. That's not relationship behavior, that's not thinking of the other, that's all about you. This is a sensitive subject for women, for sure, but does it deserve the ultimate act - separation - no. And almost as important, do you even care how your answer affects your partner's feelings? Do you even know that he has any, or are you too wrapped up in your own feelings to notice! Again, this is a sensitive subject, and like you say, there's at least two people involved, but going on some of the reactions here - you wouldn't think that!

 

.

 

Asking for a test in the first place isn't 'relationship behavior.'

 

Once again, say a woman was cheating and accidently got pregnant. If she didn't want to leave guy 1 for guy 2, she would terminate the pregnancy instead of trying to pass it off as someone else's.