Are Paternity Tests Insulting?

[You'reasian]

Because I'm not the Virgin Mother and I'm not cheating. I've never cheated.

 

I think perception can sometimes get the best of people. Something simple as disappearing with the phone at 2am everynight, crashing at dudes houses drunk (even in mixed company lol) seem sketchy

[sally4sara]

I think perception can sometimes get the best of people. Something simple as disappearing with the phone at 2am everynight' date=' crashing at dudes houses drunk (even in mixed company lol) seem sketchy [/quote']

 

I don't do that.

[You'reasian]

I don't do that.

 

I wasn't saying you were, but it was just an example.

[sally4sara]

Then why do you have an issue proving it to a man? If you love a man wouldn't you want him to have piece of mind.

 

If he loves me, he already has peace of mind. And Donna had it right. I'd give him that test and then hand over the results with walking papers. I don't get needles stuck in my gut without repercussions.

 

How about you prove yourself to your wife. Go ahead and printout that great bit on how you don't really love her and only keep her around to cover half the bills and serve up in-house sex. If you're right about women only loving men when men don't love them, she will be overjoyed with it. If you're wrong, she will either demand you get some MC or drop your con-artist butt.

 

I DARE you. You're all about proving it - so prove it that the message you wish to "help men everywhere" with works.

[sally4sara]

I wasn't saying you were' date=' but it was just an example.[/quote']

 

If this were going on and it didn't sit right with you, why are you still dipping your wick?

This could also fall into the having reason to question category. The premise here is it ISN'T about not trusting the woman's honesty. Only none of the guys insisting it isn't about questioning the woman's honesty can explain how asking for a paternity test isn't about saying she got pregnant by another man on the side.

[You'reasian]

If this were going on and it didn't sit right with you, why are you still dipping your wick?

This could also fall into the having reason to question category. The premise here is it ISN'T about not trusting the woman's honesty. Only none of the guys insisting it isn't about questioning the woman's honesty can explain how asking for a paternity test isn't about saying she got pregnant by another man on the side.

 

I wouldn't dip it.

[sally4sara]

I wouldn't dip it.

 

Well there you have it; you can control yourself and stick to your boundaries to limit your risk level in relationship. These other fellas expect the woman to do that for them by proving something they didn't bother to be certain of for themselves AFTER the situation has become pear shaped.

 

Its no wonder you don't come off as scared and angry as they do.

[Woggle]

If he loves me, he already has peace of mind. And Donna had it right. I'd give him that test and then hand over the results with walking papers. I don't get needles stuck in my gut without repercussions.

 

How about you prove yourself to your wife. Go ahead and printout that great bit on how you don't really love her and only keep her around to cover half the bills and serve up in-house sex. If you're right about women only loving men when men don't love them, she will be overjoyed with it. If you're wrong, she will either demand you get some MC or drop your con-artist butt.

 

I DARE you. You're all about proving it - so prove it that the message you wish to "help men everywhere" with works.

 

Loving a woman does not give a man piece of mind because plenty of men have loved women who then sharpened that loved and stabbed them in the heart.

 

I love my wife but I know not to get too attached or love her too much because a woman's love is a very shaky and unstable thing.

[You'reasian]

Well there you have it; you can control yourself and stick to your boundaries to limit your risk level in relationship. These other fellas expect the woman to do that for them by proving something they didn't bother to be certain of for themselves AFTER the situation has become pear shaped.

 

Its no wonder you don't come off as scared and angry as they do.

 

Pear shaped? bearing of fruits, huh.

 

I like women! Athletic and in shape is a plus

[calizaggy]

Women becoming so enraged over a paternity test seems childish..

 

The ramifications (if she cheated and it is someone else's baby) are HUGE. Yes, a man asking for a paternity test might not be the most romantic thing, but neither are pre nuptial agreements.

 

Let's say a man and wife use condoms and she gets pregnant..Or she starts having "girls night out" and is later pregnant..Or he/she travels for work and she is then pregnant. Or they have sex once a month and he doesnt finish inside, then she is pregnant..Or you sense she has changed, and acting much different, then she is pregnant..

 

Are you saying men are never right in asking for a paternity test? How can this be the case when we all know so many women cheat? Can they only ask if the wife comes forward and says "You know honey, i was having sex with your friend Joe too.. Let's get a paternity test"

 

 

If we could lock women in the house then sure, no point for a paternity test.. But when they work, chat online, go to clubs, travel, etc there is always the chance that she cheated. Ladies with all these new right's freedoms, sexual liberation etc, perhaps it is time for you to be treated LIKE AN EQUAL..If so many women today were not cheating then maybe men would be more trusting.. But the women of today are not the women of 1820..

[A O]

If he loves me, he already has peace of mind. And Donna had it right. I'd give him that test and then hand over the results with walking papers. I don't get needles stuck in my gut without repercussions.

Fair enough. Can understand people getting upset about this. Having one's trust questioned can be a big deal, but I wouldn't have thought it would be this bigger a deal unless its the tip of the proverbial acidic iceberg. One of the earlier posters had it right, is this really a trust issue or an ego issue!

 

After all, if you've been in a relationship or married for many years, a negative reaction is to be expected, but in any healthy two-relationship, can be worked through. But to up and leave because of this, well, what does that say about the state of that relationship.

 

If there's a lesson to be learnt here, especially for the men, it's not to get too complacent - ever!

 

 

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[sally4sara]

Fair enough. Can understand people getting upset about this. Having one's trust questioned can be a big deal, but I wouldn't have thought it would be this bigger a deal unless its the tip of the proverbial acidic iceberg. One of the earlier posters had it right, is this really a trust issue or an ego issue!

 

After all, if you've been in a relationship or married for many years, a negative reaction is to be expected, but in any healthy two-relationship, can be worked through. But to up and leave because of this, well, what does that say about the state of that relationship.

 

If there's a lesson to be learnt here, especially for the men, it's not to get too complacent - ever! .

 

 

Exactly, what does it say about the relationship that my character be questioned with no reason? Got doubts, resolve them rather than risk procreating with someone you can't trust. There has to be some ownership of your reasons. You don't trust - own it.

[sally4sara]

Or they have sex once a month and he doesnt finish inside, then she is pregnant..Or you sense she has changed, and acting much different, then she is pregnant..

 

These would be uhhh - reasons to doubt, yes? The OP is about getting a test with no reasons.

[A O]

Exactly, what does it say about the relationship that my character be questioned with no reason? Got doubts, resolve them rather than risk procreating with someone you can't trust. There has to be some ownership of your reasons. You don't trust - own it.

As the saying goes - its not the problem that's the problem but how we deal with the problem that matters. This isn't a problem that can't be worked through on the proviso that its not on-going, that its not the tip of an iceberg, and that you don't believe that your own behavior and character is never above reproach.

 

 

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[troggleputty]

Your arguments are all pretty ridiculous, dude.

 

No, what they are is "logical", dudette.

 

If you had unprotected sex with your partner, then you can't expect to be taken at your word when you deny paternity because it's entirely within the realm of possibility that it was your sperm that fertilized the egg. The only way you can deny paternity and be taken at your word is if you were using protection or if you didn't have sex with your partner within the right time-frame for her to get pregnant. Because you and your wife damn well know whether you had sex with her, genius.

 

LOL, who's the "genius" anyway? You think simply because it's possible to have fathered a child, that any man who may have had sex with a woman during her fertile period MUST have been the father?

 

You do realize, of course, that by your "reasoning," if two men happened to have had sex with a woman during her fertile period, and she became pregnant, they are both the father of the resulting child. Because, according to you, it's entirely within the realm of possibility that either one of them was the father. And they're not permitted to actually determine which one of them it was.

 

If there's no paternity testing allowed, that's fine. A woman can claim that a man "must" be the father of her child, because he had sex with her. And no tests allowed. But the man can equally as well claim not to be the father, because it's "certainly within the realm of possibility" that the woman may have also had sex with someone else during this period. And again--no testing allowed!

 

Or is it your contention that we are supposed to just accept it when a woman claims she hasn't screwed around with anyone else? Um, the courts don't accept that. Do they? The type of women who screw around are also the type of women who lie about it. Don't believe me? Just read around these boards a little bit.

 

That type of situation isn't equivalent to demanding a paternity test from your partner.

 

Well what are you saying now? A man is NOT entitled to demand a paternity test to determine whether he's the father; yet the woman IS allowed to demand such a test when she alleges a particular man might be the father of her child? Yeah that makes a lot of sense.

 

 

 

 

So now it's controlling to get upset when someone demands you take a paternity test on the off chance that you might be a lying, cheating whore like all women?

 

No, you're allowed to have whatever little hissy fit you want to. After all--you're a woman, right? The point is simply that you can't STOP a man from having a paternity test; it's his ABSOLUTE RIGHT. To try to prevent someone from exercising their legal, reproductive rights is controlling. So stop it ladies. Just stop it.

 

 

LOL, what a surprise that your idea of what a healthy reaction would be is incredibly distorted and actually unhealthy.

 

You know I think before any women were permitted to post in this thread, they should be required to first state truthfully how many men they've cheated on in their lives. Only women who can honestly say they've NEVER cheated on a man should even be allowed to post in this thread. The rest are pure hypocrites.

 

So, what about it? Ever cheated? How many times?

 

 

 

Healthy people don't blame themselves when others are being irrational and paranoid. "What did I do to deserve this?" when they didn't do anything is a doormat's response.

 

Why is it "irrational" and "paranoid" to be suspicious if your partner gives cause for suspicion? The real paranoia is among women who have hissy fits because their husbands want a paternity test. If the woman hadn't given the man cause for concern, he wouldn't be concerned.

 

Also please understand that so many of you ladies cheat at the drop of a hat, that it's more than possible that a man may rightfully insist on a paternity test because he's been burned by a cheating woman in a prior relationship. Now that would be a legitimate reason for a man to request such a test--prior bad experiences with women who've cheated--and baby, you have only your "sistahs" to blame.

 

 

If I were completely innocent, and my husband demanded a paternity test, I'd say okay, but after that, the relationship would probably fall apart. I wouldn't want to stay in an unhealthy relationship where my partner doesn't trust me.

 

LOL, obviously, if the husband demands a paternity test, your relationship was already in trouble. It's not the paternity test that causes a bad relationship; it's the bad relationship that gives the man the jitters or the willies and causes him to demand the test. Of course I would not expect too much in the way of logic considering the source.

[Woggle]

How many women in this thread who are so opposed to paternity tests can say they have never cheated on a man?

[troggleputty]

If he really was about protecting his repro rights, he would bank the sperm and snip the path.

 

Of course what you just wrote makes absolutely no sense. Snip your own tubes if you want, but keep your little scissors away from us men!

 

Any woman can go to court, claim that some random man is the father of her child, and force him to take a paternity test to disprove fatherhood. So why shouldn't any man be able to test himself to ascertain paternity of a child? Again, it's an absolute legal right ladies, and it just puts all of you into such a tizzy simply contemplating the notion that a man might want to freely exercise his legal reproductive rights--specifically the right to determine whether a child claimed to be his, is actually his. Biologically speaking of course.

 

 

You're amazing; no matter what woggle, we're cheating one way or the other - right? On vaca with our sister and everytime you are not watching .

 

Absolutely an amazing piece of work here to help us all be better folk

 

Well it's truly sad that you would deny the entire male gender their legal right to reproductive freedom. I guess you must be some kind of antedeluvian sexist or something.

 

You know we're living in the 21st century, not the stone age, don't you?

[Mr White]

I'd just get a mail order paternity test and won't tell the mother (unless the result necessiates to:eek:).

 

While I agree that this should not be done in a loving and trusting relationship, various estimates suggest that about 5% of kids are not the legitimate husbands, yet they are completely clueless.

 

So, it makes sense to do it as a matter of policy.

[troggleputty]

How many women in this thread who are so opposed to paternity tests can say they have never cheated on a man?

 

 

LOL. Woggle, you know the answer is: zero. Goose egg. Nil. The empty set.

 

The truly innocent have nothing to fear.

 

As a matter of fact, they should view a paternity test as something that will strengthen the marriage, because it provides the husband with conclusive proof that he is the father.

 

But they don't. Because even if he is the father, it hits too close to the "cheating nerve."

[troggleputty]

Yes. As we do too. As everyone does, but hopefully without being faulted for the behaviors of people who are not us.

 

 

OK let's talk about your behaviors.

 

Ever cheat on a man? EVER?

[sally4sara]

How many women in this thread who are so opposed to paternity tests can say they have never cheated on a man?

 

I already said I've never cheated woggle.

 

And I don't even know why you're arguing; you know it would be a trust issue on your part. You'd admitted that much. The premise -once again for the crowd - is to ask for one with no reason to doubt and is it insulting. Yes, that would be insulting.

[troggleputty]

Rapes occur in my city every year. A rape occurred one neighborhood over from me not too long ago, and that's just one that I heard about.

 

If I, out of nowhere and with no evidence or grounds for suspicion, insisted that my husband submit to a forensic examination because I was concerned that he might be a rapist, you can bet that he would be hurt, feel misunderstood and insulted. I don't know if he would leave me, but he would view our bond of trust and mutual understanding as damaged, our relationship would probably be forever altered in his eyes. He would wonder if I had ever really known him at all, and no matter how much I tried to rationalize to him that it was because I was feeling insecure and it was no reflection on him, he would rightly feel that the reality was that I was telling him I didn't know whether or not to think my wonderful husband was actually a horrible person, a rapist. Yet around the world, a lot of men commit rape, and my husband is a man. Surely if he were to react emotionally like this instead of just rationally submitting to my insistence that he prove himself NOT a rapist, that would mean he had something to hide?

 

 

LOL. Do you believe that it's a realistic possibility that your husband might be a rapist? If so then yes. You have every right to ask him to submit to such a test.

[Mr White]

Well if you really believe what you say, then a husband should be able to DENY paternity of a child, WITHOUT being forced to take a paternity test, simply on the husband's "say so."

 

Shouldn't wives trust their husbands on claims of paternity or non-paternity?

 

Isn't sauce for the goose, also sauce for the gander?

 

Yep, why the double standard...?

[troggleputty]

So then no paternity test unless I've been triflin? Or is the suggestion we all gotta be triflin?

 

Bank it and snip the path if you're so incapable of trust.

 

 

It's not up to you whether a man decides to take a paternity test voluntarily and for his own peace of mind. It's entirely up to the man.

 

If you don't like it, go snip yourself!

[sally4sara]

Of course what you just wrote makes absolutely no sense. Snip your own tubes if you want, but keep your little scissors away from us men!

 

Well it's truly sad that you would deny the entire male gender their legal right to reproductive freedom. I guess you must be some kind of antedeluvian sexist or something.

 

You know we're living in the 21st century, not the stone age, don't you?

 

It is an invasive procedure for women and not so for men. Completely an out-patient, no overnight stay for a man so....

 

if you're all about preserving your reproductive rights as a man. Bank it and snip the path. No woman will ever be able to give you an unwanted child and you'll know damn well any pregnancy she has isn't yours.