dyermaker Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 Originally posted by InLoKo YOU DO NOT AND SHOULD NOT PLAY GAMES. That is BAD advice. You are so totally wrong, it's not even funny. It sounds like bad advice, but it works--this makes it GOOD advice. She's playing with him, so she wants to play. I have no doubt that since he's beginning to play with her, he's going to get what he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 Can I add my 5 cents here ? She is Young...in High School and will ( in her lifetime ) prolly fall in LOVE quite a few times....at best she wants to know that she WONT be spending the next 75 Years with you....sad as that sounds... Its called Life and we all go through the process of falling in love...getting hurt..falling out of love again...and so on and so forth.... The sad truth is she is Young and will go through this process...you can't keep her from doing this,,, Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 Originally posted by onebadwhiteboy69 well good news fellas...I talked to her today, and she was in a good mood, I apologized for blowing up at her....and I asked her straight out, what she wanted to do....and she said she didn't wanna feel tied down, and feel guilty if she even looked at a guy, b/c of me. I said ok, well I thought I was giving her enough freedom, and b/c it's a age diff, and with me at college and so forth, we don't get to see each other, we both agreed on a boundary of kissing the oppisate sex. I thought it was ok at the time, but over time I feel for her, and I started getting jealous when I heard she was talking to other guys, ect. And started to really sweat her bout all aspects of our relationship. Started getting really into her...I'm talking had it bad...one time I was walking to a party with a bookbag full of beer going to meet some buds, and she called and I sat outside the party and talked to her, before going back to the dorm and talking to her some more. lol, yea I had it bad. So yea, she's gotten the queen treatment, and she's taken it for granted. Now, knowing that I'm gonna be there no matter what, she wanted to be less exclusive. Well, I told her straight out, I was having nothing of that, (thanks dyer) either she wanted to be with me or she wanted to go out and do her own thing, and she decided she wanted to be with me, she just didn't want me to get jealous and sweat her all the time when I heard she talked to other guys. And she just wanted to go back to how it was. Sounds good to me, but I'm also throwing in another wrinkle....I'm not gonna sweat her as much either, I'm gonna put a lil doubt in her mind, cuz if she knows she has me, that's not good. Cuz women are sneaky. Girls will get caught....and god knows what I'd do if I caught her with the hand in the cookie jar. So, I'm not gonna call her as much, tell her I'm busy sometimes, even when I'm not. Basically, just not let her consume my life....or so she'll think. But she is my everything, but she's taking that for granted...obviously, so games (thanks again dyer) I think will work here Just to let you know, I think you're doing well, and experiencing the desired results. I admire your ability to change from doormat to doorman. Congrats, and keep us updated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onebadwhiteboy69 Posted January 11, 2004 Author Share Posted January 11, 2004 She is young, and doesn't quite know if I'm the one for her right now....that's it. And she doesn't want me to get jealous everytime I hear bout her talking to other guys. I'm not worrying bout it, cuz I'm gonna go out and do my own thing, till she can really see me on a reg basis, and ready to commit fully to me....Haven't called her all weekend dyer, but that's cuz I know she's at her friends house...the games begin tomorrow I'm gonna def let her hear my voicemail a few times....and while not completely blow her off, but show her she doesn't have me by the balls (even tho she does). I can tell she's the type of girl that loves the chase, even she has said that....so, it won't be set in stone that I'm def totally hers, till she is totally mine....thanks dyer, for making me think bout how much of a dork I had become, and how I had let a hs girl consume my life....She took my love for granted. Now it's time for a lil payback But I won't be mean spirted bout it. But ya know Jay Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 No, I totally understand. You're not being mean, or hateful. You're giving her a little game, which is what she wants right now, she's young. You know you love her, let her know she loves you. Keep at it man, good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
mintjulep Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 Yeah, it sounds like you're doing good. Keep it up, and she'll be back in no time, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onebadwhiteboy69 Posted January 11, 2004 Author Share Posted January 11, 2004 I'll def keep you guys updated....but it's gonna be hard resisting the urges to call her....ect. But if I want her as mine, and not going astray, then this seems like this is what I have to do. A good buddy of mine told me that you could never let a girl think she has you, till she is yours.....cuz she'll use that to her maximum....so, let the games begin Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 Originally posted by onebadwhiteboy69 And she wants freedom now....not so much exclusiveness. But she also doesn't wanna give up what she has with me, cuz she loves me. I love her to death, I mean she is most likely the one I wanna spend the rest of my life with, but of course she doesn't know that yet. But how do I give her the love she wants from me, while giving her the freedom she also wants? I mean she'll prolly come back to me....I'm 99% sure she will. But I don't even want to think of her messing around with another guy, much less the potential to be there. I know, I know, if you love it, let it go, if it comes back to you, it's yours....but damn, I don't want to let her go freely....I'm not...not bc she wants to be free and have me be exclusive, but bc I don't want to....I don't want any other girl in this world....need some help...any would be appreciated! Jay Dude - Why the hell would anyone want to wait around for someone who wants to have their cake and eat it too? Stand your ground and give her an ultimatim -- 'You are either with me or not and if not, f**k you, then!' If she wants to go and mess around with some other guy, then you go and find yourself a lovely, little lady to mess around with. Don't let her do this bulls**t to you, while you stick around, waiting for her to come around. If you love her, let her go AND THAT'S IT!!! Don't let her come back!!! You say you are a badass, white boy. Start acting like one!!! Keep your head up, suck it up and drive on!!! ~V Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 Originally posted by onebadwhiteboy69 I'll def keep you guys updated....but it's gonna be hard resisting the urges to call her....ect. But if I want her as mine, and not going astray, then this seems like this is what I have to do. A good buddy of mine told me that you could never let a girl think she has you, till she is yours.....cuz she'll use that to her maximum....so, let the games begin Now we're talking business! Don't play into her hand, because she'll feed off of it! Hold your head high and never let her see you hurt! Find someone else that will want to settle with you! ~V Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 13, 2004 Share Posted January 13, 2004 onebadwhiteboy, It's obvious that dyermaker and vivid know women. Listen to them! They preach gospel!!! Yes, dammit! It's good that you're standing your grand. Despite what some of the political correctness police would like you to believe, women (and I think men, too, for that matter) like a little bit of challenge in a relationship - and I don't think it matters what age you are. Unless you have a negative self-image, nobody enjoys the thought of being able to walk all over their mate. And if you know subconsciously that your mate will be there no matter what you do, well then you're just inviting all kinds of tragedy. When the going's good, be lovey dovey. But the first time you sense some distance between you and your girl, back up a little and never let her assume that you'll just stay put. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onebadwhiteboy69 Posted January 13, 2004 Author Share Posted January 13, 2004 Hey ya'll....the games began last night....and I saw her melt She was telling me that she def knew she wanted to be with me, I was gonna have to get rid of her, ect. She fell right for it when I told her and her friends that I went to the movies with a girl from unc, and didn't watch the movie ....I didn't do that, but she won't know I didn't...she was asking all kinds of questions bout how she looked, if I really liked her...oh she was so worried....asking me if my feelings were still there, apologizing numberous times, oh man it was sooo sweet! But don't think I'm gonna slip off of her...she's still not gonna get the attention and love she got once before, cuz she took it for granted...thanks guys! Jay Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 13, 2004 Share Posted January 13, 2004 Ehh, be sure to give her some attention, or she might loose interest altogether. It's a cat and mouse game, but you, the mouse (?), don't want to run too far, lest the cat stop running and find a new mouse. I would avoid making references to making out with other women, I think once is enough, anymore and you might be a pig. Keep playing, but only if you keep getting such desirable results. Rock on. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 13, 2004 Share Posted January 13, 2004 Either he'll be a pig, or she'll find a pig to get muddy with herself. Women are all about revenge, dude. Don't ever forget that. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 13, 2004 Share Posted January 13, 2004 Originally posted by amerikajin Either he'll be a pig, or she'll find a pig to get muddy with herself. Women are all about revenge, dude. Don't ever forget that. Hey, if she wants what she's getting, by all means, give it to her, I was just warning him not to take things too extreme. Like I said, as long as you're still a challenge, and still desirable, you'll get what you want. Just don't bet all of your chips at once, just in case you need to raise somewhere down the line. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onebadwhiteboy69 Posted January 13, 2004 Author Share Posted January 13, 2004 Yea, that was just a one time attention grabber....I'm gonna claim to still talk to other girls....other games will be more subtle. Like, not calling her as much, not dropping what I'm doing to talk to her, being "busy"....letting her hear my voicemail, and say I didn't answer the beep, having to click back over to hang up with a girl....oh yea, ya'll didn't think I was a rookie at the game did ya'll??? "Melts in my arms, not in my hand" Jay Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted January 13, 2004 Share Posted January 13, 2004 Originally posted by amerikajin onebadwhiteboy, It's obvious that dyermaker and vivid know women. Listen to them! They preach gospel!!! Domoarigato gazaimash*ta!!! ~V Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 13, 2004 Share Posted January 13, 2004 Originally posted by onebadwhiteboy69 not calling her as much, not dropping what I'm doing to talk to her, being "busy"....letting her hear my voicemail, and say I didn't answer the beep, having to click back over to hang up with a girl.... Damn Jay, what'd you need our help for? Link to post Share on other sites
Author onebadwhiteboy69 Posted January 13, 2004 Author Share Posted January 13, 2004 ya'll helped me get my mind back right....thinking the right way ......Had to get my swagger back Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 13, 2004 Share Posted January 13, 2004 Dyer, I was agreeing with you as I always do (except for NCAA football of course). Just adding my own thoughts. Doo-itashimas***e, BiBid-o-San (No worries, Vivid) Link to post Share on other sites
bicylejunk Posted January 13, 2004 Share Posted January 13, 2004 Humans are strange Animals. So Indecisive and always looking for something better. It's sucks for the people who know what they want getting involved with people who don't know or aren't sure what they want. A guy could put so much time and love into a girl only to discover down the road that she has a change of heart. Or a girl could stay true and love a guy so much, but he leaves her because he wants to be free and sample all the ladies the world has to offer. Your girl is a youngster though. You sort of can't blame her. BUT at the same time, When I was 18 and 19, I knew what I wanted. I think it's all about how you are raised. Some people don't need to play the court to see what's out there. Some people are content with what they have and if they've found a good thing, they don't need to search anymore, no matter how young they are. Were just giving you advice, We aren't there, We don't know you, We don't know exactly what's going on or what HER point of view is. But i'm saying, It is possible to know what you want at 18, even though you haven't been out in the world. We as a society are programmed not to "Settle" and to keep options open and search and experience all you can for things that Half the time, People don't even know why they're searching for them. It sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
bicylejunk Posted January 13, 2004 Share Posted January 13, 2004 DOESN'T ANYONE WANT SUPPORT AND SECURITY? I may be one of those people that people laugh at because I don't think normally. If you have a love and it's good, Keep it. Use that love to keep you sane and healthy and go out and chase your dreams all the while receive love from and give love to your special someone. I don't know, I'm cuckoo. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 13, 2004 Share Posted January 13, 2004 Bicyclejunk, I think the concept of "romantic love" in the West shapes our attitudes of dating and relationships between men and women. Not that I like making sweeping generalizations, but Eastern cultures tend not to view relationships in the same light. Things have changed a little the last few decades, but traditionally, their marriages have been arranged by families who've been more concerned with finances, status and political power within the community. In these marriages the idea is that the two people may not know each other at first, but that they will live up to their expectations and eventually, the love will grow. Maybe there's something to that idea. We, of course, reject the idea (at least outwardly) of marrying solely on the basis of money, status and power. Yet when you look closer, that's not really true in a lot of cases. We often pair ourselves up with people who are somehow a lot like us - and we use things like income and personal accomplishment as barometers in many cases. Yet unlike our Eastern counterparts, we throw in the expectation of romantic love, and I think we often end up being disappointed by the results. Maybe other cultures are perhaps more realistic when it comes to love between two people. That doesn't mean their marriages are perfect (infidelity and abuse occur with just as much regularity, and maybe more in some places, as in the West these days); but I think that marriages last longer for that reason. This naturally provokes a discussion on the quality of these relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Medgirl Posted January 14, 2004 Share Posted January 14, 2004 I'm a little concerned about the whole situation. I think the playing hard to get thing was a great strategy, but at the same time she is still very young. I'm mainly concerned about what's going to happen after highschool. She may get into "the real world" and realize just how many guys there are out there to date. Especially if she goes to college. I don't think she realizes the harsh world of dating (being used etc.) yet and thinks it's going to be all good times. Just a concern. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onebadwhiteboy69 Posted January 19, 2004 Author Share Posted January 19, 2004 Hey fellas. and ladies....I have taken dyer's advice and took a step back bout this whole thing. And she fell right for it...we talked reg for a few nights, but I wouldn't answer her first calls, let her hear my voicemail...say I was busy, going out tonite, ect. After a few nights of this, she said it was time for a talk....and for us to finally resolve our situation...(before I just had ignored it, and said do what you want, cuz I ain't sweating it.) She melted right in my arms....it was like her whole heart opened up to me. She told me how much she loved me, how she really wanted to be with me once she got out of hs...even mentioned marriage, I was just taken back by all this, cuz usually she is quite reserved about her true feelings. But here in lies the problem....Not a major one, but one to irk me none the less. Since our heart to heart, I started calling her on a reg basis...like we used to, cuz I was ready to get back to how she wanted it to be....she also didn't want me getting jealous and asking all the time who she is talking to, suspecting things, ect. So I have, and haven't said a word bout that stuff....But she hasn't called me...not once since I started calling her, It's like she expects me to call all the time, and that irks me....I always have to make the first call of the night...and sometimes have to call her back, if she's eating, studying, ect. What should I do? My thinking is either confront her bout it, or just not call her, and wait for her to call me, but I dunno....help!!! Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 19, 2004 Share Posted January 19, 2004 Ha! You thought the game was over, but it's definitely not. She played quite a hand, and called you on your bluff. Now she's got you back where she had you in the beginning. Don't sweat it, you haven't ruined anything. Just gradually slip back in to the behavior that works, until she starts calling you, and melting over you. I know you want true love, but she wants games right now. Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets. Link to post Share on other sites
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