Mary3 Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 I read the other day that if your boyfriend is going out to lunch with a female or is seeing other females on a social basis....that this is considered * Intimate * ? Meaning he really should not be seeing other females and taking them to lunch ect, thus ,this is considered Intimate ? ? Your comments are appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 I'm not sure if you're hung up on the semantics or whatever, but I have lunch with girls all of the time, and I wouldn't call it intimacy. But if it bothers you, let him know. Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 not necessarily Mary3, i used to have lunch with girls from my postgrad course when i was with a girl, why would it be intimate my current ex lives with a guy and went to the cinema with him while i was her, just friends, didn't bother me! as dyermaker says bring it up with him but don't sound suspicious or desperate, it will reduce his opinion of you! good luck Link to post Share on other sites
mintjulep Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 So, I read this article on MSN relationships about emotional affairs, which is to what I think you're referring. This may not help your idea of *intimate* lunches, but here's what I think. If your boyfriend has business lunches, or casual lunches with women in his workplace, that's probably nothing to worry about. Especially if he's giving you details, or at the very least mentioning it to you. If he's sneaking long lunches with women you don't know about, and he stays late at the office, and you see their phone numbers pop up on his cell phone a lot, then you might have a problem It also depends on how close you two are. If you've been together for a while, and the he's more distant lately, but he's having lunch with this one woman all the time...he might be trying to get caught? I was of the opinion that a guy or girl in a serious relationship need not seek out *new* friendships with members of the opposite sex, after reading that article, but I guess I wouldn't hold too firmly to that, considering that I've met my boyfriend's female business associates (who he's met since we started dating), and even the ones who are single clearly have no intentions on my boyfriend. Plus, they're incredibly sweet and I like them - as friends for me! Maybe, if you're with someone and he's having these *intimate* lunches, you should meet this woman (these women?) that he's such good friends with. Then, you'll be pretty sure what their intentions are. Oh, and as an after thought...there is a difference between "eating lunch with" and "taking to lunch." Unless he's trying to close a deal, he probably should not be paying for her lunch. (And I do mean any kind of deal.) Link to post Share on other sites
AprilFool Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 I'm some kind of a hypocrite Oh, and as an after thought...there is a difference between "eating lunch with" and "taking to lunch." Unless he's trying to close a deal, he probably should not be paying for her lunch. I can think of one time two of us girls in the office went to lunch with three of the salesmen. I didn't think anything of it! We are stuck at work together all the time, what's the harm in eating together socially??? Also, the guys I work with here, and at my previous place of work bought my lunch for me all the time! I never saw anything inappropriate...but mind you if my HUSBAND did this, I'd ride him up one side and down the other! Just seems like he'd be more apt to get out of hand with another woman than I would with another man. MAN AM I ILLOGICAL! My husband met me on his route two hours away. One time while on his route (in my home town) He was where my 1st cousin once removed works. It was early morning, and she was starving, so she gave him some money, and asked him to buy her a biscut from the resteraunt across the street. Of course, my good hearted husband didn't think twice about it. When I went to visit, she was bragging about it, and telling me what a good guy he was, and at first, I got pretty upset. Not so much that he was being nice to another woman, but that he didn't mention it to me!!!..then I realized how stupidly rediculous I was AprilFool=HYPOCRIT I know I know...I'm working on it. Link to post Share on other sites
mintjulep Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 I can think of one time two of us girls in the office went to lunch with three of the salesmen. I didn't think anything of it! We are stuck at work together all the time, what's the harm in eating together socially??? There isn't anything wrong with eating together socailly, nor did I ever say there was. What are you going to do, eat lunch alone? Also, the guys I work with here, and at my previous place of work bought my lunch for me all the time! There are things wrong with this that I won't even begin to describe. Did you do this after you were married? When I'm catching up with old buddies from high school, maybe I'll let them pick up the check, but a coworker? You're essentially whoring yourself out for lunch, you know. Not in a sexual way, but you were offering your company for a free lunch "all the time". What would your husband have to say about this if it happened now? (I'm presuming you don't still do this. Please tell me you don't.) I never saw anything inappropriate...but mind you if my HUSBAND did this, I'd ride him up one side and down the other! Just seems like he'd be more apt to get out of hand with another woman than I would with another man. So to sum it up, you think you're better than your husband, and you didn't see how allowing your lunch to be paid for was inappropriate. Do you think it is now, or are you still immature enough to think that it's cute to take offers like that from men just because you have breasts? And furthermore, why don't you trust your husband? If my boyfriend paid for a female coworker's lunch, I would not be happy in the least, but not because I don't trust him. I think it's tacky, and he never should offer to do something like that, because if I were said female coworker, I'd certainly be offended. That said, I would never let a male coworker pay for my lunch. It's a two way street, and I would never get indignant if I didn't expect the same response from him and behave myself in kind. MAN AM I ILLOGICAL! Yes, you are being illogical. I maintain that she has a right to be mad up the walls if her boyfriend is taking women to lunch. There is still a difference between "eating lunch with" and "taking to lunch." Unless he's trying to close a deal, he should not be paying for her lunch. Link to post Share on other sites
AprilFool Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 I said they bought my lunch. The girls at the last place I worked (age 18-60) hardly ever had to buy their own lunch...it was just the norm for the guy who picked up lunch that day to pick up the tab. Mind you, men were always volunteering to pay....saying, "I'm going for lunch, do you all want anything? I'm buying." I've never ever had a one on one lunch with a guy that I wasn't "dating" Link to post Share on other sites
AprilFool Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 It's not the same at this work place. Men at the last place were gentlemen...no cussing around the ladies, opening doors, carrying boxes, helping out...just all around gentlement. The guys here brag about their sexcapadeds in front of us women, and seldom does one offer to pick up the tab. Link to post Share on other sites
mintjulep Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 Then it's a situational thing. Most offices don't have one hour lunch breaks, so you're not schmoozing with someone you work with, just grabbing a quick bite. Running out to get lunch, and picking something up for someone isn't terrible, as long as the favor is reciprocated. I'm not saying what you did is in any way cheap, but you really made it sound that way in your first post, and you clarified by saying you never had a one on one lunch. Why didn't you notice that that's what I was saying all along? I will say it again, though, I think that paying for a female coworker's lunch - one female coworker, over a sit down meal, just the two of you - is inappropriate. It just is. That's the kind of paying for her lunch I meant the whole time, and I'm not seeing how that was in any way unclear. Link to post Share on other sites
AprilFool Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 I wasn't arguing with you at all. I was actually going to see if you had an opinion on the guys buying us lunch. You don't. Ok. You weren't unclear...no use getting in knots over it. Link to post Share on other sites
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