She bought a plane ticket to see me, then bailed a month before. Why?

[gokova86]

i posted this on the "breaking up" forum, but maybe you all will have a different kind of insight (regarding LDR)

 

so, over the summer i went on a trip to europe. i randomly got on a boat in croatia at the last minute, it was an awesome 8 days. on the boat i met an australian girl and had an instant connection, physically and mentally. we hooked up the last couple days on the boat, and then went our separate ways. i was persistent and kept in contact for the next 3 weeks i was in europe, and we decided to meet up with each other again. so, i went home to nc for a month, and we met up once again in barcelona, spain. we came back from that trip as a couple.

 

overall it has been fantastic, and i always had faith that we could work through any rough patch. the holidays, especially, were very nice and we grew closer. december 30th she bought a nonrefundable plane ticket to visit me for 2 weeks, all the way from australia. she was due to arrive march 8th. a month ago, she decided not to come. apparently she no longer thinks we are compatible because of our different backgrounds. she had a laundry list of things wrong with me.

 

this is all very odd because she sent me valentines cards just days before she broke up with me. i received them after the fact, actually. she had also been talking about what we would be doing and eating on her visit. now i will never see her again, and she truly believes we have irreconcilable differences. i e-mailed her a week after the breakup, and her mind is set (even though in the e-mail she also said that the week in spain was the happiest in her life).

 

after 6 months of not seeing her, yet being totally faithful and believing in us, my dreams are shattered. i never cheated, or did anything to arouse suspicion. but for some reason, she feels this way.

 

can anyone provide some insight on this? is she just crazy? no one has ever rejected me so completely. and because of the distance, i will never see her again.

 

i've heard it all before about breakups, no contact etc, and i have been doing that. what confuses me is the timeline: december 30th, buys ticket. february 4th, sends valentine's cards. february 7th, dumps me. maybe she just freaked out. i'll never know.

[aerogurl87]

I don't wanna be a downer but I think one of two things happened. 1) She got scared by the distance. I know when I first started talking to my guy I almost broke up with him because there is a 2 hour time difference and a border between us, and after being cheated on in a LDR before it was somewhat hard for me to believe that anyone could be faithful being that far away. But so far, the more time I spend talking to him the more my confidence in our relationship and his ability to be faithful grows. Secondly, she could've just found someone else while over in Australia, you never know. I'm thinking that may have happened though, hence the laundry list of problems "you" had. That may help her get over her guilt for leaving you.

[nowomanocry]

theres nothing strange with what she has done - that is typical female behaviour, do not try to understand it, just accept it. When a woman does that it is 99% over

 

If you read some of the threads and posts here you will see amazing stories so there is nothing extraordinary in your story. she had a holiday fling, she used you (not exactly used you you had your deal as well) and dumped you. Probably one of the unhappy housewives lying about her situation and having time-off from the boring and (most likely impotent) hubby

 

I lived a very similar relationship - a short one like yours , all the same including Australian gurl - she came here and we spent a month here shagging all day long - then she simply left and that was it. When coming over she was even saying she was going to leave her kid back in Auss and come live with me (which made me lmao). She prolly lied saying she was divorced and living apart, but called her a couple of times during and after r/s to say hi and it was always the hubby that responded lol.

 

If you still think it's worth, go to Auss talk to her face -to-face (if she bothers meeting you there) and see the truth yourself, dont do wishful thinking - it drives you insane

 

Cheers

[gokova86]

shelling out thousands of bucks just to see if there was ever actually any love there is beyond my means. so it looks like this is a c'est la vie situation. oh well, what ya gonna do. no contact is the name of the game, if she comes back into my life some day she will. not likely though

[skydiveaddict]

are you sure she ever even bought the plane ticket in the first place?

[alphamale]

for most people LDRs are very risky and a waste of time - so don't take it personal. look for someone who lives near you, like within a 30 mile radius

[alphamale]

are you sure she ever even bought the plane ticket in the first place?

she never bought any plane ticket, come on

[carhill]

she no longer thinks we are compatible because of our different backgrounds. she had a laundry list of things wrong with me.

 

Translation: She met a nice Aussie bloke or decided two vacations to Europe so closely spaced might appear suspicious to hubby.

 

Women inevitably re-write 'relationship' history to match with their current feelings. Because they store emotional memories, they need to write a final chapter in there, outlining all your cr@p, to end the story and justify their decision. That way, everything fits and no guilt results.

 

Glad you had a great time. Go back often. Airfare is cheap. Enjoy the natives

[skydiveaddict]

she never bought any plane ticket, come on

 

 

I agree !!!!!!!!!

[carhill]

OP, if 'NC' is North Carolina, my apologies for thinking she'd meet you in Europe; yeah, that's a long way. I've flown it a few times from the east coast. The other guys are probably right, in that she never bought a ticket, considering that most 'normal' people can't afford refundable tickets, though she might have booked an award ticket. Regardless, people change their minds. I remember this great lady in Odessa I changed my mind about; I'll bet she had a few choice words in Russian about me...

[gokova86]

she DEFINITELY bought the plane ticket. she sent me a copy of her itinerary, and i even checked her confirmation number after we broke up and she had not canceled. needless to say, she didn't come, but there is no doubt in my mind that she bought the ticket. i'm not an ass.

 

also, we met in croatia, her parents are from there and she was staying the summer. i came home to nc (NORTH CAROLINA), and a month later met her in spain. just to clear that up...

[skydiveaddict]

she DEFINITELY bought the plane ticket. she sent me a copy of her itinerary, and i even checked her confirmation number after we broke up and she had not canceled. needless to say, she didn't come, but there is no doubt in my mind that she bought the ticket. i'm not an ass.

 

also, we met in croatia, her parents are from there and she was staying the summer. i came home to nc (NORTH CAROLINA), and a month later met her in spain. just to clear that up...

 

 

I didn't mean to call you an ass. anything but that, I was just curious.

[D-Lish]

Although it's clear you guys shared something special- she may have since realized that a LDR is more than she bargained for.

 

I spent the last 4 years of my relationship with my exH with him living and working in the States and me living in Canada. It really took a toll on our relationship and we inevitably grew apart. I have since promised myself I will never engage in a LDR again.

 

As much as the notion is romantic- it's not always realistic. Perhaps that is the conclusion she has come to.

 

I think the laundry list she has thrown at you is her way of supporting her convictions that a LDR isn't possible. Sometimes we tell ourselves things in order to make the break up easier.

 

I know it hurts, but I don't think there is anything you can do to convince her to give it another shot. Relationships can be difficult enough when you are in proximity to one another, add the crazy distance between the two of you, she probably came to the conclusion that it isn't realistic to continue.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you. Both people have to be incredibly strong and patient in order to suffer through a LDR- it's obvious she doesn't have the emotional fortitude to make the investment. The fact that she isn't able to make the investment isn't your fault.

[gokova86]

it will never make sense. at least for a fleeting moment, i believed strongly in fate. now is the time to try to forget

[D-Lish]

it will never make sense. at least for a fleeting moment, i believed strongly in fate. now is the time to try to forget

 

Well, you can't forget- but it is best to move on.

 

This sounds more like circumstances than it is about being anyone's fault.

[gokova86]

it is someone's fault, and i can forget. there's a lot more to this than just what i posted on this site. this was a terrible thing to do to someone, something i could never do. i've said my piece

[gokova86]

also, i don't think there was anyone else in the picture, guy wise. we talked everyday and were best friends, despite the difference. i, for one, believe that if it is the right person distance should make no difference. my sister is getting engaged soon to a man she has dated long distance (he lives in london) for 3 years. they visited each other numerous times.

 

the flight to see me, which my ex so surprisingly opted out of, was disastrous. i was never given a chance. it was her decision to buy the plane ticket, not mine.

 

being celibate for 6 months and never even getting to see the person i was in love with is something unforgivable. it is not circumstantial. if she wanted to be realistic, she should have broken things off a LONG TIME AGO. unfortunately, i'm a romantic who would do anything for the person i love

[Meaplus3]

for most people LDRs are very risky and a waste of time - so don't take it personal. look for someone who lives near you, like within a 30 mile radius

 

I happen to agree with alpha here.

 

she never bought any plane ticket, come on

 

This is also a good point. How do you know she bought one? I'd find it hard to believe that she would purchase one then canel it. I have a feeling she is lying to you. Sounds like she bailed out here. Perhaps the distance is just to much for her to deal with. Not sure what else to say.. except, I would hate to see you waste your time and end up hurt.

 

Mea:)

[aerogurl87]

also, i don't think there was anyone else in the picture, guy wise. we talked everyday and were best friends, despite the difference. i, for one, believe that if it is the right person distance should make no difference. my sister is getting engaged soon to a man she has dated long distance (he lives in london) for 3 years. they visited each other numerous times.

 

the flight to see me, which my ex so surprisingly opted out of, was disastrous. i was never given a chance. it was her decision to buy the plane ticket, not mine.

 

being celibate for 6 months and never even getting to see the person i was in love with is something unforgivable. it is not circumstantial. if she wanted to be realistic, she should have broken things off a LONG TIME AGO. unfortunately, i'm a romantic who would do anything for the person i love

 

I hate to say it but I also agree with alpha. I don't think she ever really bought the plane ticket. I mean my one ticket from the USA to Canada cost $450 and there is no way in hell I'd cancel that considering it was non refundable. And I'm guessing her airline ticket was also, and if it cost anywhere around where mine cost, I doubt she'd cancel that. Just a thought.

 

Also, I'm one of those people who'd do anything for the person I truly loved, but unfortunately everyone isn't like that. My ex wasn't like that and had me waste $300 on a last trip that never happened when he decided 2 weeks before it was supposed to happen that he wanted out of our relationship. Was I mad? Yes. Did I eventually move on? Yes, and now I'm much happier although I'm in a LDR that is even more long distance. What it all comes down to is patience and perseverance. Some people aren't cut out for LDRs and others can withstand it more. So don't blame yourself, you did nothing wrong. She probably just realized that she couldn't be in a LDR.

[gokova86]

i will say this once again, SHE DID BUY THE TICKET. i looked up her confirmation # on the quantas website, and all the info was there, every stop, from perth to tokyo to nyc to raleigh. every connection, every seat. all was confirmed

 

it would be much easier for me to cope if she hadn't bought the ticket. but she did. you don't have to believe it, but i know this for sure.

[aerogurl87]

i will say this once again, SHE DID BUY THE TICKET. i looked up her confirmation # on the quantas website, and all the info was there, every stop, from perth to tokyo to nyc to raleigh. every connection, every seat. all was confirmed

 

it would be much easier for me to cope if she hadn't bought the ticket. but she did. you don't have to believe it, but i know this for sure.

 

Oh... wow, well that's alot of money to waste. Hmm, well I don't know, something is really fishy about that. Maybe she got cold feet or maybe she realized she wasn't as into you as she thought she was. Either way, that's strange...

[carhill]

She can change her itinerary to another destination for a fare one dollar over what it cost to fly to NC (a little over 2K AUD generally) and pay a 200.00 AUD change fee and fly within a year. Aussies who travel are generally well-traveled so she will just go somewhere else. Those are the breaks. I've done it enough myself to know.

[gokova86]

from what i understand it was through STA, and it was nonrefundable. she probably can switch it out but it doesn't make much difference to me at this point. it's a stab in the back

 

REALLY fishy though, right? worst case of cold feet ever. i never got the chance, i mean it'd been 6 months of LDR, wouldn't it have been worth it just to know for sure whether or not it was meant to be?

[Meaplus3]

REALLY fishy though, right? ?

 

I'd say so. And I'm sorry but, I'm not buying into the fact that she bought a ticket in the first place. Infact, if this is the way she behaves.. your probably better off that she did not come to visit.

 

Mea:)

[gokova86]

the fact that no one believes me when i say that she bought the ticket is distressing. i've traveled all around the world, i know what an itinerary looks like and i know what it is to check online to see if a ticket is confirmed. she bought the ticket. jeez

 

you're right, i'm better off. i guess