She bought a plane ticket to see me, then bailed a month before. Why?

[Meaplus3]

the fact that no one believes me when i say that she bought the ticket is distressing. i've traveled all around the world, i know what an itinerary looks like and i know what it is to check online to see if a ticket is confirmed. she bought the ticket. jeez

 

you're right, i'm better off. i guess

 

I did not realize you had comfirmation that the ticket was purchased.

 

And you are better off!

 

Mea:)

[gokova86]

despite being "better off," the idea sometimes comes into my head to make the trip to aus. to try to find out what in the hell happened. probably won't act on this feeling (lil expensive of a flight, anyhow), but we honestly did have something between us. not sure what it was, but it was something

[Meaplus3]

despite being "better off," the idea sometimes comes into my head to make the trip to aus. to try to find out what in the hell happened. probably won't act on this feeling (lil expensive of a flight, anyhow), but we honestly did have something between us. not sure what it was, but it was something

 

And you know what? She very well may have backed out because she is not really who she says she is. I've heard of this happening before. So, imagine if you went there and found out that she had a BF or H? So, you are better off not taking that thought of getting on a plane any further. I say forget about her and move on.

 

Mea:)

[carhill]

Or, as I've experienced IRL as well as here on LS, when one brings or attempts to bring the reality of another person into their own personal IRL space, the fantasy, whether 'vacation' or 'online' becomes real, and, for some, real is scary. Fear is a potent motivator.

 

OP, you'd love Perth. A bit feral, but I liked it. The Aussie ladies are quite friendly. Be aware it's hell and gone from everywhere, not like the outback, but remote. Take a few days in Sydney or Melbourne if you go.

[gokova86]

considering the fact that an australian accent literally makes me sick to my stomach (for now, anyway), i do not plan any vacation there. ever. it's a giant desert island.

 

maybe she's who she says she is, maybe not. it's weird though, cause in the past week her little sister has become a "fan" of 4 of my facebook pages. including "hi, i wasted a very long time liking you" and "i'm not saying i don't like you anymore, but i'm done chasing after you." i know, quite emotional pages, but who cares it's fb. her sis also joined "sweet tea," which, considering the fact that it's solely consumed in the southern united states, i find very odd for a resident of perth to be a fan of it.

 

more fishiness. i probably shouldn't be lurking on fb anyway, but copying 4 of my pages in a week? weeeeiiiirrrrd. let me know what you think about that

[aerogurl87]

Carhill makes a good point, when you go from just knowing each other online or from vacation and into bringing someone onto your home turf that can be pretty intimidating and sometimes downright scary. I'm going to visit my guy for the first time in 2 months and although I know I won't back out of it, I will admit there's a part of me that's a little scared. Scared we might not click in person, scared he may be hiding some dark secret that I haven't found yet, and scared our relationship could end like things did with my ex. Nothing wrong with a little healthy fear, it adds reality to a relationsihip that can be full of nothing but fantasy. But like I said, either she had something to hide or got really scared and decided to run away. Either way, you don't need her. If she did this to you now, just imagine how worse it would've been to have her bail on you later on if she did come to you and you got even more attached.

[gokova86]

i understand this fear as well. but if she was so scared or got cold feet, then it did no good to buy the ticket after dating for that long.

 

we did meet on vacation over the summer, true, and that adds another dimension to the situation. but then a month later, we met up in barcelona, and spent 8 days with each other nonstop. it wasn't until the last day in spain that we decided to take the plunge and be in a relationship. that was september.

 

as i've said before (probably because i've never been in an LDR), the completeness of the breakup is what bothers me the most. just last week, i had a pleasant meal with my ex from 4 years ago. it wasn't weird, or awkward. it was 2 people keeping contact because we still matter to each other (no attachments).

 

it's not as if i'll run into her again by chance. that is that, 6 months down the drain

[carhill]

OP, since you're on good terms with your ex, what's her take on this? She knows you better than any of us. I would presume, since you're friends and have no attachments, she supports your current social and romantic life. Opinion?

[gokova86]

i actually didn't mention much about it to my ex, we are on good terms but aren't best friends or anything, she lives in nyc and i was in town so we met up. i don't know what she would think. she also broke up with me, but under entirely different circumstances which make a lot of sense in retrospect. something to be considered is that she's a serial monogamist so i'm not sure what her take on things would be. my main point was that it's possible to some day reconcile, even if it's just an occasional cup of coffee.

 

on the other hand, with my most recent relationship we both came into it having been single for years. then again, who knows. she could have had a husband at home the whole time. but i seriously doubt it, she seemed pretty keen on me for a while, didn't try to hide me or anything.

 

forever a mystery, no?

[Spygurl]

hey G86, thats a really tough break and i am truly sorry for your pain. it is rough not having answers. it sounds like she just panicked for whatever reason. i know the tix from and to Australia are not cheap! my LDR sweetheart lives there.

 

As harsh as it sounds you are going to have to put this behind you and move on. it is fortunate you dint have any more time to get even more attached.

 

take care of yourself. find some people in your life to keep you close right now.

[gokova86]

it's a really tough f-ing break. i only wish i could stop having lucid dreams about her. i'm moving on slowly but surely.

 

i really hope that she got cold feet and freaked out. that would be better on my self-esteem. because i had total love and respect for her, and i would like to think that she felt the same towards me. but she got scared

 

i'll never know anyway

[Carolyn]

I think she likely backed out and because she got cold feet.

 

I've been in that situation and backed out THREE times before I plucked up the courage to meet a guy I'd been chatting to online for 8 months. It was a really bad case of nerves and my thinking I wouldn't live up to his expectations. But I had been desperate to meet him and eventually I did.....

 

Just as well he was a patient guy eh?

[gokova86]

i like to think of myself as a patient guy also. cold feet is a really crappy excuse

carolyn, when you "backed out," does this mean you actually broke up? 3 times?

in any case, this being such a long distance relationship and the fact that she has deleted me from her life, i don't think i'll ever see her again. in my experience, 2nd chances don't happen. but i also say never say never.

in my heart i feel like i might see her, 1 year, 10 years, or 50 years down the road. evidently my heart is wrong much of the time.

 

but she abandoned our relationship at the drop of a hat. that will be hard to forget. unrequited love is a b##ch

[SaintDragon]

for most people LDRs are very risky and a waste of time - so don't take it personal. look for someone who lives near you, like within a 30 mile radius

 

 

I agree with Alpha here, what ever happened to meeting someone in at least your own state?.

 

That girl chickened out and she's a biatch. I feel sorry for you, man.

[gokova86]

it's not like i haven't tried finding someone close to home. i met this girl against all odds and pretty much immediately fell in love with her. i don't often have that reaction so i guess i thought it was worth working for. this is the LDR forum...

she chickened out and is a biatch, yes. but part of me will always belong to her. there is nothing i can do about that

[SaintDragon]

it's not like i haven't tried finding someone close to home. i met this girl against all odds and pretty much immediately fell in love with her. i don't often have that reaction so i guess i thought it was worth working for. this is the LDR forum...

she chickened out and is a biatch, yes. but part of me will always belong to her. there is nothing i can do about that

 

Excuse my bluntness above.

 

I sort of know how it is loving someone you won't ever be with(I fell in love with a horse trainer) and it sucks.

I just hate how woman can do this...lead you up to this point and blow it to hell..... The girl I knew was a major tease... Yes she was married, but we delved into a massive online friendship. I did fall in love, she was not attracted to me(only as friends) and I had some trouble with that. Even knowing I was in love, she allowed me to send her gifts and she even called me on the phone when having some trouble going on.

 

I kinda get what you feel...it sucks, but we have to move on at all cost. try to let her go man.

[gokova86]

thing is, i didn't meet this girl online, we met in person overseas, went home and stayed in contact for a month, then met up again in spain. it was the most romantic sh#t ever. we didn't decide to date until our last day together. so we had already met twice at that point. both single, both kind of in an in between stage of our life.

 

ffs, she bought MATCHING bath towels for her visit, just weeks before she changed her mind. that is insane. trust issues gone mad.

 

i'm moving on, had no contact etc. been almost 2 months now. i'll get there.

 

6 months seems like a long time to date if the last time you saw the person was at the beginning of that time span

[goatee]

what does it matter whether she bought the ticket or not? Obviously she met someone locally and figured, local->12 hour flight to NC to a guy with a laundry list... not hard choice for her to make. Also note her friends can convince her it will never work and she'll stop.

[gokova86]

goatee:

 

you obviously don't understand the context of what happened. of course it matters that she bought the ticket. are you kidding me?

 

i've come to the conclusion that it was cold feet anyway, i don't think it was another guy.

 

i came to this site for support and advice, not for someone to act like i'm retarded for feeling the way i do.

 

peace

[goatee]

goatee:

 

you obviously don't understand the context of what happened. of course it matters that she bought the ticket. are you kidding me?

 

i've come to the conclusion that it was cold feet anyway, i don't think it was another guy.

 

i came to this site for support and advice, not for someone to act like i'm retarded for feeling the way i do.

 

peace

 

that's cool i'm kinda curious tho, why didn't you fly down there instead? It's easier for the guy to visit to assure the girl.

[gokova86]

i was prepared to, she just bought the ticket first. it was right after christmas, she didn't even tell me she was going to. if she didn't come here, i would've gone there. sometimes i still think about going there, but that's probably a terrrrible idea

[Carolyn]

i like to think of myself as a patient guy also. cold feet is a really crappy excuse

carolyn, when you "backed out," does this mean you actually broke up? 3 times?

in any case, this being such a long distance relationship and the fact that she has deleted me from her life, i don't think i'll ever see her again. in my experience, 2nd chances don't happen. but i also say never say never.

in my heart i feel like i might see her, 1 year, 10 years, or 50 years down the road. evidently my heart is wrong much of the time.

 

but she abandoned our relationship at the drop of a hat. that will be hard to forget. unrequited love is a b##ch

 

No we didn't split up. He would be angry and such, but I'd tell him that it was nerves, that I did want to meet him and that he wasn't wasting his time, to give me a little more time.....which is why I guess he hung around.

 

But anyway, sorry I didn't realise that she had deleted you from her life, I thought you had dumped her.

 

So you actually have met her in real life then?

 

Can't figure out why she would bail in that case then. I'd have said that perhaps she decided not to pursue anything further......but then why go to the expense of buying a ticket?

 

Only other thing I can think of, is that someone else has recently come into the picture.....an ex of hers maybe?

[troggleputty]

i understand this fear as well. but if she was so scared or got cold feet, then it did no good to buy the ticket after dating for that long.

 

It's easy to buy a ticket online impulsively. That doesn't mean she's going to actually follow through.

 

 

we did meet on vacation over the summer, true, and that adds another dimension to the situation.

 

yeah the "vacation fling" dimension, as in "not real-fantasy." It actually sounds like you've never had a "summer" or "vacation romance" before.

 

 

but then a month later, we met up in barcelona, and spent 8 days with each other nonstop. it wasn't until the last day in spain that we decided to take the plunge and be in a relationship. that was september.

 

O.K. So you never were actually in a relationship with her at all. You waited until the last day. Well the first day was the last day then. It's easy to "commit" to someone when you're going back to Australia and will never see them again. You said you hooked up. But was there sex?

 

What were you doing during the 8 days non-stop? Drinking beer on the ramblas or something? I assume you got intimate with each other during the 8 days.

 

Even so, that's simply part of the summer fling aspect. It's much easier to have a fling with someone on vacation as the odds are you'll never have to see them again. No commitment.

 

 

as i've said before (probably because i've never been in an LDR), the completeness of the breakup is what bothers me the most.

 

Well according to you the first day of the relationship status was also the last day. After that you more or less had a pen pal.

 

 

just last week, i had a pleasant meal with my ex from 4 years ago. it wasn't weird, or awkward. it was 2 people keeping contact because we still matter to each other (no attachments).

 

it's not as if i'll run into her again by chance. that is that, 6 months down the drain

 

 

How is it 6 months down the drain? Didn't you enjoy at least thinking you were in love?

 

Listen this was just a simple fling and nothing more. I'm not exactly clear on why you think it was more than that.

[gokova86]

whatever you say, troggle putty. if you say it, it must be true, oh guru of the online forum.

 

it wasn't just a fling, and i don't appreciate you referring to it as that

[gokova86]

timeline:

 

July: meet on boat in croatia, 'hook up' as in had sex, yes. talked all night, etc. if anything was a fling, then this was it. went our separate ways at end of boat trip. i went on to turkey, while she went back to her family's apt in croatia (her parents are croatian). while in turkey we stay in touch, decide to see each other again.

 

September: after both having bought our tickets and booking accom we meet up in spain. and yes, of course we were 'intimate' during this trip. but the trip also proved to us that it wasn't just a fling. not wanting to jump the gun, we don't put a title on our relationship until the last day. at that point, we committed.

 

December: she moves back to perth. a great christmas, we lavished gifts upon each other. she buys a ticket, NOT ONLINE, but in person through a travel agency, on the 30th.

 

February: she sends me v-day postcards on the 4th. breaks up with me 3 days later. i receive her postcards after the dump.

 

look, if i want tough love i have plenty of real people to talk to, like in real life, not on a forum. i posted this because i wanted insight from other people who had been in LDRs. there's too many aspects of this to explain, but please don't make mass generalizations by telling me i only had a pen pal and that i should be happy that i 'thought i was in love.' that's bull