Ive been thinking about love and what happens to it in the future

[Wondering Willow]

I was just wondering about love and what happens to it as time progresses. I guess Ive been thinking about this ever since my relationship became much more intense and now he says he loves me and wants to marry me in the future. The thing is that Im scared. Im scared that in time his love for me will fade away and we wont be the same as we are now. I look at some marriages and I see that in time couples become distant and preouccupied with other stuff. They are not as affectionate and it seems like they are only together for convenience. Hes going to be a journalist and he has dreams of becoming a big sports writer...one that travels and has working holidays. Im afraid that hell become married to his work instead of me. Im afraid that in time I will just be that woman that lives in his house. Please tell me your opinion on marriage and what happens to a couples love after a while. Thanks.

[OneWomansthoughts]

I read your dilema, and just wanted to try to help relieve some of the doubts, or fears that you may be having about marriage. I have been married, and divorced now for 9 years but in all honesty I loved being married, but in my case we married far too young (16) we we're kids and didn't take the time to grow up as individuals before we made that committment, and over time we just simply outgrew one another. Marriage is a committment like none other, one that is done in the presence of god, your family, and one to yourself. It is work 24 hours, 7 days a week, but the rewards that you get out of a good marriage are endless. I really feel that you do love this man, but only you can answer with your heart and your head if it's enough to marry him. Not all marriages turn out like you fear, and with faith, love, respect, trust, and communication you can make it work with one another. Provided that you and he are very honest and open with each other I would express your fears, hopes, goals, views on everything from bank accounts, to if you both want children, and let him know how your feeling right now. I don't know much about him but for a man to take that step to want to get married, says alot. Just be honest with him and talk to him, and listen to him and hopefully what he tells you will come from his heart, and if you love each other as much as it seems you can face anything together. The more you know and communicate with one another the more you will know whether you and he are truly compatible.

 

Most of all, you have to believe in yourself and him to believe that it will work out for you. Don't sabatoge the positive with the negative fears, thoughts, and uncertainties you have. My advice as a woman, is to also make sure that you get a college education if possible, a good stable job, and know how to be self-sufficent, and provide for yourself in the event that you ever have to. Don't depend on anyone to provide for you, because life is strange and we just never know what it is going to throw at us, and from experience knowing that you can take care of yourself, if it ever came to that makes all the difference in the world, gives you a support system to yourself if you ever need it.

 

I hope this helps some, and I wish you and he the best of everything, let me know how it turns out.

 

OneWomansthoughts

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was just wondering about love and what happens to it as time progresses. I guess Ive been thinking about this ever since my relationship became much more intense and now he says he loves me and wants to marry me in the future. The thing is that Im scared. Im scared that in time his love for me will fade away and we wont be the same as we are now. I look at some marriages and I see that in time couples become distant and preouccupied with other stuff. They are not as affectionate and it seems like they are only together for convenience. Hes going to be a journalist and he has dreams of becoming a big sports writer...one that travels and has working holidays. Im afraid that hell become married to his work instead of me. Im afraid that in time I will just be that woman that lives in his house. Please tell me your opinion on marriage and what happens to a couples love after a while. Thanks.

[Randy]

Do you turn away a delicious gourmet meal because you fear that once it is consumed, your plate will be empty?

 

Do you pass on a invitation to a great movie because you fear when it is over the lights will come on, the curtain will close over the screen and you will have to return to reality?

 

Do you not make friends with wonderful people because you fear one day they will move out of town and you will remain behind?

 

All things in life contain the potential for their opposite. We cannot appreciate light if there is no such thing as darkness. We cannot appreciate wonderful music if there is no silence.

 

If we keep our eyes closed forever, we never have to worry about going blind.

 

Love is not for the timid or phobic. Love is a great journey that requires courage and incredible risk. In all of life, the greater the risk the greater the reward and that holds true most of all in love.

 

You do not control another person, only yourself. The love you hold for another person is yours and yours alone forever. You can pay lip service but your beloved can never, ever feel the love you have for him. So whatever happens, you own the love and the feelings. If, by chance, the love slips away, the love you hold inside doesn't have to.

 

Thankfully, our creator made a place in our hearts with millions of gigabytes of storage space to hold the love we have to give and the opportunity to offer it to others if it is rejected by one.

 

If you are looking for a guarantee that any relationship or any marriage is going to stay at a volcanic level forever, not even Lloyds of London will issue that. Love has no guarantees except the one you extend to it that you will do your very best to hold up your half and be willing to drop it if the other ceases to be willing to hold up his half.

 

Additionally, I think you look at and judge other people's lives too harshly and too often. You draw too many conclusions by what you casually observe. Every person is the architect of his own existence and you are sitting at the drawing board of your own life with the freedom to sketch it the way you wish. Do not copy from others, especially from your often vague perceptions.

 

Architects who are scared to design buildings are too nervous to hold their pencils steady.

 

Chill and enjoy love more before it passes you by.

[Taressa]

Guess this is why time is the best gift in a relationship. Dating gives you time to observe a person's worst and best. Time gives you opportunity to know a person's character. Time gives you the opportunity to know if he is a person who will change his values. Time gives you the opportunity to know if he is a person who keeps his promises.

 

You use the word "intense" instead of "deep". Has your mental level of intimacy (your knowledge of who he is) increased along with the physical intimacy?

 

Don't panic in this relationship. You're involved in something that sounds good. All this fright is a good sign that you may need to slow down. I didn't say leave him or break up with him. I said slow down. Take a moment to reassure this wonderful guy that you care about him and that you like the idea of him in your future. If you've any relationship you will be able to discuss all these doubts with him. It could prove quite an affirming conversation.

 

So talk to this sweet man of yours. And listen. And watch. Build the future with him; the future isn't something you've got to jump into. You've got time.