Is feeling Unappreciated bad?

[JustSomeGuy-me]

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 3 months today i made dinner and then when we were done i went to stay washing the dishes and she went and sat down, a few minutes later, after i had started she came over and asked if i wanted any help, but i said it was ok.

 

Some issues ealier in the evening had made me a little upset and i was acting the part. Later on we talked about it and i explained that it bother me that she had not volenteired to help me, like really i would rather i do them, but i would like to hear that she would help. And its really not even that, its just that i try my hardest to be the best possible boyfriend i can be, and some times it feels like she doesnt notice. While we were talking, she said that she had thought that i thought that, and that she thought i thought that before we even started dating, so basically she feels that i feel Unappreciated. To tell the truth i really dont, really all it is i kinda want some signs that i am doing the right thing.

 

I should also point out that she usually does ask if she can help, but one time she did some and i told her she was doing them wrong then i did the rest, and she said that, that was part of the reason why she did ask right away.

 

Basically i am just wondering if its wrong for me to feel a little bad sometimes when i feel she may not notice my efforts. Like i told her that and she said she always notices but she doesnt always say something. Is it wrong to feel unappreciated some times?

[DerangedAngel]

How can you do dishes "wrong"?

 

Ok, so you're saying you feel unappreciated, and you want to know if it's bad, correct? Its not bad to feel this way if you have a reason. The person who would be at fault would be the one who was taking you and what you do for granted. However I don't think you have any reason to feel that way if this is all about dirty dishes. I mean, when she tries you act like she isn't doing it in a way that satisfies you, so she stays away. Maybe you don't appreciate her.

 

(If there's more to it than the dishes, let me know.)

 

-Deranged

[mintjulep]

So, yeah, what I would like to know if it is more than the dishes, or not. If it is solely the dishes, and you are going to criticize her when she does offer to help, then it seems that she should be the one with the problem, not you. If she's nice enough to let that go, then you should just shut yer trap and do the dishes. At least she offered to help - but since you've made it perfectly clear that you actually want none, why should it matter when she offers? In other words, no, I don't think that it is acceptable for you to be the one who feels injured in this situation.

 

If there are more problems than just the dishes, let us know. Maybe you are justified. But from the picture you've painted me, I can't see that she's done any wrong.

[JustSomeGuy-me]

THe dishes were not even a fact or at all, that didnt even actaully bother me, its just sort of was something that happened that was related to otherthings, and even though it was so small and insignificant and something that i really didnt even care about it was just something that happened which made me think about other stuff and made me feel a little upset.

 

As i said before i try my hardest to be the best boyfriend i can be, i try my hardest to show her how special she is to me and how much she means to be, i make her dinner, i take her out for dinner some times, i meet her after class, i walk her to her car, i hold doors for her. No i know most of that stuff is what i should do anyways, and that thats polite but sometimes if feels like she doesnt even notice. I just feel that sometimes i would like some sort of sing that showed me i was doing the right thing and she cared (about the effort i put in) but i dont feel like that happens. LIke i know she cares about me, cause she says it, but just the things i do sometimes seem like they dont matter.

 

Is that means to feel upset?

[mintjulep]

So, does she do little things like this for you, and you just don't notice because she's not doing the same things that you are? What, in your opinion defines a "good girlfriend"? You say you're a "good boyfriend," so you must have a definition at hand. I mean, maybe what you want is verbal reinforcement that you're doing a good job? I think if it bothers you this much, you should sit down and talk to her about it. Maybe she doesn't need to tell you that you're doing a good job or anything, but clearly you need some sort of display of how much she appreciates you, and you don't feel that you already get that from her. What are you looking for from her? Once you figure it out, talk to her about it, and ask her to do it. She probably does appreciate all those things, or she wouldn't be with you, she just doesn't know that you need her to go out of her way to acknowledge that you are a good boyfriend. Does she thank you when you open the door, or take her to dinner? That should be enough. However, if you do these things all the time, maybe she feels that you already know.

 

*PS - I can't tell you what to get upset at and what not to. If everyone judged me so harshly about my boyfriend's apartment, then I certainly am not in a position to tell others what justifies being upset. If you're upset, then you are - no one but you can change that, and you should fix it.

[toots307]

you sound incredibly insecure. It seems to me like you don't feel good about yourself so you are looking to someone else to help you feel good about you. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way - it's called SELF-esteem for a reason - It comes from within YOURSELF. Figure out what it is about you that you don't like and change it. Trust that your gf appreciates you - if you really are the good bf you say you are then she's with you because she wants to be with you. Once you love yourself, you will be able to see how much others love you too. And don't be afraid to tell your woman how you feel - communicate - it's important!!