UnhappyInLuv Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 I am a married woman. I've been married for a few years, together with my other half for lots more in total. Recently, via Facebook, I have been back in touch with my bf from primary school. When I say bf, I use the term loosely as we were very young and really just hung out together. Anyway, recently our conversations have progressed from "how are you?" to "I want you to leave your husband", "I want you" etc etc. Since these conversations started, I cannot get this guy out of my mind. I am constantly waiting for him to come online and get disappointed when he doesn't. He has recently got himself a gf and so our conversations have stopped, but I cannot forget what he has said to me and I cannot get him out of my mind. As my husband and I are having intimacy issues, could this guy on Facebook be subconsciously something to fill the gap thats gaping in my marriage? To be honest, I was quite up for finding out if he was by meeting up! Please help, cos this situation is driving me mad! Link to post Share on other sites
BiscuitXOXO Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 The conversations about you leaving your husband for your "bf" should have never happened. If you truly believe in and love your husband, you should tell him and apologize about this guy, then tell your husband you absolutely believe in him and love him. Adultery in the mind is still adultery. Maybe the intimacy issues between you and your husband were subconsciously being caused by the guy! I hope that you and your husband can work out your issues, and hopefully this won't become an ever-widening rift in your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
saltnpepper Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 The Internet fantasy relationship things seem to take about 18 months to burn out. I haven't seen personally anyone succeed after following up on a marriage breaking one. My take on them is that there's something floating around unsatisfied in the primary relationship looking for something safe to grab onto. And the Internet stuff appears safe. I've suggested and seen great effects from a couple of people taking on serious therapy that matches them to figure out the unresolved stuff in them. The health of your primary relationship can only be as good as the health of the parties. The flaw in couples work (personal and observational experience) seems to lie in that it focuses primarily on the couple. The limit on success is in the individuals. I look at it as 3 worlds. The worlds of each of the parties and the shared world they make. I can't see how the health of that 3rd world can be better than that of the parties. From that perspective, the continuing thinking about old bf (I suspect we all have a bit of lingering desire for the early ones waiting to surface) might be considered a valuable signal that something else is under the surface, offering a rare opportunity for growth. Growth that could allow you to heal your primary relationship. Good luck, hard work, but worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
povidiu Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 I think that leaving something sure for a former bf is stupid, the people change, and who know that the lovely boy your former was maybe today has became another person Link to post Share on other sites
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