Unusual December - May

[saltnpepper]

I'm mulling over an unusual relationship I've stumbled into, right smack into the platonic to not domain. But outside the general romance pattern by a substantial margin.

 

I have a very happy and normal home life, with a family. Somewhat remote and hermit-like existence otherwise. I'm a private person, I enjoy private time. Meditation. Peace. I do enjoy the quiet company of others. And my family is quite quiet.

 

I also enjoy intellectual conversation. I have a background in philosophy, science, law, music, and so on. So I develop friendships and go listen to music, chat and debate over beer and the like. I am careful to draw ground rules and maintain the platonic aspect. I have derailed several potential affairs without any trouble, and remained friends.

 

Recently I struck up a friendship with an intelligent and perceptive young lady via the Internet, a graduate student. A couple of fields we shared expertise in and really enjoyed digging into. Will influence her work, and is beginning to trigger the outlines of some popular press articles I may well write. I got her to send me a picture and vice versa. So we have a senior professor type with very little hair, 55, and her picture showed an athletic chunky dark haired midwestern type, about my height and probably stronger. I couldn't imagine this would be a quick physical "click" romance type thing. Looked like someone useful in backpacking - could carry the load and me! My general risk type is the friendly country blond, 3 inches shorter, with lipstick and paint, not the tough butch looking cowgirls.

 

So we met for lunch. Enjoyed chatting very much. Right on point. Platonic. Sucked immediately into ideas and explorations, not even much personal history. Another meeting. A 1/2 day tour of sights, she's new to the area, discussing the land, plants, history. Quite focused really.

 

I did keep noticing her dark eyes. Should have been a hint.

 

Of course, after some business took me into town, met up, had a couple of beers, and her eyes melted into mine, ended up not in a teenage makeout session, but in a different energy merging thing. Beautifully electric contact. She visited the next day and we eventually made love, again with a different kind of contact than we've either felt.

 

We seem to get lost in each other's eyes, lose our veneer of personality, and transcend into some timeless space. As if we've known each other for eternity. My whole spine, all the chakras, lights up and I could feel hers doing the same. Our breathing synchronizes without effort. And we did OK, for shy geeks, as far as the sex / climax thing went.

 

This doesn't feel like a romance. It's out of the whole infatuation/power play/stability etc normal framework. Reminds me much more of some of the deep yoga experiences I've enjoyed. We've chatted a bit (she's out of town for a little while) and we both have that experience. We don't need to be in that state - still doing the intellectual work - but are both drawn to it. We agree that what happens is outside our normal reference. Out of our regular worlds.

 

We set the ground rules at platonic, were just discussing that briefly online. She's got a boyfriend, I have a family, she's way young enough to be my daughter, etc. Didn't seem much risk of a romance. But this doesn't feel like a romance. Feels more like stepping outside the world into something completely familiar, comfortable, and transcendent.

 

I don't even know if I'm asking a question here. Or whether this makes any sense. I don't want to run off and live with her. I don't want her here as a pet. I don't want children with her (which would be difficult considering the snip snip I've undergone). I don't want anything with her except to sometimes be with her. And she's in the same mindset.

 

Is this what people mean by a FWB thing? If it is, this might be FWB on steroids.

[spiderowl]

Er, if I read your posting correctly, you are having an affair with a woman almost half your age and you have a family (presumably wife?) and this woman has a boyfriend. I'm not sure what you'd call such an affair, other than an affair. I could say a lot of things about what I think of the morality of looking online for an affair, but it's pointless for me to do so because you've already got this far and don't seem to be worried about that aspect.

 

"Is this what people mean by a FWB thing? If it is, this might be FWB on steroids."

 

You could describe it as FWB if you or she has no intention of it ever being more. I had the rather naive idea that FWB was something that only available people got involved in, not people who were married. I thought the idea was that you had all the benefits of a sexual relationship with someone you liked but without any commitment or having to be 'in love' with them. I wonder now where I got the idea from that it was for single people. I think I'd describe the relationship you are in as more of a 'liaison dangereuse': it's illicit and you obviously crave the excitement and are willing to take enormous risks.