Manifestlife Posted March 6, 2010 Share Posted March 6, 2010 He hits me when he is drinking and times when he is not. He always blames me and shames me by telling lies to his family about me. Then later in the day or the next day he says he loves me and doesn't want to live without me. when he hits me its slingling me around slamin my head on the floor chokin me, chasing me, tellin me he is gonna kill me while chokin me.. right now i have a black eye n cheek my elbow is black n blue from him slammin me on floor i have so many knots on my head but i am scared to put him in jail. We live in a minor upscale neighbor hood n a friend of mine called police and he begged me if i just laid in bed n said nothing that he would stop forever. This morning he was at it again, but just with the verbal.. that never stops. He says its my fault and tells his family that i'm crazy and that he doesn't hit me even when they see the marks. 9 months ago i had a baby boy.. after maternity leave he asked me to stay home with him so he wouldn't have to go to daycare. Made me feel like i was a bad mom if i didn't stay home. So now here i sit, no money.. no place to go. my parents are passed away. My friends are all married n don't know cept one and she can't take us in. How can i get him to understand what he is doing is sooo very wrong. That he must take charge of his own actions? ohhhh this is the first time i've asked for advice.. i'm lost n my head hurts very bad!! Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted March 6, 2010 Share Posted March 6, 2010 If you're in the U.S., call the hotline in the attached link to a governmental site: http://www.ovw.usdoj.gov/hotnum.htm Do it...NOW! Link to post Share on other sites
Disintegration Posted March 6, 2010 Share Posted March 6, 2010 Oh my gosh! You need to leave him now! Sweetie, he is never going to change. You have to do it for yourself and your child, he could very well end up killing you. Please get the help you need, he can't get away with this, he needs to be locked away. Please get in touch with the authorities and tell your family for support, I'm sure they will be there for you. Link to post Share on other sites
aimchase Posted March 6, 2010 Share Posted March 6, 2010 Time to be really strong, for both you and your little boy. Get the advice above, seek all the support and options you can, then take steps to remove yourself from this life. No person, male or female, should have to endure domestic violence. Keep posting here, we're here to support you through the journey. Don't be intimidated, don't be dominated by fear. If you need assurance, look your innocent son in the eyes. He could be next. Aim Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted March 6, 2010 Share Posted March 6, 2010 GET OUT! Do not put yourself or your child in a dangerous situation like that anymore. Please. Look into the link that 3byfate posted, there are a few more in this thread-- http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=194021 as well as some very good advice. Please be safe and keep posting. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 Please listen to the other posters, especially Tojaz, he lost a friend to similar abuse. Do not listen to your Husband when he promises to be good, as you have already learned, that is only temporary, and tomorrow it begins again. They don't stop by themselves, you especially need to protect your, he needs his mother, and should he grow up in the current environment, he too will abuse women. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 (edited) This man is fiercly abusive and he will kill you someday. And it'll probably be soon if you don't get out fast. The only reason he wanted you to stay at home with your son is so that you'd be in exactly this position - imprisoned and more under his control. Do not even waste your time thinking that you can get him to see reason. He already knows that what he's doing is wrong. He doesn't care. He enjoys having control over you. These men do not change, and you're playing with fire by staying with him. You're also putting your son's life in jeapordy, too. Despite any good qualities your husband might have, he's a true monster and you must get away from him for good. But you need to be smart about it because if he even suspects that you're going to leave him, he'll kill you. And I'm not kidding. So, get this through your head - you cannot give him any signs that you're thinking about leaving. None. Call the hotline number that someone gave you when he's at work and make sure that he can't find out that you made the call. If you have a phone that remembers numbers, then delete the number after you call. Just make sure he doesn't know. People can help you get away from him and you need to listen to them. No matter what kind of performance this man puts on, no matter how much he says he loves you, don't get pulled in by this. Whether he loves you or not isn't relevant. He abuses the people he loves, so you don't need his kind of love. Please do this for yourself and for your son. This is not a normal relationship and he is causing you to lose touch with reality more and more every day that you stay. Edited March 7, 2010 by Angel1111 Link to post Share on other sites
stepka Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 . . . and once you are out of the house and into a shelter with your son, do not ever call him or contact him again, except thru your lawyer. Otherwise he will wheedle you into coming back home again and you must not. If you have pets, take them with you or he could kill them or use them as hostages to control your behavior--even if you have to take them to the humane society they will be better off than left with him. I pray you are still reading this sweetie. Link to post Share on other sites
txsilkysmoothe Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 It was very difficult for me to read your post. I just happened across it. I stay away from the Abuse section of LS because it affects me so deeply. Your life now was my life 25 years ago. It is chillingly similar. You cannot convince your husband of anything nor change him. Abusive men isolate their victim by convincing them to quit their job, drop their friends and not see their family. His family is not your family and not your friend. Domestic violence is handed down within families. My exhusband watched his father beat his mother. He hated his father for that reason but repeated the same pattern with me. It was a demon he could not overcome. He was also an alcoholic. You must think about your son. I left my husband when our son was 3 weeks old. I was not going to subject him to a childhood of horror and risk that he too would one day be an abuser. (this has been verified in studies). In that respect, my son saved my life. I broke the chain of violence and gave my son the gift of having normal relationships with women. You must do the same. I also realized that I didn't love myself enough to leave my husband but I loved my son enough to leave. If you can't do it for you - do it for your son. My husband went on to abuse other women as well. He spent several years in prison for "attempted murder." His victim was a woman he was living with - he beat her that badly. You must go to a shelter. They will help you get away from him, find a job, place to live, etc. You have to commit to it. I loved my husband, a misplaced and sick kind of love that made it difficult to leave and stay away. I did it for my son and I plead with you to do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 (edited) He hits me when he is drinking and times when he is not. He always blames me and shames me by telling lies to his family about me. Then later in the day or the next day he says he loves me and doesn't want to live without me. when he hits me its slingling me around slamin my head on the floor chokin me, chasing me, tellin me he is gonna kill me while chokin me.. right now i have a black eye n cheek my elbow is black n blue from him slammin me on floor i have so many knots on my head but i am scared to put him in jail. We live in a minor upscale neighbor hood n a friend of mine called police and he begged me if i just laid in bed n said nothing that he would stop forever. This morning he was at it again, but just with the verbal.. that never stops. He says its my fault and tells his family that i'm crazy and that he doesn't hit me even when they see the marks. 9 months ago i had a baby boy.. after maternity leave he asked me to stay home with him so he wouldn't have to go to daycare. Made me feel like i was a bad mom if i didn't stay home. So now here i sit, no money.. no place to go. my parents are passed away. My friends are all married n don't know cept one and she can't take us in. How can i get him to understand what he is doing is sooo very wrong. That he must take charge of his own actions? ohhhh this is the first time i've asked for advice.. i'm lost n my head hurts very bad!! This man has disolved your self esteem and successfully isolated you. Asking how you can possibly get him to change his actions is completely barking up the wrong tree. What you need to do is get your child and you out of that abusive situation before it escalates into something much worse. There are programs out there to get you immediate help and a place to go for you and your son. My mother grew up in a home with an abusive father because her mother could not bring herself to leave - as a result my mother has never had one (not even with my father) successful, loving relationship and she suffers from the worse case of low self esteem I have ever witnessed. Do not let your son grow up like that. There's nothing you can do about HIM, you are not in charge of HIM, you cannot control HIM. You can only be in charge of what decisions you make, before this gets any worse get out and get help. Don't let yourself be the cliche woman who is abused and hit and never leaves. Your life and your sons life are valuable and they have meaning. Do you have a safe way to call and get yourself help? Or would he not allow you to use a phone? We can't make these difficult decisions for you, however, if you are willing to get up and get out of there let us know how we can help you. If you are not able to place the call yourself - I would even do it for you. I will set up an email account where you can email me if you are interested. Let me know. 1-800-799-7233 - National Domestic Abuse Hotline; provides 24/7 365 days a year connection to shelter and protection advocates to help those in your situation. Seriously, let me know if you need someone to place a "tip call" for you. Edited March 7, 2010 by hoping2heal Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 Not much to add other than GET OUT now! Call the Hot-line, they will come and get you. And they will help you get back on your feet, and where you need to be in life. There's no convicing these @zzhats to change. They live in a different reality than you or I. There's no changing them anymore than there's changing a rapist or child molester. And once you leave don't ever look back and have absolute zero contact with this clown. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 Please listen to what everyone is telling you. It took courage to open up and post here, so find that inner strength and get yourself and your son to safe place, a womans shelter so your H cannot find you. Keep posting and stay strong. Don't be afraid to call 911!! It could save your life! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 The one day in the Corps when I literally had to have three Maines hold me down to keep me from going "Ape" on a so called Marine was the day I had to take a pair of bolt-cutters to cut a lock off of the front door of a trailer. He would literally lock his wife and chidren inside the trailer for the entire day he was gone. Sick puppy! It takes all of five or ten minutes for a house trailer to burn to the ground! He got tha' "six,six and a 'Big Chicken Dinner!" Six months foreiture of pay! Busted to private! Six months in the brig! And a BAD CONDUCT DISCHARGE! For the rest of his life he has to register with the local sherriff as a "FELON" Cannot own a firearm! In some states cannot vote. In some states cannot own land nor propety ~ aka cannot ever buy a house! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 The one day in the Corps when I literally had to have three Maines hold me down to keep me from going "Ape" on a so called Marine was the day I had to take a pair of bolt-cutters to cut a lock off of the front door of a trailer. He would literally lock his wife and chidren inside the trailer for the entire day he was gone. Sick puppy! It takes all of five or ten minutes for a house trailer to burn to the ground! He got tha' "six,six and a 'Big Chicken Dinner!" Six months foreiture of pay! Busted to private! Six months in the brig! And a BAD CONDUCT DISCHARGE! For the rest of his life he has to register with the local sherriff as a "FELON" Cannot own a firearm! In some states cannot vote. In some states cannot own land nor propety ~ aka cannot ever buy a house! Good man Gunny! GOOD MAN! (although everyone her already knows that) TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 http://www.ehow.com/how_8640_find-battered-womens.html http://www.sheltersforwomen.org/ http://www.nnedv.org/ http://www.ndvh.org/ Manifestlife, these are a good place to start. Especialy the NDVH, there are many more avenues at your disposal, YOU DO HAVE OPTIONS! Please give these sites a look, but only do it when it is safe and be sure to clear your history afterwards as well as your visits to LS. He has proven he cannot be trusted. Be careful and take care of yourself. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
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