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[SoulRider]

Hi,

 

I'm new to this forum, so first to say a big hello to everyone.

 

Now, for the long-winded post.

 

Over the last couple of years I've been wrestling with myself.

 

In 2008, I moved to Scotland to work in a new job. I've never really been happy here and have been thinking of moving on. A colleage and I were talking the other day whilst having a cigarette break. He asked me the reason why I moved here and I had to really stop myself from saying "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

 

In some ways, I really like the people I work with. It's been said in my appraisals that I'm very well-liked by the wider team and the company as a whole. The problem is, I'm just pig-sick of seeing the same old faces and the same mundane job.

Don't get me wrong. We are working on something that's ground-breaking and challenging. It's just not what I'm looking for. The biggest issue I have is sticking with the same thing for a long period of time. I blame this on being a student for several years.

 

I was very successful in my studies and I always moved around a lot during those years. I met lots of interesting people (and some right eejits) in the process. I think because I moved around a lot in my youth andnever really settled, it's kind of gotten to me.

 

After I finished i was left with massive debts. On the verge of bankruptcy, I managed to find work as computer programmer. Although I had little money left over, this was probably the most enjoyable two years of my life. I was doing what I loved, meeting some interesting and fun people.

 

I was in a relationship during this time and life was going swimmingly. In the final few months, my GF decided she wanted to return to her home country to be with her terminally-ill mum. She did absolutely the right thing, and I commend her for going back.

 

So here, now in 2010, I'm in Scotland. For the last year, it was just get up, go to work, go home and wathc a movie and bed. Rinse and repeat.

On the plus-side, I've now got my finances under control. My job is quite well-paid and I've got a chuck of disposal income at the end. I've got a pension which my company pay into, medical insurance from the company, free donuts, chances of promotion and all the good stuff you would like in a company.

 

So why am I fed up? Good question. I don't know - I just am. I can't bare the thought of staying here another year. I've been doing a bit of writing in my free time and I'm hoping that this will take off as a career this year. But what if it doesn't. What if I send the script to the TV company and they reject me as a writer. Then I'm screwed, because it's that thought that I've been clinging to for the last 6 months.

 

I want to go somewhere else? But where? I want to go home in some ways. But what job would I do? I'm sick to death of looking at code all day. I could write, and get a part time job. But then bang goes all those benedfits I talked about.

 

And then there's my dad. He was the kind of guy who worked at the same company all of his life. He never travelled. Never did all the things that people expect to do these days. I tihnk he expects me to do the same. I don't really have an issue with that, but then I saw what it did to him al of those years. You could tell he hated it, but would just never admit it. I CANNOT do that.

 

Am I selfish for wanting an interesting life? Am I mad to want to give up a job like this, even though I can't bare it?

 

How can I find the balls to just jack it all in? And do what I want to do again.

 

I'm really lost, right now.